Best Advise You Ever Had

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What's the best advise anyone ever gave you? Like:

do unto others before they do unto you or just because everyone else is doing it or just be yourself and everything will be OK or you can't make everyone like you no matter how hard you try

-- Anonymous, October 06, 2000

Answers

Make mole hills out of mole hills. Never expect anything from anyone and you won't be disappointed.

-- Anonymous, October 07, 2000

The true secret to happiness in life is discovering what you truly love to do and then devising a way to make your living at it.

-- Anonymous, October 08, 2000

Don't worry, be happy. Candy's dandy but liquor's quicker. If you keep on in school like this you'll end up working in the sewer.(of course I now work in the sewer bussiness and make 5 times the money he made). Don't do that, you'll go blind. James(Floosie's little pervert)wink

-- Anonymous, October 08, 2000

If you have the time and energy to complain, you also have the time and the energy to compliment. ---

-- Anonymous, October 08, 2000

Don't touch that. It'll fester.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2000


"Respect yourself." (Not that it was advice I always followed.)

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2000

Stand up straight.

Keep your hands off your face.

Lift with your legs, not your back.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2000

From my mother... Be home before midnight, girls get pregnant after midnight.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2000

Wow! Have I been misled or what! I thought girls got pregnant after sex. Dumb me. I wasted all that money on rubbers in high school.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2000

Don't eat the yellow snow.

Buy low, sell high.

If you MUST speed, make sure someone is always going faster on the Interstate than you are, and follow them at a distance.

Dilute! Dilute! OK!

Someone who will cheat on his wife or girlfriend will cheat on you.

It is extremely hard for a leopard to change his spots. If you can't live with something someone has a habit of doing, they are highly unlikely to change.

Wax on, wax off.

Animals like routine. The best way to keep your pets from driving you insane is to be irregular about what brand of food you serve and what time you give them food (as long as you DO feed them). If you do this, your pets will not be picky nor will they whine at your bedroom door at 6AM sharp every morning, even weekends.

Wash your hands.

You have to live with the consequences of your actions, to act wisely.

Don't mix your whites with red socks. If you do, get RIT dye remover from the grocery store and rewash the load again minus the offending sock before the red dye sets.

Front to back, to avoid UTIs.

The opposite sex has cooties. Approach with caution.

If you stick a toothpick in it and it comes out clean, it is done.

Sniff the milk before you pour it on your cereal or in your coffee.

Before you go out, check how you look from the back. Then, if you're worried you might have overdone the jewelry, turn around in front of a full-length mirror and whichever accessory catches your eye first, remove it. (More old-fashioned dressing advice: 'don't wear a necklace with a scarf, don't mix your metals [no gold with silver!], don't mix your leathers [no brown with black, no matte with patent!], white shoes only in the hot months between Labor Day and Memorial Day, shirts with writing are gauche, tattoos are for sailors, jailbirds, Holocaust victims and motorcycle clubs, only loose women get their ears pierced...' Oy. My mom had a million of 'em.)

When painting or vanishing or sanding a floor, start from the far corners and head for the door.

Don't mix Clorox powder and bleach.

When babies or children are quiet, something is getting destroyed, you need to investigate.

Blue food is unnatural.

Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone. But if you make THAT expression again, your face will stick that way. (Oh, okay, that one was bad advice.)



-- Anonymous, October 10, 2000



"Front to back, to avoid UTIs"

Oh! Oh! Oh! *howl!*

I can thank Gram and Mom for "Your body is a treasure... don't share it with just anyone."

Papa, my grandfather, contributed "If you watch TV too much, your eyes'll go square" and "Drinking too much coffee makes your knees turn black." He had a strange sense of humor.

My Dumb Dad is fond of "Blood is thicker than water." Sure Dad. And poo is thicker than blood. So what?

Back when I was the Class Loser in jr. hi and everyone told me how dumb and stupid I was, I went through a stage of copying others -- anyone! -- who were more popular than me... Robin Bennett or Tricia Becker or other "popular" girls at school... the Wakefield twins... this or that sit com character.... I wasn't being myself, and gee... they *still* made fun of me and I was *still* miserable and a class loser. Around that time I read somewhere "Don't let others decide for you who you are." So heck, as long as I was a loser and an idiot, I might as well be so being myself and doing and wearing and listening to things I liked, right? So there you go.

-- Anonymous, October 11, 2000


If everyone likes you, then you don't stand for anything.

Look forward, not back.

Use only the absorbency you need for your flow.

-- Anonymous, October 11, 2000


Some good advice from my dad: Life is not fair. And the world does not owe you a living.

This wasn't downer advice. My dad is a very happy and successful person. But understanding that you're going to have to prove yourself and go out and get what you want out of life is, I would venture to suggest, a lot more useful to a kid than just having their self-esteem fluffed. The first time life knocks them on their ass they just lie there in shock.

I see it a lot in my twenty-something friends who were their parents' little angels.

I mean, life SHOULD be fair, we should all strive to make it so. But it isn't. Good to think about.

-- Anonymous, October 13, 2000


I tend to integrate good advice and forget where it came from, so I'm having a hard time thinking of an answer. I do vividly remember one specific piece of good advice, though: I was a teenager on summer vacation. My mother sent me on my bike to the grocery store to get a gallon of milk, and some other small items. On the way back, I rode my bike into a pothole filled with dirty water. It only looked like a puddle to me. But then I hit it and crashed, the grocery bag hit the ground and the milk jug sprang a leak. I told my mom what happened and she told me, "Never ride into a puddle you can't see the bottom of." Not only did that help me avoid crashes in the future, but I've used that nugget of good advice as a metaphor for other stuff in my life. So I'd say it's served me well. Aren't moms awesome?

-- Anonymous, October 18, 2000

If you stand for nothing you'll fall for anything.

If you aim for the moon, then even if you fail to reach it you'll still be among the stars. Failure is relative.

The glass is neither half full nor half empty, just half in my tummy.

When in doubt, read the instructions.

When you feel stuck or lost or at the end of your rope or like you're definitely a goner and there's no way out of a bad situation: PRAY.

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2001



I couldn't think of any ACTUAL advice I've been given. But here are a few of my faves from "The Wisdom of Forrest Gump". Yea, yea, I know...

If you've got to pee, do not talk about it. Just do it. There might not be time later.

Always say "thank you", even if you don't mean it.

Don't make excuses unless you have to.

Don't get drunk around strangers.

If you gotta make a choice between a clean mind and a clean body, it shouldn't be a contest.

If you see a guy beating his dog, whip his ass on the spot.

Don't poke sticks at the monkeys.

Honesty is always the best policy, unless you're a crook.

Okay, enough of those. I found them somewhat amusing. Sorry I was so long about it.

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2001


If you can see a train, you can't beat a train.

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2001

Life's too short to dance with ugly people.

Few things in life are irreversable. Take a chance.

Choose happiness.

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2001


Shoot straight, use cover.

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2001

Though not technically the best advice, I still hear my father say, "Don't use your teeth as tools!" whenever I see anyone try to open a package or rip something with his or her teeth.

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2001

That IS good advice, Elena! I have a chipped tooth ("toolth")?

My dad told me to have respect for other people's things.

He also said to return borrowed things in as good or better shape than when you borrowed them. (He used to fill my tank after he borrowed my car.)

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2001


To thine own self be true.

Best advice I ever received. But so damn hard to follow.

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2001


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