God, I got so fucking mad at those loooser people in Red Oak who wouldn't help Gwen, assholes...especially the bitch who wouldn't give her a lift.

Has anyone here ever given a stranger in distress a ride somewhere?

I've done it twice, a woman and her child, just needing a ride across town, she blessed me the whole way and said God could see what a nice person I was...the whole time I was hoping she wouldn't pull out a knife or something...she was kinda creepy in her blessing ways.

Then a batty old lady standing outside a 7-11 in her flimsy weathered cotton dress late at night in Oak Cliff.....she was begging me for a ride back to her little hole of an apartment....I acquiesced...she didn't talk much, just sat there all hunched over, gumming her lips....

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2000

Answers

I've done it once, a long time ago. I don't remember the exact details, but I know it was some person who had an auto breakdown and just needed a ride a short distance away. I think it was a guy. Anyway, he was thankful and I was glad to help. And as I recall, he hadn't asked for a ride yet, but I saw he needed one and offered it first.

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2000

A few years ago I pulled over for a lady walking down the freeway in the rain. Her car had died and she just needed to go about a block to the gas station so she could call her dad. At first she was scared to accept the ride, but it was just me and one of my kids so she said okay. I felt bad for her. It sucks to need a ride but to be afraid to accept one.

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2000

Oh, and last fall some lady and her kids were stranded at Payless Shoes, of all places. She had a cell phone, but I hauled them up the road to Rosie's Tamale House so they could sit in the AC and have a drink. They were really nice.

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2000

Gwen, I fall in the "afraid to accept" category (and I drive some really old vehicles...) See my post in http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id=003g8T

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2000

One time. I was doing laundry on a really hot Sunday afternoon, and as I'm walking back from the apartment laundry room, this raggedy looking toothless lady asked me if I could push her car. She caught me off guard, and I couldn't think of a decent excuse not to ("You're scary-looking" just didn't cut it). So, she hops in my truck, and her boyfriend (who's muttering to himself all the time) gets in their broken down car. I pushed it maybe half a mile up the road to their apartment complex, all the while listening to how their government disability checks weren't worth shit, and her man couldn't stop the voices in his head unless he was drunk, and the like. As I'm pulling out to leave, she reaches into their car, and hands me an "Abba" cassette. I politely declined, but she insisted, "No, it's OK, I don't even like it anymore." I declined again, and she didn't force the issue.

One time I accepted a ride I probably shouldn't have. I'd driven into Atlanta in my old beatup wreck of a vehicle, and naturally, it'd broken down on the way home. It was like the day after Christmas break, and my Mom was coming down from South Carolina to pick me up for the holidays. A truck driver picked me up, and drove me all through these crazy back roads, and was asking me how many boyfriends I had, and he could be one of my boyfriends, and his wife wouldn't mind. I was petrified, and had him drop me off at a gas station back at school so he wouldn't know where I lived.

Many more nice people have helped me out over the years, especially with that crappy old car I had that was worth less than the cinder blocks it should've been mounted on, but that one ride still makes me glad cell phones are relatively cheap.

Note to Gwen: Changing a tire is a skill you should practice BEFORE you need it. It's not fun, but it's important to know and not complicated. And a portable air wrench is a good Christmas gift, really.

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2000

I'm not defending the losers, but I think it's understandable when perfect strangers are too afraid to give someone a lift. There are just *too many* criminal cases that start out with someone asking for help (Ted Bundy, anyone?). I'm not saying that Gwen looks like a criminal at all and had I been there, I probably would've given her a ride (especially if I'd been there at the station to hear what her dilemma was). But, sad to say, it's usually safer to not pick up strangers or help them in anyway that involves them getting into your car or other close proximity. Police will tell you that it's best to offer to call someone for them (which I've done). I'm sure I sound paranoid... but I had a situation once when I was driving and saw a motorcycle wrecked on its side. I couldn't see the driver, but the wheels were still spinning so I knew it had just happened. I pulled over and got out of my car to see if the person needed help. Just as I did, a patrol car pulled up behind me and the policeman screamed at me to get back in the car and drive on. I found out from my sister-in- law (who was a police detective)later on that the "wreck" was a guy who had just shot someone fleeing from the police. Yeah, I know, it's an extreme example, but things like that do happen. I'd *love* to be a good samaritan (and some states have laws requiring that you be one), but I will admit to thinking of my safety first...(flinch).

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2000

Yeah. I sort of hesitated to post the story at all because I know it isn't too flattering to me. I don't know how to change my own tire, and I had the audacity to be upset when someone wouldn't give me a ride. But still. I figured people would get a laugh out of it.

The second time the tire went flat, some pervy-looking guy pointed it out to me on the freeway. I gave him the A-OK sign and then waited til he passed before I exited. I got out on the deserted service road (right near a cemetary, no less) to make sure it was, indeed, the brand new tire that was flat. The same pervy guy glided up behind me and offered help. He was shirtless, grinning, and in a beat-up car full of baby paraphenalia. Something about him was just weird. So I told him my husband would meet me at the gas station. And thanks anyway, and blah blah.

And thank you, Mary Ellen and Gardanna, for your good advice.

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2000

Yes, there's nothing that says "ill intent" quite like a beat up car, is there? Pervs are all poor.

Now excuse me while I go buy myself a "portable air wrench." That sounds very handy.

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2000

"Portable air wRench"??

Oh. Not... inflatable... never mind.

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2000

Well, Dave Van, my car's beat up and I'm a perv. So you'd think I'd know, huh?

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2000

i sometime pick up people but i pretty mcuh know everone in my town anyways.

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2000

I'm a big 'fraidy cat; I'd never give somebody a ride. I've read too much true crime to even consider it. Likewise I don't think I'd be able to accept one, either. Dave Van, I hope you were kidding about that "all pervs are poor" comment. I personally have met entirely too many moneyed, well mannered, well groomed psychos. They come in all guises.

-- Anonymous, August 24, 2000

I met my boyfriend this way. My car had broken down and I was walking to a service station when an older man in a pick up truck stopped and offered me a ride. Since it was really hot and humid out I accepted his offer, and we started talking, and one thing led to another and I gave him my number once I got to the service station. Little did I know that he just has cheap cars to drive around town in. He has lots of money in the bank!

-- Anonymous, August 24, 2000

Yes, everyone should know how to change a tire....um....yeah.....wish I knew. My dad made me change a tire on my first car, my peagreen 1973 Pontiac Grand Am with 8-track player...but that was a long time ago.

-- Anonymous, August 24, 2000

I know in theory, but so far I haven't been able to hook up those hands-on practice runs in my driveway. I'm lame.

-- Anonymous, August 24, 2000

Gwen, make it fun for the whole family. Have Paul time you and the boys can run back and forth bringing you drinks like they're the worlds tiniest pit-crew.

And of course, you'll be filming it, right?

-- Anonymous, August 24, 2000

Bwa ha! Heck, yeah. I wonder what kind of sponsorship I can get for ads on my Subaru and my tire-changing jumpsuit...

-- Anonymous, August 24, 2000

Do hitchhikers count? The Husband and I picked up hitchhikers in Costa Rica when we were travelling there, and it was one of the best parts of our trip.

But now, we live in the middle of a big city and sold our car, so it's moot. But in theory I'd love to pick people up...! :-)

-- Anonymous, August 25, 2000

Gwen, just don't get Firestone as a sponsor!

Jumpsuit: another craft possibility! Can you use that Artcraft plastic paint stuff? (is it ArtCraft? Artex?) Only the pictures not the name is branded into my brain - remember the stuff you can decorate the toilet seat with?

-- Anonymous, August 25, 2000

My husband and I picked up a slightly old couple on our way from Mansfield to Columbus, Ohio. It was on the interestate (71?) where there aren't many exits or civilization, and it was getting late in the day. I just whipped the car over on an impulse and my hubby made the normal "are you sure?" noises, but I just had a feeling it would be okay. We took the folks down to the nearest gas station (which had no mechanic) and I bought everyone sodas as they were very thirsty. I insisted we wait until the tow-truck guy actually DID show up because it was getting close to dark. They were extrememly thankful, wanted to pay us, we said no and went on our way. We felt really good for having done the good deed, and I'm glad it didn't turn scary. Sometimes I think you have to follow your instincts and try to to the right thing. But there sure 'aint no guarantees, are there?

Re: changing tires...when I was in college I bought my first car ('66 Ford Ranchero...painted metallic gold). I drove to San Francisco to see my mom and she forced me to learn to change tires. She, my stepdad and I had to drive to the Marina where it is flat, and it was pouring rain by the time we got there. We changed all four tires, using the rotation method (front to back, left to right or some such nonsense). Dripping wet, back in the car and pulling away...there was this awful scrapping/rubbing sound. Turned out the back tires were slightly larger than the front tires, so they ended rubbing against the wheel wells. We had to get out and put all the tires back to where they came from. What a pisser that was. Interestingly, I've never had to change a tire since. (great...now I'll probably get a blow-out on my way home tonight).

-- Anonymous, August 25, 2000

Lisa, I think you mean Artex.

-- Anonymous, August 25, 2000

What a sweet story, Laura. I think it is vey brave and generous to pick up people who need help. My own fear and anxiety significantly outweigh bravery and generosity, tho.

-- Anonymous, August 25, 2000

I did it yesterday. I was standing outside the theater where I volunteer and a young girl(14)asked me how to get to So-and-so Road. I started to explain, but then said, oh I'll just take you there (it was about two miles away and she looked harmless). When we got there I asked her where she needed to stop THEN she says it's about 10-15 and minutes out in the country. Oh, for chrissakes. So I keep going even though I was going to be late for something. I didn't want her walking on the shoulder of this very busy road or end up in some crazy person's car. On the way, I made her promise she wasn't running away from home and tried to discourage her from becoming a wayward teen. But in a non-preachy, big sisterly way. I guess it's always an individual call in these situations. Like what kind of community do you live in and is the person's story believable...I would probably never pick up a guy over say, 12. I was concerned about whether her parents knew what she was doing (going to see her boyfriend...who ended up looking even younger than her) but I figured she was going to go no matter what, and like I said, better me than somebody dangerous to pick her up.

-- Anonymous, August 26, 2000

I don't think I've ever seen a woman asking for a ride anywhere. Not sure what I'd do. My first instinct would be to drive past then call the police and let them know where I saw the stranded person. Which I have done on many occasions when I've seen people on the side of the road looking frustrated. One day I'll have a cell phone and will do it that way instead of scouting for payphones or waiting until I get to work or home. (I also report cars that I see weaving or moving erratically, since I lost a friend in high school to a drunk driver.)

I don't get in anyone's car and I don't pick up strangers. Maybe I read too many true-crime novels. One of my ex-boyfriends casually got into a stranger's car when he was 12 or so and the guy turned out to be--and this will sound dramatic but it's true--a serial killer. He's behind bars now. My ex and his friend were the only two children to survive the attentions of this guy and they have no idea how they got so lucky. His story made an impression on me.

I also don't hand out cash to people on the street if I have to dig out my wallet to do it. I don't want to have to fight to keep my wallet. It only takes one lesson for me, and watching a friend lose all her credit cards, checks, cash, ID, etc. to a grab-and-run cured me of my street-level generosity in a hurry.

I will give food away if I have it in the car and if there are other people around at the time, but it is rarely accepted. I remember I had a Little Caesar's Pizza combo in my back seat and I offered one of them to the man asking for a handout and he sneered at me and refused it. Okay, so the pizza sucks, but if you're hungry, it's hot and fresh and free and is just plain old cheese. Take it. If I have cash in hand or pocket and there isn't a huge crowd of people asking, I will--on very rare occasions--give that away. This, despite the fact that I lived in a neighborhood where our next-door neighbor, Ted, put on old clothes and begged for handouts at the Amoco despite having a job, a home, etc. He didn't have a car and didn't want to ask his mom for change for cigarettes, so he'd hassle strangers for their cash instead. Lame. I always wonder if someone holding a "help me" sign is pulling a scam now, and that's Ted's fault.

I prefer to give away food or to contribute to places that provide relief and food. I've given away donuts, etc., and offered to buy sandwiches. In general, though, I'm very leery of strangers.

My roommate recently took a neighbor to the store *once* and he got into this habit where he would come and bang on her bedroom window for weeks afterwards at all hours of the night asking her out, wanting her to drive him to the store, asking for money, etc. Not cool.

I'd like to be more generous and kind-hearted, but I don't feel safe acting on those impulses very often. It is unfortunate that a few bad apples and con-artists make us afraid to reach out one-on-one to those with genuine need. We've had our house broken into, our cars broken into, etc., and maybe it's the city we live in or the part of town we're in, but we don't really get too close and neighborly with the folks we live near, and that's not how it was when I was growing up. We only have one neighbor on the whole block that we felt moved to bake cookies for this holiday season. We were scared of everyone else, especially the crackheads. Perhaps when I move this fall, I'll be in a safer neighborhood and will feel safer about extending neighborly hospitality. I feel I have to funnel all altruistic impulses through charities and organizations.

-- Anonymous, August 30, 2000

On the one hand, I understand apprehension. I grew up in a "bad" neighborhood, so I know you don't just take stupid risks to seem nice.

On the other hand, this is the South, and it was a small town, and broad daylight, and I was obviously a woman in distress without even a knapsack to hide a knife in.

I guess I've been living in semi-ruraldom too long and I just expect too much from people?

-- Anonymous, August 30, 2000

I've never encountered a female asking for a ride. But you know what, Gwen? I'd be glad to offer you one. :)

-- Anonymous, September 01, 2000

Thank you, Milla.

Okay, I had to come back here because I just remembered that Tania, Scott, and I gave a ride to a guy whose car was towed at SXSW last year. We drove him from downtown to his friends' apartment on South Riverside.

That's it, man. My karma's fucking stacked up. I'm not having any car trouble again for the rest of my life.

-- Anonymous, September 13, 2000