I have been wanting to ask this for a long time but thought it was not real apropriat. But today after reading some questions and answers. I thought what better group of peaple for me to discus this with. Have you peaple ever been made fun of buy your townsman for the way we live . I have, Thats just one reason I think it would be neat to find some homesteader foster parents. Infact when we went through class to get our licence I did not think we would make it through because we are diferent. I think my husband being a school teacher help alot. Sorry that I can not spell ( live with it) Lisa

-- Lisa Hopple (hopplehomestead@safezone.net), August 05, 2000

Answers

I think their are many "good" foster parents and I'm sorry that I have to be the one to point a finger. However, many people raise children for profit ! This is not exceptable by any realm of the imagination, yet it is a fact of the state. So, you receive 600 dollars a month per child. How much does it really cost to raise a child in a family of 4 ? My estimate is 100 per month for food ,clothing , and medical and this is to the excessive extreme. My mother-in-law saves all their SSI checks for her annual trip to Hawaii, always has, always will. This is Hell on earth for a child to imagine that a parent was paid to have them. I apologize in advance because --if you had the heart to post this, you are not whom I'm talking about. In my life we are " The generation they left behind" or we are the graveyard with no tombstones !

-- Joel Rosen (Joel681@webtv.net), August 05, 2000.

We did have foster children and I would never do it again..ever...The children were a blessing,even though they were tough to work with,but everything we tried to teach them was quickly undone by the social workers,the parents and the courts...We got sooooooooo depressed when we would take them to the agency for a "family visit' and the parents would not show up..the kids would be distraught,cry themselves to sleep..we would be angry..it was a mess..yet dispite the history of horrendous physical abuse and the parents who would never show for a visit, the courts in their "wisdom" would give these children right back to their parents again...then we would hear a year later that the kids were back in foster care and did we want them again??? We had two sisters,ages 11 and 5..the oldest had spent a total of 10 months with her parents in her entire life and that was not all at one time.This little girl was incredibly damaged.....so, where is she now??? With her parents, of course..until the next time they are in jail.The system is geared towards "reuniting families"..NOT the best interest of the children.As far as homesteading with foster children, it is a blessing....our kids learned so much and were soooooo happy..Our only hope is that the 11 kids that we had kept tucked inside them some of what they learned at our place..I know I will never forget them.I wish you the best and pray that you live in a state where the courts put the kids first..God bless..

-- Lesley (martchas@gateway.net), August 05, 2000.

Thank You, Lisa for your private response. Perhaps if we do discuss dollar amounts of children per month, we are in the wrong business ?????

-- Joel Rosen (Joel681@webtv.net), August 05, 2000.

I want to thank, Lesley for giving an accurate portrayal of "foster life" ! That account is totally accurate and "to the point" ! If you want whiskey ? Ask a moonshiner. If you want truth about children--ask a child ?

-- Joel (Joel681@webtv.net), August 05, 2000.

I agree with Lesley that the "system" tries hard to undo everything good that we put into our foster kids. We've been in the "business" (that's for you, Joel) for almost 8 years, now. More than 30 kids have passed through our home (not including our own 5) and we've loved all of them and enjoyed most of them. Of course the money is more than reasonable people would normally spend on raising a child, but I'm working at home with them, instead of out getting a paycheck, so I don't feel bad about it at all. Plus, the emotional drain these troubled children cause is worth a little bit of compensation. I wish my own kids had the kind of clothing allowance and spending money the state provides for these kids. Our current foster child will soon grow out of the system, but she will always be a part of our family and home. However, we will not renew our contract with the state, because we are tired of Big Brother watching our every move, waiting for the smallest misstep so they can prosecute us for child abuse. We've seen it happen too many times, while the abusive natural parents get the kids returned to them time after time. Joel, I also know people in the system who are just in it for the money, but most of us are good folks, just trying to help out.

-- glynnis in KY (gabbycab@msn.com), August 05, 2000.

Thank You ! for proving my point ! It starts as a project and ends as a business. CHILDREN ARE NOT CHICKENS ! ---find another endeavor to raise pullets for profit !!!!!!!!!!!

-- Joel Rosen (Joel681@webtv.net), August 05, 2000.

Corect me if I am wrong because I am new here But is the forum to use to say mean things to someone who post a question. It has never happen to me before even though I am new I have had wonderful experiences even had a person give me a book that I had wanted for many years. If my thinking is corect we should only answer a forum question that we know something about. If that is true the only people who needed to respond to my question would infact be foster parents. I wanted someone to talk to who knows the heartbrake that I go through on a daily basis. However since Joel knows everything I will go ahead and ask him. Here are some questions my children ask me daily. Can God help my parents to get better? why cant I see my Dad? why does my Dad hit me? Why do I have to live in a foster home when other childern live with their parents? Why did my mom not show up for our visit (again)? Why cant I go home? I could go on and on But lets see what advice Joel has for children whom cry their self to sleep at night. What should I say to them Joel since you Have all the answers and I am a bad person who gets paid to raise kids. I guess you are just a stronger person than I am If you can deal with this every day and not want to find a freindly person to talk to. I will not let this descourage me from the forum but please countrysiders only respond to questions that you know something about.

I would still like to hear from some foster parents its graet to have someone to talk to.

Lisa

-- Lisa Hopple (hopplehomestead@safezone.net), August 05, 2000.

Lisa, I am a lurker and infrequent poster here. My husband and I have been foster parents for 9 years. For therapeautic(sp) foster children. I would like to correspond with you via email. I would also like to put my two cents worth in concerning some of the comments. I work for a private agency that provides incredible support for its parents and a reasonable pay check. I realize that there are many foster parents who keep children for the money but I'm convinced that if the job is done right we are underpaid. How many of you would go to a job that lasts 24/7 where you will be kicked, hit, cursed, called every filthy name known to man and afew I'd never heard before. I've been spit on, tripped and had my glasses knocked off my face more times than I can count. I've had almost every room in my house trashed, furniture broken, door hinges off, walls smashed. Do you know who pays to fix this stuff? We do. But do you know the crazy part. I would go back and do it all over again because I know someone has to and I figure if my husband and I do it right the kids that come thru here have more of a chance of making it than they did before they got here. Because I am physically unable to physically restrain an out of control child, adolescent or teen we are keeping a very young physically handicapped child. He cant walk, talk and is partially blind. He has been seriously sexually and physically abused. He wears diapers and has to be fed. He wouldnt be more loved if he was my own flesh and blood and nobody else would take him. The only other place for him would be in a hospital,sitting in his wheel chair day after day. If the system went broke tomorrow and I didnt draw a pay check he would still have a place to stay. Since I'm wound up let me say another few words about the other side of the story. I've kept my share of teenagers and let me tell you everyone of them, no exception, are very system smart. They know how to milk it for every thing they can get. Heres the routine. You go to a foster home. You have no wardrobe so the state gives the parents 200 to get you started with decent clothes. Guess what it won't hardly buy 3 outfits because they want designer clothes. So you duke it out about shopping at Walmart. Then because you want them to fit in you go out of your way to fix special food they like and try to make sure they are comfortable in their space. When the real bottom line stuff starts happening like having to do chores, homework and not being able to come and go as they please then the fun begins. They disrupt. Sometimes you go thru cycles of disruption and calming down for months until they get fed up with rules etc. Thats when they do whatever it takes to be moved. The last teen girl we kept left after threatening my retarded son. I'm not saying they dont exist, but after all these years I've yet to meet the Readers Digest version where the child comes in and appreciates what you are trying to do, takes advantage of the opportunities offered and make something of themselves. As far as I'm concerned the system stinks, both ways. But while I cant change the system, I can love the child. All of our experiences havent been bad and all of the children arent lost. I know that at some point in their life they will remember being here and that it was good and that they were loved. My last teen foster son in a fit of anger one time told me that I only kept him for the money and I said back to him that there wasnt enough money in the system to pay me what I was worth. You know what, he agreed. When the agency did an evaluation one of the questions they ask him was What have you learned from being in this home? His answer was "That they love me no matter what" Peggy

-- Peggy (wclpc@cookeville.com), August 05, 2000.

I didn't say anything mean as you suggest. I guess being a product of the system you are asking about does not qualify me to speak as a foster parent. However all those questions that you say they asked I had to answer for myself when I was a child. Mean and nasty was the private e-mail you sent me --now wasn't it ? I have to admit it left serious implications in my mind of your ability to care for children. That is not mean--it is a formulated opinion. I'm sorry if one of the wild cards (myself) made it through the system with his pride and dignity intact. Your correct--I am strong and opinionated and guess what made me that way ? Whenever the topic of money and foster children are in the same paragraph, it is a good indicator of a problem.

-- Joel Rosen (Joel681@webtv.net), August 05, 2000.

You know joel I really dont understand your hang up about the money thing. I ran a day care in my home for several years, while I was a foster parent. The people who left their children with me werent paying for the lunch and airconditioning they were paying me for my time. Most of them paid cheerfully. The ones that didnt got a note from me respectfully asking if they would work for 2.50 an hour. Of course not but they expected me to care for their most precious possession for that much. Instead of carrying the chip on your shoulder why not become a foster parent yourself and do a better job than the ones who cared for you. Thats the only way to make a difference. When I had a day care I did it to suppliment my husbands income. We have a retarded child and I didnt want to leave him to work away from home. Yes it was for the money. But I determined that my day care would be more than just a job. I said it before and I'm gonna say it again. Even if you cant change the stinkin system, you can give one child at a time something they have never had. A clean bed and uncondional love and a place to live without fear. I'm not an idealistic, save the world person. But neither will I sit on my hands and do nothing because the system doesnt work. In my little corner of the world it does. God bless you, Peggy

-- Peggy (wclpc@cookeville.com), August 06, 2000.

Well peggy, after futhur though I am inclined to believe that I may be to close to the problem of foster care. I do believe that foster children have a great perspective on the issue. We carry the emotional scars of foster care or adoptions. I also have been in the position of hearing why people want to be foster parents. Those reasons do not help us but tend to further our emotional scarring. I have seen emotional trainwrecks become foster parents and my mother-in-law deals kids around like a game of strip poker and it is the children who are stripped of any thread of dignity they might of escaped a bad situation with. ALL FOSTER PARENTS AREN"T BAD ! I think many are good and said so in my first reply. The money is a great source of emotional scarring for these children. I heard a child who had hit my mother-in-law scream " now your earning the money they pay you, bleed for it,@#$%^" The child was totally correct in his statement. It would seem to me that if we removed the cash incentives to be a foster parent that we would be better off for it. Less Foster parents ? Yes Better Foster parents ? You bet ! Only the dedicated ! Take it from --"one of the children left behind" We really don't need you to be a part of my life crutch. I will continue to breath without anyone's help. The damage to me is permenant and there is nothing you can say or do to change that. By trying to help me --you may in fact hurt me worse so, please leave me alone. I really am sorry that this thread turned slightly ugly--I had no intention of that happening. Of all the tough issue's I discuss I am shocked that I let this one go over board. I think it is good that you hear from those you care for also. If the feelings were not all that you thought they might be than I apologize for that also !

-- Joel Rosen (Joel681@webtv.net), August 06, 2000.

Wow, glad that I was away for a few days.... and imagine, we were at a horse show, camping with... our three foster children. What a hot topic this turned out to be. I could quickly get heated and posting in the wrong tone, but I will try to refrain. Unfortunately, even with financial incentives, there are far to few homes for these children. Yes, idealy people would gladly pay out of their pockets to care for these children, but it doesn't often happen. ...... You know what, I am stumped on what to write. Anything seems to come out wrong. I love my lifestyle, and foster children are a part of it. They make our homestead complete. Okay, I have deleted more than I have typed. If you want to as questions about our home feel free to email. If you want a heated debate, I doubt that I will oblige.

-- MarciB (daleb@kent.net), August 06, 2000.

Joel - what started out as a well-meaning project became a lifestyle, effecting positive change in many children and my own family as well. It's never been a business for me. Peggy - Our current (and last) is a joy to all of us. She sees what she's escaped from and is truly grateful to have a chance at another lifestyle than the one her own parents had to offer her (typical teenage rebellion not withstanding). I'm trusting God that something eternal was deposited in each of the children who've come through our home, even though I may never see the end result.

-- glynnis in KY (gabbycab@msn.com), August 06, 2000.

Dear Lisa, My hubby & I have kept children---we called them our "foster children"---but we never received money for their care. We happened to be the people/ God would send children to -- uaually that a church was involved in--that the children were taken out of for safty reasons, etc, in route to another home. Some times that time span was much longier than we thought it would be! No one has a clue/ unless they have been there & done that!!!!! Honey, one day I was in a store shopping & had a "herd" of kids with me--& some who had,/ had no training---I had to stop & give them some lessons right there in the store(I'm sure you have been there/done that, also.)This fine dressed woman came up to me & started telling me what I was doing WRONG! So, I said, Oh children--this nice lady is an expert on child care --so she is going to watch ya all while I get the shopping done! (then I said to the woman--Steven in blind, phy handicaped, & retarded, & it seems he has taken out his glass eyeballs again & have them in his mouth--you won't want to let him swallow them--Dale bites)--& before & could get any farther explaining---THIS WOMAN WENT RUNNING AWAY FROM US/ saying, "Oh!--Oh!--Oh!!!! I guess she didn't know as much as she thought she did! My precious "herd" & I finished our shopping! We always heard people talking about us--but if I think about it/ we probably were something to watch!!!!ha! I still am defensive if I hear someone talking bad about someone/ or something I think is judgemental--& I know it comes from defending my "special children"! My nick name has "MaMa hen"---& I can get just as nasty as an old hen can protecting my babies/or anyone else! We don't keep children anymore in our home--but we still help private organizations that help in the care of children. Cause we have been there & done that / so we know & we understand! Someone who posted about clothes for the kids--we never had anything new/ except shoes & underware the rest came from garage sales, Goodwill, etc. If I had all the money in the world/ I'm sure I'd still be shopping at Goodwill helping some children I know that could use the help! Sonda in Ks.

-- Sonda (sgbruce@birch.net), August 06, 2000.

Dear Lisa, I don't know if I qualify to answer your question as I am a homesteader , also an ex-foster parent and an ex-foster child. As far as the homestead lifestyle I think that it is a wonderful enviroment for any child (foster or not) if your heart is in the right place. Please understand that what you are getting are children from less than perfect backgrounds with less than perfect life experiences. It may take more than just good clean country life to cure what ails us. We bring our pain with us to your home and try very hard to share it. Once a foster child always a foster child. For some it is a life sentence. Some struggle for a lifetime to deal with the scars not only left by our parents, but also by foster parents that are in over their head. They don't have the training or support to deal with many of our problems. In a perfect world the state would not be understaffed, underpaid , or have twice the caseload it can deal with. As an adult I became a foster parent and excepted a few kids through the years as I beleive in quality and not quantity. My youngest son is a product of this same system, I got him at age 3 and adopted him at age 13. He is now a junior in college and doing wonderful. The bond he and I share is as strong if not stronger than with my two biological sons (also adults) if for no other reason than that we understand one anothers pain. Go in with reservations and examine your motivations and maybe you'll come out of the experience with better experiences than Joel. Food for thought; before the foster care program children who's parents were incarcerated or deceased were housed in institutions till adulthood. Charles Manson was a product of the foster care system! Federal funds for Foster Care Agencies are based on the number of children reunited with their biological families! Go figure that.

-- sallyp (sally@cvalley.net), August 10, 2000.

Hello, I have seen both sides of this issue. I was in foster care, adopted and am currently a foster parent. Most of the children I take are special needs, I am the last stop before institutionalization for many. I receive money for these children,but I do not make money on these children. My experience is similiar to the other foster parents , my house, yard etc have been trashed repeatedly because I have special needs children I often spend my mornings cleaning fecal matter off walls , bedding etc. I have been biten many times , shoulders dislocated twice (different kids). Why?? Because I can love and care for these kids, someone has to. I have adopted two children who I fostered. There will always be those "rotten apples" in all the barrels of life but there are also people like myself who feel honored to have made a difference in the life of a child. I apologize for those who have been hurt and/or wounded by the system--but there are many who have been saved by this very same system. InChrist Faith

-- Faith (Foureverfaith@hotmail.com), August 11, 2000.