Employee Appreciation Week - Debacles

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We just completed our EAW at work (I guess it wouldn't be at home...duh.) They had free 10 minute "massages." Coworkers asked the following stellar questions about the experience: - "do you have to be naked?" - "do the Managers give the massages?"

Who are these freaks? My other EAW favorite story is when companies announce layoffs during the festivities...what are they thinking? Feel free to share your "appreciation" stories..

-- Anonymous, October 30, 2000

Answers

If my employer really appreciated me, they'd pay me what I'm worth. And build that daycare center I need. That's all I ask--proper compensation...and a promotion. That, to me, says "we really appreciate you and what you're doing for us. We want to keep you here and we want you happy. We don't want you to stay up at night worrying about how you're going to care for your child and pay the heating oil bill on time."

-- Anonymous, October 31, 2000

Why, Claudia, that's crazy talk. We all know that a bouquet of flowers that will wilt and die after a week (and which you'll probably have to clean up) more than makes up for crappy pay, right? At least, that's what every boss I've ever had thought...

-- Anonymous, October 31, 2000

I married my boss, and there are perks, like wandering off willy nilly. I have no qualms, questions or quivers of guilt AND I get frequent massages- lucky me...

-- Anonymous, November 01, 2000

One company I worked for had a contest to come up with ideas to save the company money. They had a company-wide meeting to announce the winning idea, which two employees had submitted independently. The idea? For every employee who did not use any sick days to receive one extra vacation day.

They announced it, we all clapped, and then they called the winners up to receive their prize.

Both of the winners were out sick that day.

-- Anonymous, November 01, 2000


mwahhhh! well now I've received a memo from our owners telling us who to vote for in the election. How nice...

-- Anonymous, November 01, 2000


I work for a public university which employs about 5,000 people. Every May, we have EAD and get to take special interest classes that are set up just for the day. I've taken papermaking, Aikido, wine apprectiation, aromatherapy, and cooking. We get a free catered lunch too. It's nice to get out among the housekeepers and maintenance people who really run the university. The admin types are "too busy" to enjoy the frivolity.

-- Anonymous, November 01, 2000

I just talked to yet another coworker (who isn't even in my group) who is quitting because working here sucks so much ass. If I actually wanted to be a technical writer, I'd have quit ages ago. Fortunately I don't, and for now it's a good job to have if you want to do less than two hours of work a week, show up barely before noon every day, and spend all your time surfing the web/working on your own web page and grad school applications/making long distance phone calls on Big Daddy's dime. So I guess I don't need appreciation.

-- Anonymous, November 01, 2000

I'm a member of the management swine, and there's two sides to everything. I don't think you want to hear mine.

-- Anonymous, November 01, 2000

When I was working as a secretary, I routinely had to make all of the arrangments for "my" Secretary's Day lunch - which on more than one occasion I had to miss because I was too busy. Word on the wilted flowers; I would have preferred the half-day off that cost the same as the bouquets they ordered.

Come on Bubba, I want to hear management's side: ...placating the proletariat and all...

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2000


Yeah, Bubba. We can take it.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2000


My husband's company had an appreciation day shortly after they canned dozens of people. Hardly anyone turned up for the event which was on a Saturday. The fact that the day cost thousands of dollars didn't make people who were now doing the jobs of two people want to participate.

My husband is also a management type, so I've heard all the stories, too. But since he's always getting jerked around by the president, he can still feel the pain of the little people.

Oh yeah, last year my boss told me during a meeting who she was voting for in the provincial election, and basically said that anyone who doesn't vote the same way was an idiot. I guess I'm an idiot.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2000


I've also been a management type, for over three years. My staff seems happy. I try not to call them all idiots. :-)

I can't think of any debacles right now, but we do have Office Moms who pull red wagons full of treats (popsicles, Fat Boys, etc.) to all of our offices about every month during the hot weather months, and they've arranged teas on a semi-frequent basis during other times. That's not so much official Employee Appreciation largesse from on high (read: the CEO and pals), but we sure do like our Moms!

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2000


When I said I was management,I guess what I should have said is that I'm a publisher who owns a small regional magazine. I suppose I'm in the CEO class (because I'm sole owner) although I still go out and cover stories. I'm not going to hold forth for two reasons. 1.I sense a generational and philosophical difference that would create more heat than light. 2. I see no reason to possibly make people angry for no good reason. I will say this much: any boss who tries to influence an employee's vote is a turd and a closet facist.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2000

You're thinking that Americans are razy, aren't you?

-- Anonymous, November 03, 2000

I work for the federal government. We don't get any employee recognization days because that would waste public funds and we all know the biggies in DC never waste any money.

-- Anonymous, November 03, 2000


When I worked for the provincial government (Ministry of Housing) they gave us a half day off to go Christmas shopping. The joke was that the director of our branch was a Hindu woman, and many of my coworkers didn't celebrate Christmas either, but we sure as hell all took the time off. Ah, that was back in the late 80s when the provincial government was still spending like a drunken sailor.

-- Anonymous, November 03, 2000

Well, yeah, Gwen, some of them are lazy. I'll you what. I'm going to give my major gripe and then take the heat. If it sounds like typical WEM griping to you, so be it. I'm sick and tired of what I call hyphenated-Americans - politically-correct people who think they deserve special dispensation because they belong to a "group." Gay- Americans, Brown-Americans, Female-Americans, Physically-challenged- Americans, Vegetarian-Americans...the list is endless. I spent 10 years in the military and my management style reflects it. There is no such a thing as female-soldiers or ethnic-soldiers etc., etc., there are only soldiers...everybody gets treated in the same demanding way. Here's some specifics: I had a christian-American inform me one day that he was tired of all the bad-language he overheard among the writers and he demanded it stop. When I told him that a newsroom was a rough and tumble place and he shouldn't expect a prayer-room atmosphere, he said I could be sued for creating a "hostile work environment." This is a shithead that didn't have a job until I hired him. He also insisted people stop smoking in his presence. He gone. I had a mommy-American who missed deadlines and/or did not complete assigned tasks in a timely manner constantly and other people had to do her work. Her child was always sick or had a dentist appointment and had something special going on. When I told her that she shouldn't expect other people to constantly cover for her and that I wasn't pleased with her performance, she said in the rudest possible way and I quote "I'm a mother...you knew that when you hired me. My child comes first. DUH!" And then she gave me a look like I was a cretin and stupid, to boot. Translation? Here's a soldier that wants to do half the work for the same pay as others and who thinks her status as a "mommy" gives her the right to be insulting to the guy who signs her check. I didn't get her pregnant and the only baby that matters to me is the magazine. She's gone. I had a person make what I felt was an unreasonable request of me and when I declined as politely as possible, this person retorted in a very snotty tone of voice: "Don't you want me to be happy?" Happy is what you make yourself. If you look to others for happiness, you're going to be disappointed. I would LIKE people who work with me to be happy...but I don't feel responsible.She's gone. I had a daddy-American tell me I should spend money from profits to make child-care arrangements for employees. When I said I used profits to buy more equipment and expand the magazine's circulation, he replied in a haughty manner: "Well, I'm glad to see you've got YOUR priorities straight." I raised my children and my wife stayed home. You can raise yours. He continued to act in a wounded fashion and agitate other employees until I walked him. I could go on, but I've taken up too much bandwith as it is.

-- Anonymous, November 03, 2000

One more item. I have people who work with me that love the job. I have hired people no one else WOULD hire and I have people who have been fired everywhere else but do alright with me. And by the way, I don't smoke...I quit three years ago, but evryone around me does.

-- Anonymous, November 03, 2000

There was the evil HMO company I worked at the had the bright idea to serve a "traditional" holiday meal to the workerbee staff and have the managers, VP's, etc. "serve." Of course, none of the managers, VPs, etc fullfilled their duties and we all have to serve and then clean-up afterwards. Later management bitched because no on said, "Thank you."

-- Anonymous, November 03, 2000

Oh... and a PS (along with what Elena contributed): About giving staff flowers... DON'T. Here is typically what happens - you get a big bouquet to thank or placate you (after doing or something particularly evil) and EVERYONE has to IMMEDIATELY know who sent them and then gush and goo over what a nice boss you have - while the boss stands there with a shit-eating grin on his face and basks in the superifical glory. When I was teaching, administration treated teaching staff as if we had all just rolled in dog crap - and, on TEACHER APPRECIATION DAY they gave us apples in our staff mailboxes... but many were rotten and the office stank of "cider" for days to come... and the mushy apples ruined our other mail. But, it was darkly humorous and indicative of the entire situation! Most of us work damn hard (no matter where we sit), are honest, dedicated, and add value to the company. I do not want lunches, treats, plaques or mandatory activities on weekends... what I DO want is fair pay, good benefits, respect (I give it, I want it), a clean/safe work environment... everything else is just frosting. It is a JOB afterall. ---

-- Anonymous, November 04, 2000

Hey Bubba, I don't know why you were worried about airing your grievances - there is certainly a difference between being considerate or aware of employees' differences/needs and all-out catering to them, especially at the expense of your business. Last I checked this is a capitalist society. The bottom line is that some people will take advantage of anything and everything, whether they're the 'boss' or the 'employee', of colour or white, gay or straight, blue or green. Assholishness and laziness know no bounds.

-- Anonymous, November 04, 2000

Here's a good one:

From the WALL STREET JOURNAL - "When computer dealer InaCom got into trouble last summer, management sent most of the 5,100 employees an email telling them to dial a toll-free number. At the other end was a recorded message firing them." ... ...

-- Anonymous, November 11, 2000


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