I was talking to my friend Catherine yesterday and I got off the phone feeling so damned good. She's in N. California and I haven't seen her in four years, but that girl has never forgotten a birthday, and has never failed to call me when I needed her most. I think of her all the time. She's always just on the periphery and I am realizing as I get older that I am so lucky to have her in my life. My husband lost his best friend when his boat went down in Alaska, and he misses him more now than ever. Best friends. Can't do without them. Who are yours? My husband is my best friend also, but Cath is something special. My forever friend no matter what. What makes your best friend special?

-- Anonymous, October 08, 2000

Answers

My best friend is Lori, and she lives in Boston. Her mother and my mother met in college and became best friends. When they got married their husbands became best friends. They had their first children six weeks apart - Lori's brother and my brother are also best friends and were Best Man at each other's weddings. We are one year and two days apart in age so we always used to celebrate our birthdays together. "Aunt Carol and Uncle Bob" are my godparents, and my parents are Lori's godparents. They live in Mass. and I grew up in NJ, so we only saw each other a few times a year, but it was always the same times - New Year's, Memorial Day, 4th of July, and a week just before Labor Day weekend. Sometimes a week in February to go skiing. Sometimes random weekends when one family decided to drive four hours to the other's house for dinner. Since we went away to college and I went to VA and never came back, we may only see each other once a year. For the last four years she had been going to law school at night and working full time during the day so we didn't keep in touch much, but since she finished school in May and took the bar in July she now has the time to call or come down to visit. I'm looking forward to spending more time with her in the future, because I could not imagine my life without her.

-- Anonymous, October 08, 2000

I've been lucky enough to have several very close friends, all of whom I call "best".

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2000

Gwen, I'm the same way. i have 2 friends who have been close to me since we were 14. They were my "best" friends in high school and still are. One lives right here in town with me, the other is back in our home town. I probably talk to the one who's out of state more often. We call or email, just about every day.

I'm also gonna be real hokey and say my dog.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2000

My best friend is this chick named the ho. (Well, that's my name for her.) She is so rad. After all these years, she moved a few months ago and now I use up all of my cell phone minutes within the first week of each month yapping to her. I was watching "Absolutely Fabulous" this weekend and it made me miss the ho so bad because that show could be about us.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2000

My best friend Julie has been so for 5 years now. We have the same sense of humor. That's the main reason why.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2000

I don't have one best friend, but I have a good friend in Ohio that I've known since I was 7 and we still keep in touch. She came out to visit me in Tucson 4 years ago. We hadn't seen each other in 14 years at the time, but it was like we just saw each other yesterday.

I've got a few really good friends here too that I met at my son's school.

But, I'd really have to say my best friend is my husband (awwww). I can tell him anything. We instant messegener each other all the time while he's at work. It's easier than me having to page him and then wait for him to call me back.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2000

I'd have to say my wife, seriously. We work together (at different aspects of the job) and never seem to tire of each other's company. We fish together, etc. Why? Well, she's put up with my bullshit for 24 years and knows me better than anyone and she's still THERE every morning. I know all that togetherness doesn't work for some couples, but it has for us. And by the way, we didn't plan it, it just worked out that way. She's a tomboy who enjoys the company of men (makes me shop for groceries most of the time) and I've never been anything more than real bored with locker room talk.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2000

That's so sweet, y'all. In a way Paul is my best friend, because I tell him stuff that I don't tell other people. But I don't giggle with him as much as I do with my other friends, so he doesn't count. Sorry, Paul.

-- Anonymous, October 10, 2000

My best friend in the world is my sister, Laura. She's only 20 months older, but we didn't really get to be best friends til we went into high school together. I like my family a lot, I think they're funny, smart, interesting, etc., etc., but I sometimes can't believe I get to know Laura. She is smart and funny and insightful and so caring and thoughtful. It makes me feel good to talk to her and to know that there is someone out there (she lives about 700 miles away) who cares about me so much. I never, ever laugh with anyone the way I laugh with her.

-- Anonymous, October 10, 2000

Hands down, my best friend is my wife. Sorry if that sounds sappy or like I'm not trying hard enough. :-) We just have so much fun together. That doesn't mean I don't have other friends, too, just that those are different kinds of friendships and I get something different from each one.

-- Anonymous, October 10, 2000

I have a circle of about fifteen-sixteen women, online and off, that I consider "best friends". I really can't narrow it down to just one out of the bunch, because each has their own special qualities. Also, the person with whom I correspond or spend the most time with varies, but the affection and friendships reamin steady. S'nice. I have non- blood family all over the world, and we'd do almost anything for each other, and it feels very good to know that there's an entire network of people who care about me so much.

Here's a weird situation, though. My oldest "best friend", I've known her for over 25 years and she has Issues (mental ones), including severe agoraphobia, inability to live far from her parents, and the deep-rooted conviction that without a man, she is nothing. She doesn't return phone calls or exchange letters with anyone and has had her mother and father lie to people and say she isn't home when she's feeling fragile. We were inseparable throughout school and started growing apart when I went to college and did well and she boinged around to eight different schools, had personal difficulties, etc. We always pick right up where we left off when we are face to face, and it's wonderful and comforting, but I have learned not to assume that she'll be able to maintain a give-and-take once I am out of town again. She was astounded when we had a talk during the holidays and I told her that I'd have been there for her, that I'd been through some similar situations, that I understood depression, etc. She always vows to correspond and communicate, but doesn't, and it is tiring to always throw all this energy and affection into a void long-distance. My mother informed me that she got married last month, and implied it was a shotgun wedding of some sort and that she didn't know of anyone who was invited outside of the family, but that did sting a bit. I have no idea what will happen if/when I see her this holiday season, but it should be interesting. She's been trying to get married for 13 years now, it was her one true goal to be a housewife and not have to work and to be married (because that was the only way she'd feel fulfilled as a female) and to be super-domesticated and to live near mom and dad, and if she got all these things and if she is happy, then I am happy for her. I don't feel the same way or have the same goals, but I don't condemn her for having them. But I'm not sure I can apply the term "best" to a friend who "forgets" to send out a notice to her wedding, you know? If it was just me that she treated that way, I'd take the hint, but she's always been this way, and always been very unhappy and so on, so I don't take it personally. I just think I might have to downgrade her "label" from "best" to "most long-term" or something.

-- Anonymous, October 10, 2000

Arrgh! Messenger, not messegener. Carry on...

-- Anonymous, October 10, 2000

I have to say my dog is my best friend. I can tell her my deepest darkest secrets and she won't laugh at me or tell a soul. (well sometimes she tells shtinkypoo but I know she keeps secrets really well). We go to the beach and the park and always have a wonderful time. She always accepts me no matter what mood I'm in and never tells me to fuck off when she's not feeling real chipper. She never complains and the smallest things make her really happy. Hell one of those squeak toys from the supermarket will send her into oblivious delerium. She goes everywhere with me and never complains about anything. Even if I don't let her drive she is happy to just jump into the car and go on a road trip to anywhere. She's my Boopydoo and sweetee too. James

-- Anonymous, October 10, 2000

My son's my best friend, and my dog is too. My best best friend, Samantha, died last year and I really, really feel the loss of her life living parallel to mine. I have lots of girlfriends who I guess would be my best friends, but we call each other "sister", their kids are my nieces & nephews, my kid knows them all as "auntie". Boo is my "sister" in San Jose, she's got a 15 year old and she's pregnant now. She's my oldest friend now, and we're so very tight, mostly because we can yell at each other and argue and insult each other and turn around and give the world to each other. She listens, she feels, she knows me. And one friend is like a new friend, but we got tight really quick and just clicked, it's the same kind of thing. We can talk shit to each other 'cause we get along so well. There are a couple best friends I haven't seen in years, that I really miss. I hate that I've lost touch with them.

-- Anonymous, October 11, 2000