I realize this topic has nothing to do with CPR. I hope you'll forgive me.

In about four weeks, I'm going to start using Norplant. Does anyone have any experience with this?

-- Alice in Wonder Bra (alice@wonder.bra), September 12, 2000

Answers

I haven't tried it but I am absolutely certain it would work for me and prevent my becoming pregnant.

I strongly suspect (even though there is no clinical data for this) that the same would be true for all men though a clear chemical hormonal balance in Male Doom Zombies might neutralize the Norplant and this could result in a rather unusual "next generation" of Doom Zombies.

-- cpr (buytexas@swbell.net), September 12, 2000.

For anyone that doesn't know, Norplant is a set of six silicone sticks implanted in the upper arm that acts as a contraceptive for a period of five years.

-- Alice in Wonder Bra (alice@wonder.bra), September 12, 2000.

Yeah, that stuff works great! Come on over, I'll show ya!

-- BJ Clinton (have@meat.cigar), September 12, 2000.

I know someone who once posted here who uses the Norplant. I will E- mail her this link and it will be up to her to respond if she chooses. The main complaint I've heard from her is that one gains weight. If you're skinny now, that's a good side-affect. If you're not, you COULD become heavier. [I'm assuming there that it affects all women differently.]

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), September 12, 2000.

"six silicone sticks implanted in the upper arm"

I don't know if it will work as a contraceptive, but you'll probably be able to collect a few $$ million on a lawsuit in a few years.

-- F. Lee Bailey (go4it@fuckyourself.up), September 13, 2000.

Hey Alice-

Where ya been? Nice to see you back.

FWIW, I can only tell of two of the females at work who have undergone the process/side effects. #1 gained 80# post norplant, then her body rejected the implants. She had numerous other female related side effects. By the time they removed the implants she was up 120#. #2 went on reject within 3 weeks, and had to have them removed immediately.

If I were you, I would seek info on the net to look for contraindications, so that you may be aware of anything that comes up for you, post implant. Best of luck to you!

-- Aunt Bee (Aunt__Bee@hotmail.com), September 13, 2000.

Alice, I know several women who complained of post-Norplant weight gain (minimum was 50 pounds), headaches, and menstrual problems. I've heard similar complaints about the birth control shot that is given once every three months. While Norplant would keep most men from becoming pregnant, so would castration and there would be no unpleasant side effects. You might consider doing that instead.

-- helen (b@t.p), September 13, 2000.

Hmmm. I know a couple of women who've had Norplant and neither had a massive weight gain. However, I've also heard that there are nasty side effects out there, so please let me know what you've heard.

My doctor told me the side effects I should expect with Norplant would be no worse than I had with the pill, which were nil. My ideal would be to get my tubes tied, but I'm having trouble finding a doctor who will do it because I am under 30 and don't have children. My second thought was to get an IUD, but I have a contact allergy to copper, so that's right out.

-- Alice in Wonder Bra (alice@wonder.bra), September 13, 2000.

Three women at work (early 30s) tried them. Two had them taken out after 4-5 months: weight gain and headaches. The other one kept hers for nearly a year and then got married and wanted to have children. As far as I know, the third didn't have any side effects. She doesn't work here now (she's a stay at home mom at the moment), or I'd pass on your post.

-- (kb8um8@yahoo.com), September 13, 2000.

If you tell your doctor that you were an abused child and don't what to spread the cycle of abuse, that usually convinces them to tie your tubes, but given all the snitching that goes on to the government, you may not want that option.

-- (kb8um8@yahoo.com), September 13, 2000.

I had a particularly good childhood and I'm close with my parents. I would feel very uncomfortable implying they had abused me, even in this context. I just don't want to have kids, and if I ever change my mind, I can always adopt (I am adopted myself and have always thought it would be better to adopt than bring more children into the world). My partner feels the same way I do, but he's squeamish about getting a vasectomy.

-- Alice in Wonder Bra (alice@wonder.bra), September 13, 2000.

First off, Anita, thank you for the link.

Actually I'm on the Depo Provera, which is the birth control shot...and I have been using the shot for over 7 years now. VERY happy with it! VERY. You DO gain weight, about 5-7 lbs a year for each year your on it..which in my case has added up to about 40 pounds. If your a happily married individual, you probably won't care all that much at this point in your life. I'm 37, who do I need to impress anymore? That said, the shot is painless, convienent, and relatively cheap compared to both the pill AND the Norplants. Each shot costs me $50...so..$200 a year.

Also, after you're on it for about 3 months, you stop getting a period and it doesn't come back till you stop the shots...so..I haven't had a period in 7 years. I would say thats a BIG PLUS! I would recommend the SHOT to anyone who was considering it.

While I personally have no experience with Norplants, I know two women who have them. One wishes she didn't...the other has expressed no complaints. I would seriously consider the shot over the implants, BUT, if you're getting them for FREE..then I would do it.

-- kritter (kritter@adelphia.net), September 13, 2000.

Kritter, ACK! Menstruation may have a role in the female immune system. I can't remember the name of the OB/GYN who wrote a book about her theory, but she thinks menstruation is necessary for all pre-menopausal women. It isn't a good thing to stop when you're so young.

-- helen (b@t.r), September 13, 2000.

And then there was the nervous seamstress---she couldn't mend straight.

-- (nemesis@awol.com), September 13, 2000.

I read a report recently that said modern women would be healthier if they stopped having their periods so often. Apparently, a drug is being researched to allow women to have menses four times a year. The theory is based on the fact that women begin the menstruate earlier than ever, have fewer babies, and live longer, so we end up menstruating much more often than what we would naturally, and end up losing a lot more blood.

-- Alice in Wonder Bra (alice@wonder.bra), September 13, 2000.

...and she was constantly dealing with pricks...

>:) (sorry, nemesis...it was there...)

-- helen (b@t.u), September 13, 2000.

Alice, just stay knocked up. That works for me.

-- helen (b@t.v), September 13, 2000.

LOL Helen!

-- Alice in Wonder Bra (alice@wonder.bra), September 13, 2000.

Alice

Do a lot of soul searching and prayer first; then if you still want your tubes tied go to a foreign born gynecologist. They usually don't have a problem with permanate birth control.

-- r (r.1@juno.com), September 13, 2000.

Sheeesh, and they wonder why we don't want them to vote.

-- (uncs@cousin.goober), September 13, 2000.

And then there was the nervous typist---she missed her period.

-- (nemesis@awol.com), September 13, 2000.

LOL! This whole thread is pretty funny,..the first reply from the pretend cpr was hysterical in and of itself.

Alice, really do consider the shot before you get the implants. Its very very easy and convienent..I promise!

Helen..I swear I asked my doctor about that once, because I too heard that having a period is how the body clears out any bacteria laden inner linings (carefully chosen non medical kritter type words) etc...but he said that the body is always taking care of those kinds of things and not having a period is not going to change that.

It was one less thing I had to worry about for y2k too..heh.

-- kritter (kritter@adelphia.net), September 13, 2000.

Alice, here's my experience with tubal ligation:

I'm so old that people think this last kid is my grandchild. I'm so old that I went to the GYN thinking I was entering menopause, not starting my second trimester. I have a college degree (never mind how I got it, the doctor didn't know my academic secret), and I had spelled D-A-M-N professionally which means I'm smart. I have more kids than the national average number of pet rabbits per household. I was using birth control when I got pregnant. I absolutely certain that if I survived birthing yet again, I sure didn't want to do that any more. I had reached an age where birth defect rates skyrocket. I had reached an age where I needed arthritis meds to make it through the day and couldn't use them because of the baby. Besides all that, I had finally gotten my figure back and I was unhappy at the notion of maternity clothes all over again. Any woman knows the last reason was the most important of all.

I asked for a tubal ligation. You would think that a logical, responsible request.

I had to go to "counseling". "Counseling" was a process whereby I told them all of the above reasons for not wishing to become pregnant again and the counselor asked "are you SURE?" over and over. At the end of "counseling", I signed the papers stating that I understood tubal ligation meant I could never become pregnant again and by the way I might die during surgery. I was willing to risk death.

Every time I had a prenatal appointment -- elderly pregnant women are seen more frequently than younger pregnant women because things break, like hips, etc -- every time I saw someone about the pregnancy, that person was "required to counsel" me about my tubal ligation decision.

In order to avoid lawsuits in litigious America, they had to assess my future mental state and desire to reproduce based on my current mental state and desire to wear a size 3 for the rest of my life.

I tried to be patient, but I'm old and cranky.

I started dropping my pants to prove the gray hair on my head didn't come from a bottle. They were unimpressed. I threatened to name any subsequent babies after them. They continued to "counsel". We were coming down the homestretch and they still hadn't approved my request. They said I had to go to some other building and talk to "the committee". I waddled over, stopping to rest on my cane every ten feet.

"The committee" was made up of three women in the psychological services division. The first one didn't move fast enough and I had her. "You listen to me," I rasped in my quavery old voice, "how would YOU like to be in my shoes?" I loosened my grip on her throat enough to let her answer. She asked me if I was SURE. I shook her a little to prove my enthusiam, and my papers were approved.

A guy my age would never have had that much trouble getting a vasectomy. Society assumes all women wish to give birth all the time, while men wish to avoid being "trapped" by an unwanted pregnancy.

Alice, if you're SURE you don't want to give birth, keep looking for a licensed and board-certified doctor who is willing to perform a tubal ligation. I promise you that if you choose to adopt later, you will love that child as much as any you birthed.

-- helen (b@t.v), September 13, 2000.

Helen, I'm not so brave to doubt your word, but your experience was very different from our own.

While our second kid was on the way, we agreed that if she had a C- section she would get her tubes tied. If she didn't, I'd get a vasectomy. In the end, she got the C-section and the ligation. We told the docs while they were wheeling her in, and they said "no problem, it's another $750 though."

This was 10 years ago, maybe things have changed that much since then?

Yes, I would have gone through with it.

-- Dirt Road (got.it@got.WAY.beyond.it), September 13, 2000.

Thanks for your story Helen. That was hilarious! Did you ever manage to get your tubal ligation?

Ironically enough, I only actually have one fallopian tube. A couple of years ago, I had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured. I had to be rushed to the emergency room with my partner in tow. The doctor asked me at that time if I would like to have my other tube tied as well. I was about 26 at the time and had never thought about it (though I already knew I didn't want to have biological children), and was in a great deal of pain, so foolishly I said no. I just didn't want to deal with that at the time. After I got out of the hospital, when I found out that certain antibiotics and herbs can render birth control pills useless (which is how I got pregnant in the first place), I realized what a mistake I'd made.

-- Alice in Wonder Bra (alice@wonder.bra), September 13, 2000.

Dirt Road, maybe in the last ten years the medical establishment has run into women wanting tubal ligation reversed more often. Second marriages?

Alice, I got mine. And I met three women who had undergone tubal ligation who subsequently got pregnant again. One got pregnant with twins. I tell you the nightmares are awful...

nemesis...you got me hung up on that one. Can't top it.

-- helen (b@t.w), September 13, 2000.

Alice, I'm a granny now. But I had my only child before I was 22. I didn't want anymore kids. And I decided there was no way I was going to take birth control pills for the next 20 to 30 years. I had bandaid surgery. I made sure the tubes were cut, not tied. That way there is no chance of an unwanted pregnancy. It was simple. No after effects, and I was free.

Of course my male doctor, the asshole, wouldn't even consider it. So I changed to a woman doctor, who understood how I felt, agreed with me, and that was that.

-- gilda (jess@listbot.com), September 13, 2000.

Now I had an unplanned C-section, and this was just 7 years ago, and I also asked to have my tubes tied at that time, but the doctor wouldn't consent to it because they had already given me pain medication at that point, and I might not be thinking with a clear mind. Bummer.

-- kritter (kritter@adelphia.net), September 13, 2000.