Here's a chance for you men to find out how compassionate and sensitive you are to women. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. For those females out there, you'll be pleased to know that etiquette decrees the woman is always right. If you're still feeling the need for a romance quiz, try thinking of your ideal mate and answering the questions. This will give you an idea of how demanding you are! Simple Duties

You make the bed. (+1)

You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows. (0)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-1)

You leave the toilet seat up. (-5)

You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty. (0)

When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex. (-1 ) When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom. (-2)

You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings. (+5 ) But return with beer. (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night. (0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing. (0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it's something. (+5)

You pummel it with a six iron. (+10)

It's her father. (-10)

Social Engagements

You stay by her side the entire party. (0)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy. (-2)

Named Tiffany. (-4)

Tiffany is a dancer. (-6)

Tiffany has implants. (-8)

Her Birthday

You take her out to dinner. (0)

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar. (+1)

It is a sports bar. (-2)

And it's all-you-can-eat night. (-3)

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team. (-10)

A Night Out With The Boys

Go out with a pal. (-5)

And the pal is happily married. (-4)

Or frighteningly single. (-7)

And he drives a Mustang. (-10)

With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED). (-15)

A Night Out

You take her to a movie. (+2)

You take her to a movie she likes. (+4)

You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)

You take her to a movie you like. (-2)

It's called Death Cop 3. (-3)

Which features cyborgs having sex. (-9)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans. (-15)

Your Physique

You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. (+10)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts. (-30)

You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too." (-800)

The Big Question

She asks, "Do I look fat?". (-5)

You hesitate in responding. (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Communication

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression. (0)

When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes. (+5)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+10)

She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep. (-20)

-- XYZ (ABC@12.3), October 01, 2000

Answers

Obviously bogus -- note the comment "When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex. (-1 ) When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom. (-2)"

Real Men, or even sensitive 90's sort of guys, would never own Kleneex. Indeed, we would not know what it was! And, we would not have a "next bathroom."

Not, of course, that I would fall into any of the above catagories.

-- E.H. Porter (Just Wondering@About.it), October 01, 2000.

I know this was a joke and all, but I've been too busy studying lately to do anything around here and I wonder how I acquired a mate that sticks a plate of dinner in my face [even though I hadn't thought about food], or cleans the toilet [that I promised myself I'd get to before it resembled the local Amoco station], or three thousand other things that I've noticed he's done.

I'm serious here. What the hell did I ever do to deserve this man?

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), October 01, 2000.

Give great head? LOL

-- Catherine (The@Great.One), October 01, 2000.

I encountered a test some time ago, "Are you a sensitive guy?" I wish I still had it (I passed with flying colors, incidentally).

The one question I remember (it was a multiple choice test) had to do with spotting the wrong answer:

Your sweetie says "honey, something has been bothering me about our relationship" Possible answers: a. "Sit down and let's talk about it." b. "Your concern is my concern" c. "I can't believe the damn Jets run a draw on 3rd and 17."

-- Peter Errington (petere@ricochet.net), October 02, 2000.

i never cud undahstand da dang toilet seat thang. it takes more energy ta lift a seat up dan it do ta put it down don't it?

-- (always@liftin.up), October 02, 2000.

In my capacity as the self-appointed moniter of civil internet discose, I must note that this kind of "humor" (chuckle) is blatently sexist. In fact, I find it my civic duty to point out that I am personally offended by such blatently racist banter, and not apropriate for semi-anonemous electronic fora (lauphter). If you were as edicated as I were, you would know that this is behavore only worthy of pointed wite hats, swashticas, and wiccan spells.

-- Mrs. D. (Mr.Ds@S.O), October 03, 2000.

Weird people stay up late. Oh my! I'm one of them.

-- ? (anon@anon.com), October 03, 2000.