After much annoyance by some tosser on the London mags list this morning , a lad has been name dropping the NUFC.com lads names as 'knowing' them etc ...me and the lads etc . This kind of thing gets right up my nose ... mind you i think he might have even beaten Ken on the name drop stakes ; - )) Anyway the purpose of the thread is to tell of anytime you have purposely used somebodys name in vain to either make yourself look good / popular / gain respect etc .. or even just to blag something . Howay we've all done it ... i can think of a few but me best one was in stockholm about 98 months ago , we couldnt get into a nightclub , when me mates decided wed pretend to be part of a film crew ... now in me spare time i do a lot of DJing at parties etc , playing dance music and hard edged club tunes ... well little did i know that my mates had the club owner down to the door spinning a yarn that we were a film crew and i was the sound adviser .. the famous DJ fatboy slim , aka Norman Cook now married to Zoe Ball . Anyway all of a sudden the ropes go up at the club and we're ushered in .. i was still totally unaware of the ruse . So im going to the bar when me mate starts shouting ' Norman Norman ' i didnt know what he was talking about , but recognising his voice turned round , seeing as we were the only Englishmen surrounded by a couple of thousand swedes : - )) Sooo he drags me back and these two bouncers come eithere side of me , n im thinking shite im out here ... me mate is whispering in me ear ' just go with it ' .. ' so i says what the hell is going on ? ' he says ' your fing Fatboy slim and they want you on the turnatbles ' ... now we were @rseholed , but i could nt believ it they escorted us through the club , into a cage over the middle of the dance florr , chucked off the resident DJ and there i was on the turntables .... i played for 2 hours and oulled it off , whilst me mates were brought free champagne and ran the light show and danced in the an iron cage next to me .. totally surreal and totally true , the biggest blag of my life , and the owner even wanted me to come back and play 2 weeks later , i telt him he'd ' have to talk to my agent ' .. no one was any the wiser ; - ))

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

Answers

ha ha ha ha ha ! that's the best!

Good job it was Norman Cook and not Sting otherwise he'd have had you up there singing 'Englishman in New York'....

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

mind you i think he might have even beaten Ken on the name drop stakes ; - ))

Oi STRING.......I don't know what you mean by this.....can you PLEASE explain yourself.......NO ONE beats me on this.......;0)

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

Well howay then ken give us a few examples .. the better ones otherwise youll be here all day ; - ))

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

Can I just say that Sting pointed out a lad in the crowd last night who looked more like Sting than he (grant) does.....most amusing..

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

Could i also point out that Gav showed me his railcard from four years ago , and he looked like an ugly Roberto di matteo ; - ) But aye Gav is right there is a toon fan who actually DOES look like Sting .

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

Well howay then ken give us a few examples .. the better ones otherwise youll be here all day

You started it Sting sop you can give whatever examples you like......I hope you enjoy the cold Manchester rain on Saturday..... . . . . . while I will be working in a nice warm TV studio with Westlife, Gabrielle and Lionel Ritchie..........is that the kind of thing you meant ..........;0)

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

working with...... Blown your credibility there ITK. Neebody will believe you, no matter what names you drop, when you say your working. I mean, if your with Westlife, Lionel Ritchie etc, then I'll be with Alan Shearer, Bobby Robson and a whole host of other famous folks. I'll probably be nearer to them than you will to your names.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

Bah, I'm off to have a chat with me old mate Rula Lenska.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

Oh well bollox to you then.....I give you a shout when I am next playing golf with the England manager!

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

I know Gavin Herron......

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

That's what is known as a conversation stopper that one Gav.....

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

I once tried to con 13,000 people that I was Keith Barrett.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

I also once tried to con 13,000 people that I was Keith Barret also....

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

alright.........alright.....who is Keith Barrett?

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

No, I'm Keith Barrett!

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

Ken, the announcer at the match last night asked for "Keith Barret" to make himself known. Someone (Scratchy?) then decided to stand up and declare to everyone in the ground "I'm Keith Barret"....dozens of us then took it in turn to stand up and shout "No, I'm Keith Barret"....

Most amusing....

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

Think of it as a modern day "Spartacus".

...and much hilarity thence ensued

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

So Gav, basically what you are telling me is that Scratchy was pissed again

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

What a gap; I went to school with the real Sting + I 've met up with him (complimentary tickets, obviously) in Hong Kong, Frankfurt, Hamburg, Tokyo, Paris, Sun City, Tokyo, Sydney, LA, Singapore, Beijing,...) Wow, so that makes ME famous????

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

like it Bud , like it ... howay the rest of yers , someone must've dropped a b0ll0ck over the canapes sometime : - ))

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

Can Apes what? Run football teams? no. Eat bananas with their feet? Aye.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

Right. Sorry, but I can't resist it. Last week I was asked if I was single. By Gail Porter.

Give up now.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

You're after MY BIRD....if I'd known that last night I would never have insisted that you have that pint of cider ;))

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

"Get your damm butt up here Marine", Marion Morrision, John Wayne, `The Dook` to a 23 year old Buff, Nassau. Couple of Ron Bacardis with the man, still not a patch on Len White tho,

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

Once after a lad's stag night I ended up at a club -i think it was the Blue Parrot in Whickham--the one and only time I was ever there!!! I was about 18 or 19--- There was a caberet on and the singer was Susan--the first ever female role in Docter Who( who I had always fancied....So full of ale I attempt to pull between her 'sets.....and I was actually getting on quite well.She had a couple of guys with her who didn't say anything to me but were not warm.When Susan popped off to the loo,they engaged me in talk and I did.After a while they got round to talking about cars asked me if I had one and I assured them that I did,,in fact my Dad's Jaguar...Oh says one.what mark? Actually knowing that mark's have something to do with Jaguars I guessed ......It's a mark 8.. The other guy said well I've never heard of one of them....now piss off!.....they were her minders.I was out of that club so fast you couldn't see the dust! I still feel like a dick on the very occasional timethat I remember it......

Fifties Fan

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

".... So, full of ale I attempt to pull between her 'sets".

I assume there are some typos in that sentence Alan, and that it should read ".....So, full of ale I attempt to pull her between the sheets".

;-{)

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

Embarrassingly, I've only ever been mistaken for Kenny Ball (for those old enough to remember that particular semi-celebrity) and it's essentially impossible to 'capitalise' on that particular error.

Actually, on second thoughts a lass in Nottingham once asked me if I was the former Leeds & England striker, 'Sniffer' Clarke, and I must admit to saying 'of course' - to my initial gain but long-term regret, if you know what I mean!

Great story Sting - you're obviously in the wrong profession.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

People used to mistake me with Chris Woods(yes I ate all the pies). It got me a free Mcchicken burger once for writing his name on a paper nap-kin, even though I was in a van with 'Tate Steel Works' wrote on the side.:-)

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

I recall telling Evan Dando, out of The Lemonheads, just where to stick his poxy scribbled autograph outside the Brixton Acadamy several years ago.

Dozy hippy c**t...and he was STILL getting all the birds too.

There's no justice

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

Oh, and I once met Tony Blair (firm handshake, permanent grin), his wife Cherie (tiny lass, painfully thin) and Frank Dobson (baldy barsteward, looked like a tramp) all at the same time.

One of the doctors I was with insisted on using every opportunity to stick 2 fingers up at Dobson and blow raspberries at him each time he turned his back - 10 years medical education and #80k p/a for behaving like a child, eh.

Blair's bodyguards are big fellers, BTW. Divn't mess like.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

I once sat on the knee of the Home Secretary for a couple of hours. My Granda was General Screatary of the National Cokemans Union (a small part of the NUM). At the 1963 Miners Gala George Brown was the guest of honour and my granda was hosting him. A delightful three year old sat on Brown's knee entertaining him all afternoon as the parades went passed. In retrospect the guy was probably pissed as he had a Yeltsin like reputation, I don't remeber though.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

Coming in (again) on the back of fifties fan posting, I remember the Blue Parrott well, one of the first night clubs?, in the sticks,not Whickham but Sunniside. The opening of the club was PROFUMED by a certain lady called Mandy Rice Davis, Christine Keeler was otherwise engaged at somebody`s pleasure, it caused quite a furore amongst the locals but was a great pr job of its day. Much later an old school pal of mine (Derek Armstrong) bought it with the compo he received when sadly he severered both hands on a guillitine working at Waddington`s on the TVTE. Morbid but punters used to visit the Parrot, he had been fitted out with hooks and wire attachments by this time to observe Derek who could pull a pint,and open a packet of porkie scratchings more expertly than most, Not sure but I think he is a curator at Bamburgh Castle now.

-- Anonymous, September 28, 2000

Oh, and I once met Tony Blair (firm handshake, permanent grin), his wife Cherie (tiny lass, painfully thin) and Frank Dobson (baldy barsteward, looked like a tramp) all at the same time.

One of the doctors I was with insisted on using every opportunity to stick 2 fingers up at Dobson and blow raspberries at him each time he turned his back - 10 years medical education and #80k p/a for behaving like a child, eh.

Just WHEN did you leave the employ of that particular mental instiutution!.........

Perfect chance to blow all three of the twats away and you blew it!

-- Anonymous, September 28, 2000

I was once sat at a table with Minnie Driver and never noticed. Anyway, despite my own enviable entry, my vote goes to Buff - The Duke, that's a bloody good story. Cap doffed.

-- Anonymous, September 28, 2000

Actually, given the lax security arrangements (I strolled right in to the building!) the whole event may well have gone off with a bang!

-- Anonymous, September 28, 2000

Shame of it had done when you were there Bobby....as we would have missed your lines of cutting wit(!!??).....but as for the rest of them, a big bang would be a bliddy good idea.

As an aside, why is it that these politicians always visit disaster sites to look at the damage and carnage. Why can't they be there at the time to see it first time! - Most recent example, 08.30: Paddington Rail Crash.....11.30: John Prescott arrives.......three hours f**king late AGAIN.

-- Anonymous, September 28, 2000