Following up on Galaxy's thread about lack of non-footie related human interest type stuff ;-)

I was musing the other day about, um, times (in the past I hasten to add) where I've slept with someone, um, out of how shall I put it, politeness? Well it would be rude not to. I suppose what I mean is that I've known I haven't been that attracetd to them, but for whatever reason I've gone along with it. A male thing only? Probably. Justifiable? Not so sure. Gossip inducing? I hope so.

Gav, the floor's yours. Or the couch if you prefer.

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Answers

No, not a male thing only - and that`s as much information as you are getting on my sexual history!(:o)

Anyone looking at this thread who may be related to me in any way, like for instance say a daughter, need not reply!(:o)

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Go on, Gal, spill the beans. What did you feel like afterwards? Did you at least feel that he appreciated the, um, gesture? ;-)

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

I'm certain you wouldn't want to know about your mums sexual history either Gal ;))

I'm a bit of a bastard me....If I don't want to sleep with someone then I won't.....full stop....and before you all get any cocky ideas about me always wanting to sleep with everyone then it's just not true, I've been in the situation many times where it's all getting a bit hot and I've suddenly just stopped it dead and said that I'm not interested...

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

hahahahaha u talk some b*ll*x Gav . Im keeping me mouth shut .. sufficed to say the age of Chivalry is not yet dead , if the lady wants a baby im the cock of the north : - )

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

I'm serious.....I've climbed off loads of girls and duffed the whole thing as Windy says....sometimes it just doesn't feel right...

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Chance to refuse would be nice.....

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

What you have to bare (bear?) in mind is that, in my case, we are talking about event which happend...ummm, errrr, more than 25 years ago! I suspect at the time I didn`t give it a great deal of thought - or else I maybe would have acted differently wouldn`t I? In hindsight, of course, I would consider it stupid, meaningless, and a sign of weakness....but not the end of the world. BUT, the perspective of a middle aged woman is bound to be different to that of a young `fliberty-jib`.

Unless attitudes have changed drastically since then, AND provided that you are not taking any risks with your health, from a female point of view, I would say the only thing that is really damaged is your sense of self-worth. ie. Why did I do that, I could have said `no`? (:o)

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Happened just the once, and I treated her very badly the day after too. Guess I was embarassed about the whole deal. Still, her revenge is that I can never look at anyone with a thick Barnsley accent in the face.

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

In the words of the poet 'An erect member has no conscience'.

That's why parliament's full of two faced barstewards. :-|)

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Gav - you are so right about that `information that mothers/daughters shouldn`t share`! Generalisations are OK - specifics are absolutely taboo!(:o)

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Yelli....if you want to use my log on name to 'spill the beans' then by all means feel free.....I won't let on to your mum which is the real me......just in the interests of balance you understand!

I can honestly say with hand on heart that I have never gone to bed with an ugly woman..........OK.....yes......I've woken up with a few but that another matter

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

I can honestly say that I've only ever twice slept with someone and regretted it the next morning (both ugly!).....but I've walked away from loads that I could've slept with and regretted....it would seem that my prick does have a conscience....does that make it unique? ;))

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

You`ve set me thinking about what things were instilled in me as a child as being absolutely `taboo` - and I don`t mean the obvious!

Going into someone`s handbag, or into pockets in a man`s suit! Even now, if someone asked me to get something from their handbag, or suit pocket, I would bring them the handbag or jacket, rather than helping myself.

Although this also would come under the heading of `good manners`, asking how much something cost, or how much money someone earned would have earned me a clip around the ear. Even in today`s more relaxed climate, hearing the questions `How much did it cost?` has me cringing.

The other thing that made me stop and think was something Yelli said to me yesterday. She was meeting her Dad for lunch, and arrived at the pub before him. Yelli was insensed by a group of `old` men (I assume `old` to mean older than me) f..ing and blinding well within earshot of her, and making no attempt to moderate their language in her presence. Yelli herself said that you probably wouldn`t have been so offended if they had been younger. I`m not quite sure what to make of that - does it mean that different rules apply for different ages?(:o)

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Hallo all! Just trying to work out what I can and can't say in the realms of decency at the moment! I'll get back to you all on this subject shortly!!! (;o)

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Got me thinking as well....I was wondering WHY is it sex such a taboo subject between mothers and daughters...surely it shouldn't be? I mean who better to help a daughter with any questions/problems or just have a natter than a mum?

Personally I know that I don't want conversations like that with my daughter cos I'd only want to kill the bloke that we were talking about....is it the same thing Gal?

Just interested is all...

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Yelli,

You don't have to say anything....just keep out of this conversation....it's for your elders and betters ;))

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Gav,

Oooh!!! But I want to join in! I just don't want to offend my Mother by doing so!

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Gav - I agree with you about the fact that as a parent, mum or dad, you feel overwhelmingly protective about your daughters. What I can`t understand, though it is most definately written in stone, is why I don`t want to know about my mother`s sex life and why Yelli would undoubtely run screaming from the room if I started talking about mine.

Yelli - don`t mention, names, places and definately NOT positions, and you should be OK. Wait a minute, I`m just putting my fingers in my ears now and going `la la la la la....`. No that won`t work either. Best wait till 1.30 when I shall be taking Grandma to the supermarket!(:o)

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Galaxy, would you agree that it's more than a little bizarre though? do we think it's just the brits as a nation that behave like this? maybe it's part of the reason why we're so sexually inhibited.....

Oh and be careful at the supermarket....you never know, you're mum might start talking about it ;)))

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

don`t mention, names, places and definately NOT positions, and you should be OK

So spitroasting out the back of the BIC with a couple of oboe players from the Bournemouth Symphony Orchestra is a definite no mention is it Galaxy!

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Daughters - tell me about them. My eldest has got into the habit of removing her clothing at every opportunity, especially if we are visiting friends. And if it's not her clothes she's taking off, it's someone else's. A classic recently - she's been upstairs with her friend Michael. She comes downstairs alone, to where we're all sitting. Where's Michael? we ask. 'He's upstairs on the bed with no clothges on, waiting for me' comes the answer.

I hasten to add that she's only 3, but I hope the habit doesn't last to her teenage years ;-)

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Never done it can't see myself ever doing it either. I don't like a person nine times out of ten I just say so. I am not subtle about these types of things.

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

ITK, you are a very rude man!!!

Mum, don't panic. I won't divulge any information that would cause you any embarrasment or offence!

The answer to the original question is that I don't believe it is just a male thing. There have been two occasions where I really regretted it the next day.

One was with someone I thought I fancied like crazy but when it came down to it, the spark just wasn't there (that and the fact I had decided I fancied his mate more!) So I just regretted having done it because it didn't really 'work' for either of us.

The other, even now I don't know why I did it in the first place. I never fancied him, I never wanted to be there but I didn't have any way of getting home so I just 'went along with it' as Windy said. I have never felt as revolting and cheap as I did the next day. I just walked out and phoned a mate to pick me up first thing in the morning. And it wasn't him who made me feel cheap, he phoned me every day for weeks and left me messages telling me that he's really like to take me out for a drink and then apologising just incase he'd done something to offend me (desperate measures!) I had made myself feel bad and that was what I really regret - the fact that it was my own fault that I was feeling so nasty. Needless to say I haven't seen or spoken to him since and just thinking about him makes my flesh crawl!

I hope there wasn't too much detail there Mum?!? (;o)

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Don't wanna frighten you Windy but apparently that's how I was as a kid and look how I turned out ;))

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Yes I do totally agree with you that it is odd. And yes, I think the British are very inhibited in lots of ways, not just about sex.

If my mother was to start talking about her sex life in the supermarket I would die a thousand deaths!

I do have one possible theory. The time when this particular type of communication would be useful perhaps also coincides with the time when mothers think they know best, and daughters think they know it all! (And this is a generalisation, not a dig at my lovely daughter). This period can last quite some time, for instance I am only just beginning to accept that some of my mother`s pearls of wisdom deserved a bit more thought than I ever gave them. By the same token, there are still lots of things where I feel Mum is totally out of touch.

It still doesn`t really explain the total `cringe` factor though.

Is the father/son relationship the same? I`m guessing that it is not nearly as sensitive.(:o)

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

I'm not a typical father (being mostly absent!) but I'd like to think that I could talk to my son about anything.....I think it really bugs me that I know that I'll never be able to do that with my daughter because of my over protectiveness towards her....

Saying that my son (he's 11) told me about a 15 year old girl that asked him out when he was at the local swimming pool about 2 weeks ago....I went through a mix of emotions (proud that he'd spoken so openly to me, proud that he'd pulled a girl and very worried about this older girls intentions).....

Strange ain't it :))

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

......la la la la la la...only joking Yelli!(:o)

Lets face it, I`d be amazed if any of us get through life without regrets. This particular type of regret seems to take on greater significance because it is physical, intimate and extremely personal. It still boils down to good decision/bad decision, and making mistakes are just part and parcel of the human condition. I mean, you wouldn`t agonise so much over whether or not you should have bought a particular pair of shoes, or picked lamb chops rather than sirloin steak off a menu? (Oh, unless you happened to be my sister.)

BTW - Yelli, Bently is back in my good books - his wolf teeth have fallen out, and thus has saved me a trip to the vets and subsequent punative costs. Good decision Ben!(:o)

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Mum,

LOL! So true about Auntie Maggie!!! (;o)

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

It isn`t really that strange Gav - it`s your job to be protective. Pete and I had a conversation last night about a phone-in we had listened to. It was regarding the bloke in Norfolk who had shot the kid who was breaking into his house. BIG discussion about it in our house with very opposing opinions. But, I could state catagorically that the only occasion when I am 100 per cent sure that I could actually consider killing someone, without any hesitation, would be if my child was under threat. (:o|

ITK - go to your room!(;o)

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

And Pete of course said that he'd just slap them on the wrist??!! ;))))

Just as well I'm not a burglar I suppose :)))

Oh and I agree with that old boy for shooting the burglar....I've actually been at home when someone tried to break in (I was only 19 or something) and It was without a doubt the most scary moment of my life...I was petrified, in the end I took a hammer and a knife to the door with me and I'm convinced I would've used them if there'd been anyone on the other side of the door....

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

It's a difficult one re daughters. At the moment I would like to think that when they are older, I'd be very relaxed and open, as long as I felt they were mature and street wise enough. But it's very easy to say that now - reality might be a very different thing and feelings of protectiveness by-pass any real deliberation. I'd defintely try and make sure they weren't too sheltered though, as the best protection is awareness.

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

If it`s true that fathers are kind of proud if their sons are sowing their wild oats, yet have a Pit Bull mentality about their daughters chastity? Bit of a double standard working there if it is true, because unless their sons are gay, then they are doing unto other people`s daughters exactly what you don`t want done to your own.(:o)

Windy - difficult is not the word! I am not the mother I thought I would be, before I had a family! (Maybe I should qualify that to `before my sweet innocent reached puberty!)(:o)

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Apologies for the dreadful construction of that first paragraph.(:o)

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Galaxy, I nearly kakked then, being used as a measure for Gav's attitude - till I read what you posted properly. Serves me right for coming up wuth such a daft handle.:-))

I don't think the biggest problem is worrying about the effects of one offs, my biggest worry was that my daughter would end up with some w*****r who's only good points were obvious to her.

The hardest part would have been trying to make her see him the way I did without completely alienating her, but then there never will be one who'll be near good enough for her anyway.

Luckily, she inherited her mother's good sense, but thank goodness, not her taste in men, cos I'd have been really peed off if she'd ended up with somebody like me. :-))

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

So what's a Pit Bill mentality to the daughters then? Bill any comment on what you've been up to with peoples daughters?

It is a double standard and like I say I do feel protective of my son as well but it's definitely not even in the same league as the anguish I go through thinking of little shits like me trying to get near my daughter.....I agree with Windy's comments on the being street wise and aware but I'm afraid my friend that street wise doesn't come easy, it usually involves being messed around a few times first :((

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Gav
That would have been my next question, but luckily, the onus is on Galaxy to explain, I just misread her post.

And mind your own business, OK ? :o)))

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

As in American Pit Bull Terrier - aggressively protective, and that`s when it is in a GOOD mood!(:o)

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Bill's point is slightly different isn't it.....I'm not being funny Bill but you seem to have come to terms with the idea of your daughter being with a bloke (I really am not trying to be funny!!)...is that cos she's older? you then have another seperate issue of wanting your daughter to be with someone who's good for her.....

I don't even want to think that far ahead....I'm currently developing plans to halt time where it is so that my daughter can't possibly become anymore grown up ;))

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Don't know what the fuss is all about, I go into the gusettes bedroom every weekend she is staying with us.

I then talk through everything with her.

My one big fear is that sometime soon she is going to wake up and answer me.

We also have an understanding that she is not going out with boys until she is married.

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

I am intregued now Mum. Are you used to the idea of me being with blokes now, and just bothered about whether they are w****rs or not?!? And I think we both know who we are talking about!!!

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Gus, how old is she? mine's 13 and I'm crapping myself.....she just started at an all girl school yesterday (my suggestion!) so I'm hoping it might keep the wolves at bay a little while longer....that's my prayer anyway and I want to hear nothing from you lot gainsaying it!! I've got my head firmly in the sand at the moment....

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Galaxy, be careful I can feel your youngster attempting to spring a trap!!!

Yelli, you shouldn't have put that question on here cos it means I can reply to it as well.....he's a TOSSER and you KNOW IT.....

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

I think parents are protective to their offspring whether male/female/mackem.

I'd have the same worries of my son "doing the biz" as my daughter. The BIG difference comes in the reaction to:

"Dad, I've got a girl pregnant" vs "Dad, I'm pregnant"

That's a damn good reason to be more protective of duaghters.

My lad is 11 and my daughter is 13 and already taller than her mum. Worried? you bet!

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Wow Geordie our offspring are the same age and the same sex.....when are their birthdays?

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

27/1/87 and 29/4/89

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Gav
You got it in one. Must admit though that even in her younger days we both left it to her good sense and up to now haven't felt too disappointed.

Luckily she's at an age where we can only express opinions - the days of direct influence have long gone. As for my son, I can't even remember that it ever came up as maybe being a problem. Funny that, now I think about it.

We always took the approach that we were there if we were needed, but didn't push anything. I'm not sure if that would necessarily have worked if there had been problems, but the situation never arose so we must have done one or two things right.

I'm not so sure these days that parents need be too concerned even about kids knowing the facts of life - schools are much more tuned in these days, not to mention word of mouth from their mates, although that's probably always been the case. At least the word of mouth these days probably contains far fewer myths.

I'd say, if they ask, tell them. If not, don't worry, they'll find out some how. Hopefully not by bitter experience though. I'd even go so far as to say that at the time when kids need to know this sort of stuff, their parents are the last ones they want to talk to about it. As long as they see both the 'Do as you're told' and 'Giz a cuddle' sides of their parents, there shouldn't be too many problems.

And parents absolutely must back each other up. Once you let the kids play one off against the other, you're doomed, cos the little bu**ers will milk it for all it's worth.

Midge Proops signing off. Apologies to anybody who'd far rather I'd stuck to the original topic of the thread. Not my scene I'm afraid.

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Oh dear - getting a bit specific on here now. Okay, how`s this: I am used to the idea that you are well and truly past the age of consent! I don`t break out into a sweat about the idea of you living a `normal` life - (with all the usual health and safety provisos!)

Not prepared to discuss specifics on here! But I do know who you are talking about.

Taking it a stage further....if and when your start looking at someone as a permenant partner, don`t think I`m going to be happy about you passing on my genes to any old Tom, Dick or Harry. I`ll be looking for a lot of red in the pedigree!(;o)

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Thats okay then Mum, because he's the worlds biggest Manure fan - so there will be plenty of red there!!!

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Hmm - too sharp for your own good - must get it from your father!(;o)

ByEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

As a father without daughters, maybe my view is too skewed to be valid, but here we go. This thread has moved onto a discussion over differing attitudes over girls/boys.

Right now I can't see why we should treat our kids any differently based on their sex; I'm kinda horrified at the thought of my boy getting mixed up with girls before he's ready. Boys should play football and eat mud for many years before girls come along. It must be different for everyone to recognise when your child is ready.

Part of the process of letting your kids grow up is hopefully educating them to make the right decisions for *themselves* and deal with the consequences. Until the point where you have the first shouted 'you can't tell me what to think' conversation as a parent you have the power to pull the 'because I said so' trick. The minute that the above conversation happens (13th birthday???) you gotta kick into educator mode and keep your fingers crossed.

Puts on woolly liberal jumpers and departs to read The Guardian with some dry white wine and some guacomole dip.....

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Like you attitude Duncan - I agree that an equally responsible attitude to both sexes is the best way. How old are you boys by the way? Are there any problems which are boy specific do you think? I actually think that in this day and age bringing up a child of either sex is quite taxing. A good friend of mine says that she worries about her son much more than her daughter. Her daughter is strong willed, was a real stroppy devil at school, very intelligent and articulate. Her son, despite being six foot tall (he is eighteen now), is a gentle, non-confrontational artistic type, and she agonised for years about the bullying and teasing he had to put up with. On the other hand she`s relieved he`s not joy riding, committing GBH or injecting heroin!(:o)

ps. Not that I think for one minute your boys will get up to that sort of thing, not even if you are a woolley liberal. (;o)

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

What a great thread. Even though I've missed it all, this place is flying today - you've done the trick Gal!

Just a collection of miscellaneous observations on some of the thoughts offered:

I can honestly say that I've never slept with anyone "out of politeness" - but what a terribly British concept!

With regard to the genuine concerns of parents over their kids sexual awakening. It IS a deeply worrying time and there is no easy answer or fix.
As parents I believe our "mission" is to create a values framework for our children throughout their childhood and early adolescence. You do this not only by what you "tell", them but also how they observe YOU behaving throughout this period. This values framework provides them with the basis for making their life & lifestyle decisions.
By adolescence it is too late to effect major changes in their values set - and attempting to do so is what can cause so much friction at this age.
I truly believe that beyond infancy you can only influence your children's behaviour - you cannot CONTROL them, and to attempt to do so is a flawed strategy.
My wife and I's guideline has always been to attempt to remain 'friend's' with our children as they have moved through adolescence, providing frequent guidance on issues, but trying to avoid making decisions for them, and in particular, avoiding attempting to control them.
It has worked very well with our two eldest kds who are now mid-20's, and seems to be working OK with our youngest who is now 17.

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

Talking about kids and taboo subjects.
I've always been paranoid about really tough questions being sprung on me by the kids, especially as my wife always warned me not to fob off the kids if they ever asked about 'matters reproductive', and to simply answer them factually and sensitively. Yeh, right!!

Well my worst nightmare occurred one evening when we lived in the US and my elder son was around 10. I'd recently arrived home from work and was sitting eating my dinner, alone. He had been sitting in another room watching the evening local news - which could be pretty hairy with New York only 60 miles away. Anyway he appeared, all bright eyed and innocent, and said "Dad, what's sodomy".
Well, I damn near choked, as you can perhaps imagine! My brain instantly shut down, and I uttered the immortal words we had always promised each other we would NEVER, EVER use - "I don't know son - you better ask your Mother!!!!"

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

All very valid points Clarky. I did have a little chuckle to myself, in view of the fact that Yelli is 22 years old, and hardly needs `bringing up` (or if she does, I haven`t done a very good job of it so far)! However, I guess you are always a parent, doesn`t matter how old your kids are! I was also thinking how lucky I am that I have a daughter who actually cares enough to worry about what her parents think. It must put her under dreadful pressure sometimes. (:o)

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2000

LOL Clarky - anybody with children would recognise that scenario! Don`t you just love it when news broadcasts give out way too much detail early in the evening! (:o)

-- Anonymous, September 07, 2000

I can honestly say that I've never slept with anyone "out of politeness" - but what a terribly British concept! Hahaha, Clarky. I was taking the piss. Taking advantage would be closer to the truth..

Just shows, though, with this thread how after a critical mass of opinions and ideas has been reached, things really get going, moving off on tangents etc. The problem I find sometimes though, with very busy threads, is that by the time I've read them all I don't have the time to post anything, apart from the odd hurried publish and be damned interjection that makes me cringe afterwards.

-- Anonymous, September 07, 2000

As Galaxy has said several times - THIS sort of thread adds immeasurably to the excellent footy banter, and makes it the truly special place that it has become.

I truly believe there is nothing else like this site. However we all have to rememeber that we need to put a little thought and effort into new ideas to keep it lively and current.

Top marks for starting this one Windy - excellent stuff.

-- Anonymous, September 07, 2000

Starting a thread is easy. It's those that took the time and trouble to post interesting and amusing replies that deserve the plaudits..

-- Anonymous, September 07, 2000

Sorry to be so tardy Gav I hav been away in the Deep South for a few days work, more about that later, the gusette is 13 in October.

-- Anonymous, September 11, 2000