A classic, from Saturday Night Live:

(bouncy music, with clips of kids playing in the yard with a big red ball)

(kids)

It's Happy!

It's Fun!

It's Happy Fun Ball!

(announcer)

Yes, it's Happy Fun Ball, the toy sensation that's sweeping the nation. Only 14.95 at participating stores! Get one Today!

(background voice)

Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, and children should avoid prolonged exposure to Happy Fun Ball.

Caution: Happy Fun Ball may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.

Happy Fun Ball contains a liquid core, which if exposed due to rupture should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.

Do not use Happy Fun Ball on concrete.

Discontinue use of Happy Fun Ball if any of the following occurs:

* Itching

* Vertigo

* Dizziness

* Tingling in extremities

* Loss of balance or coordination

* Slurred speech

* Temporary blindness

* Profuse Sweating

or

* Heart palpitations

If Happy Fun Ball begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.

Happy Fun Ball may stick to certain types of skin.

When not in use, Happy Fun Ball should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration.

Failure to do so relieves the makers of Happy Fun Ball, Wacky Products Incorporated, and its parent company, Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability.

Ingredients of Happy Fun Ball include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.

Happy Fun Ball has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.

Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

Happy Fun Ball comes with a lifetime guarantee.

(announcer)

Happy Fun Ball! Accept no substitutes!

-- eve (eve_rebekah@yahoo.com), September 28, 2000

Answers

I prefer Dan Ackroyd's Bag O' Glass.

-- Bingo1 (howe9@shentel.net), September 28, 2000.

eve,

I remember that bit. To me, "Do not taunt Wacky Fun Ball" was one of the funniest lines that I ever heard on SNL. Even today, the idea of warning someone not to taunt an inanimate object makes me laugh.

-- J (Y2J@home.comm), September 28, 2000.

Oh Bingo, you can be SO DIFFICULT to please sometimes! You'd think after that energy-draining time-sucking effort I made to dredge up -- I mean to research and recover -- this commercial, it would SOMEHOW be appreciated.

But NooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooo.

Well, if you'll just look below your little post, you'll see someone actually DID appreciate it.

Anyway, it so happens I couldn't find your PRECIOUS "Bag 'O Glass" commercial. But maybe -- just MAYBE -- this one (brand spankin' new from "The Onion") will help some for now...

Dental Hygiene Tips

J, glad ya liked it.

(P.S. -- Bingo, that was just to bug ya -- I'm in the mood for teasin' and you just happened to be the perfect innocent victim to come haplessly strollin' along. I could never get mad at you.:)

-- eve (eve_rebekah@yahoo.com), September 28, 2000.

9/28/2000 Reminder to self: have bullseye-shaped birth mark removed from forehead ASAP...

-- Bingo1 (howe9@shentel.net), September 28, 2000.

Actually, Bag O' Glass was introduced as part of a talk show skit. Wasn't a commercial like Bass-o-Matic or Shimmer (It's a floor wax AND a dessert topping).

Eve, you will pay dearly for your outlandish display. Have you not read my post on Unk's thread?

-- Bingo1 (howe9@shentel.net), September 28, 2000.

DO NOT TAUNT CPR.

-- no one here (-@-.-), September 28, 2000.

I know that if you quote the line "No hamburger - cheeseburger" to anyone under 40 , they look at you funny.

-- Sam (wtrmkr52@aol.com), September 28, 2000.

chee-boor-gy, chip..no coke, pepsi.

And I'm under 40, BTW.

-- Bingo1 (howe9@shentel.net), September 29, 2000.

A very good morning to you, Bingo, dear!

I so very much hope you're doing well today.

You know, it was really so nice of you to take the time to stop on by my thread yesterday, and contribute another possible commercial for me to put up, Bingo, sweetie. :)

-- eve (eve_rebekah@yahoo.com), September 29, 2000.

Better get yourself a napkin, eve.

Is that sarcasm I spy dripping from your chin? Or the anticipatory (liquid) result of yet another search in your quest to lighten our loads with a good belly laugh? Reminiscing IS fundemental.

Either way, it is Friday!!!. Enjoy your weekends, one and all. Drive safely. Eat, drink, be merry. And don't forget to give thanks to whomever, whenever, for whatever.

Peace - - - Rich

-- Bingo1 (howe9@shentel.net), September 29, 2000.

OMG, I DO remember the cheeseburger one, and I'm only 38!!!

But young people do look at me funny when I do it.

Bingo, I enjoyed you comment bout note to self....

9-29-2000 - my note to self-----STOP taking life so serious, you'll never have to have 2 days exactly alike.

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), September 29, 2000.

Bingo/Rich -- well, let me put it this way...if I think there's a way I can make someone laugh, and it's not out of line, I usually go for it. Knowing or feeling there's a good chance I probably did ('cause I can't really hear ya) is like ambrosia to me.

I hope that answers your concerns. Have a wonderful weekend yourself, Rich.

-- eve (eve_rebekah@yahoo.com), September 29, 2000.

Bingo 'Sumer, Sam, J...

After a long search, I finally found the cheeseburger sketch (and some others) on the following site. The formatting is very bad, though, and it doesn't tell you who's saying the lines. But if you can remember the skit pretty well, you should be able to piece it together. And, hey -- that could be a weekend project!

Have fun!

The Cheeseburger Sketch and Others

-- eve (eve_rebekah@yahoo.com), September 29, 2000.