SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN LONDON TOO LONG
1 You say 'mate' constantly.
2 You think it is perfectly normal to pay over #3.00 for a pint.
3 Anyone not from London is a 'wanker'.
4 Anyone from outside London and north of the Watford Gap is a'Northern Wanker'.
5 You have no idea where the North is.
6 You see All Saints in the Met Bar (again) and find it hard to get excited about it.
7 The countryside makes you nervous.
8 Somebody speaks to you on the tube and you freak out thinking they are a stalker.
9 American tourists no longer annoy you.
10 You talk in postcodes. "God, it was really warm round SW1 the other day".
11 You can't remember the last time you got up to 30 mph in your car in the city.
12 You didn't realise that 'Paddington Green' is REAL.
SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN MANCHESTER TOO LONG
1.You go mad when somebody who is not from Manchester says 'mad fer it',"Nobody says that EVER!" you scream.
2.You say 'mad fer it' when back in Manchester.
3.You think fisherman's hats are attractive.
4.You support Man City out of principle.
5.You see Coronation Street stars all the time and think nothing of it.
6.You think Londoners are 'soft southern wankers'... until they kick your head in at a footie match.
7.You get a freckle and consider yourself 'suntanned'
8.You deny that it rains all the time.. as you struggle home with the shopping in yet another torrential downpour.
9.You won't pay more than $1.50 for a wrap of skag.
10.People start yawning when you talk about how great Manchester is.
SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN LIVERPOOL TOO LONG
1. You have an urge to steal.
2. You think Brookside is a 'glamorous' soap.
3. You think Hollyoaks is 'posh'.
4. You keep going on about how great Liverpool and Scousers are.
5. To you, organised crime is putting petrol in the getaway car.
6. You start to cry when you hear 'Ferry cross the Mersey'.
7. You think anyone from Liverpool has a great sense of humour.
8. You often wonder why you don't hear of many Scouse comedians any more.
9. You think everyone's heard of Greg Pateras.
10. You start thinking that Plymouth sounds nice.
SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN GLASGOW TOO LONG
1.You say 'pish' all the time.
2.You say 'aye' all the time.
3.You end sentences with 'like' i.e. 'I'm no goin' there, like, it's pish'.
4.You think McEwans beer is great, ignoring the fact it 'tastes of pish like'.
5.You get an urge to punch everybody you meet.
6.You punch everybody you meet.
7.You get drunk before, after and during punching everybody you meet.
8.You are incomprehensible.
9.People seem to be scared of you when you say where you are from.
10 You automatically get the urge to kill on hearing the words'Edinburgh'or 'England'.
11.You have heart disease aged 26 due to all deep-fried pizzas you have consumed since birth.
SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN DUBLIN TOO LONG
1.You say "I'm Grand" all the time.
2.You think of Guinness as if it is the sixth food group.
3.You disagreed with 2. - Guinness is the FIRST food group.
4.You're pale and white... yet compared to others your suntan looks good.
5.You say "Are you Grand ?" all the time.
6.You say "Isn't it grand" all the time.
7.You say "That'd be grand" all the time.
8.You can pronounce names like Eoghan, Niamh and Siobhan.
9.You take 4 hours to get home on a Saturday night and think nothing of it.
10 You don't eat anything cold, uncooked or not resembling meat, bread or potatoes.
11.You say "Your man" all the time.
12.You say "Your woman" all the time.
13.You say "It's grand that your man asked if I'm grand" all the time.
14.You find yourself still living with family and having dinners cooked for you by someone's mammy - at 30.
15.You talk about 'dinners' and 'mammys'.
SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN CARDIFF TOO LONG
1.You are still there.


-- Anonymous, October 19, 2000

Answers

I havent got time today but someone please add Newcastle to this list !

-- Anonymous, October 19, 2000

YOUVE BEEN IN NECASTLE TOO LONG ... 1 . You hate makums and you hate makums .

-- Anonymous, October 19, 2000

2. You think scotch comes in pints .

-- Anonymous, October 19, 2000

3. Jimmy nail is a 'canny ' musician .

-- Anonymous, October 19, 2000

4. You think lasses wear mini skirts however cold it is .

-- Anonymous, October 19, 2000

Howay help us out here ; - )

-- Anonymous, October 19, 2000

You've never been in Newcastle too long!

-- Anonymous, October 19, 2000

5. The Tyne Bridge is the best bridge in the world.

-- Anonymous, October 19, 2000

6. No matter how cold it is short sleeved shirts are to be worn.

-- Anonymous, October 19, 2000

7. You never tire of telling EVERYONE how great the nightlife is in Newcastle.

-- Anonymous, October 19, 2000

You always ask the newsagent if they've got 20 regal king size .

-- Anonymous, October 19, 2000

You know that the guy shouting "Ronnie Gill" isn't trying to attract his mate's attention.

-- Anonymous, October 19, 2000

9. You wear your football top in a nightclub cos its 'got a collar like .'

-- Anonymous, October 19, 2000

11. You won't hear a word against Ant and Dec .

-- Anonymous, October 19, 2000

12. Conversly you watch CD:uk TV not only because of Cat Deeley.

-- Anonymous, October 19, 2000

13. Yeh nah whey Spuggy is.

-- Anonymous, October 19, 2000

10 signs you've been away from Newcastle too long. 1 Your heart leaps every time a picture of the Sydney Harbour Bridge is shown. 2 You start thinking Gazza's version of ' fog on the Tyne' is damn catchy. 3 You call your dog Beardsley/Milburn/Shearer. 4 The only time your accent comes out is when you lose your rag. 5 You seriously consider calling your first born Geordie even though its a girl. 6 Attending a premier in Leicster Sq, is still going to see a filim. 7 You have a pop at a guy at a bar in Soho for drinking 'Brown' out of a pint glass. 8 You try to cadge an Embasy Regal of a guy in the queue at Malaga Airport. 9 That black n white wallpaper is very easy on the eye. 10 Robson Green is your favourite actor.

-- Anonymous, October 19, 2000

10 Signs You've Lived in Newcastle upon Tyne for Too Long

1. If it can be smothered in batter and fried, it can eaten.
2. Naturally it will be served with batter scraps.
3. You feel that anyone who declines this delicacy is a poof.
4. All peas are mushy, there is no need to stipulate this.
5. You see no irony in referring to your City as the Toon whilst mocking mackems for calling their town a city.
6. Going rhymes with tannin.
7. Red is not a colour but an affront.
8. Leeds is a City down South.
9. You are suspicious of anyone who lives more than 2 miles away and usually have a slighting expression for them and all their neighbours.
10. This holds true until you reach the mackems: beyond them is just Cockneys.


-- Anonymous, October 19, 2000

Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant.

I don't know why but the bit about Glasgee reminded me of Billy Connelly describing Glaswegians on holiday in Spain. He said "...it's easy to pick them out - they're the ones with the blue skin. It takes two weeks in the sun for them to turn white".
Had me fair greetin' - woah; I need to spend more time in 't Toon!

-- Anonymous, October 19, 2000

You go into a chip shop and ask for a paper

-- Anonymous, October 19, 2000