I'm going home to Toon this weekend. What a wonderful feeling that is! Family birthdays etc plus looking at flats etc. WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000

Answers

And I'm up there for my full stag weekend! I would invite you, but it's a strictly no women do (well, not women I know anyways).

Anyone going into Newcastle on Saturday night?

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000

Sounds like a good opportunity for a piss-up pre-season bbs meet.

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000

You lot make me very jealous. Its been about five years since I was last in toon - and then it was on business. The only good news was that the meeting was held in the SJP business centre to pander to the foreigner.

Enjoy! I'll have to face the heat and rigours of an Italian weekend

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000

Tempting. Unfortunately Nature has conspired in such a way that I am no longer allowed to drink beer. It turns out that it isn't just cola that tears me insides to shreds and makes me bleed, it's all fizzy drinks. I am quite literally devestated and have been debating with Jonno and Dr Bill over whether the ordering of which drink from wine, bloody Marys and G & Ts will be the least likely to get me punched in the face in the Strawberry next season.

You can see it now...crowd seething with resentment at being moved for corporate seats - Southern twat saunters up to the bar and says, "A Pimms please landlord, make it a large one, I'm feeling saucy!" and his battered and bleeding body is found in the bottle bin later. :-(

I'll come out and buy you a drink, mind! Where you going Bobby?

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000

Soft lad

Starting in the Chillingham Arms, Heaton then westing by musket and sextent (to quote a Pavement album title) until oblivion...or the Quayside.

Arriving in Toon about 11.45, so will be oot and aboot for lunchtime. Sadly, saying 'I'll be the one in black & white' is not as assuring there as it may be in Lahndahn. Chilly Arms is a deffo, but other than that it'll be a matter of catch us if you can.

Mind, I fancy a trip down Altzheimer's Avenue and having a pint in the Egypt Cottage (still standing? 'twas by Tyne Tees TV) and the pub formerly known as The Barley Mow (now a soulless and bastardised Ferkin) on the City Road, where I first met wor lass - pillar box red hair an' all!

PS - if your allergies preclude drinking 'fizzy' then be happy in the knowledge that bottles of dog / ales / bitters are rarely fizzy. Or, ordering whiskey and vodka will retain your gentlemanly honour.

PPS - I had two girlfriends who had alcohol allergies...one couldn't drink any at all, the other only vodka! Can any of your readers beat that!?!

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000

Softie, what the bloody hell happened? (sorry about the language but I feel it warrents strong words!) Is this forever? What defines fizzy? Just a bit lively or carbonated? Can you not drink ale? You could always order a VERY VERY large whiskey? ("no! make a pint landlord!!"). I was in the Tap & Spile down Hexham way and just fancied a G&T, so asked for one.......I'd been away too long of course. "been away, thinks he's it, the big Puff, London makin' yer soft then eh? Gin and Tonic? Howay bonny lad, pint wasn't it?" and since I can only drink hard b*st*rds drink like whiskey.

Nee Pop, that's a B*gg*r alright.

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000

Somehow I just know that Bud will tell the joke about the statuesque blonde who goes into the pub every day and drinks 5 brandies before passing out...;-)

Chillingham Arms it is. About lunchtime you reckon?

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000

Yep Bobster, a bloke on my course would drink a little but it was poison beyond about two pints, unless he sipped, yep vodka neat. Me' dad can't drink much, his system just breaks down. Me' ma' on the other had can drink like a B*st*rd, thankfully I have a smidgeon of her genes on the Pop front.

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000

It's only because I was getting these bouts even without going to the pub that I hadn't worked out the connection myself...that and the fact that there's none so blind as them that won't see! I had been getting progressively more painful bouts of the trots over the last few years and had started bleeding quite heavily at times.

Typical bloke, pretended it was nothing and carried on regardless. Eventually got scared enough to psyche myself up enough to visit a Doctor and own up (expecting rubber gloves and the works right there and then). Problem was that they just took a load of horrible samples and sent them to a lab. The results came back, "You do not have Amoebic Dysentery".....which kind of presupposes that I had asked, "Tell me the worst, Doc, have I got Amoebic Dysentery?" rather than what actually happened which was, "Doctor, I hate people poking about inside me, but I've been crapping blood and badly need to know what the f**k is wrong with me..."

Still being a typical bloke, having got over my reluctance to be prodded about, I was now so furious at being pissed about with the tests that I was determined to die from my condition very publicly whilst pointing at the incompetent bastard in teh white gown as I did so.

This didn't work, and the bouts have just kept getting worse. I started drinking diet cola to settle my stomach (fool!) and it was only in the last few months that I heard that some folk don't get on well with fizzy drinks. I stopped drinking them and the problem cleared up straight away. I've been grand ever since...until I have a couple of beers when I go through the full Hammer Horror experience again. No use in moping about it, just have to accept the inevitable; no more beer unless I can put up with the consequences. Real shame, I've been supping beer for 19 years and really rather like the stuff.

Gave up smoking about 5 years ago. Given up drinking now. Bet my knob falls off next week...Pilgrim has already seen to my testicles on another thread :-)

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000

so why can't you drink uncle scrunges best pale flat as a fart ale?

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000

Bloody hell Softie.... and I owe you a pint! (from about 3 yrs ago.... promised you one for something or other and never yet met you!)

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000

Looks like a trip to Maxwells is in order, "Tin of your finest Evo please assistant" that cannot be bad for you cannit?

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000

Softie

It sounds as though the only path open to you is through intravenous drug abuse. Good luck! :-)

Seriously mind, you might try some 'organic' beers, 'cos it may be all the crap the brewery hoy into the beer than 'disagrees' with you. A more 'natural' beverage may cause less harm. But considering the consequences of experiemenation going wrong (ably and needlessly graphically described above) maybes just vodka shots all night, eh :- ))

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000

Could give it a go I suppose (Uncle Scrunge's faaf that is, I'll pass on the Evo thanks Bobby :-))

The thought of drinking "Roger's Revenge" or "Old Wind Belly" because 'it's kinder to your guts' has seriously never occurred to me ;-)

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000

Just thought I should say a "sorry" to Dougie for hijacking this thread...!

Everybody stay in their seats and you won't get hurt :-)

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000

Of course, I meant 'Old Whistle Belly' :-)

Anyone recently exiled to darkest Kent should treat themselves to a trip to Great Chart for a drink at "The Hooden Horse". They sell "Hop Black Summer Lightning" in there and do the most amazing scran...well worth the effort. Lots of folkies about who will unfortunately launch into song at the slightest provocation but very nice all the same.

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000

Well, it just so happens that me and #2 sone are heading up the A1 the morra. Gotta put in a bit of time with me Ma but might just be looking for a thing or two to do on Saturday. Do you mind if the young 'un comes along (he might have to act as driver!).

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000

PS. That was directed at the Bobster.

PPS. Anybody got a baal? Footie on Sunday???

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000

Steph, honey, can you mail me your telephone number as I'd love to catch up with you - perhaps even in the Strawberry. Can't wait to see latest at ground.

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000

Maybe we should have a girlie p*ss up if the guys don't want us?! I'll mail you home and work numbers to your work e-mail addy. Not sure if any of your hotmail ones are real!!

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000

Screach - if you can find us, you can buy me a drink. Can't promise where I'll be at any point other than making an appearance in the Chilly Arms probably somewhere around lunchtime (so between 1.00-2.00 I reckon).

In the words of Abba "Take a chance, take a chance...etc"

-- Anonymous, July 28, 2000

Agreed, Steph, that would be nice. Shame Allison isn't over, too. Or Susie (although I'm still half-recovering from beers with her on Tuesday((-:. ******SOOOOOO EXCITED: CANT WAIT TO SEE THE GROUND*****

-- Anonymous, July 28, 2000

Dougal
I'm at work so ring/e-mail me.

-- Anonymous, July 28, 2000