I haven't had a thorough physical checkup in 15 or 20 years, so I'm going to get one soon. My doctor is a man, and I don't want him touching my balls. What should I do?

Should I tell him I don't want the scrotum check?

Should I tell him it will be okay as long as he has a woman doctor do it, or would he be offended?

If I change doctors to a female, will she do the ball check, or will she try to find a man to do that part?

Serious question.

-- (my.balls@for.women.only), August 12, 2000

Answers

tell him=your doc. to wear lipstick that day!!!

-- al-d. (dogs@zianet.com), August 12, 2000.

Reference: Dr . Who Ate My Balls!... Beware.

-- I'm Here, I'm There (I'm Everywhere@so.beware), August 12, 2000.

not nice al-d, that would be even worse!

-- (i'll@die.first), August 12, 2000.

You can't win this one. If you don't let him feel you up, you could miss any potential problems. If you are too uptight to go through with it, that means you are a homophobe; and that could mean you're a closet homosexual, which result could go either way, depending on your perspective and stability. Then again, there is the issue of an unplanned erection. (I only heard about this). You didn't mention the prostate exam. I once had it offered but declined. (I said I'll take my chances, and I think we were both relieved) Thinking back, I recall that 2 out of the three doctors were rough. I respected these 2 as real men, more than the 3rd one. But the downside was that they were rough.

-- KoFE (your@town.USA), August 12, 2000.

I'm a Registered Nurse and I will answer your question seriously. First off, there is NOTHING wrong with your wanting a female Doctor versus a male Doctor to check your scrotum. As a matter of fact, many ladies would prefer to have a gynocological check-up from a woman versus a man due to feeling that woman doctors would be more gentle and understand them better. YOU are a client and have the right to ask for this. I'm sure woman Doctors do this check-up but just as a male doctor with a female patient might have a female nurse in the room, the opposite might be the case with a female doctor (not sure about this but know this is possible), although they won't be looking, just there. This was a good question and you can also do the check yourself (all men should do this check, read about it on the net on how to do a scrotum check, just as us females need to do self-breast exams).

-- DebiJoy (LongTimeLurker@shy.com), August 12, 2000.

Yes, there is a possibility if the female doctor is attractive I may go into "standby mode" and poke her eye out. Can I just tell them when I book the appointment that I am homophobic and would like to take a pass this time?

-- (will.trade@for.breast.check), August 12, 2000.

Now that DebiJoy has graciously taken care of the serious-answer part of it..... This reminds me of a prostate exam joke.

Guy's in the doctor's office having his annual checkup. Finally, the doctor pulls out the rubber glove and says, "Now we'll have to do the prostate part of it."

The guy says, "Okay, if we gotta, we gotta. But one thing, doc..."

"Yes?" the doctor says.

"I better not look down and see both your hands on the table..."

(cymbal crash)

-- I'm Here, I'm There (I'm Everywhere@so.beware), August 12, 2000.

Thanks for the intelligent answer Debi, appreciate that. This brings up another question since it has been a long time for me. Do they have a menu you can peruse in advance and check the items that you want to order, and pass on others? Seems like that would be the way to go, since some people may not want to know if they had an inoperable tumor, for example, etc.

I'm Here, that's pretty funny, but on the other hand... NOT!! :)

-- (no.butt@probe.please), August 12, 2000.

I had to search a bit (stupid HMO plan, complete with list!) but I found a female MD, who reminds me a bit of my elementary school librarian, so no physical turn-ons to worry about. I don't consider myself a homophobe; I just prefer that my MD and hair-cutter be female, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

-- (kb8um8@yahoo.com), August 12, 2000.

All kidding aside, if I was going to look into the issue of prostate health, I would have a (psa) blood test first. If this indicated suspicion, then a person should consider that a digital( that's a finger) exam could disturb cancer cells, which could then migrate elsewhere. I have a friend who was just diagnosed with prostate cancer, and his psa count went up after the exam. The doctor told him to give it a week and check again, to see if it goes back down.

This same problem has been reported to happen with breast exams, when they are squeezed while being x-rayed.

Please correct me if I'm wrong, Deb

-- KoFE (your@town.USA), August 12, 2000.

Pretend your in prison--got no choice!!!

-- al-d. (dogs@zianet.com), August 12, 2000.

Stupid people die unnecessarily.

You're on the list.

-- Carlos (riffraff@cybertime.net), August 12, 2000.

Well, all I can add to this foolishness is that the next time my schlong needs a hands on check-up, I will ask for Debi Joy in person. At my age that could happen real soon.

-- Ra (tion@l.1), August 12, 2000.

kb8, I'm with you on the hairdresser thing too. 99.9% of male hair stylists are homos, so they have a tendency to want to cut your hair like a homo. Women know how a man's hair looks best.

Al-d, got no choice? In this day and age I would certainly hope you are wrong. I hope I do have a choice, the question is how to handle it diplomatically.

Thanks KoFE, now I am certain there are at least 2 areas that are off limits for finger-probing. I'll take my chances.

Carlos, thanks for your constructive response! As for your own physical health, it is all to apparent that you are in dire need of an enema. ;-)

Death is not to be feared, it happens to all of us. If I get there a little sooner because I refused to let a man handle my nuts, so be it. At least I won't be having nightmares for all of eternity.

-- (hands.off@the.merchandise), August 12, 2000.

hands,

Was flippant but had no idea you were serious.

Thinking about it now, believe I'll let the above response stand.

Thanks for the enema reminder but gratefully the next sigmoid exam isn't till 2003.

-- Carlos (riffraff@cybertime.net), August 12, 2000.

tried=saw-palmetto??????

-- al-d. (dogs@zianet.com), August 12, 2000.

I totally prefer to have a woman gynecologist, and have for the past 6 years or so. I feel much more comfortable, and I feel that a woman can sympathize and understand my concerns or questions much more than a man can; Probably because she has the same 'plumbing' and can relate.

We've had had the same family GP for years, in fact since I was a little girl. And I just couldn't imagine getting a pelvic exam or a breast exam from him. That would be way weird.

-- cin (cin@cinn.cin), August 12, 2000.

p.s...You really SHOULD go ahead and get that check. Otherwise you may worry needlessly because you couldn't go through with it. It will be over before you know it.

-- cin (cin@cinn.cin), August 12, 2000.

First off I would like to say that a person has the right to have or not have any exams he/she wishes or not. Many people don't know this but even in a hospital you have the right to say NO to anything you feel you don't want. If a Doctor/Nurse/anybody forces you to take a pill you don't want, procedure you don't want...this is called Battery and the person can be sued. This is called "The Patient's Rights" and these rights should be given to you upon entering a hospital.

I would recommend having a scrotum check as I believe if there is a problem you can be cured if caught early. Or even if you have the check you can still say NO to any treatment you don't want. If you are really very against having anybody (male/female) check you professionally, then at least do a self check (read the info on the internet or go to library or ask professional how to do it).

Please see if you can find a caring professional female Doctor so you might feel (excuse the pun) you want to go through with the check-up for peace of mind.

kOFe, don't know the answer to your question but it sounds like that is possible. Ra, my hubby NEVER goes to Doctors so I gave him the exam myself. It's easy. All you woman who love your men can check them yourselves. Just feel for any hard lumps. But read up (excuse the pun once again :) about it so you know what to look for.

Hope this helps! :)

-- DebiJoy (LongTimeLurker@shy.com), August 12, 2000.

It's a good thing for males not to have sex at least 24 hours before a PSA exam or it can elevate hormone levels and throw the test off.

I've noticed that many male doctors are a bit more "thorough" in conducting digital prostate exams (the "finger whammy") than most famale doctors are. Just make sure that the guy doesn't put both hands on your shoulders during the exam!

-- Pecker Checker (pc@it's.not.fun), August 12, 2000.

I must humbly admitt, upon first clicking on here I did think my balls r for women only was kidding.

If he was,, I'm assuming the kindness presented here put that to bed (pun intended)

Deb, welcome. I must admitt, I'd feel a lil funny giving my hubby a ball check, call me dumb, but there are a lil lump in each and i dont know nuthin bout male plumbing only that i prefer my hubby.?

My balls, hope you heed the good advice you received. you must do the check, period.

Cin: I too insisted on female, however, she was rude, and very rough and had the bedside manner of a full box of lemonheads. I now see a male who has delivered more babies than I can mention, he proudly displays each on his wall. He is gentle, and very concerned. To each their own, but for me the woman thing didnt work out well at all. And to top it off she has now relocated her office in my bldg where I work, and her secretary's dont even like her.

go figure.

xoxo, sumer

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), August 12, 2000.

this is kind of a ballsy post-ain't it??

-- al-d. (dogs@zianet.com), August 12, 2000.

Ouch!

Thanks DJ.

-- What choice do we have? (anonymous @no tell .hotel), August 12, 2000.

this is kind of a ballsy post-ain't it??

-- al-d. (dogs@zianet.com), August 12, 2000.

LOL at al......not as ballsy as your threat to leave a week ago?

kidding aside, glad to cya stuck it out....opps pun not intended.

gez who

-- (rubber@duckie.right), August 12, 2000.

Speaking as a man who lost his father to prostate cancer a few months back, a good many years before his time, because he too was too embarrassed to let someone examine him, I gotta tell you, just walk into that doctor's office, grit your teeth and DO IT, dammit. You think the scrotum/prostate checks are bad? Try lingering in indescribable pain for three months before dying. It wasn't the cancer that killed him, altho by then it had moved into his spine and hip bones. It was complete exhaustion combined with the level of painkillers they finally had to give him before he could get any relief. And by the way, you know what the usual treatment for prostate cancer is? They cut off your balls, big boy. No, I'm not joking. The cancer feeds on testosterone, so they remove the source. It's that or monthly hormone shots that do the same thing.

The scrotum check is for testicular cancer, which is highly curable IF IT's CAUGHT IN TIME. The American who just this month won the Tour de France for the second time in a row suffered from it several years ago. He was met at the finish line by his smiling (and beautiful) wife holding their brand new baby.

Bottom line (pun intended) is that you just have to remind yourself that millions of men go through this same thing every year, and they do it without having their masculinity questioned. They're doing it because they're men. So be a man and get it done.

-- don't skip it (embarrassed@butworth.it), August 13, 2000.

i hear, that diet has alot to do with nut-cancer!!lay off the fried foods

-- al-d. (dogs@zianet.com), August 13, 2000.

i,ll stick it out--with pride--yee-haw!--use it or lose it!!

-- al-d. (dogs@zianet.com), August 13, 2000.

My,

Don't be such a baby. Think of all the horrible, invasive things that doctors have to do, and compare that to your testicular exam.

As the ad says, "just do it",

Frank

-- Someone (ChimingIn@twocents.cam), August 13, 2000.

Y'all gotta be kidding me! Do you really think that men do not know whether their balls feel normal or not? Ladies, I ask you, where is the hand that is not holding the remote?

I rest my case.

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeed@yahoo.com), August 13, 2000.

ok Uncle Bundy....I mean Deedah =)

-- cin (cin@cinn.cin), August 13, 2000.

Ladies, I ask you, where is the hand that is not holding the remote? I rest my case.

LOL!!

-- (kb8um8@yahoo.com), August 13, 2000.

Unc., OMG I havent laughed that hard in I honestly dont know how long, but I can tell you where the other hand isnt. :-) oh shoot did I just say that?

DO NOT READ FURTHER IF EASILY OFFENDED, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED....

Yep and I meant it. One for remote, other for computer, Now LADIES I ask you,,,,,where are our mens HAND'S in the shower?

And What is the stuff 'we' get to clean up off the shower tiles?

xoxo, sumerous

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), August 13, 2000.

this is a nuttee-post!--kinda letting it all hang-out!-it could the type of scivvies yu wear--bind-up thy nuts-when going to war!! hey nurse-lady--do a->'health-tip-o-the week-thing!

-- al-d. (dogs@zianet.com), August 13, 2000.

Here's a hint for ya, Al's Troll: Al uses an older keyboard, plus he has some problems with hitting the shift key.

al_d speakstart'S TO,LOOK MORE LIKE THIS,S+he doesno,tKNOW=KEYBOARD,,all tHAT weell,,PRAZETHE LORD=GOD,,ABOVE!!!!!!

-- (link@link.link), August 13, 2000.

He'll never get it, like DiETeR, it is a style unique to the creator.

-- (al-d@impossible.to.fake), August 13, 2000.

>it is a style unique to the creator
>>Thank God for LITTLE THINGS!

-- (nutz@nutz.nutz), August 13, 2000.

WHAT I SAY WHAT---MUST I DO--TOO CONVINCE YOU EVER-LUVIN--BONE-SUCKIN- UP-CHUCKIN----HAMMERHEADS---I,VE=MORPHED!!

-- yu dumb-ass ITS=ME! (dogs@zianet.com), August 13, 2000.

The real al doesn't have the word "morph" in his lexicon.

-- (anotherbrick@the.wall), August 13, 2000.

One of the facts of life is that people tell you who they are, if you will listen carefully. Please read the post two above this one. There is no imposter.

-- Aunt Bee (Aunt__Bee@hotmail.com), August 14, 2000.

Initially I was reluctant to have my scrotum scrutinized. But I have come to anticipate it. I go in every 3 months. The key is to find a doc with a gentle but lingering touch. Warm hands are imperative.

Sigmoidoscpes are great fun. I love to see a live TV of my own colon. I love to hear the doc rhapsodize "nice mucosa, nice mucosa"!

-- (nemesis@awol.com), August 16, 2000.

geez nemesis. I'm eating here. do you mind?

-- cin (cin@cinn.cin), August 16, 2000.