We've all written it. What was your worst? Was it full of rhyming prose that involved rainbows and an ode to Ponyboy? Or was it deep, angsty stuff where you dotted each i with a drop of your own blood to show how *intense* your pain was when you were 12?

-- Anonymous, August 03, 2000

Answers

from europe

or is it

minnesota

he races in

on gilded winged and feathered

terracotta

hairlikesilk

looking straight into

my lens

traces the rim of his coffee cup

i don't have to

be a freak

italian beach

pasta party

defying perceptional contradictions

i payattentiontodetails

my cup of coffee made

i write the word that comes to mind

over and over again

curry

curry

curry

and my heart bleeds one more tear

-- Anonymous, August 03, 2000

All right, you stop that!

I still have a few pretty bad poems I wrote about my unrequited love for Simon LeBon.... No rainbows or anything, but plenny o' Teen Angst.

And I wrote a pretty trite piece of shite (see? poetry!) about my ex- best friend in a creative writing class.

-- Anonymous, August 03, 2000

Mine was super-angsty. I think I still have some. I'll try to dig it up.

Good topic!

-- Anonymous, August 03, 2000

Help! I can't breathe! LoL, I almost shit myself reading Curry Heartache!!! I sent a link to that site to one of my friends who was having a bad day, she loved it. Mind if I send her a copy of your beautiful poetry too? :)

-- Anonymous, August 03, 2000

You know there's only one poem I can remember ever writing. It was my mantra whenever I got mad at somebody... [person's name here] is a stupid fuck I hope he/she gets hit by a truck To be that person must really suck. Uck. Hey, it makes me feel better, okay? :)

-- Anonymous, August 03, 2000

Here's a bad one I wrote oh, two weeks ago. I won't be recieving any writing scholarships in the near future, I know.

As you lay together in his bed

and he stares into your eyes

and palms are pressed

against each other's

do not ask

what he is thinking

because hearing

"thinking about encrypting credit cards"

is not romantic

it won't give you

warm fuzzies

it only reminds you

that you love

a geek

-- Anonymous, August 03, 2000

Keli thinks that she can have Curry.
But I don't worry.
I know that he is only starring with Buddy Lee.
On the TV.
To save up for an engagement ring for me.

-- Anonymous, August 04, 2000

Bad (but hopefully funny) rengu: http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q- and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id=002zMT

Bad (but I've gotten better) free verse: http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Studios/4334/poetry4.html

"Enjoy".

I think the worst of all was a free-association thing that was not supposed to be printed. It was just a plotline for what was supposed to be a more polished work, but I scribbed it on the back of some homework assignment that we had to turn in (unexpectedly). My English teacher was sadistic and thought it would be funny to share it with the world, so he published it (along with some much better work). I am embarrassed by it, but don't have a copy to share. I was 14.

-- Anonymous, August 04, 2000

Geez, Keli, that one poem sounds like one I'd write. The fact that you think it's sucks kinda make me feel bad. Most of my bad poetry involves pining and trite bitchtry about being unloved. Angst!

-- Anonymous, August 04, 2000

Ha! I keep running across a folder of my old writing and grimacing each time in shame. I many times I've found myself holding it, hovering threateningly over a trashcan, but don't throw it away because I hear my mom telling me how important it is to have this crap to look back on -- and I keep wondering if I'll ever feel anything less than sick to my stomach when I find it yet again. It is SO bad. I'll try to remember to enter some here over the weekend. I'm sure y'all can hardly wait.

-- Anonymous, August 04, 2000

Keli, "Loving a Geek" ought to be required reading for any woman who ever dated/plans to date. I fell asleep last night thinking of that, while listening to the melodic strains of whatever carnage 'n destruction game my husband was playing on the PC.

-- Anonymous, August 05, 2000

i actualy wrote this to my ex once;

my boyfreind dan is a great man even whenhes outside shooting up cans of spam

hes is sooo cute and is a skinny as a flute and is the apple of my fruit

i love him so im glad he aint joe cuz joe blows cuz he was alwayz a no show

but dans my guy w\/ eyes like a blue sky i love him when hes high and cuz he dont cry he is jus t super fly!!!!!

I was 16 when i wrote this!

-- Anonymous, August 07, 2000

Oh my!

I never wrote poetry, but I am enjoying all the teen angst poems.

-- Anonymous, August 08, 2000

Me too. This past weekend my parents came down to visit and they brought boxes of stuff from my old bedroom. When I went through one of the boxes I found an old wallet, and in the wallet was a poem that my best friend in high school, Katie, wrote for me about being her best friend. I'm debating whether or not to post it here.

-- Anonymous, August 08, 2000

Do it, Nicole!

-- Anonymous, August 08, 2000

Please don't tease us, Nicole. Post it!

-- Anonymous, August 08, 2000

Okay, here it is. I have to tell you that Katie was one of only 4 people I let call me Nic, so don't think y'all can start calling me that! To My Best Friend Nic
By Katie Eick, January 23, 1990
There is a girl who I can tell everything I see,
There is a girl who I can hug and will always hug me.
There is a girl who's kind and sweet, and never does complain,
There is a girl who's crazy and totally insane.
She loves to dance and loves to sing,
And for me she'd do anything.
She calls me when I'm blue, she calls me when I'm sick,
She calls me all the time to tell me guys are dicks.
She's got a lot of sense and lots of good advice,
She loves her Boris Becker and her Andrew Dice.
We laugh together all the time and to me she's such a kick,
What is the name of my best friend,
Who else but my babe Nic!

-- Anonymous, August 08, 2000

Andrew Dice Clay? ew!!!!!!!!!!

-- Anonymous, August 09, 2000

That's why I debated about posting the poem here. I think the guy was pretty damn funny back in the 80s . I knew someone would have a hissy about him.

-- Anonymous, August 10, 2000

He was funny back in the 80s.

-- Anonymous, August 10, 2000

nic i really liked your freinds poem. it wa s so beutiful. were boris and andy your bfs?

-- Anonymous, August 10, 2000

Floosie, I wished Boris Becker was my boyfriend.

And don't call me Nic.

-- Anonymous, August 10, 2000

im sorry niciole!! i did'nt read it right and thought you liked your freinds to call you that! i hope your not mad at me!!!

-- Anonymous, August 10, 2000

No problem, floosie. Just don't do it again! :)

-- Anonymous, August 10, 2000

Not to have a "hissy" or anything, I'm just curious. I have no idea if Andrew Dice Clay is actually funnny or not because I could never get past the everpresent misogyny. Help me understand what about his humor appealed to you. Maybe you could explain it as a haiku or a couplet, just to stay on topic?

Why Andrew Dice Clay? His ugly words for women turned me off for good

-- Anonymous, August 10, 2000

Because the misogyny was an act, that's how I got past it. I've always thought that if women can do standup and talk about how men are so annoying and so bad (Rita Rudner and Joy Behar, I'm looking at you) men can do it too. Clay's act was so over the top that I knew it was a big joke. The "Diceman" was an act. Andrew Clay is a comedian that invented a character, like Andy Kaufman did when he invented that lounge lizzard character (whose name I can't remember right now). The act was supposed to shock you, to make you say "oh my god, I can't believe he just said that!" and start laughing.

I guess I'm just a bad example of the female species, because I also enjoy listening to Howard Stern and watching him on E!. I also get that what he says on the radio and what he does in real life are two totally different things.

I'm sure there are a number of performers that you enjoy that I probably detest. But don't worry, I'm not going to judge you on these boards.

-- Anonymous, August 10, 2000

Shoot, my haiku got all jumbled! And I worked so hard counting all those syllables! Oh, well, thanks for 'splainin' it to me, Nicole.

-- Anonymous, August 10, 2000

I guess I'm a bad example too, Nicole. I find them funny also. Sometimes I man bash. Hell, I could probably do a whole routine on what's wrong with men, but I not fond of public speaking.

-- Anonymous, August 11, 2000

Here's your haiku, Jill... The funny Diceman
Like Howard Stern and others
Is out to shock and offend

I think Dice is funny, too. I like the whole "I can't believe those words escaped his lips" shock value of it all. The same for Stern. I don't buy into the whole "he says what everyone is thinking" school of thought, but he IS shocking. I like being surprised by things people say.

I also like bathroom humor. A LOT!

-- Anonymous, August 11, 2000

i lick a guy whose name is brett

hes really cute and i think he drives a vet

i love his smile it makes me wild

one day i hope i have his child!!!

i think im gonna get a book on poems

-- Anonymous, August 11, 2000

*Get* a book on poems?!? floosie, you could *write* a book of poems. I'd love to hear some more.

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2000

Once, in the 8th grade, we had to write a letter to our future selves. The idea was that we would get this letter back in a senior year english class or something. I'm still waiting. I'd love to see what it said. I remember writing something about Heather, who was sitting in front of me and she kept turning around to read what I wrote and I kept poking her with my pen. I wonder what happened to it...

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2000

I saw Curry on TV last night.... Watch out, he's soon to be a media sensation!

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2000

thanx maggies! i will wright more after my date with brett! im glad you liked them :)

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2000

brett just called from the race

he sayd he came in last place

he sounded realy happy

im glad he dont fell crappy

cuz then i be unhappy

he sayd he has a big suprize

i hope it dont make me cry

cuz then id have to redo my eyes

just be for he stops by

oh how i wish time would fly!!!!!!

-- Anonymous, September 03, 2000

Floosie, you've nailed the rhyming thing. Have you ever thought of trying a limerick?

-- Anonymous, September 11, 2000

thanx for likeing my poems maggie. i never tryed a limrick but i will next time

-- Anonymous, September 11, 2000

This was pre-Meg you all understand... I feel nothing for the man now.

Russell Crowe, Russell Crowe
Wanna get a gondola and make you row
Russell Crowe, Russell Crowe
Put you in my basement and watch you grow
Every time I picture you in my head
I think of all I'd do to you from A to Zed...

Russell Crowe, Russell Crowe
How'd you get those sexy thighs I want to know
Russell Crowe, Russell Crowe
If you'd give me half a chance I'd suck your toes
I'm really not the freaky girl you think I am
But staring at your beefy buns makes my heart go bam

You have to sort of shout it at the top of your lungs, like a Sex Pistols song... It's still bad, but it makes me feel warm and tingly.

-- Anonymous, September 23, 2000

That was beautiful, Shannon.

Just so y'all know... to make line breaks (as opposed to paragraph breaks), you type

[br]

except that you type "<" instead of "[" and ">" instead of "]".

-- Anonymous, September 23, 2000

Like this: <br>

-- Anonymous, September 24, 2000

shannen is rusell crow your bf? he sounds really cute!!! brett aksed me to marry him
its a good thing i did'nt say oh yes jim!! (coz his names brett)
he gave me a ring the size of a rock
i think hes tyring to compete with kid rock (coz he knows i love him)
im soooooooooo happy and now i stopped felling crappy
and now brett will have to stop looking at other womin!!

-- Anonymous, September 24, 2000

Congratulations, floosie!

-- Anonymous, September 24, 2000

I must tell the truth. No, floosie... Russell Crowe is not my boyfriend. He is not my boyfriend. He is not my boyfriend. I'm supposed to say it three times a day. It makes the voices go away. HA. Anyhow, it was a momentary crush, entertained after seeing LA Confidential for the fifth time, and written on a napkin when the moon was aligned in my obsession house.

-- Anonymous, September 24, 2000

oh i miss brett so bad

but at me he get mad

and im so sad

but now im glad

cuz im gnna date

every guy that i dont hate

even if he has alot of wait

may be ill find some one whose rich

who dont treet me like dirt ditch and we can get hitchd and heat fanyc sandwhich

-- Anonymous, November 08, 2000