From the Fiver

SHOTGUN MARIC

So farewell then, Silvio Maric. According to reports in Portuguese sports daily O Jogo (Portuguese for The Water Holding Receptacle), Maric will definitely be signing for Porto in the near future for a surprisingly high fee of #2m. Heck, they even printed pictures of him dining in a Porto restaurant to prove it. However, given the nature of the Croat's stay on Tyneside, Newcastle fans might be forgiven for not counting their chickens until they've hatched. Or deep-fried in batter, even.

Maric arrived at St James' Park 18 months ago for #3.3m. Basically bought by Ruud Gullit as a replacement for Rob Lee, Maric managed to start only 17 games in a season and a half, scoring two goals (both against FC Zurich). Maric has spent most of his time outside the first team squad, and has been up for sale since January - when a return to Croatia Zagreb fell through because the club couldn't afford him. He then bunked Newcastle's post-season trip to the Caribbean, and stuck his neck into the whole transport debate by declaring that Britons drive on the wrong side of the road.

Maric has, in fact, made such an indelible contribution to the North East that it's a wonder they don't put up a statue in his honour. But it looks like selling him on for a transfer fee will have to do instead. According to a Portuguese source -mmm, madeira - "The player arrived yesterday and the deal is done. It's now just a matter of him passing his medical." So let's just hope that Silvio flourishes in Portugal once more. You never know, he might earn himself a move back to the Premiership.

-- Anonymous, July 20, 2000

Answers

Please God, let him pass his medical..... please!!!!!

I'm worried now that we may have celebrated too soon :-(

-- Anonymous, July 20, 2000

Aye, it'd be just like the f**ker to crock himself before turning up!

-- Anonymous, July 20, 2000

Get him encased in a coffin for his own safety and if Porto still don't want him....bury him and everybody will soon forget him.

Sorry maybe that's a bit harsh on the poor old fella, after all....ahh bollocks!!

-- Anonymous, July 20, 2000