What's the worst non-curseword name a person can call someone else?

-- Anonymous, September 30, 2000

Answers

According to my five year old, it's poopyhead. He can dish it out, but can't take it.

-- Anonymous, October 01, 2000

The other week I was driving somehwere with the boys in the backseat and some random idiot driver pissed me off. The first non-curseword I could think of to yell was Butt Pirate.

Man, the kids loved that. It was the first time they had ever heard it, and they started up with Yo Ho Ho and A Bottle of Farts jokes, and I had to get really serious with them and explain that even though what I said wasn't a curseword, it was something that could really hurt a person's feelings and how I shouldn't have said it. When we got home I took them in the bathroom so they could watch me wash my mouth out with soap, and then I shook Tabasco sauce on my tongue four times and had to swallow with nothing to drink.

-- Anonymous, October 01, 2000

punk or trick.

When we were kids we'd get our mouths washed out with Safeguard if we called each other "dummy" or "stupid".

-- Anonymous, October 01, 2000

Man am I glad I don't live with either of you!!! I'd be fartin' bubbles all month. Goombahead is my worst word when things get tough. Non cuss that is. I cabn make sailors blush in three languages. james

-- Anonymous, October 01, 2000

Calling someone physically repulsive -- and meaning it -- is pretty bad.

-- Anonymous, October 01, 2000

Right now the only thing I can think of is "dog". I don't know what I had in mind when I started this topic.

"Retard" is pretty bad, too, for more than one reason.

-- Anonymous, October 01, 2000

Dead.

-- Anonymous, October 02, 2000

When my brother was 2 he got in a fight w/another 2 year old, and called him a "diaper." I guess it was the worst thing he could think of. It is pretty bad.

-- Anonymous, October 02, 2000

One time I got into a fight with my husband and I said to him very seriously, "I don't like you very much right now." That really hurt him, and he felt bad about what we fought about.

Unfortunatley, I used that line one too many times after that and it means nothing to him now.

-- Anonymous, October 02, 2000

Nicole, I laughed when I read your post, only because I could say the same thing about the line "I hate you so fucking much right now."

Ahem...yeah.

-- Anonymous, October 02, 2000

Nicole, Gwen, y'all could add the guilt-martyr twist like my mom did with that one: "You know, I love you, but I don't like you very much right now"... very effective when combined with an oh-so-earnest expression, mind.

I have a litany of non-curse insults, including poohead, buttface, fart-knocker, stink-roach, goober, boogerface.... Actually, it's kinda mix and match with the prefix goober, booger, poo, butt and stink combined with the suffix head, face, nose, breath and roach.

Most of them were derrived from nicknames for the cat....

-- Anonymous, October 02, 2000

This is a cussword, but it's so commonly used it oughtn't to be anymore. If my husband is feeling particularly suicidal, he has this dismissive way of saying, "Shut up, bitch," and walking out of the room, as if I'm too trivial and moronic to deal with. Of course, this infuriates me even further, and I immediately turn all my destructive and creative powers to thoughts of revenge. Many of the bad things in my husband's life have resulted from a "Shut up, bitch" comment. He will never learn not to cross that line.

When we watched the episode of the "Sopranos" where Janice kills her fiance because he punched her, I understood the motive 100%.

-- Anonymous, October 02, 2000

"Butt Pirate" was a good one, very similar to some of my old standbys. I've been known to call people butt-burglar, pillow-biter, starfish-sailor, butt-monkey, butt-weasel (you get the drift) ... stinkzilla, pond-breath, produce-washer, etc. Any woman who cuts me off in traffic instantly becomes a "skanky ho". My wife calls me "bitch". Heh.

What I won't do is call anyone "retarded", "retard" or "tard". I had a friend in high school with a retarded sister, and more recently a boss with a retarded daughter, and I just about can't stand it when I hear someone using that as an epithet towards someone else, so I guess that's about the worst. That, or name-calling based on some physical imperfection over which the targeted person has little or no control, or racial slurs - there's just no excuse for such meanness.

-- Anonymous, October 02, 2000

There seems to be a butt theme here... My MUCH YOUNGER sister used to call people "Butt Snort" and the ever popular "Butt Weasel." I have no non cuss word insults - all of mine are pretty blue. ..

-- Anonymous, October 02, 2000

A few years ago my kids use to call each other butt wad. Took me a while to figure out what that meant than it was a big "duh".

-- Anonymous, October 02, 2000

Marisa, I understand. I had a hard time typing that posting because so many of my cuss-word insults were shoving their way to the front. :-)

-- Anonymous, October 02, 2000

some times when im mad at brett ill callhim a loser coz he loses alot of races. hes gets sooo mad!!!

-- Anonymous, October 03, 2000

What does he race, floosie? I'm interested. And oh Ooma, my kids used to call each other "butt wipe" which they had to have picked up at school. The one that always puzzled me was "snot knocker". I never got that one.

-- Anonymous, October 05, 2000

I'm bettin' he races soapbox race cars.... ;)

Does it count as a non-cuss word if no one else understands it? 'Cos I can curse a blue streak in Italian, and it's often more effective than my usual litany of poo- and butt-related things....

Based on "words that're okay to say on the radio," these days, does "asshole" or "bitch" count as non-curse words?

-- Anonymous, October 05, 2000

I remember being amazed and appalled when Drew Barrymore's character called another kid "Penisbreath" in E.T.

It was more the age of the character in question than actual filthiness, though. She was, like, five or something. Gads.

-- Anonymous, October 06, 2000

I have one guaranteed to make a five year old cry, if said at a high enough volume. In a grocery store.

Wiener ball hamper head.

Use only when necessary.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2000

Jive turkey.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2000

"Wiener ball hamper head"...ROTFL! I'll have to remember that one.

If it's ever a choice between me or a five year old breaking down into tears of frustration, well, man, it ain't gonna be me.

"Dorkus maximus" used to be one of the epithets of choice in our household. That's not nearly as cool as "wiener ball hamper head", though.

-- Anonymous, October 10, 2000

That reminds me of a Simpsons episode where Bart, trying to sound educated, tells Lisa that "dork" comes from the Latin, dorkus malorkus. I about DIED when I heard that - what a perfect combination of B.S. combined with just enough fact to make people wonder if he's telling the truth...

-- Anonymous, October 11, 2000