Match Number 16

10 March 1999, Nottingham Forest away, we won 2-1. This was the third of our 4 away wins during 1998-9 so it was a big relief at the time. A midweek game against a Forest side already doomed. It was 1-1 at half time with both goals coming seconds before the break. Ours was a very iffy penalty which it is best not to speculate too much about, although Shearer tucked it away. Hamann's goal, however was another of his long range thunderbolts and we needed the points so who cares?

Points Given 3 Howey 2 Dabizas 1 (sub) Barton 2 Shearer 4 (goal) Julio Geordio 2 Saha 5 (joker) Ketsbaia 1 (sub) Hamann 4 (booked and goal) Charvet 2 Speed 2 Lee 1 (sub) Domi 2 Maric 2

Results: Match 16

BBS Premier Corinthian League

MinesaS&N Academicals	3-1	Athletico Backworth
Pilgrim's Converts	2-1	Barton's Samba
Proper Lard Unathletic	3-0	Beardo United
Steph's Superstars	5-3	Borussia Canwehaveourballbach
Toon Goons	0-1	Brewery Droopers United
Wallsend Old Boys	4-4	Dabizas Pleazas
Woodstock County	1-1	Duncan's Disorderlies
Yelli's Yobs	2-1	MacBeth's Marauders

BBS Notionless League Division 1

Jessie's High Pants	0-2	Baxter Basics
Pete's Porkie Pies	2-2	Blaydon Racers
Quantum Mechanicals	2-0	Carlisle United Revisited
Real Zaragossy	7-0	Chevy's Choppers
Screacher's Creatures	1-3	Corinthian Smart-Casuals
Spayne	1-1	Dudley Boys
The Gallowgate	2-0	Howdon Harriers
The Stellar Warriors	2-0	ITK Heaton World Beaters

BBS Notionless League Division 2

Real Seghill	4-0	Bewildered De Builders
Sexy Boys	5-0	Ceptic
Shilbottle WMC	3-0	Doomed United
SS Enterprise	1-1	Douglas All Boys (B) Team
Superstitious FC	1-3	FC Forget-Me-Nots
The Entertainers	0-0	FC Jumpers for Goal Posts
Toon Gutter Snipes	4-0	Gallowgateaserai
Unaccountable Wild-elf Bottles	4-1	Preston Big End

BBS Premier Corinthian League Table

Position	Team	Manager	Won	Dwn	Lst	G/F	G/A	G/Dif	Points
1	Pilgrim's Converts	Pilgrim	12	3	1	44	18	26	39
2	MinesaS&N Academicals	muzzainoz	9	3	4	38	23	15	30
3	Yelli's Yobs	Yelli	8	5	3	40	28	12	29
4	Steph's Superstars	Steph	8	3	5	36	26	10	27
5	Brewery Droopers United	Windy	9	0	7	30	22	8	27
6	Athletico Backworth	Jonno	7	4	5	32	30	2	25
7	Borussia Canwehaveourballbach	SMB	7	2	7	38	35	3	23
8	Proper Lard Unathletic	Tony Green jnr	7	1	8	25	23	2	22
9	Beardo United	Beardo	6	3	7	37	41	-4	21
10	Woodstock County	Cliff	5	3	8	23	22	1	18
11	Duncan's Disorderlies	Dunx	5	3	8	19	25	-6	18
12	Toon Goons	Ciara	4	5	7	22	31	-9	17
13	Dabizas Pleazas	PeteT	5	2	9	23	37	-14	17
14	Wallsend Old Boys	Hiro	5	2	9	29	44	-15	17
15	Barton's Samba	Barton	5	2	9	15	33	-18	17
16	MacBeth's Marauders	MacBeth	4	3	9	20	32	-12	15

With Pilgrim's Coverts seemingly invicible (due in part to their unorthodox 'spreadsheet formation'), the bottom of the Premiership assumes a strange fascination with so many teams capable of slipping through that trap door.

BBS Notionless League Division 1 Table

Position	Team	Manager	Won	Dwn	Lst	G/F	G/A	G/Dif	Points
1	Quantum Mechanicals	True	11	3	2	37	16	21	36
2	The Stellar Warriors	Galaxy	10	3	3	34	21	13	33
3	Howdon Harriers	Softie	9	3	4	40	21	19	30
4	Carlisle United Revisited	Scratchy	8	3	5	27	24	3	27
5	Baxter Basics	Baxter	8	2	6	24	23	1	26
6	Screacher's Creatures	Screacher	6	5	5	31	34	-3	23
7	Real Zaragossy	Dr Bill	7	1	8	37	34	3	22
8	Blaydon Racers	Geordie	5	6	5	32	28	4	21
9	Jessie's High Pants	Loony Toon	6	3	7	19	21	-2	21
10	Dudley Boys	Hayley	5	5	6	19	23	-4	20
11	Spayne	Kevin Koogan (Garcie)	5	5	6	24	29	-5	20
12	Corinthian Smart-Casuals	The Geordie Jew	5	4	7	24	31	-7	19
13	Pete's Porkie Pies	Pete in Canada	4	5	7	16	20	-4	17
14	The Gallowgate	Kegsy	4	4	8	24	43	-19	16
15	ITK Heaton World Beaters	ITK	3	4	9	11	25	-14	13
16	Chevy's Choppers	Chevy	2	4	10	16	31	-15	10

Thanks to the now customary roll-over-and-die policy from the increasingly inappropriately named 'World Beaters', The Stellar Warriors have knocked the Chairman's team out of the top 2...revenge will be swift...

BBS Notionless League Division 2 Table

Position	Team	Manager	Won	Dwn	Lst	G/F	G/A	G/Dif	Points
1	FC Jumpers for Goal Posts	Tom	11	4	1	39	11	28	37
2	Shilbottle WMC	Gus	9	5	2	32	18	14	32
3	Preston Big End	clarky	9	3	4	35	23	12	30
4	FC Forget-Me-Nots	Robby Bobson	8	2	6	26	23	3	26
5	The Entertainers	Kevin Keegan	7	4	5	41	30	11	25
6	Douglas All Boys (B) Team	Gibbo	7	3	6	34	39	-5	24
7	Real Seghill	Juano	6	5	5	37	22	15	23
8	SS Enterprise	Elliot	6	5	5	32	22	10	23
9	Unaccountable Wild-elf Bottles	Josh	7	2	7	30	39	-9	23
10	Toon Gutter Snipes	Tre	6	3	7	30	34	-4	21
11	Bewildered De Builders	De Builder	5	5	6	34	37	-3	20
12	Gallowgateaserai	Pit Bill	5	3	8	21	26	-5	18
13	Superstitious FC	Gav	4	5	7	37	44	-7	17
14	Doomed United	Dougal	4	3	9	18	31	-13	15
15	Sexy Boys	Ruud Gullit	4	2	10	21	38	-17	14
16	Ceptic	TSM	3	0	13	10	50	-40	9

Bit of a wobble ther for Preston Big End. One time leaders of the division they are now fighting for playoff spots....can they arrest their slide and get back to the top?

Fixturess: Match 17

BBS Premier Corinthian League

Athletico Backworth	Vs	Pilgrim's Converts
Barton's Samba	Vs	Proper Lard Unathletic
Beardo United	Vs	Steph's Superstars
Borussia Canwehaveourballbach	Vs	Toon Goons
Brewery Droopers United	Vs	Wallsend Old Boys
Dabizas Pleazas	Vs	Woodstock County
Duncan's Disorderlies	Vs	Yelli's Yobs
MacBeth's Marauders	Vs	MinesaS&N Academicals

BBS Notionless League Division 1

Baxter Basics	Vs	Pete's Porkie Pies
Blaydon Racers	Vs	Quantum Mechanicals
Carlisle United Revisited	Vs	Real Zaragossy
Chevy's Choppers	Vs	Screacher's Creatures
Corinthian Smart-Casuals	Vs	Spayne
Dudley Boys	Vs	The Gallowgate
Howdon Harriers	Vs	The Stellar Warriors
ITK Heaton World Beaters	Vs	Jessie's High Pants

BBS Notionless League Division 2

Bewildered De Builders	Vs	Sexy Boys
Ceptic	Vs	Shilbottle WMC
Doomed United	Vs	SS Enterprise
Douglas All Boys (B) Team	Vs	Superstitious FC
FC Forget-Me-Nots	Vs	The Entertainers
FC Jumpers for Goal Posts	Vs	Toon Gutter Snipes
Gallowgateaserai	Vs	Unaccountable Wild-elf Bottles
Preston Big End	Vs	Real Seghill

Incidentally, although the second half of the season is actually the mirror image of the first half of the season, I have received a number of concerned enquiries whinges from the Manager of the Blaydon Racers about the distribution of home and away games. In the first half of the season he had 9 away and 6 home games and has bleated and carped about this constantly.

He will be happy to know that I have therefore evened things up for him in the second half of the season so he will not get the untidy distribution of 9 home and 6 away that he was due to have inflicted on his delicate sensibilities, but a far more esthetically pleasing 7 and 7 (I am awarding the untidy extra game to his opponents - coincidentally Howdon Harriers - as a by, since 8 and 7 might lead to migraines and bed-wetting).

I am sure that Geordie will be the first to thank me effusively for adapting the League to suit his wishes :-)

-- Anonymous, July 23, 2000

Answers

The Goons are in another slump while their manager is on a scouting mission around the US. She says the lads had better pull themselves together or she'll be replacing them with some of her finds. Names such as Etcheverry, Moreno and Presthus are rumoured to be on her hit list.

-- Anonymous, July 23, 2000

Grrr....

If that dodgy old fart starts giving me stick I'm gonna nick his

zimmer frame and bus pass!

Thank god Ceptic are so bad!!

Well and truly depressed!

-- Anonymous, July 23, 2000

Gav, You're playing my team next. I hope I don't encounter any such bitterness following your 6-0 drubbing.

-- Anonymous, July 23, 2000

That sounds very fair Softie :)

Our pitch at the Parc de Pints is in exceptionally good condition for half way through the season however our travel budget is a little strained. An away draw in the cup competitions may be the last straw... but I'm sure we'll be lucky when our ball comes out of the bag!

Howdon are one of those teams to grace our wonderful playing surface but I believe they found it a bit too slick for their liking ;-))

-- Anonymous, July 23, 2000

It's always very satisfying to do the double. This one was even more so especially as the Super Tits manager took such a personal, offensive approach to the game. When will he learn. Probably never. If he doesn't realise what common sense comes with maturity then there is no hope for him and his team, who incestly, were pretty poor.

It was a long way to Basle and we were disappointed that Sybil was away for the weekend. I was also very disappointed that I couldn't get any duty-frees. I thing Young Kevin Herrod must have bought them all and given them to his playboys.

Tomorrow or whenever it is should see an entertaining game when we entertain the Entertainers at Langley Park. We have a score to settle with them from the first match. Its going to be a hard game but thats what we like and I know Kenny Coogan will be up for it. I hear he's had his hair permed especially for the occasion. I think I migt have mine done - highlights I think. I'll call it Thatch of the Day.

Well its past my bedtime and I need my hoarelicks.

-- Anonymous, July 23, 2000

She just told me its whorelicks. Actually I prefer a goblin' teasmaid.

-- Anonymous, July 23, 2000

Right, I've had enough. Julio Geordio?

-- Anonymous, July 23, 2000

`Walk in the park` eh,ITK? That`ll laarn ya!!!

Softie, surely you don`t begrudge a poor old woman a few moments of glory?!!! I`d best be telling the Stellar Warriors to kit themselves out with double shinpads for the next match!!!(:o)

-- Anonymous, July 24, 2000

Sorry SMB, Julio Geordio is George Georgiades. Julio is a character that Paul Whitehouse came up with for the Harry Enfield show. He's a South American footballer playing at Newcastle who speaks gibberish designed to sound vaguely Hispanic and then throws in occasional phrases in broad Geordie "heth eth eth seth eth eth reet dorty lasses heth heth heth". It was too good to miss when he signed for us :-)

-- Anonymous, July 24, 2000

Esteemed Mr. Softie sir, your honour, being your ever so 'umble servant,
What happened in the Stottie Cup first round ?

Please don't shout at me, you know how timid and sensitive I am, but ah canna find any reference to why my lot are (once again) conspicuous by their absence from the second round of yet another cup.

If you didn't have me scared shi*less with the way you've handled previous what appear to me to be quite reasonable concerned enquiries whinges, I might start thinking this is fixed like the season kick off was.

But otherwise, you're doing a perfectly wonderful job, Just occasionally there are little lapses that look like cheating the pressure of the job's too much. But far be it from me to whinge carp unnecessarily.

Fondest regards
Victor.

-- Anonymous, July 24, 2000

Dear respected manager of Gallowgateaserai, you were whopped 2-1 by Pete's Porkie Pies in Round 1. Deatails of Round 1 and the replays can be seen in the 'BBS Corinthian League' category.

As for these whingers....divven't knaa thev bin born, these!

-- Anonymous, July 24, 2000

Sir Softie,

I must defend myself and say I was never whinging. I was simply pointing out that my team have played 2 home games and 9 away in the last 11 (2 were cup games). The hectic travel schedule is tiring my squad although we have won the 2 cup games and drawn 5 of the 7 away league fixtures.

The fans are getting a bit tetchy as well, complaining about the regular beam-backs (they claim we are ripping them off! PAH!). We look forward to welcoming the Quantum Mechanicals to the Parc de Pints this evening where they will receive a warm reception (if our fans can remember where their own stadium is!).

We appreciate it is dificult to arrange fixtures evenly across the season so it is not a real surprise that you made such a balls up just did the best you could.

Cheers,

-- Anonymous, July 24, 2000

Dear Geordie,

WRT your yammering and bleating reasoned responses about the scientifically arranged fixtures in the Corinthian League, please rest assured that next season has been carefully worked out so that you get an even distribution of home and away games. There will be 4 blocks of 2 back to back home and away games for every team in the expanded league. This system was presented to me by none other than the esteemed manager of Quantam Mechanicals.

One can't help but contrast the different reactions to the erratic fixture lists:
a) Dr Bill invites me round for supper and introduces me to his charming daughter.
b) True provides a solution to the fixture snarl ups.
c) You whinge and whine like a big girl.

Fortunately I am a man of remarkable integrity, so anyone who draws any conclusions from the coincidental 7-0 win for Dr Bill the other night and the almost certain crushing victory for the Quantam Mechanicals tonight had better have a team of very sharp lawyers:-)

Soft Southerner esq
Barbados

-- Anonymous, July 24, 2000

Dear League Chairperson,

I appreciate your efforts and am now satisfied that the Blaydon Racers' fixtures for next season will be pefectly acceptable as, of course, are this season's.

We are appointing a new executive to our board of directors to handle our public relations as we do seem to have suffered some undeserved bad press over the fixtures issue. Our manager, Geordie, will be restricted to talking about match results and will no longer be commenting on administrative issues.

Lord Westcopse
(Chairman, Blaydon Racers)

PS I will be meeting with the Prime Minister in the next few weeks and will be sure to mention your great efforts and devotion to the Corinthian League. I believe the New Year Honours list will be being discussed.

-- Anonymous, July 24, 2000

This is a welcome development. I don't know Lord Westcopse personally (my impressions are a little hazy...almost patchy), but I firmly belive that every First Division Club needs a man like him in charge in order to keep them at a certain level :-)

-- Anonymous, July 24, 2000

Dear respected league and cup fixer administrator, it would have taken an intellect vastly superior to mine to have reasoned that the place to look for football results would have been the 'BBS Corinthian League Results' thread.

Please, in future, when imparting information which is vital to our daily wellbeing, do not assume that we all have intellects of Einsteinian proportions that are capable of ferretting out information from extremely obscure locations. A simple reference point called something like 'Look here if you are ocularly and/or intellectually challenged' would in most cases suffice.

-- Anonymous, July 24, 2000