What action figures would you buy, if they made them?

-- Anonymous, September 12, 2000

Answers

- G. Gordon Liddy, as well as all the other major Watergate Conspirators. I'd shell out for a special "Plumbers" unit, complete with bugging devices and all. And Women of Watergate dolls- Tricia and Julie and Pat, not to mention Martha and Mo. But I think these would appeal to a limited audience.

-Iron Chef. Complete with a Stadium Kitchen. I'd take Iron Chef Kobe into work with me.

That's all I've really given a lot of thought to. Although they did answer my prayers with the JFK/PT-109 GI Joe.

-- Anonymous, September 12, 2000

Iron Chef-Bwa! I love it! I would get that too. I'd also buy a bunch of Bobby Flay dolls and stick them on my grill.. That was probably too personal.

I'd like Ab Fab dolls too...so I could dress them. but that's not really action figure, is it?

-- Anonymous, September 12, 2000

Oh, I think shopping, drinking, and falling out of cabs constitute action. I mean, those are pretty much my only non-sedentary activities.

-- Anonymous, September 12, 2000

Brittany Spears and NSYNC action figures so I could stick them on the grill of my van and let the bugs splatter all over them or put them on the frirehydrant in front of my house so the dogs would have a target. james

-- Anonymous, September 12, 2000

James, you have your choice of three (!) Britney Spears dolls to tie to the front of your truck. Go to TRU or Tower Records or SEARS and take your pick.

-- Anonymous, September 12, 2000

Drat. I hit return too fast.

I second the AbFab suggestion! That rocks!

And I'd love a Young Ones set, complete with nearly- condemned apartment playset, hamster, lentil pot, hammer and nails, scary toilet, demented landlord, etc.

I'd like a set of the Sandman characters from the Neil Gaiman books. Making passably interesting "Deaths" and "Dementias" out of most fashion dolls wouldn't be impossible, especially now that they have more with black and funky-colored hair available now, but, uh, trying to emulate the gaunt majesty of Morpheus with, say, G.I. Joe or Ken? Um, not. I'd prefer an official set done by Todd McFarlane. (It's possible that I just don't know that they are out there, for that matter. I haven't been pining so intently that I'd hunt for any.)

I'd settle for the Vertigo Tarot, actually, which DOES exist.

I'd also like to see The Avengers (not the modern film bomb version, either), as they would also rock.

-- Anonymous, September 12, 2000

I'd buy the Ab Fab set. Just think of the clothes! And I'd love to see what the little bottles of drank and dope paraphenalia would look like.

I'd really dig sets of mythological figures, like the Greek pantheon, complete with the various monsters. That would be beyond cool. And how about a peacemakers set? Ghandi, Jesus, Dr King...ooh how about Hindi gods? Those would be icy. Mm hm. Heroes of Black History! That'd be a good one. Women in History! For those of us who've outgrown the American Girl dolls (or whose parents couldn't afford to buy them)...

-- Anonymous, September 13, 2000

Oh, Starmama, good idea with the Hindu action figures! The Ganesh figure would drink milk. I'd spring for those.

-- Anonymous, September 13, 2000

I'd buy the Iron Chef action figures in a heartbeat!

I've stolen this idea from MightyBigTV, but I want the Talking Rudy Action Figure from Survivor. You pull the little cord and he says things like: "I dunno." "It could happen if they had any brains, but I don't think they have any brains." "I like him, but not in a homosexual kind of way." "He's fat, but he's good."

-- Anonymous, September 13, 2000

First ladies would be pretty kickass. I'd line them all up and have them make fun of Nancy Reagan.

-- Anonymous, September 13, 2000

Just as long as Marie Alexander doesn't make any more "First Lady" themed dolls, I'll be happy. For example, until I saw the Marie ALexander versions, I didn't know "Jackie O" was a toddler while she was First Lady.

Then again, I'm not keen on Marie Alexander dolls in the first place, so forgive my snarkiness about them.

-- Anonymous, September 13, 2000

Scrnwrt, you kick ass. I would so love to have a tiny Kaga to play with.

When I saw the topic title, the first thing I thought was "Miss Manners". I'm lame like that.

How about the British Royals in battle gear? Like Queen E could be a big transformer or something. Or Prince Charles would be the big body, with Queen E sitting in a tiny dome on top of him, functioning as his brain.

-- Anonymous, September 13, 2000

Queen E the Transformer--oh, *howl*! She and Queen M would have to each have matching hats and handbags, too.

-- Anonymous, September 13, 2000

A Miss Manners would be pretty darn cool. You could carry it around with you, and when you see people behaving tackily, just pull it out of your pocketbook. One glimpse of Miss Manners and they'd straighten right up.

Oh, and it's *Madam* Alexander. Her Celine Dion is the most horrifying thing I've ever seen. Ever. Although I totally called my mother's set of original Madam Alexander Little Women dolls. I made her write it into her will.

-- Anonymous, September 13, 2000

Are there King of the Hill action figures? I totally want some. Bobby Hill is my personal saviour.

-- Anonymous, September 13, 2000

Madam Alexander...oops! Shows ya just how fond I am of them, I can't even get the poor woman's name right. ;)

-- Anonymous, September 13, 2000

Okay, I've been visualizing the Simon LeBon Action Figure (you knew it was coming, didn't you?)... wind it up and it trips and injures itself! Wind it up again and it jumps on an already-full bandwagon! Look, it comes with a special feature so's you can see it's Boy Thingy bounce around underwearless as you make Action Simon pretend to sing and dance onstage....

Man, Milla's much better at this than me (remember the Duran Gigapets?). Over to you, hon, if you have it in you....

-- Anonymous, September 13, 2000

I thought nika et al came up with the Gigapet joke, Dwannie. :) What was it...Duragotchi? I just dug up the link to the Tamagothi, which I think set her off creatively. There's a Punkemon spoof by the same programmer/author out now, too. Yikes.

-- Anonymous, September 13, 2000

Okay, now I have to go to Toys R Us or whatever so I can see the Celine atrocity for myself.

Maggie, would you want your Bobby to come with a tiny, kissable styrofoam head?

Those Star Trek Barbies and Kens were bitchin'.

-- Anonymous, September 13, 2000

I want action figures of all the women on the View. I would do things with them. Unnatural things. I would bone up on my voodoo... Perhaps it's best they don't exist.

-- Anonymous, September 13, 2000

Too funny. This thread reminds me of the movie "Waiting for Guffman", where the lead character Corky has his own set of "My Dinner with Andre" action figures.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2000

I'd like to have a Martha Stewart doll and a Gracie Slick one so I could handcuff them together and watch. Ee-e-eew, that'd be so cool. More fun than going to Walmart drunk with your zipper at halfmast and catching all these appraising looks you misinterpret.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2000

Oh Geez, Jill. "My Dinner With Andre"? Action figures? Whew. Does one come with its own electric blanket? :-)

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2000

If I had a Lisa Ling action figure, I'd just throw it against the wall a few times.

Bubba, it's not that I was looking at you in disgust -- it's just that I couldn't tell if your zipper was full of lint or rust.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2000

http://www.etoys.com/prod/toy/50306241

I just love how Celine Dion is the most angular sack of bones around, and this doll is so cherubic.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2000

They are making Charlie's Angels dolls, Gwen. The Lucy Liu doll looks a lot more like Lisa Ling (maybe because she's in red?) than Lucy. Maybe it's just me.

(The other two also look nothing like the actresses they are supposed to look like, alas, so anyone wanting to stick pins in Drew Barrymore can save their cash.)

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2000

Ooh -- Charlie's Angels dolls...

Okay, that Celine Dion one looks so unlike Celine Dion, it's unreal. It looks like Winnie from The Wonder Years. Since when was Celine's hair that long?

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2000

Cherubic indeed. Oh well. I guess a glittery popsicle stick with eyelashes wouldn't sell, though.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2000

How about inaction figures?
"Slacker Couchsurfer comes with remote, snackies and fuzzy bunny slippers!"
"Shri Om-a-nanda comes with prayer hanky, mala, orange diaper and Magic-Grow[tm] pigtail!"
"Dude Bongsnurfer has 'tobacco' pipe, piles of Phish and Dead paraphenalia, a Mr. Smiley tee shirt, rockin' cargo shorts, Jesus mandals and a real 'fern' you can grow yourself (grow-lite not included)."

"Lady Bipsy Gottbucks is looking sharp in her matching pastel designer label suit, pastel premium brand eyeshadow, pastel designer logo pumps, and pastel non-designer poodle (can be stored inside pastel designer logo handbag)! Collect all four Ladies Who Lunch!"

"The Awakenings playset! Choose your favorite charismatic sleeping sickness patient. L-DOPA not included."

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2000

I have a friend on the internet who is making a set of Survivor dolls. She's put a lot of thought into it! I want Talking Survivor Dolls! BB could grumble "kids today", Stacey could whine "You changed your vote!" Rudy would say "Not in a homosexual way, that's fur damn sure", and Gervase could snore, and Greg could talk into a coconut phone, and, and Sean could spout ditzy isms, and the BEST would be Rich! Cause he'd to a Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity Immunity Dance! Oh, hurray!

Did I go overboard?

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2000

Milla, I love it! Your mind is baroque and wondermous. Must be a fun place to live. NOTE TO GWEN: I'm tagged! When I go to Walmart after 5 or 6 beers on Saturdays, I dig around in the dirty clothes to find my special "Who gives a shit?" shorts and my "Caution: CRS PILOT!" t- shirt. If I get bored while my wife's shopping, I wander over to the lingerie department and tell the nice white prune lady I want something special for my wife with extra strong fabric. So it can stand up to being ripped off and flung aside repeatedly. Lepoard spots are nice. That way she can be in character in case I decide to do my "Honky Tarzan in Lust" skit. (A real crowd pleaser at our house, altho it HAS been in syndication for some time now.)

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2000

does any one know if they make kathie lee gifford dolls?

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2000

Yes, my child, they do. And a wonderful collection of accessories to boot. You have your choice of Slug-in-a-suit guy doll with aging Bimbo and two-way mirror set. And then there's the Love Boat complete with tight-pants Latin waiters who will meet you later in the state- room (discounts for senior widow coupons included). Or you may prefer the little brown teenagers set that comes with sewing machines, complimentary No-Doz, and leg irons. The oh-so-precious-perfect children set is sold out, unfortunately. I understand the New Black Pathers did a warehouse buy-out. They use them as motivational targets during their weekly WeAimsToPlease and Friendship Society meetings.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2000

Oh, gosh, my house is so crowded with action figures now I can hardly imagine more of 'em. But, if I had to, I think I'd want anti-Barbies to nullify the forces of Barbie that currently are taking over my space. Like an overweight Barbie who writes bad poetry, dyes her hair black and sneaks cigarettes behind the Dream House. Or hardworking ethnic stereotype Barbie who has to work the register at the Dollar Store after school instead of going to cheerleading practice. Or maybe Thorazine Barbie, the one who had a nervous breakdown and had to be institutionalized after she only made first attendant to the Homecoming Queen. Good question.

Oh, Burger King was giving out action figures of the Backstreet Boys not long ago. My daughter was heartbroken when my foster rescue dog almost immediately swallowed the super power basketball and then proceeded to gnaw off an arm on the one she received. I thought it was a very powerful editorial comment on the part of the dog.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2000

I really want a set of these: Where the Wild Things Are action figures

-- Anonymous, October 06, 2000

I'm in love with the purple guy who comes with Green Lantern. Please don't tell anyone.

("comes with Green Lantern" -- d'oh!)

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2000

I'd like a set of the Sandman characters from the Neil Gaiman books.

Guess what they are now making? Saw action figures for Sandman (with Matthew) and Death in a record store, and they are making what look like Deluxe "inaction figures" of Sandman from "Dream Hunters" and "Ramadan". On another note, I also saw (yikes) "beanie baby"-style "L'il Endless" versions of Death and Delirium. And you know THAT ain't right.

I guess it had to happen eventually.

-- Anonymous, October 10, 2000

Where the Wild Things Are action figures

Oh yeah! You have great taste. Those are the coolest, except for one small thing...I would want a Max toy, too.

How could they forget Max?! *snif*

-- Anonymous, October 10, 2000

I'd like Aerosmith action figures and an Axl figure from Guns n' Roses. That would be cool.

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2000

Apparently they DID indeed have a WTWTA Max figurine, he just wasn't in the Toy Fair preview literature. I guess I know what I will be getting myself for Xmas.

-- Anonymous, November 20, 2000

More X-factor,especially Havoc and Polaris.Also newer versions of characters like Gambit and Rictor.

-- Anonymous, February 03, 2001

I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT THERE SHOULD BE DOLLS OF PATSY AND EDINA FROM ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS, OR A MADONNA DOLL, OR DOLLS OF ALL THE MEMBERS FROM QUEEN, OR BLUR. I'D DEFINATLEY BUY DOLLS OF THE CHARACTERS OUT OF GREASE. ACTUALLY, I THINK THERE SHOULD BE A DOLL OF A MOSHA, NO, A HIPPY! FROM AN AB FAB, QUEEN, BLUR, MADONNA AND GREASE FANATIC MOSHA/HIPPY. MY SECRET HAS BEEN REVEALED, I AM DEFINATELY GOING INSANE. ACTUALLY, THINKING ABOUT IT, I WOULD DEFINATELY GO MILES TO BUY A DOLL, IF IT WAS OF ME !

-- Anonymous, February 08, 2001