I was lucky enough to be travelling around the US these last two weeks, on business. From San Francisco, I went to Charlotte. From Charlotte to Nashville. From Nashville to New York.

The election, and the way people have reacted to the 'Florida situation' has been fascinating. As time passed, though, I began to take exception to one particular line which was rolled out with irritating frequency by everyone from news anchors and journalists to 'ordinary people'.

Apparently, the US as a whole, should take pride in the way the election delay has been handled because the American people didn't resort to armed insurrection.

Does anyone else find this even slightly idiotic?

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2000

Answers

Ooh! What a good question. Coincidentally, I was also in the US during the election paralysis, and yes, this "at least we're not hurling molotov cocktails" trash was deeply offensive and just plain stupid. The line 'At least we're not having a coup. They have coups in Europe' was uttered by one Floridian in a report I saw a couple of days ago ...

First - why would a delay in announcing the result of an election result in rioting? Perhaps in a country which was just emerging from decades of totalitarianism, and making its first attempts at free election, a delay would be perceived as an attempt by the ruling party to skew the results. As a topical example, see Yugoslavia.

The US isn't Yugoslavia, however, and even there, the people were able to effect transition without excessive violence. Don't forget, also, that people in Yugoslavia, had more than enough reason to launch a violent coup. In fact, in most cases where countries resort to mass uprisings, you'll probably find that the cause is a decade or two of oppression, rather than the need to conduct an election recount.

This is the other aspect which I find insulting - the implicit suggestion that the US recount is on a par with the political crises that have shaken other, less democratically-mature countries. How can you even suggest that a recount would precipitate civil war in other countries? If you've sympathised with this view, you're either comparing yourselves to the most unstable of emerging democracies, or you have a VERY limited understanding of world affairs.

It's like having someone cut in front of you at a queue, and then receiving mass plaudits for refraining from attacking them with a hammer.

I would venture a prediction that, if a recount happened in any of the one hundred-or-so mature democracies around the world, it would be handled in the same non-violent manner we have seen in the US.

So, uh, don't start feeling too proud about the fact that the guns your kids use to kill each other haven't been used in the name of democracy. Y'know?

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2000

Pale Blue? I was agreeing with everything you said until your last sentence. That was really uncalled for. That is all I have to say.

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2000

Sorry - I thought it was a point worth making. The attempt to claim kudos for being politically non-violent sits a bit uneasily with other parts of US culture and society: capital punishment, the NRA, and schoolyard shootings among them.

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2000

There are coups in Europe? Yes, and also sedans. No, wait...

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2000

well, as usual, our press located an idiot for a quote. However, there are some places where a coup might have been the result. I did see a clip sometime back where a woman threw an egg on a member of Parliament, because she was so upset. We have yet to match that sort of unthinkable violence in this election! *snark*

Actually, I think one of our Senators used the word "coup" also, so there's double idiocy for you.

PS - Pale, I'm glad you popped back in...

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2000

"It's like having someone cut in front of you at a queue, and then receiving mass plaudits for refraining from attacking them with a hammer."

I feel like someone cut in front of me in the queue, and I said, "Oh, well. I'm not in a hurry." The people in nearby queues pointed at me and laughed and said, "You let that person cut in front of you! You're such an idiot! HA!!" And then a person behind me said, "What do you want her to do -- attack him with a HAMMER?" And then the other people looked at me and said "A hammer? What the hell's wrong with you, you idiot? No one carries hammers into the queue. You're sick!"

And I started humming along to the Muzac and trying to ignore everyone, because I just wanted to pay for my candy bar and go back home.

Hi, Pale Blue. Good to see you.

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2000

Hahahahahahahahaha. I just peed my pants. Thanks a lot, Gwen. I'm sending you the drycleaning bill.

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2000

"...capital punishment, the NRA and schoolyard shootings..."? Words to live by.

Everyone has their own interpretation as to what the election brouhaha means, but I think it's indicative of something we'd all like to ignore. America is a deeply divided country. And I think some of the reasons are we've lost our former "live and let live" approach to essential philosophical differences and we allow strident, small special interest groups to sway national policy. These two tendencies together have a radicalizing effect on people who would normally shrug and ignore it. We're also in the process of re-writing history in a politically-correct, but totally false way. There a lot of very unhappy people out there who are not using the traditional avenues used to effect change. And most of them are being very quiet about it.

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2000

The US has such a high crime rate, but at least they don't resort to common coups, which would make them like everybody else. That's lovely.

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2000

WHats a coup?

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2000

That's a brilliant analogy, Gwen! Man, I hate standing in line.

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2000

I had no idea anyone was seriously suggesting that we should be aplauded for having "enough restraint not to riot". Good grief. That's like rewarding a teenager for being toilet-trained.

I figure we have a couple of weeks worht of leeway, and frankly I am in no big hurry to hear the (bad) news. Don't really get why everyone is in such a lather.

Count the damn votes, and if there's irregularity with the procedure or something, deal with it. I'm not staying up late at night (well, except for Election Night itself) worrying about which bonehead is going to be The Next Leader of The Free World.

(Though I do worry that if the bonehead who invents his own language on a regular basis gets into office, the 'Cubanians' might riot...oh, and our earnestly-fought-for civil rights will be set back 100 years...)

I figure that there is nothing I can do to influence the outcome in any way, so I'm saving myself from a lot of unnecessary stress by not angsting over it all. It's all a big circus right now, innit...?

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2000

Floosie-A coup is where a bunch of pissed off people, who aren't happy with the way things are, take over the government. It is pronounced kou, rhymes with you with a k. Skip the p, like that other stupid word sword.

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2000

"...like that other word sword."? Heheheheh. I love it, Vicki. Your mind works similar to my wife's. She leaves me notes with stuff like: "Forget the other thing. Just get the milk." And I'm going...what other thing? She's obviously had an internal conversation with herself and you get just the end of it.

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2000

You think English is bad? Try coup d'etat and coup d'grace. (Do I have those right? It's almost impossible to tell.) Or, if you're really twisted, try Coupe Deville. That's when Gore drives a Cadillac over George Bush in a final desperate bid for the Presidency. :-) Kinda gives new meaning to the phrase "The Road to the White House." snark

-- Anonymous, November 18, 2000

I think coup de grace would have the "e" because the d- apostrophe only goes in front of vowels.

I wish I could think of a French phrase that would make for a really witty joke, but I can't.

-- Anonymous, November 18, 2000

:) You are completely correct Bubba, I am totally tangential.

-- Anonymous, November 19, 2000

You're right, of course, Gwen. I'm such a d'sgrace. :-) Anyway, I found it amusing that English isn't the only language with inconsistent pronunciation rules, since coup d'etat and coup de grace rhyme.

-- Anonymous, November 19, 2000

thnx vicky!!!!! but i dont get the sord thing!!????

-- Anonymous, November 19, 2000

Floosie, you don't pronounce the w in sword, just like you don't pronounce the p in coup.

-- Anonymous, November 20, 2000

I got this e-mail yesterday:

To: HRH Elizabeth II CC: Tony Blair, Prime Minister From: House of Lords - Ancient Royal Empire Department of IndignaTories, Revocation Division. Subject: Those pesky US Americans (aka The Ones That Got Away that we didn't completely screw and actually did all right).

Dear Mr Blair, In light of the recent hesitation of the North American peoples to elect a new president, we would like to grab this opportunity to take back what is rightfully ours. The following is a memo to be distributed via e-mail or flyers by snail mail to be issued to registered voters in each state (except Utah, naturally).

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

To the citizens of the United States of America. In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime (The rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at how wrongly you've been pronouncing it. Generally you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. (They have been banned in England) Look up "interspersed".

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish between the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally cast English actors as the good guys.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen" , but only after fully carrying out task one. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American "football". You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens by 2005.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves luck. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "shit".

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be the new national holiday, named "Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you understand what we mean.

10. After royally screwing up the live broadcasts of the ill-fated election, all anchor persons responsible for upsetting innocent voters will be made to either do community service for the rest of their lives, or find out who killed JFK and tell me, damn it.

Thank you for your cooperation, John Fanny, Government peon.

-- Anonymous, November 20, 2000

I'm convinced that was written by a Brit-loathing non-Brit -- if nothing else, no Brit would use the pseudonym 'Fanny' (as most of you know, it DOESN'T mean 'bum' in the UK).

-- Anonymous, November 20, 2000

I dunno Jackie, I got an email last week from a British friend that was identical to this one except for the "Fanny" bit.

-- Anonymous, November 20, 2000

I'm convinced it was written by a non-Brit Brit-wannabe. The author seems to be aligning himself with non-Americans against Americans, but fails because of all the stupid remarks that a real Brit would never have made. That's my two cents, anyway.

-- Anonymous, November 20, 2000

That was great. Now maybe someone will post something derogatory about British people, and then we can have a big flame war.

-- Anonymous, November 20, 2000

Oh man, I hope not! I can't think of anything derogatory to say about the British. All nations have their collective warts. I hate flame wars.

-- Anonymous, November 20, 2000

That e-mail has been plaguing me- I got another 2 of them this afternoon, virtually identical apart from a few minor adjustments. I think it was probably written by a (FHM reading) Brit, though.

-- Anonymous, November 20, 2000

When I got it (the first time) I thought it was funny.

-- Anonymous, November 20, 2000

"Nancies"???!!! Alright...that does it, you limey poofs. We want all the merde we gave you during the Lend/Lease and we're re-arming the fucking krauts. We'll give you German cars! And oh yeah...the Queen's ugly and she waves funny.

-- Anonymous, November 20, 2000

Doesn't anyone have a sense of humor, anymore? Who cares who wrote it. it's funny. Lightenen up, people.

-- Anonymous, November 20, 2000

No. No, I don't have a sense of humor. Sorry.

I looked up alumiNUM in the dictionary, too, you BASTARDS! Burn in hell!!!

-- Anonymous, November 20, 2000

I have the advantage of being half English and half Greek, so I take what I please from either culture and leave the rest to the full breeds. I think that e-mail has it's funny moments but as Paul said s/he sort of bashes itself as well as the US. I mean the only real insult is the derogatory language references, and that's hardly offensive if you look at it objectively, we can't all talk like they do on the BBC World Service. My guess is that most Americans would get upset about the football comment. If you've ever been to London and heard them speak, they say "like" and "you know" more than any Valley girl I've ever heard. So, like Bubba said, get a sense of humo(u)r, folks!

-- Anonymous, November 21, 2000

How dare you question American humor? If God had wanted us to call soccer "football" then he would have named the NFL something else. snark

:-)

-- Anonymous, November 21, 2000

Yeah Paul, but it called the NFL because it'll never go international! AHA! I hate football, actually. My male American friends used to get really annoyed with me for falling asleep during the superbowl. Now basketball, there's a game the whole world loves, well, they love basketball stars. Golf, um, yeah well, everybody likes Tiger Woods, right?

-- Anonymous, November 21, 2000

AHA! Touche'!

-- Anonymous, November 21, 2000