BBS Corinthian League Match 29

The penultimate league game is from 18 March 1996, West Ham at SJP, we won 3-0 after a sensational display from Tino. After several near misses from Ginola and Sir Les, Tino got the ball inside the box and gave it the gentlest touch to turn it onto the onrushing foot of Albert who buried it. The second was all Tino where Dowie had poleaxed Howey and Tino used the diversion to race down the wing, cut inside and chip the keeper for his first goal at SJP. The third goal saw Tino take up a position at the far post as a Howey header looped across and he nodded back in to Sir Les who battered it in with those extraordinary neck muscles of his. Quite a bounce back after the Cantona miskick the game before.

Points Srnicek 7 Barton 2 Watson 1 (sub) Beresford 2 Batty 2 Howey 2 Albert 6 (goal) Lee 2 Ginola 2 Beardsley 2 Ferdinand 4 (goal) Asprilla 4 (goal)

Results: Match 29

BBS Premier Corinthian League

Athletico Backworth	1-4	Brewery Droopers United
Borussia Canwehaveourballbach	0-0	Dabizas Pleazas
Beardo United	3-4	Duncan's Disorderlies
Barton's Samba	6-3	MacBeth's Marauders
Proper Lard Unathletic	4-6	Toon Goons
Steph's Superstars	1-0	Wallsend Old Boys
MinesaS&N Academicals	2-0	Woodstock County
Pilgrim's Converts	0-1	Yelli's Yobs

BBS Notionless League Division 1

Baxter Basics	4-0	Corinthian Smart-Casuals
Chevy's Choppers	4-0	Dudley Boys
Carlisle United Revisited	5-0	Howdon Harriers
Blaydon Racers	1-1	ITK Heaton World Beaters
Quantum Mechanicals	2-3	Screacher's Creatures
Real Zaragossy	0-3	Spayne
Jessie's High Pants	4-3	The Gallowgate
Pete's Porkie Pies	3-0	The Stellar Warriors

BBS Notionless League Division 2

Bewildered De Builders	3-0	FC Forget-Me-Nots
Douglas All Boys (B) Team	6-2	FC Jumpers for Goal Posts
Doomed United	7-1	Gallowgateaserai
Ceptic	0-1	Preston Big End
Shilbottle WMC	2-6	Superstitious FC
SS Enterprise	0-6	The Entertainers
Real Seghill	0-2	Toon Gutter Snipes
Sexy Boys	0-2	Unaccountable Wild-elf Bottles

BBS Premier Corinthian League Table

Position	Team	Manager	Won	Dwn	Lst	G/F	G/A	G/Dif	Points
1	Pilgrim's Converts	Pilgrim	17	7	5	69	37	32	58
2	MinesaS&N Academicals	muzzainoz	17	5	7	65	37	28	56
3	Brewery Droopers United	Windy	17	2	10	66	41	25	53
4	Yelli's Yobs	Yelli	14	8	7	64	49	15	50
5	Steph's Superstars	Steph	13	6	10	52	45	7	45
6	Beardo United	Beardo	12	5	12	70	58	12	41
7	Borussia Canwehaveourballbach	SMB	11	7	11	58	57	1	40
8	Toon Goons	Ciara	11	7	11	55	54	1	40
9	Athletico Backworth	Jonno	10	9	10	49	50	-1	39
10	Dabizas Pleazas	PeteT	11	6	12	36	54	-18	39
11	Barton's Samba	Barton	10	6	13	41	59	-18	36
12	Proper Lard Unathletic	Tony Green jnr	9	6	14	48	53	-5	33
13	Duncan's Disorderlies	Dunx	9	5	15	40	54	-14	32
14	Woodstock County	Cliff	8	5	16	39	46	-7	29
15	MacBeth's Marauders	MacBeth	7	8	14	39	63	-24	29
16	R Wallsend Old Boys	Hiro	8	4	17	41	74	-33	28

Hard lines to the Wallsend Old Boys who finally failed in their bid to avoid relegation, but the main talking point is that runaway league-leaders, Pilgrim's Converts, might possibly throw it all away on the last day of the season!

BBS Notionless League Division 1 Table

Position	Team	Manager	Won	Dwn	Lst	G/F	G/A	G/Dif	Points
1	C Howdon Harriers	Softie	17	4	8	67	42	25	55
2	The Stellar Warriors	Galaxy	15	6	8	61	50	11	51
3	Quantum Mechanicals	True	14	8	7	61	42	19	50
4	Carlisle United Revisited	Scratchy	14	6	9	60	45	15	48
5	Baxter Basics	Baxter	14	4	11	51	47	4	46
6	Blaydon Racers	Geordie	11	10	8	54	46	8	43
7	Screacher's Creatures	Screacher	11	9	9	61	53	8	42
8	Jessie's High Pants	Loony Toon	12	3	14	39	47	-8	39
9	Pete's Porkie Pies	Pete in Canada	10	8	11	33	33	0	38
10	Spayne	Kevin Koogan (Garcie)	10	7	12	47	55	-8	37
11	The Gallowgate	Kegsy	11	4	14	46	65	-19	37
12	ITK Heaton World Beaters	ITK	10	6	13	28	42	-14	36
13	Real Zaragossy	Dr Bill	10	5	14	53	57	-4	35
14	R Dudley Boys	Hayley	8	7	14	35	51	-16	31
15	R Corinthian Smart-Casuals	The Geordie Jew	8	6	15	36	54	-18	30
16	R Chevy's Choppers	Chevy	6	9	14	41	55	-14	27

Howdon Harriers had the baffling experience of being on the wrong end of a 5-0 drubbing only to be declared Division champions due to results elsewhere going their way. Their manager, Softie, however, forbade the drinking of champagne and described their performance as woeful. Commiserations to Chevy's Choppers, Corinthian Smart-Casuals and Dudley Boys who were all relegated today.

BBS Notionless League Division 2 Table

Position	Team	Manager	Won	Dwn	Lst	G/F	G/A	G/Dif	Points
1	C FC Jumpers for Goal Posts	Tom	18	7	4	73	33	40	61
2	Preston Big End	clarky	17	4	8	62	41	21	55
3	Shilbottle WMC	Gus	15	8	6	56	41	15	53
4	The Entertainers	Kevin Keegan	14	6	9	93	50	43	48
5	Douglas All Boys (B) Team	Gibbo	13	6	10	68	60	8	45
6	Superstitious FC	Gav	12	8	9	72	65	7	44
7	Toon Gutter Snipes	Tre	13	5	11	50	62	-12	44
8	Unaccountable Wild-elf Bottles	Josh	13	4	12	53	63	-10	43
9	Real Seghill	Juano	11	8	10	54	46	8	41
10	SS Enterprise	Elliot	11	7	11	51	47	4	40
11	FC Forget-Me-Nots	Robby Bobson	11	4	14	36	55	-19	37
12	Bewildered De Builders	De Builder	10	5	14	62	67	-5	35
13	Gallowgateaserai	Pit Bill	9	6	14	38	52	-14	33
14	Doomed United	Dougal	9	4	16	43	51	-8	31
15	Sexy Boys	Ruud Gullit	7	2	20	32	64	-32	23
16	Ceptic	TSM	6	2	21	23	79	-56	20

Still only the title in this division decided, as Ceptic have a mathematical chance of staying up if they win their final game by 24 goals and the Sexy Boys lose. TSM announced that he couldn't have asked any more of his boys and that he was delighted with their performance this season.

Those final fixtures are:

Fixtures: Match 30

BBS Premier Corinthian League

Duncan's Disorderlies	Vs	Athletico Backworth
Dabizas Pleazas	Vs	Barton's Samba
Brewery Droopers United	Vs	Beardo United
MacBeth's Marauders	Vs	Borussia Canwehaveourballbach
Toon Goons	Vs	MinesaS&N Academicals
Wallsend Old Boys	Vs	Pilgrim's Converts
Woodstock County	Vs	Proper Lard Unathletic
Yelli's Yobs	Vs	Steph's Superstars

BBS Notionless League Division 1

Howdon Harriers	Vs	Baxter Basics
Dudley Boys	Vs	Blaydon Racers
Corinthian Smart-Casuals	Vs	Carlisle United Revisited
ITK Heaton World Beaters	Vs	Chevy's Choppers
Screacher's Creatures	Vs	Jessie's High Pants
Spayne	Vs	Pete's Porkie Pies
The Gallowgate	Vs	Quantum Mechanicals
The Stellar Warriors	Vs	Real Zaragossy

BBS Notionless League Division 2

Gallowgateaserai	Vs	Bewildered De Builders
FC Jumpers for Goal Posts	Vs	Ceptic
FC Forget-Me-Nots	Vs	Doomed United
Preston Big End	Vs	Douglas All Boys (B) Team
Superstitious FC	Vs	Real Seghill
The Entertainers	Vs	Sexy Boys
Toon Gutter Snipes	Vs	Shilbottle WMC
Unaccountable Wild-elf Bottles	Vs	SS Enterprise

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2000

Answers

Howdon Harriers had the baffling experience of being on the wrong end of a 5-0 drubbing only to be declared Division champions due to results elsewhere going their way.

and if you believe that you will believ you can knit fog!

Well done Softie....congratulations on a fine and well fought league win. (choke, throttle, choke!)

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2000

Dang. Pay no attention to the lads for weeks, and come back to see they've beaten relegation and now scored bucketloads of goals! May have to re-think my plan of scrapping the entire side and starting fresh next season.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2000

Admit it Softie, yer machine's been knobbled!

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2000

By the Way why did you decide to play next weeks fixtures this week and vice- versa? By my reckoning the Converts should have been away to Wallsend Old Boys. It might not have made a difference to us, but they would probably still be in with a shout of avoiding relegation.

I knew it was a fix! :o))

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2000

Sorry Gus.... ;)))

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2000

I agree with you Pilgrim. A clear fix!
I can't believe my lads have to win the last game now to ensure a play-off place.
gutted.... grrrrrrrr!!!!

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2000

Yeah Geordie,

While I'm pretty sure we'd have lost to Wallsend Old Boys with that particular match coming out, I'll bet that Minnesa S & N would have got well and truly tw@tted by Toon Goons, who scored 6 away from home - We'd have been champions :-((

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2000

In fact Geordie, you should have played the Dudley Boys, who I note suffered a 4-0 defeat while Screacher Should have played Jessie's High Pants, who scored 4.

Come on Softie - where are you when I'm looking for a good argument????? :))

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2000

Pilgrim,
I reckon we've a good case to take to the Committee.
Sadly, we do not have a good committee to take our case to :-((

enjoy your final match against an already relegated side. History has shown that this is not a walkover!!

Bloomin 'eck... just realise our last game is away to a doomed side as well!!

Dear Mr Southerner,
I know my chairman Lord Eastcopse wanted me to concentrate on team affairs and not get involved in club matters I'd just like to s....
....agghhh.......

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2000

Yesterday's games were delayed by the fuel crisis and had to be put back...

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2000

Hee Hee Geordie!

I suppose we could appeal to FIFA - but they'd probably say we have to give all our players away over 23, go to Brazil to play in a dodgy tournament and that the BBSCL will take place in South Africa next season!

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2000

Helloooo Softie.

And here we are once again on Call My Bluff and today's phrase is:

"I changed the last two matches around because":

Sandi Toksvig - "I got completely mixed up due to lack of sleep and excitement with welcoming young Bobby into the world"

Alan Coren - "I wanted to make sure the Howden Harriers won their league, the Converts didn't win the championship and the Blaydon Racers missed the play-offs 'cos they're whinging B@stards"

Softie - "Yesterday's games were delayed by the fuel crisis and had to be put back..."

OK viewers, let's have your votes. Who has given the true reason and who is bluffing?

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2000

Right. That's it. Two seasons, two relegations. I can't even find my team anymore - lost the email. Anyway, please, Softie, go through my sorry squad and tell me where I've gone wrong. Which of my apparently fine players have actually failed to score week in and week out? Why am I getting this so badly wrong? *Sob Sob*

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2000

Oh, the poetry of Doomed United beating a Pit Bill side 7-1.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2000

Pilgrim, good luck next round. Am sure you'll be crowned a deserving champion regardless of match fixing, bung receiving committees (wot committee ??), floodlight failures and Asian betting syndicates scandals which may unfold. Kidden aside congrats to El softerino on another great comp.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2000

Just have to give you a hiding in the play offs to make up for it then. The permutation for me is to beat Tre and Gibbo to to win!

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2000

Gus,

I'm not even looking at a play off place yet mate.....got Seghill in the next game and I HAVE to win to guarantee my play off place....

-- Anonymous, September 16, 2000

Cheers Muzzainoz,

I've got a crick in my neck with looking over my shoulder at you!

I don't reckon we've any chance of winning the title now. I'm going to be the KK of the BBSCL and blow a ten point lead (with a little help from that damned RNG - which started stuffing me about the same time that the Howden Harriers began their amazing charge up the league - coincidence? deja vue?).

It would be un-poetic and unromantic for you not to win after that amazing charge so I'm expecting the worst. Whoever heard of anybody being hailed as a hero for turning a racing certainty into a narrow shave. If I won I'd just be a lucky B@stard and the gods don't like that (Shades of Terry Pratchett here methinks) :o))

Not that I'm bitter mind. (Shazzin Razzin Frazzin Rick Rastardly......)

Anyway may the best team win (At least in our league - obviously that didn't apply in div 1)! :o))

-- Anonymous, September 16, 2000