27/07/2000 UK: NO - 1686 A GEORDIE.

Hoy, pet. How's it gannin' like? I'm very well, thank you for asking. Why aye! So, aah hear ye want to find oot aboot Geordies? Actually, yes. The thing is, the Arts and Humanities Research Board has just received a grant of almost #1m to carry out a study of the north-east and its inhabitants. Champion! Broons aal roond! What are they ganna gandie at like? Apparently they want to examine the region's historical, cultural, religious and sporting influences in an effort to pinpoint the true Geordie identity. Canny! Aah'd hev thowt the'll want to knaa aboot the accent, then? Why yes, the origins of the local dialect will be one aspect of the study, as will the composition of the stottie cake and Newcastle Brown Ale. Why, tha Toon broon! Indeed. Oh, and the researchers also intend to analyse Newcastle United FC and the impact on the area of its mixed fortunes over recent years. Howay the Lads! Toon Army! Toon Army ! The very same. Hadaway, man. Worraboot wor Captain Marvel? Ah yes, Alan Shearer. Well, the study will be taking the effect of his celebrity into account, alongside that of fellow natives such as Paul Gascoigne ... Why aye, wor Gazza! ... Sting, Bryan Ferry, Steve Cram and Brendan Foster. Haad on a min't, man! Worraboot Donna Air? Ant 'n' Dec? Viz? Worraboot Jimmy Nail, pride o' tha Tyne? Don't worry old chap, I'm sure they'll be involved too. Howay! Ah really divven't see tha point in this, hinny. Well, the basic idea is to try to dispel that old stereotype. What ye talkin' aboot, man? You know, that old chestnut about Geordies only being interested in beer and football, always spoiling for a fight, and talking in an accent that's largely incomprehensible to anyone born south of Durham. Ah, reet. That aad rubbish. (Silence.) Um, well, it's been champion talking ta ye and that, but ah'm gannin' hyem. Yes, OK. And a jolly old cheerio to you too!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GUARDIAN 27/07/2000 P3

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000

Answers

Patronising bunch of Southern and Mancunian c**ts.

Toon Broon??? Steve Cram???

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000

Total and utter shite .. football watching and beer drinking i ask you , do they think we've got nowt better to do with our lives : - ))

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000

Who gives these arty-farty ponces so much money to waste on such useless projects. If they want to know the origins of the accents, impact of sport etc they can surely just go to a university library where there are hundred of dissertations on this very subject. I say sack 'em & put them on the dole spend the #1m on doing something creative like errrr the Shields Road Byker regeneration project err on second thoughts some arty-farty survey might last longer.

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000

#1m - outrageous waste of money - though I'd be quite interested to read the report.

-- Anonymous, July 28, 2000