I wrote this in 1982 as Yuppiefication transformed the land. Seems to have withstood the test of time.

BOWTEEKS SUCK

The American Scene--Commentary by Stash Larsowicz

Sometimes I hangs out to da freight yards. Yeah, I like it dere, da noise and smells and all. It's an honest place, you know---real work gettin done. Freight trains gets loaded and unloaded, box cars is switched around to make new trains--kawham, thump! Hard workin guys dere, but cheerful you know and dey ain't afraid a gettin dirty. Or hurt, plenty of dose guys is missing fingers, even arms.

Yeah, dis place sure aint no bowteek like dey got everywhere now. All dose prissy shops selling weirdo plants and sissy food and stoopid gifts dat cost a fortune. Full of dudes who tink dey're beeyootiful peepul. What really gets me is how many of dese bowteeks is in old railroad stations, warehouses, mills, factories and wharfs. Places where real work got done and real stuff got made. Men and women sweated and died in dose places.

Cheer up Youngstown and Pittsburg, you are America's future bowteeks. Next to you, Quincy Market and Ghirardelli Square will look like Kmart. You say where will anything be made in da USA? Hey, no sweat, we'll import it. Let da gooks do all da grunt work youse know. In exchange for what? Our bowteeks of course. We sells dem our bowteeks know-how and some fancy plants and don't forget junkfood and porno. Makin steel and rubber and machines is for suckers.

Hey, dat roundhouse over dere?---make a fantastic wine bar!

-- Lars (lars@indy.net), August 16, 2000

Answers

Hey, dat roundhouse over dere?---make a fantastic wine bar!

Nows, wherse I'se growed-up, we had one of dose. Where dey fixed the engines trapsin cross the Gany Front. Ain't no wine bar. Soil is so contaminated they'se fenced her off. You'se get sick just gawkin at her.

DB

-- DB (Debunker@nomore.xxx), August 16, 2000.

Amenities? We don't need no stinkin' amenities.

-- Oxy (Oxsys@aol.com), August 16, 2000.

Oxy,

Would you settle for some stinkin' obscenities?

-- (nemesis@awol.com), August 16, 2000.

What da hells a bowteek? I ayunt never herd of such a dadgum thing!

-- jed clampett (you@is.loco), August 16, 2000.