What a strange week, sampling the dubious delights of the conference facilities provided by our two nearest premiership rivals (ptah).

Wednesday was at the Cellnet Riverside thingy in Middlesbrough, happy to point out to the audience that they comfortably outnumbered the Boro supporters left in the ground when the undeserved consolation goal bounced in two days before. Moderately enjoyed the obligatory tour of the ground, if only to sit in the away changing room two days after the team had been in there. Very much enjoyed talking to the tour guide, an ex-pro called Barry Stewart, a little before my time as a fan, but ready enough to talk about my early heroes like Stan Anderson and Jim Iley. He started at Wolves in 1956, then Boro, later played alongside Frank Brennan in North Shields after their pro careers. When a mackem tried to join in and asked about their old players, he took the p*ss ("Is that a Man United jacket?") then told him to walk two paces behind. Great bloke - anybody remember him? Buff?

Today was at the Stadium of Sh*te, so out with the b&w/broon ale boxers again (I'm slightly ashamed to say that they got a discreet but triumphant flash at each ground). Tour guide was spotty youth that got the ground capacity wrong and asked us to marvel at the view from the stand. Pathetic. Downstairs Stephney (sic) and Ian were having their reception. The whole thing was really tacky, and not even a patch on the Riverside Cellnet BT thingy. However, I haven't been to SJP's facilities (yet?), and wonder how they would compare.

As a result of the two days, I can confidently say that:

(a) both grounds when empty are soulless, plastic, prefabricated, windswept places in the middle of nowhere (probably worse when partially filled with locals of course), and neither comes remotely close to SJP (yes, I have seen it empty as well);

(b) the tour at Boro is entertaining and well worth doing, if only to talk to Barry, whilst the SoSh one is just a waste of time;

(c) Uncle Festa was given a rollocking by Bryan Robson for our second goal on Monday night.

The last observation was courtesy of a flip-chart in the home dressing room left over from the game, which showed that at corners and free kicks GP was to pick up AS, CC was to pick up GS and GF was to pick up AG. I tried to 'liberate' it as a souvenir, but Barry prevented me, the only exception I took to him all day.

Must get to SJP next time...

-- Anonymous, October 20, 2000

Answers

I visited the Cellnet on Monday and thought it was pretty decent for a 'plastic ' stadium. The only thing was it was in the middle of a derelict and "bar less" part of Teeside. Never been to the SOL but will like most of us be applying to go next April.

Out of curiosity Bill, why were you there?

-- Anonymous, October 20, 2000

Hello Rik.

Team building event. It was pretty cr@p, don't ask. Bet you enjoyed Monday night a lot more than I did Wednesday.

-- Anonymous, October 20, 2000

Bill it was an eventfull evening at the riverside, If you have time read my report from Boro..... Rik is Stupid.com if you're busy, fancy a drink in the bar in the SJH stand before the gane? I have the young un with us but manage a couple of pints before the game in the central SJH stand bar about 2 PM.

-- Anonymous, October 20, 2000