I'm talking to a friend of mine (a boy) today and we're discussing what is and is not acceptable behavior when you're trying to be "Charming" i.e. picking up someone of the opposite sex. Not in a sleazy, "I'm drunk in a bar" way, but just in regular situations. In my opinion, hand kissing shouldn't happen unless one of you is from another country. What are some other tips for guys (and girls) trying the Don Juan thing?

-- Anonymous, September 12, 2000

Answers

Just be yourself unless you are a real doofuss. No hand kissing. You don't know if she washes her hands after going to the shitter. And she may be a closet bitch just waiting to get even with the male gender and paste you one. Happens on the "Duplex" all the time to Eno Camino. Just open doors for her and get her to talk about herself. In fact go to the mall ahead of time and see what the fall wardrobe is going to look like. Lots of points there. And make sure you have gas in the car but not in your butt. That old trick doesn't work anymore. And if your date is at your house for a video or something, "NO WRESTLEMANIA OR MONSTER TRUCK RACES". Chick flicks are cool though. James

-- Anonymous, September 12, 2000

You could steal cheap beer and wine from the local supplier and invite her to this great party on the beach but when she shows up its just you and the booze and a big bonfire. Oh, wait, I think I read that somewhere else.

-- Anonymous, September 12, 2000

snort!

-- Anonymous, September 13, 2000

Good one, Oma! But I think it's even cooler if she shows up and it's five guys to two girls.

OR... the guy could tell her you're a troll on someone else's forum. Then he'd get some for sure.

-- Anonymous, September 13, 2000

Right on, Gwen. *laugh* That's a sure-fire way to attract the opposite sex. Deception or attempted deception is always sexy. The only thing is, when you're a troll, no one knows, right, because you're definitely fooling EVERYONE and they can't tell you're not real! After all, if you use, oh, four or five identities, and if they indulge you by responding at all, even once, then they MUST be fooled.

Oh wait. I'm wrong about that "fooled" part. And, oh my god, the "sexy" thing was completely off base too!! Rats. Oh well. Never mind.

-- Anonymous, September 13, 2000

Oh... actually, I meant that James was the troll. Sorry -- I wrote that post before breakfast.

It's one thing to be a troll in order to get laughs. It's another to show up and start randomly flattering women in hopes of -- what? Cyber sex?

-- Anonymous, September 13, 2000

I knew who you meant, actually.

-- Anonymous, September 13, 2000

Oh, okay. My bad.

James, if you're using four or five different identities, please knock it off. I only have so many hours per day available for troll-tracking. Believe me -- you'll provoke the exact same reaction from me if you just use one.

-- Anonymous, September 13, 2000

Yeah, James! How daRE YOU tRoll GWen's siTe! (Damn, I just burned an whole in effing pajamas.)

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2000

Yeah, James! How daRE YOU tRoll GWen's siTe! (Damn, I just burned an whole in my effing pajamas.)

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2000

Nope. A troll is a short ugly guy with big ears, a big mouth and has no dick. I don't troll and can be found on Philosophy of Photography anytime. Just scroll on down Phil's forum list. What you read is who I am. All I say is all there is. Nothing more nothing less. I don't troll because it's a waste of my valuable time and causes what is happening right now. I enjoy the hell out of all of you. I hope to meet you all some day. But you'll get your picture taken. Get the picture Gwenz? James

-- Anonymous, September 16, 2000