morbid?

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Ever think about mortality? Your mortality? Of those you love? One of my workers just lost his dad. I just lost my Grammy. My dad is 78 years old. My dog is 10. I am 51. How long do I have? What will it be like? Will people miss me when I'm gone? Of all your ancestors, how far back do you remember? How long will you be remembered? Hmmmm. Just wondering. James

-- Anonymous, November 20, 2000

Answers

Well, floosie will miss you for sure, James. My mother is 78; my father is already gone. I wonder the same thing. Good question. I'm going to dwell on it before I answer further. It's too serious for off the cuff.

-- Anonymous, November 20, 2000

I never thought about it too much until this year, when I lost several family members (nephew, aunt, father-in-law) and a few friends. When I was younger, I thought I wanted to die, so really didn't give a crap about any of that stuff. Now that I have a life I really like and am a content person, I do think about it. That's why I want to get into good shape -- so I can live as long as possible. (And so I can wear cuter clothes, obviously.)

What really bothers me is thinking about whether I or my husband will die first. I can't imagine life without him, but neither can I imagine him coping very well if I went first (I'm not being egotistical -- I just know how he is). I've told him several times that I hope we die together in some painless, horror-less accident, because the alternatives strike me as too miserable to contemplate.

-- Anonymous, November 20, 2000


What a coincidence. I just posted a diary entry about what I'll do after I die.

-- Anonymous, November 20, 2000

My great grandmother was amazing. She lied about her age (come to think of it, she may have just forgotten), telling everyone that she was 105 rather than 106. She outlived all her children, never lost it up there, and was modest and sweet until her death (107). I recommend reading Sophie's World, it's a sort of philosophical walk in the park. It complements your mood right now. The fact that you exist today is already a great achievement- your ancestors survived through the ages; evolution, disease and wars. Anyway, it's a good read.

-- Anonymous, November 21, 2000

Gwen, your diary entry reminded me of that Tori Amos song about when she becomes a happy phantom- chasing nuns out in the yard.

-- Anonymous, November 21, 2000


Mr DF's Dad gave me a copy of Sophie's World; thanks for reminded me that I really should read it, Jane...

-- Anonymous, November 21, 2000

I think if I were a ghost, I'd be excited at first to hear people say nice things about me, but any time people said bad things about me, I'd get depressed, thinking they must have really hated me when I was alive to be saying such things now that I was dead.

-- Anonymous, November 21, 2000

So far, I haven't had anyone really close to me pass away. (Knock on wood, quick!) My dad turned 70 this year, and I hope he lives on and on. Everyone else can just follow his lead.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll be missed, and I always conclude I will. For how long, though, I don't know. It's weird, I'm not the most social person in the world, but I can see, when I step back and look at it, how much I've affected people around me. There are some special people I know who have affected me just as much and it would totally suck to lose any of them.

I don't remember all that far back, ancestor-wise, because we were never terribly close to any of them beyond my parents' parents. I don't remember ever meeting any of my great-grandparents. That doesn't bother me very much.

I don't think very often about my own death, but sometimes I will imagine life after a loved one has died, what will it be like, who will respond in what ways. It always sucks, for a long time. So I don't like to do that too much.

I don't want to be a ghost. Being haunted by ghosts has just got to be too hard on the deceased and the living alike. I imagine it is profoundly sad and frustrating. No thanks.

-- Anonymous, November 21, 2000


I've been thinking about my mortality a lot lately. For most of my son's life I was a single mom and I used to pray every single day that I would live long enough to raise him. He will be 30 years old this Friday and he has a great life. I am 49 and although my life has definitely had its ups and downs, I too have had a good, quite interesting life. If I had to die tomorrow, I would not feel that I had been cheated. On the other hand, I now have an adorable 18 month old granddaughter and after being single for many, many years, I married a great guy 4 years ago, so now I would really like to live a lot longer.

-- Anonymous, November 21, 2000

iwill not miss jimm!!!! some how i think hell be looking at me when hes in heven. hell still be a prevert!!!!

-- Anonymous, November 21, 2000


I don't like to think about it because it freaks me out. I always thought I'd like to haunt people, but after reading Gwen's latest entry it doesn't seem like it would be as exciting. Meaning I never thought about it the way she put it.

But then if someone said some nasty shit about me, then I'd be a mean ghost. I'd go all Amityville Horror on their ass.

-- Anonymous, November 21, 2000


These thoughts have been somewhat in my mind as well, since my father just went through a long battle with cancer. He's on the mend now, thank god, but seeing him like that was terrible. I always had no problem thinking about my own mortality, but can barely stand to think about it for my loved ones. Like a few people here have already said, now that life is good for me and I've met my husband to be, I want to live longer and better. Before when I was alone and had closed myself off quite a bit from others due to my studies/profession, I had no thoughts like that.

I hope I will be remembered when I'm gone. I hope people will think that I did my best, that I understood what needed to be understood, that I was good to others... probably all they'll say is that I made a good spice cake and had a habit of leaving the front door open. But maybe that's alright, too. :)

-- Anonymous, November 21, 2000


I think I've come to terms with my mortality. I lost my mother when she was only 53 and lost my father when he was 65. I have no grandparents left and many of my aunts and uncles have passed on as well as several cousins (from cancer, STOP SMOKING NOW!). Last year we lost my father-in-law at this time of year (brain cancer and lung cancer; again STOP SMOKING NOW!). On November 1 a friend at work died (he was 52). So you don't have to be old to die. So those who have yet to lose a close loved one, count your blessings this Thanksgiving.

-- Anonymous, November 21, 2000

Test

-- Anonymous, November 22, 2000

"You can't change it, can't rearrange it, time is all that we've got, so baby let's take it..." to quote the man. I wasn't sure which thread to post this on , it makes the most sense here, I think.

-- Anonymous, November 22, 2000


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