Tune: "he's got the whole world in his hands" :-)

Oh city are a Massive Club

* Theyve got Curly Watts as a celebrity fan... * They had a continental Laser Blue Kappa Kit... * Theyve got the widest pitch in the Nationwide... * Theyre going to turn Manchester into Milan... * They had the future England captain but his cruciates gone... * They wanted a civic reception when theyd won fuck all... * Theyve got 54 players and theyre all fucking shite... * They signed Spencer Prior on deadline day... * Theyve got the Gallagher brothers in the Guvernors... * Theyve got 3 stars on their badge  what the fucks that about... * They took a quarter of a million to Ewood Park... * Theyve got 3007 in a temporary stand... * Theyve got the tallest corner flags in the world... * They go to Cardiff and Wrexham on their Euro Aways... * They play at Gresty Road and Edgeley Park... * They invade their pitch when they win 3 points... * They won the Shamrock Trophy in 92... * They had Ryan Giggs on schoolboy forms... * They've got a farmyard animal and they play him up front... * They've got three million fans in Manchester... * It's been 24 years and they've won fuck all... * They've got a dirty old slapper with a rusty bell... * They'll stay up for 3 seasons - autumn, winter and spring... * They empty Stockport when they play at home... * They've got four different stands from a Meccano kit... * They're the only team that come from Manchester... * All their fans live 10 minutes from Maine Road... * They've got the biggest bananas in the land... * They take 25,000 to every away... * They've got a centre forward with grooves in his head... * Their managers got a papier mache head... * You can see Old Trafford from the kippax stand... * They'll be relegated by bonfire night... * They've got salt and pepper on their hot dog stands... * They've got Greenalls bitter in the kippax stand... * They've got the greenest grass in the whole of the world... * They hounded Swales' mam into an early grave... * They had 17 managers in 20 years... * Theyve got a gypsy curse on their massive pitch.... * Their best player ever played for Ajax reserves... * They had a derby match with Macclesfield... * They had Colin Bell who was better than Best(!)... * Theyve been relegated ten times... * They had a chairman and a manager that wore a wig... * They bought Steve Daly for a million quid... * They tried to sign Geoff Thomas and he turned'em down... * They've got Bernard Manning as their fattest fan... * They used to be little, but now they're large... * They sing racist chants, coz they've got no class... * They dominated Europe in '68... * Theyve got the tallest floodlights in the Football League... * They've got seats behind the net called the Colin Bell End... * They've got 'tile on a roll' in the Oasis suite... * They've got undersoil heating on Economy Seven... * They get their corporate furniture from DFS... * We had Black and white tellies when they won the league... * It takes the nit nurse twelve months to check Joe Royle's head... * When we did the double double, they bombed our town... * All the Moss Side kids wear United shirts... * All city shirts are extra large... * They're a 5 minute walk from curry mile... * They've got a million ball boys on their books... * Stevie Coppell went there and they drove him mad... * Their Big Match Mascot is from Outer Space... * On the island of Bermuda there's a Sean Goater day... * Jean Michel Jarre played at Maine Road... * They've joined up with Cherry Orchard... * They had the second best team in Division Two... * They had the third best team in Division Three... * They get a million web site hits every day... * They skin up joints as big as havanna cigars... * They've got a hundred million members in the Junior Blues... * They drink steins of lager instead of pints... * They grow prize winning veg in their back gardens... * They sell GM onions on their burger vans... * They've got scores of verses in their massive song... * They sold second-hand seats to York City... * They've got 23 fans on the Hoolie List... * Theyve got a GIANT scoreboard at Maine Road... * They had the lowest crowd in the Cup Winners Cup... * They had a great time in the lower leagues... * They bought Rodney Marsh to win the league... * They tried to help Villa to win the league... * All their foreign players think theyre joining us... * Theyve beat United once in 20 years... * They had to stop playing Cooke 'cos he'd cost too much... * They tried to sign the tallest striker in Europe... * They've got a relegation decider on the opening day... * They could have bought Figo for a million pounds... * They moved their training ground to be next to ours... * They spent more than United in the close season... * When they signed George Weah they were on CNN... * Stockport put four past them at Edgeley Park... * They went down the season after winning the league... * They sing about Munich to remember Frank Swift... * Their only decent player's on a pension cheque... * They copied their away kit from AC Milan... * They sell the most merchandise in Manchester... * They've won fewer leagues than Huddersfield Town... * They went forward with Franny to Division 2... * Kevin Keegan tipped them to win the League... * They pay their own supporters to watch them get thrashed... * Alfie's got a anti Man Utd site... * They've got the softest bog rolls - care of Franny Lee... * They've got Georgie Weah with his shiny red boots... * The Council's built 'em a ground 'cos they're fuckin' skint... * They need 11 new players if they want to stay up... * They've got 40,000 on their waiting list... * Eleven years on and it's still 5-1... * Steve Lomas timewasted and city went down... * They had the world's tallest player in Niall Quinn... * They've got Shaun Wright-Phillips who's the new Pele... * They've got Nicky Weaver who's worth 16 Mil... * They've got Alfie Haaland, the world's fittest player... * They say Goater is a cult, but they really mean cunt... * They've got George Weah who thinks he's Terry Waite... * They got beaten 4-0 on the opening day... * It'll be 25 years in 2001... * They'll be playing in the Nationwide again next year... * They had Kennedy thrown out of the Ireland squad... * They were the third team to win the League Cup twice... * They boo their own captain 'cos they're loyal fans... * They had Joe Royle opening a Makro store... * Their whole squad's worth less than United's best player... * Their League Cup triumph's out on Beta-Max... * They fired their captain 'cos he scored an own goal... * They've only won 9 trophies in their history... * They have a record number of stabbings in Platt Fields Park... * Their best ever keeper preferred to sit on our bench... * Howard Kendal left them and Coppell went mad... * Their most successful player is the goalkeeping coach... * Their new centre half couldn't get in a crap Rangers team... * They've got Paulo Wanchope who's dicks bigger than Yorke's... * They beat the future Treble Winners away from home... * They help Man United to win the League... * You can see New York from the floodlights... * They'd open a museum but they've nothing to show... * Their kit man's got the biggest stud spanner in the world... * They signed Roy Castle but he didn't last long... * They signed Roecastle and he was worse... * You can buy ouzzi rifles from their souvenir shop... * They won the football league down at Elland Road... * They've got an overspill car park in Cheadle Hulme... * They go to Barcelona in their wettest dreams... * They've got a sky blue carpet in their trophy room... * The only cups they have are in the canteen... * They signed Wanchope 'coz he scored at OT... * Theyre World Famous on Moss Side... * They let David Pleat dance all over their pitch... * Man United ruin their life... * They got 17,000 in the Worthington Cup... * Joe Royle's dad is a red... * Theyre the best supported club in the House of Commons... * They've got Ian Bishop Lifting shirts... * And it's forward with Franny and Swales out... * They paid 3 million pounds for Bradbury... * They're moving to Eastlands coz Maine Rd's so Big... * They play at places like Sincil Bank... * They play in the first round of the Worthington Cup... * They've got cobwebs not trophies in their cabinet... * They get 30,000 nearly every week... * They had a short fat georgian but he fucked 'em off... * They sold all their best players who could have kept them up... * They trashed their own pubs cos Millwall went home... * Keithie Curle was Mark Hughes' best mate... * They ran back in the North Stand cos they shat their pants... * They had a German car thief in their midfield... * Tony Coton left to be a red reserve... * They had Coppell as manager for 41 days... * They celebrate on the pitch before they go up... * They're hospitable to neighbours - gave County 4 points... * They've got a 100% record - in the play-offs... * Their attendances are higher in shitty leagues... * They scored six past Swindon, and still went down... * They've got the fattest hooligans in their team... * They stole Blue Moon from the mighty Crewe... * They say Nicky Butt's got a City Tatoo... * They've got Joe Royle on the minimum wage... * They pay the first team with magic beans... * They had the biggest ground in England in 1923... * You can see their massive pitch from the massive blue moon... * We were playing in Porto they were at Grimsby... * We were in Monte Carlo they were at Huddersfield... * They tried to borrow kit from the Parkside pub?... * They've got the hottest pies in the football league... * They've got Lara Croft as a celebrity fan... * They're sponsored by a computer game... * They've got the queerest keeper in the football)league... * There'll be 10 blue bastards for every red... * They're having a massive street party in their Jubilee year... * They've got got the hottest water in their baths... * ...

... 'cos city are a MASSIVE club!

-- Anonymous, October 06, 2000

Answers

You'd better have some seriously good songs lined up for them mate, City mate at work has millions lined up for you lot and even I've gotta admit that they're pretty effing nasty!!

-- Anonymous, October 06, 2000

I think we could choose ANY number of verses from The Massive Song (as it's known at OT) and it would piss 'em off :-)

And Joe Royle said " is that a trophy in yer cabinet"...are you having a laugh, are you having a laugh? And George Weah said "I thought you played in Red"...are you having a laugh, are you having a laugh?

:-)

BTW..what are some of their songs?? ;-)

-- Anonymous, October 06, 2000

I can't remember them off the top of my head and he's not about to ask.....mostly versions of the munich song and anti-beckham stuff....

-- Anonymous, October 06, 2000

Very informative, if barely amusing!
I'm trying to figure out who "the next England Captain with the knee injury" is.
I hadn't realised Ian Bishop and Nicky Weaver were Perry Comos.

-- Anonymous, October 06, 2000

Oi Smiler..it IS funny..............honest. You daft Geordies have no sense of humour :-)

-- Anonymous, October 06, 2000

They'll no doubt be flattered that Red Ish and Boyle went to the bother of doing a song with 100 verses for them. I mean, you wouldn't go to that sort of trouble unless they were a MASSIVE club, would you? ((-:

-- Anonymous, October 06, 2000

Had nowt to do with Red Ish or Pete Boyle....this time:-)

-- Anonymous, October 08, 2000

Yes it did.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2000

I never did get an answer to my question as to who "the next England Captain with the knee injury" referred to in this City song is.

Could it be Becks perchance?

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2000

Smiler..I don't know what all the references mean so I can't help on that one. My own verse is in there so I know what THAT one means :)

Douggie....NOPE!! Are you telling me that Boylie takes credit for that song?...Naaaaaaaaaa

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2000

LR, well he's in the current Red Ish telling everyone which verses to sing as a priority and I know that Red Ish were orchestrating a plea for more verses... Who is he Boyle the way? Seems to have a heed the size of the Millennium Dome..

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2000

I do believe a guy named TSJ (Tee-Shirt John) started that song and verses have been added every day since West HAm away when it was decided to make this a MASSIVE SONG. If you check out m-u-f-c.co.uk you'll see the request on there for more verses. Which RI are you talkig about...the REAL one (hard copy) or the On Line version that Jools runs?

Do you know who PB is or are you asking me? BTW..his head size IS a bit big :-)

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2000

I know who PB is but don't know quite who died to make him the legend he apparently is...

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2000

Self made "legend" Douggie......aided by Red Issue of course...but when you are an easily recognisable face......and you are seen all over the world following the reds then it has a roll-on effect. The bloke holds court in away grounds, pubs, euro aways in town squares etc etc etc....the pied piper of United Road :-)

-- Anonymous, October 10, 2000