: For Women Only

A group of girlfriends are on vacation when they see a 5-storey hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only". Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works.

"We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thin." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here have it long and thin." Still, this isn't good enough so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thick." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here have it long and thick." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

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Cu(cu)mbersome situation:

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years, and every time they had sex the husband always insisted on switching off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him out of the crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of having sex, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband holding a cucumber. She gets completely upset. "You impotent b@st@rd, "she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years. You better explain yourself!" The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly, "I'll explain the cucumber if you can explain our three kids."

-- Anonymous, July 24, 2000

Answers

I was told that I was to write that these are very ammusing, what ever they are. Me, I'm my own man and don't need jokes about cucumber...Doh!!!! F*^&##^$(#r!

-- Anonymous, July 25, 2000

TM, I'm stuck (through choice!) here in Hong Kong with nobody to talk to - during office hours, that is. I have to keep myself amused somehow, sorry if it's at your (and others') expense!

I've got lots more silly jokes, maybe I should keep them to myself; disdain's not v. good for the ego, Filipina girls are, nevertheless! ;-)

;7)

-- Anonymous, July 25, 2000

Furthermore, I have to get myself off the bottom of the "Statistics" league, I'm almost there, watch out Gav!

-- Anonymous, July 25, 2000

I kinda assume there are hundreds of people who occasionally use this service who don't warrant a place on the stats list so don't worry!

-- Anonymous, July 25, 2000

Don't know what's bugging TM today, but keep 'em coming Bud. Can't beat a good laugh.

-- Anonymous, July 25, 2000

err wrong end of the stick there chaps. It says 'Ladies only' so I had to get the missus to read it! Bud, I hope that HK is going OK, was think about that this morning. Filipino girls? They clean your shoes I suppose? ;-)

-- Anonymous, July 25, 2000

Why is it that the thread says for women only. There for not for men but until now only men (and I use the term loosely)(:o) have responded?

Well come on then answer me fellas!!!! (:o)

-- Anonymous, July 25, 2000

Jay, Men have responded in anticipation of more genius creativity from Bud like "mexican lipstick" and "anchovies fanny" and the priceless "Double Bass". We want more. We want more.

-- Anonymous, July 25, 2000

Jay, in terms of your use of phraseology you can be as loose as you like, but that doesn't detract from the fact that loose men are no where near as much fun as loose women....

-- Anonymous, July 25, 2000

Now loose women I wouldn't know anything about. Plenty of loose me in Hull mind :o)

-- Anonymous, July 25, 2000

That was a rather Freudian slip Jay....

-- Anonymous, July 25, 2000

Bud Wiser - alternative punchline for the first joke:

All the men on this floor are bald!(:o)

-- Anonymous, July 25, 2000

How about this one (a dog joke for Galaxy!):

Usually everyone who has a dog calls him Rover or something. I call mine "Sex". Well, Sex is a very embarrassing name. One day I took Sex for a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for that dog. A cop came along and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said I was looking for Sex. My court case comes up next Thursday.

One day I went to City Hall to get a licence for Sex. The clerk asked me what I wanted, I told him I wanted a licence for Sex. He said "I would like to have one too!" When I said "But this is a dog" he said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was two years old." He replied "You must have been a strong boy."

When I decided to get married I told the minister that I wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding. I said "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole lifestyle revolves around Sex." He said he did not want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in a church. I told him everyone coming to the wedding would enjoy having Sex there. The next day we were married by the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church.

My wife and I took the dog along with us on the honeymoon. When I checked into the motel I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and myself and a special room for Sex. The clerk said that every room in the Motel is for Sex. Then I said "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night" and the clerk said "Me too."

One day I told my friend that I had Sex on TV. He said "Show off." I told him it was a contest and he told me I should have sold tickets. When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said "Your Honour, I had Sex before I was married" and the Judge said "Me too." When I told him that after I was married Sex had left me, he said "Me too."

Well now I've been thrown in jail, been married, divorced and had more trouble with that dog than I ever gambled for. Why just the other day when I went for my first visit with the psychiatrist and she asked me "What seems to be the trouble" and I replied, "Well, Sex has died and left my life. It's like losing a best friend and it's so lonely." The doctor said "Look Mister, you and I both know that sex isn't man's best friend. Why not get yourself a dog."!!!

-- Anonymous, July 25, 2000