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What are the subjects that push your buttons? What topics do you avoid in order to keep from getting pissed off? Are there issues you can't discuss with your family? Are there topics on which you prefer not to read?

-- Anonymous, September 19, 2000

Answers

Racism. I grew up in the deep South and I absolutely cannot tolerate racist bigots, even a little bit.

Child abuse. Nothing makes me more disgusted in the news than stories of children who've been mistreated or even murdered.

Poor computer or other electronics usability - Sorry, but it pisses me off to no end when an interface is stupidly designed (hellooooooo, Windows!).

-- Anonymous, September 19, 2000


I usually don't contribute much to topics about politics and religion, or abortion. I think everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, but I don't want people to tell me that mine are wrong.

I don't talk to my family about sex, but I can talk about anything else with them.

I don't do well reading stuff about weight issues, either.

-- Anonymous, September 19, 2000


People who cloak their crappy behavior under the blanket of a bad childhood. MANY MANY people suffered awful childhoods and do NOT grow up to kill, abuse or hurt people, do not do drugs or lead a life of crime. There is this tuck and roll mentality that if you were abused as a child that EXPLAINS and somehow justifies any type of behavior as an adult. My feelings about this seem so harsh, but ... you know what? It is too late for a happy childhood. Get therapy, involve yourself in worthwhile, affirming causes that do not center around you, do something good and come to grips with the utter unfairness that is often life. I guess this is a topic I avoid so I do not have to "justify" my strong feelings with a tabloid-esque resume of my shitty childhood to validate m

-- Anonymous, September 19, 2000

Marisa, that's the first time I've seen anyone refer to murder as 'crappy behaviour', but you know what? You're right. Killing people is damn inconsiderate: I bet most murderers don't even THINK to ask for permission.

Anyway, I'm RIGHT THERE with you.

-- Anonymous, September 19, 2000


My best friend who I have been friends with for over 15 years is a pretty conservative Republican. Part of the reason we've been able to be friends for so long is our unspoken agreement not to talk about politics, politicians, movies about politics, etc.

I can't talk about my dating life with my mom. My family members all married young (like at 20 or 21) and they find it hard to believe that I'm almost 30 and nowhere near getting hitched. My mom gets overly excited about any new boyfriend so I just don't tell her anymore.

-- Anonymous, September 19, 2000



I can't talk about driving with some people. I like to think I'm a safe driver but I hate when I get into a stupid argument with some clod who thinks that driving "slow" is "annoying".. a co worker started in on me about how he hates people who do the speed limit in the parking lot. Well, the parking lot is FULL of people pulling out from all spots, local people using it as their own personal bike/rollerblade/jog/walk trail, etc. I owe it to these people (and to my car's well-being) to at least go the speed limit. There's a whole lot of other things where I actually agree with the law, but it just seems that most of my family, friends and co workers like to think they are above the law and brag about how many people they cut off, or how they taught such and such woman a lesson because she was following them too close, etc.

-- Anonymous, September 19, 2000

What riles me up? Pro-Life garbage. Don't tell me why you think my body doesn't belong to me. Don't even start. Religion. I don't want to hear about it and I won't talk about my reasons for being an atheist (lower case "a") because you don't really want to know or can't handle my views. Vegetarianism. Don't ask me why I don't eat meat unless you really mean it. I mean, ick, you put that rotting flesh in your MOUTH? And swallow? So, don't ask, don't tell. Don't tell me I drive too fast--just get the hell out of the way and we'll both get along swimmingly. Don't tell me why I'm an opinionated bitch, either. That really gets in my craw. And turn off that goddammed leaf blower before I go balistic.

-- Anonymous, September 19, 2000

Homophobia. Extreme pro-lifers. Discrimination against anyone. Actually, most of the self-righteous crap I get from my very own very Republican-in-the-Rush-Limbaugh-fan-club friends. (yes, a., I'm pointing at your ridicule of female clergy. yes, k. I'm pointing at your "god made adam and eve not adam and steve" idiot's debate.) Now I'm pissed off, dude.

-- Anonymous, September 19, 2000

what pushes my buttons are people who don't spay their pets, people who don't love their pets, people who treat their pets as property..esp. disposable property.

alot of the rest has been mentioned here already, tho I am very touchy about people banning books...don't like it? don't read it!

-- Anonymous, September 20, 2000


I also can't stand hearing someone's reasons for not spaying their pets. They're idiotic. And I'm sick to death of people stuck in the middle ages trying to tell me how to parent my child. I don't care if he's 4 years old, in diapers with a binky in his mouth, sleeping in my bed and up playing in the middle of the nite, if he's happy and healthy and learning and having fun, stay the hell up out of my business!

-- Anonymous, September 20, 2000


Um, I do want to clarify that he isn't even 3 yet, and isn't doing all of those behaviors...that was hypothetical...tee hee...

-- Anonymous, September 20, 2000

Word on people who don't neuter their pets or who treat animals like objects. I also won't argue about abortion. My views are not negotiable and I won't presume to think I could change your mind, either. Same goes for gun control.

-- Anonymous, September 20, 2000

Right on Paul and Marisa. I don't want to get up on the soapbox today so let's just say I "hate" stupit idiots. In any form. And just like the Eagle's song says, "get over it!" James

-- Anonymous, September 23, 2000

I cannot talk with any member of my family about our upbringing (5 older brothers). It's like that Monty Python sketch where they're all acting like old codgers comparing their childhood... "You thought you had it bad. My mother used to wake me with a rock to the cranium. We lived in a paper bag by the river..." "Luxury. We didn't even have a paper bag. We lived in a sock." Granted, life in rural Montana with a father who often drove to the store for milk... for months at a time was no party. But I have to leave the house when they start comparing stories for the thousandth damn time. Dude. Deal with it!

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2000

Mine has got to be religion, I guess. I always start out open-minded, but after a while I'm pissing people off with my impertinent questions and heathen beliefs. Anything else I can discuss without getting angry. Oh, except that I can't stand and listen to advice. I hate getting advice on stuff I already know about.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2000


Human rights violations, book burning/media censorship, Holocaust revisionists who claim it was faked (ditto moon landing revisionists who claim that was all done on a soundstage, too), cruelty to animals or children or undeserving adults, men trying to force their opinions about abortion on others when they can't possibly have one themselves (however men HAVING opinions on the subject, that doesn't bug me in the least), hypocritical religious people who say one thing and do another and then preach at people (am also peeved at any attempt to dissolve the Separation of Church and State), underinformed people spouting off about politics or parroting their parents or the TV news, perpetual victims who "yes but" you to death to avoid taking personal responsibility for whichever problems they have that they COULD do something about, people who make excuses for domestic violence, people who talk about minorities with whispers and the terms "Them", "Those People", "They", etc., people who persecute others based on what or who they do in the privacy of their own bedroom, etc.

I'm actually pretty mild mannered, and if someone behaves badly on a regular basis I disassociate myself from their company permanently. I try to see the silver lining and brighter side and half-full glass. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I admit that I don't always succeed. My hot button = anyone blithely trying to hurt others in any way. It just SETS ME OFF. The level of my ire increases with the inability of the victim or victims to defend themselves. Anyone who would torture an infant or an animal...I can't even finish the thought. But I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling utter outrage at the idea.

You hurt others when you restrict them from freedoms you enjoy and would be pissed off to lose. You hurt others when you treat them as a different species from you because they have a different sexual identity or skin color. You hurt others when you are verbally, physically or emotionally abusive to them. You hurt others when you make excuses for your own failings while being unforgiving of others' failings which are identical to your own. You hurt others when you pretend that something never really happened despite mountains of evidence that it did, and that it caused great pain and suffering to millions. You hurt others when you look the other way when human rights are violated. You hurt others when you support people who are eager to take away freedoms that we are legally entitled to. You hurt others when you behave like a bully or when you encourage bullies or support the loudest, meanest wolf or wolves in the pack because you're hoping that it will never be your turn to be the one they turn on. You hurt others when you turn a blind eye to suffering that you can do something to prevent or ameliorate.

These POVs are harder for people to understand, and I'm just trying to say that long-term compassion is better than short- term expediency or looking the other way. You hurt others when you allow yourself to be abused, because if you're allowing yourself to be beat up on, you are unable to help others if you can't or won't help yourself. If you have any options available to you that would protect yourself and you choose not to help yourself, you are doing yourself a huge disservice. If you have an addiction and you refuse to get help, or you stay in an abusive situation where your children see you getting mauled repeatedly and might be in danger themselves, that is not a kindness to you or to them. You hurt others when you enable them to continue hurting themselves by ignoring someone you know is in trouble. You hurt others when you pat yourself on the back because you handed someone a handful of change--it is easier to give someone a monetary handout versus giving them some food or donating funds / clothing / canned goods / time to reputable charities. You hurt yourself and others when you allow people to deal drugs and commit petty theft in your neighborhood without reporting it. You hurt others when you buy goods you are pretty sure are "hot", just to save a buck. You hurt others when you excuse a behavior by saying "...but everyone else is doing it" or "...just this once won't hurt" or "...no one will ever find out".

And, well, hurting other people is ROTTEN. It spreads out like a shock wave of poison, like a ripple in a puddle into which a clot of shit has been thrown, and to try and excuse oneself when one has been a stinker is to condone behaving in an inhumane and unkind manner.

And that, in a nutshell, is what pisses me off.

And since I'm not perfect and sometimes say things that aren't kind or do things that cause others direct or indirect inconvenience or avoid taking full personal responsibility for the part I have played in getting myself into a bad situation, I am not always really happy with myself, either. Because I KNOW BETTER, I think that makes it worse when I fuck up.

But that's just me.

And as far as not reading about something, that's never an option. I don't believe in censoring things from myself just because I might get upset. I think that in part I am scared that I'll become hardened to things that are unfair and wrong and hurtful, and I don't ever want that to happen. Not reading something doesn't make it non- existent. Hiding my head in the sand doesn't make it all better. So even if I know I'll get sad or angry or disgusted, I do not avoid reading anything. But I don't condemn those who choose not to read things that upset them.

-- Anonymous, October 10, 2000


I remember the first time my in-laws touched on one of my sore spots. My husband does practically nothing in the way of helping around the house. Most of the time I don't particularly care, as housework is a pretty low priority in my life too, but there's still a bit of resentment that surfaces from time to time.

My father-in-law had given my husband a shirt, which he put on one night to wear over to their house, straight out of the package. My f- i-l started ribbing me about not doing the laundry, said something to me like, "You have to wash it first, you know." I lost it, practically shouted back, "No, *I* don't have to do any more than I already do!", and gritted my teeth. They had never seen me get pigheaded about something stupid before, and this was a real eye- opener.

My current hot button is people who say the world is going to hell in a handbasket due to the inevitable poor parenting that comes from both parents working. I can't help going off on a rant when someone spouts this crap. I have a great deal of respect for families who decide one parent should stay at home, but I also expect people to respect my choices, too, as long as my child is happy, healthy and well-cared for.

People who are nostalgic for the good old days probably don't remember what those days were really like.

-- Anonymous, October 11, 2000


Oh, Mary Ellen, I know how that goes. "Since when is it my job to do EVERYTHING, damn it?!"

He's a big boy, and if he really wanted to wear a washed shirt, he surely knows where the washing machine and dryer live in your house, and how to turn the knobs and put soap in, etc. Good for you for standing up for yourself a bit.

And if those people criticizing you guys for both being working parents want to hand you enough money to stay at home with your kids, THEN they can start popping out with all the free advice and criticism, but until they walk a mile in your shoes and get a good handle on your individual situation, screw 'em. You know they aren't ever going to put their money (or time) where their big mouths are. You're the parents, you know what works best for your own family. I don't blame you for being narked off if someone presumes to tell you how to handle your own personal business.

P.S. There's a list going around on the Internet titled something like "So you want to have a child? Here's your pre-decision checklist" and it has a number of steps that supposedly simulate parenthood (including stuffing a wet, angry, squirming octopus into a mesh bag which is supoposed to simulate the experience of dressing a very young child a turtleneck sweater). One suggestion says that before you have a kid of your own, you must go around and criticize everything your friends WITH children are doing, tell them all about the latest childrearing theories and what YOU would do if YOU were the parent, and so on, and tell them exactly what they are doing wrong. Just go wild and dispense all sorts of advice on etiquette and behavior control and so on. Why? Because once you have a child of your own, you will be told by everyone that everything you are doing is wrong and you will no longer be able to be smug and think you have all the answers, so you might as well enjoy it while you can. There's some truth in that. It's easy to dispense advice from an ignorant POV, especially when you aren't the one who has to apply it, and when you aren't the one who has been sleepless for 84 hours straight while tending to a colicky baby.

-- Anonymous, October 11, 2000


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