Anyone heard any news?

-- Anonymous, September 18, 2000

Answers

Toon's Lua-lua tug of war by Alan Oliver chief Sports Writer Photo Caption: Popular choice: Now Rangers are showing interest in Lua-Lua NEWCASTLE United have been left sweating on Lomano Lua-Lua after Rangers threw their hat into the ring for the Colchester winger.

But United are still confident that their near #2 million package for the 19-year-old Zaire-born winger will see him arrive at St James's Park.

But United have definitely been thrown by the fact that Rangers have now shown an interest in Lua-Lua.

For United remember only too well what happened when they thought they had Peter Lovenkrands all tied up in a #1.5 million transfer from AB Copenhagen.

Indeed Untied felt that they lost Lovenkrands to Rangers after the intervention of football agent Dennis Roach, who has been behind a lot of deals involving the Ibrox club.

And United were furious at the part Roche played in the Duncan Ferguson affair with Bobby Robson saying the agent cost him the signing of Welsh international Craig Bellamy.

Southampton fan Roche was actually sitting not far from United chairman Freddie Shepherd at The Dell on Saturday.

Now United will be hoping Roche and Rangers do not throw a spanner into the works in their bid to sign Lua-Lua.

United are not too worried about Birmingham City's interest because they cannot offer the player Premiership football.

But they are keeping a wary eye on West Ham, especially as one of Lua- Lua's representatives is former Upton Park winger Billy Jennings.

However my view is that United will get their man - because of Mick Wadsworth and Bobby Robson.

Wadsworth was instrumental in Lua-Lua's development in his spell at Colchester while the player has been told that if one manager can bring the best out of him then that manager is Robson.

Robson did not travel back to Tyneside from Southampton on Saturday night because he was feeling under the weather.

But I saw him locked deep in conversation with Shepherd for a good 20 minutes after Saturday's usual defeat at The Dell.

Meanwhile as revealed in The Chronicle on Saturday night United are keeping tabs on Blackburn defender Christian Dailly.

But the Scottish international has to prove that he is better than the central defenders already at St James's Park.

Back in Chile Clarence Acuna is telling everyone that he will be returning to England to sign for United.

This might be the case in the future but United say that reports they have made a #2 million or indeed any bid to Acuna's club University of Chile are not true.

And United are treating with scepticism claims from Acuna's agent that he will be joining Arsenal. We want to hear your views and comments. North East Weather from the Met Office Exam Results: 2000 | 1999 NUFC Suits or Seats - Have your say!

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-- Anonymous, September 18, 2000

F'''ing Rangers are starting to piss me off with their well abundance of quality left sided midfielders and trying to nick every Toon Transfer Target.

Surely Bobby can highlight the non-appearances of Lovenkrands this season as a reminder of which team to join.

-- Anonymous, September 18, 2000

Well what do you expect? As a manager with some dosh in your pocket you find out thet YBR is interested in someone would you just sit there and say "he must be good if YBR rates him" or would you be on the phone just on the off chance. Especially when the prices are all over the papers?

The one good thing about Gullit was his ability to keep his targets to himself until the deal was done.

oooeer did I say that?

-- Anonymous, September 18, 2000

Gus - aye, which is why we lost Dion Dublin, Matt Jansen and countles other players.

-- Anonymous, September 18, 2000

Bobby can keep things quiet. We were denying any interest in Carl Cort right until he signed for us.

-- Anonymous, September 18, 2000

Not suggesting who is not keeping quiet Steph, however our targets are generally better known since Gullit left was the point!

Loevenkrands, Bellamy etc.

-- Anonymous, September 18, 2000

DIY Rumour kit, Lets forget about Lua Lua and try for Seedorf using the DIY Rumour kit:-

We've all had a feeling at some time in our football-supporting lives that one particular player would be a brilliant addition to our club. So when your manager cannot see that a player would be perfect for your team, you just have to go and sort it out yourself.

How? Simply follow our highly researched step-by-step guide for turning a rumour into reality. Within a week your favourite will be paraded at your ground.

Sunday

 Scan the Sunday papers for transfer gossip. It is important to check out who's making overtures about your player before you get the wheels in motion.  In order for all of this to work you need there to be one of three motivators hanging in the air. They are: a) he (the player) is unsettled b) he is in a contractual dispute or c) he is being pressured by his wife into moving closer to home/close to a big city/away from someone.

Monday

 Spend the morning visiting the most popular football chatrooms on the web and telling anyone who will listen that player X (your player) is definitely on his way to your club. You need to use false evidence to back up your claim. For example, you know an estate agent in the area; you heard it exclusively from a cabbie who took him to the ground.  After a few hours go back to the chatrooms. Use a different monicker and back up your previous claim - eg, "It's funny you should say X is going to Y because my uncle works at the club and he..." fill in evidence here.

Tuesday

 Scan the chatrooms to see if anyone has picked up the bait and post more messages - constantly using different aliases to make the rumour appear genuine.  Ring all the tabloids and inform the sports desks that you have it in great confidence that your player is at an advanced stage of talks with club Y. Direct them to the chat room.  Sit back and wait for tommorow's papers.

Wednesday

 Study the papers for your leak. The best you can hope for at this point is a piece in which the clubs involved totally deny anything is going on.  Phone up a nationwide sports radio phone-in and discuss the move with the presenter.  As always, sincerity is the key and you need to have a prepared answer to deal with every question. Spend time inventing your evidence. If desperate resort to the emergency evidence option - 'well, of course, he has been a fan of (club X) since he was a kid...'

Thursday

 By now, the managers of the two clubs will have heard of the rumour and may well be distancing themselves from it. Don't worry, this is perfectly normal.  Phone up the sports department of a major satellite broadcaster and reiterate your 'inside knowledge'. Again, you don't ask for money or want any credit - you are doing them a favour by telling them. If they say that they already are aware of the situation, politely say your goodbyes and relax safe in the knowledge that your rumour is spreading across the country.

Friday

 If everything is going to plan, the two chairmen involved should be in contact with each other to find out why the rumour has spread and what, if anything, they are going to do about it. This process will hopefully enlighten both parties into believing that the transfer may actually be beneficial to them.  It is at this point that one or more of the three 'motivators' will kick in - a) he is unsettled, b) he is in a contractual dispute or c) he is being pressured by his wife into moving closer to home/close to a big city/away from someone.

Saturday

 Talk of a possible transfer reaches all the 'papers. The chairman who currently 'owns' the player is now talking about how valuable he is to the team - a sure sign that negotiations are under way.

Sunday

 Sit back and relax.

Monday

 Check the football news. You will see that player X is currently undergoing a medical at your training ground.  In the late afternoon your club announce a press conference and unveil their new big-money signing to the world's media, his beaming wife by his side. Satisfied with a good job well done, you may now sit back, relax, and start working out how to get ten more as good as him to your club.

-- Anonymous, September 18, 2000

It all becomes clear now, thanks Rik. It's obviously Dougal who is trying to flog us Lua Lua and LePoof. Can't ya lift your sights a little higher pet?

My mate waters the plants at St. James Park and he swears blind that Rivaldo was there last night with a Halifax property brochure under his arm. Seems his wife has a contract on her life and they see Newcastle as the perfect escape. He's been a Toon fan ever since his dad bought him a Greenalls shirt mistaking it for the new Juventus top. An unoffical website in Brazil (can't remember the URL) quoted him as saying, "It is my ambition to play soccer at the highest level, to be in the same side as my heroes Bartino and Speedaldo would be a dream come true for me".

-- Anonymous, September 19, 2000

Niall and Biffa quote a Colchester press release stating they have accepted NUFC's #2.25M offer. They did not want to let him go but have considered his and his family's position.

-- Anonymous, September 19, 2000