I just received a statement from a new dentist and it itemized an "Oral Prophylaxis". I am OUTRAGED! I had my teeth cleaned by an attractive hygenist but there was absolutely no impropriety. Please advise.

-- Lars (lars@indy.net), July 25, 2000

Answers

Do you have any missing time?

-- KoFE (your@town.USA), July 25, 2000.

Lars:

I am deeply saddened by this allegation. If you need an attorney contact me. I think you have my addy. Best wishes for a full recovery from this devastating news.

-- FutureShock (gray@matter.think), July 25, 2000.

It is indeed an outrage to be billed despite failure to perform.

-- David L (bumpkin@dnet.net), July 25, 2000.

Never let a stranger molest yer molars.

-- (nemesis@awol.com), July 25, 2000.

LOL!!! Just take a gander at some of the medical descriptions!

-- Pay up (and be @mused.com), July 25, 2000.

Some people have all the luck. All I ever get is at the dentist is a dental exam.

My advice to you would be to adopt an air of indignation, much like our Chief Executive. Look the public straight in the eye, and with an outstretched finger waggling in time with each syllable, say the following.

I...............did not.............have.............oral..............prophylaxis............with..........tha t..............hygenist.

Hey, it worked for him.

-- (hmm@hmm.hmm), July 25, 2000.

"I am OUTRAGED! I had my teeth cleaned by an attractive hygenist but there was absolutely no impropriety. Please advise."

This seems a case of GICRI (Gender-Induced Confusion and Reality Impairment). In short, the person ascribes a meaning to a word in relation to his/her gender-specific perceptions, experiences and/or aspirations. The results can be anywhere from annoying to catastrophic. Mostly annoying between man-woman long-term relationships, but sometimes can turn out into a needlessly catastrophic monetary and time loss, as in libel lawsuits. Sometimes it can be simply funny for the observer, but embarrassing for the GICRI sufferer.

In this case, since the dentist's statement did not specifically say otherwise, the term "Prophylaxis" is assumed to be litteral: Measures designed to preserve health (as of an individual or of society) and prevent the spread of disease.

Please provide me with your address so I can send my billing statement. (Mental Prophylaxis: 5 minutes @ $200.00/hr)

Sincerely,

-- Merriam Webster (Advisor@n.demand), July 25, 2000.

This seems a case of GICRI

Hey, I had a case of GICRI once. I could only drink about three bottles of it though, but man, was I sooooo WASTED!!! yeah!!!

PARTY!!!!

-- (hmm@hmm.hmm), July 25, 2000.

PS. Note that 99.9 of sufferers are male. Hence why most men live in bliss. It's also not recommended to confront the sufferer with reality. It only compounds the problem. Obviously.

There there Hmmm, have another one.

-- Merriam Webster (Advisor@on.demand), July 25, 2000.