You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As we say in Texas, I'll bet you couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you.

You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.

You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?

Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.

You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.

You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.

And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper.

On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know.

I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh.

The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of your of what you wrote, because, well... it didn't really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective...

Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.

----------

<:)=

-- Sysman (y2kboard@yahoo.com), September 21, 2000

Answers

Sysman, don't ya think ya oughtta give the troll to act anonymously. via USA,ceti. Can't ya fix this puppy for us?

-- Aunt Bee (Anon@TB2k.com), September 21, 2000.

OTFR, did Sysman really post this?

Cpr has been a major pain on this board for months, but since he hasn't started any new threads attacking anybody for maybe three days or so, I don't see the point in starting one about him right now. If cpr does begin posting threads again and giving only side of an issue, then I might respond to one of those threads depending on what cpr said.

Let cpr be the one to start attack threads if he still thinks it's really necessary. Y2k is over.

-- This thread is poor timing (on@someone's.part), September 21, 2000.

Why are you jumping to conclusions? Did I say anything about cpr?

I think you need a sense of humor...

<:)=

-- Sysman (y2kboard@yahoo.com), September 21, 2000.

By the way, the original is located in this thread:

the Mother of all Flames!

<:)))))=

-- Sysman (y2kboard@yahoo.com), September 21, 2000.

Sys,

That is the most beautiful thing I have ever read...*sniff*....oh god bless you, that is a scrapbook keeper.

You lowlife jelly sucking slime trail, I love you man.

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeed@yahoo.com), September 21, 2000.

Thanks Unc, I love ya too... <:)=

-- Sysman (y2kboard@yahoo.com), September 21, 2000.

WHADDAYA MEAN, "BAD BREATH"???!!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------

-- are you (talking@to.me?), September 21, 2000.

sysman -- thank you! If you don't mind, I've saved a copy of this great work of literature to read again and again. May I quote it from time to time? >:)

-- helen (b@s.x), September 21, 2000.

I have to admit, you don't see the words "effluvia and offal" very often.

(Love the paragraph on "stupid" ;-))

rotflmao.....

-- Patricia (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), September 21, 2000.

Exacly sums up my (and I'm sure MANY others') feelings for the troll CPR. And *I* am NOT laughing when I say that. Every word in the piece describes him/it perfectly.

-- no one here (-@-.-), September 21, 2000.

This flame has such passion, obviously directed toward an intimate betrayer. cpr doesnt qualify.

-- r (r.1@juno.com), September 21, 2000.

"You smarmy lagerlout git". This is a flame of Ole Git.

-- (nemesis@awol.com), September 21, 2000.

nemesis -- it probably isn't.

-- helen (b@r.a), September 21, 2000.

Dipshits? You must be new here, so I'll give you a break. Otherwise, I'ld tell you to go fuck yourself. <:)=

-- Sysman (y2kboard@yahoo.com), January 19, 2000.

-- ahemmmmm (ahemmmmm@ahemmmmm.com), September 21, 2000.

ahemmmmm,

What's your point, dipshit?

<:)=

-- Sysman (y2kboard@yahoo.com), September 21, 2000.

You can find some more background on the origins of this post here and there is an "unblemished" copy of the post, complete with headers and date here. If Deja.com ever gets their archives fixed, you should hopefully be able to see the actual post in context.

-- (hmm@hmm.hmm), September 21, 2000.

You mean this was an actual post somewhere?!?! ROTFL...

-- Patricia (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), September 21, 2000.

Sysman, I think you should stop holding back and tell everyone what you really think.

-- I'm Here, I'm There (I'm Everywhere@so.beware), September 21, 2000.

Uh, I dont 'git' it....ROFLMAO.

Of course, IF I'd take the time, I 'might'?

Nahhhhh!!!!!!!

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), September 21, 2000.

Sysman,

This is the best goddamned post ever. I laughed my ass off. I knew it was meant for no one, just a beautiful piece of writing.

Bravo.

-- semper paratus (pure@poetry.here), September 21, 2000.

He didn't write it though. Not sure if you were aware of that or not.

-- (hmm@hmm.hmm), September 21, 2000.

Nope, not my work. Got the link from our "sister" forum as I noted above. <:)=

-- Sysman (y2kboard@yahoo.com), September 21, 2000.

There's no point to your January 19, 2000 post, I thought it was funny, it's a masterpiece.

Dipshits? You must be new here, so I'll give you a break. Otherwise, I'ld tell you to go fuck yourself. <:)=

-- Sysman (y2kboard@yahoo.com), January 19, 2000.

-- ahemmmmm (ahemmmmm@ahemmmmm.com), September 21, 2000.

OK ahemmmmm,

I thought that's what you were saying. Just wanted to be sure.

Thanks for the compliment.

Happy Friday... <:)=

-- Sysman (y2kboard@yahoo.com), September 21, 2000.

Sysman:

Didn't the guy sorta indicate that the flame was computer-generated? There are a number of sites on the web that will create stuff like this. For instance, here's a Complaint Letter Generator. You simply type in the individual's name, etc., include how many paragraphs you want generated, and bingo...you've got a complaint letter that can be copied and pasted.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), September 21, 2000.

Anita,

Anything's possible, but I think this one is just too good to have been generated by a 'puter.

Hmm's link does have a "STANDARDIZED BONEHEAD REPLY FORM" but I think it's just a continuation of the joke.

But hey, technology does march on, so ya just never know...

<:)=

-- Sysman (y2kboard@yahoo.com), September 22, 2000.

Sysman: I always had the upmost respect for you on the old TB2000 (and here too). I was sifting through some old threads and just happened upon your response to a thread. It was funny! :))))

-- ahemmmmmm (ahemmmm@ahemmmm.xcom), September 22, 2000.

Well ahemmmmmm, it's nice to know that I still have at least a little respect here, after being so wrong about Y2K. But I guess it's all just part of life, sometimes you're right, sometimes you're wrong. Hopefully, I'll never be that wrong again...

Thanks.

<:)=

-- Sysman (y2kboard@yahoo.com), September 22, 2000.

In response to Anita's credos, I would like to offer the following opposing points. But first, let me pose you a question: Is Anita actually concerned about any of us, or does she just want to demand that Earth submit to the dominion of the worst types of audacious materialistic mob bosses there are? After reading this letter, you'll undoubtedly find it's the latter. While I agree with others' assessment that a leopard can't change its spots, still, I believe I have found my calling. My calling is to strip the unjust power from those who seek power over others and over nature. And just let her try and stop me. We must speak out against evil perverts. Our children depend on that. Anita will equip impertinent firebrands with flame throwers, hand grenades, and heat-seeking missiles in a lustrum or two -- not necessarily by direct action, but by convincing her cronies to grasp at straws, trying to find increasingly gutless ways to destroy our moral fiber.

I am not trying to save the world -- I gave up that pursuit a long time ago. But I am trying to lay out some ideas and interpretations that hold the potential for insight. The salient point here is that her latest manifesto, like all the ones that preceded it, is a consummate anthology of disastrously bad writing teeming with misquotations and inaccuracies, an odyssey of anecdotes that are occasionally entertaining, but certainly not informative. Generally speaking, if the people generally are relying on false information sown by mad slaves to fashion, then correcting that situation becomes a priority for the defense of our nation.

If you've never seen Anita muster enough force to conduct business in a dissolute, witless way, you're either incredibly unobservant or are concealing the truth from yourself. Her argument that everything is happy and fine and good is hopelessly flawed and thoroughly circuitous. To put this in context, given the amount of misinformation that Anita is circulating, I must point out that I do not appreciate being labeled. No one does. Nevertheless, if I said that it is not only acceptable, but indeed desirable, to prevent us from recognizing the vast and incomparable achievements, contributions, and discoveries that are the product of our culture, I'd be a liar. But I'd be being entirely honest if I said that I feel no more personal hatred for Anita than I might feel for a herd of wild animals or a cluster of poisonous reptiles. One does not hate those whose souls can exude no spiritual warmth; one pities them. Let me leave you with one last thought: It is appalling to me that Anita has managed to shift blame from those who benefit from oppression to those who suffer from it.

-- (smarty@wannabe.one), September 22, 2000.

Sysman, that was great. Thank you. I'm going to print it out, shrink it, and scotch-tape it into the blank pages in my thesaurus.

And I could easily picture John Cleese spewing out the whole thing, with his face turning beet-red, and veins bulging.

But I LOVED Unk's response! Unk, the visual of you just beside yourself and weeping from pure elation and bliss after seeing this caused me to just lose it on the spot. If I'd had a mouthful of coffee when I read your response...well...let's just say it would have shorted out my keyboard, messed up my screen, and I'd still be scrubbing spots off my wall.

-- eve (eve_rebekah@yahoo.com), September 22, 2000.

Hey, not-So-"smarty":

Where do you purchase those XL bags for all that wind?

-- cpr (buytexas@swbell.net), September 22, 2000.

Same place you do CPR.

-- ~~~~~~~~ (~~~~@~~~.xcom), September 22, 2000.

Cute one, Smarty. They ARE fun to read. I've never yet posted one, though.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), September 22, 2000.