Gwen, you've inspired me. I now have 101 more things to do with my daughter on a rainy day (though we've only got the puny Wal-Mart, without the attached grocery store). But, I thought of one you missed:

102: Take your kids to the beauty supply section and let them pet the fake hair in the Lady Clairol display.

That's good for at least twenty minutes, as my daughter has to TOUCH EVERY SINGLE ONE. Anyone else think of some additions?

-- Anonymous, August 30, 2000

Answers

That's hilarious, Mary Ellen! When I was growing up in a small town with nothing to do we kids used to go to wal-mart for fun. Sometimes we'd go lie down in the pillow aisle. And we'd always go gape at the fish and other small pets. At our most obnoxious we would get on the intercom phones and yell "red light special!!!"

-- Anonymous, August 30, 2000

Here's me: Gee, my hands feel really dry. Think I'll go to the hand cream samples and smell each one until I decide on my fave.

-- Anonymous, August 30, 2000

Our Wal-Mart has a badly run McDonalds in it. My daughter and I always go there. It is also fun to do one of those picture booth things, although come to think of it, I haven't seen one in awhile. I don't go there after 10PM because then really trashy people come out with their kids and they are always at least verbally abusing the kids and I get really sad, mad and depressed.

-- Anonymous, August 30, 2000

When the ancient and wheezing greeter guys offers you a cart, sometimes it's fun to stand there for 10 minutes going, "Do I want a cart or not? Gee. That's a tough one. I don't think I'll be buying much today but you never know, I better take one. No. No. If I have a cart I'll just be tempted to load it up with stuff I don't need and ther goes another paycheck. No, I'll save a lot of money if I don't have a cart. But what if I change my mind later and I need one..." Etc.

-- Anonymous, September 01, 2000

And it's always a good place to check out chicks. Single women always go for the bargains. When my wife and I go to Wall or K or Targette, I just stand in the CD/book section and watch girls. Yeah that's right I'm an unrepentent girl watcher. No not a perv! Just a closet bachelor. The boss thinks it's funny. When it's time to go or she's had enough she just tugs on the leash and I go wimpering along. I don't know how she puts up with me. She says I'm worse than a three year old. James

-- Anonymous, September 03, 2000

james do u live by me cuz i swear i saw smoe guy checking me out by the books a few times. may be that was u? floosie

-- Anonymous, September 03, 2000

I certainly hope you're not checking out girls your daughter's age, James. That's just gross.

-- Anonymous, September 03, 2000

I missed the 101 things I guess. but to show my redneck roots I will actually admit that I have taken dates to walmart/kmart/target (whatever) and played the alphabet game. If you don't know what thi is let me explain. Rule 1: Both of you must keep a hand on the cart. Rule 2: You must go in alphabetical order. Rule 3: The items you choose must be begin with that letter (ex if it is time for letter c carrots, crackers, cucumbers, etc is acceptable, but a name brand such as keebler won't work for for the letter K.)

So the two of you go walking row after row pulling things off shelves and putting them in the cart before the other person. If you choose to keep points you can. When done you leave the cart in a more abandoned place (like the seasonal alley tends to be a lonesome area)

I guess you could play this game with kids as well, but so far I have yet to try.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2000

I stole this joke: Some of the points deserve a giggle

Things to do at Wal-Mart while the spouse is "taking his/her sweet time" shopping. 1. Get the boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples' carts when they are not looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the rest rooms. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "I think we have a Code 3 in house wares," and see what happens. 5. Turn all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to 10. 6. Challenge other customers to duel with tubes of gift wrap. 7. Put M&M's on layaway. 8. Move "CAUTION-WET FLOOR" signs to carpet areas. 9. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them if they bring pillows from the bedding department. 10. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask "Why won't you people leave me alone?" 11. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose. 12. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes and X-Men. 13. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon. 14. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. 15. Switch signs on the men's and women's bathrooms. 16. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible". 17. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign out front. 18. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels. 19. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say, "PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!" 20. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again." 21. Go to the food court, get a soft drink, tell them you don't get out much and would they put one of those little umbrellas in it. 22. Go into the fitting room and yell real loud ...."Hey we're out of toilet paper in here!"

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2000

I've seen that one! It cracks me up, too.

The other day we were at Wal-Mart. (Of course, because we are all the fucking time.) I was looking at the fishing lures, trying to find something cheap and cute to make refrigerator magnets. The sporting goods clerk was showing a shotgun (or rifle, whatever) to this old couple, and he actually held it up and pumped it or cocked it or whatever you say. It scared the shit out of me. I jumped and gasped audibly. They looked at me like I was stupid.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2000

damn i wish we had walmart in this country (Austrlia)

I saw sumthing on the news about how wlamart is No 2 now, pushed GE out of the way. can't remember what is the biggest comapny. Coke? Microsoft?

berp

-- Anonymous, February 27, 2001