Today I have to put my beloved pit bull, Ginger, to sleep. She is 12 years old and has bladder cancer. She is such a good dog - happy, playful, affectionate, good watch dog. But she lost about 25lbs in the past 4 months and does not greet me at the door anymore. She does not get up until I am all the way in the house. She lives with my mom in the house I grew up in, about 2 blocks from where I currently live with my husband. My mom and brother are heartsick too. I am leaving work early today so we can all go together. I feel like crying all the time. I don't want to tell people because some bonehead will eventually say "She's just a dog" and I will have to beat them with a big stick. Thanks for listening, sorry if I depressed you.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

Answers

Oh, man, this is so sad. I'm so sorry for you. I know that some day I'm going to have to face this sort of thing but I'm not looking forward to it, to say the least.

I know you know that it's the right thing to do because she's sick and in pain, but that doesn't stop the pain of losing her. Remember the good times and the fun things you did with her. She'll always be with you in her heart.

I know no other dog will replace her, but I know I'd love another dog in her memory. I'd give yourself time to grieve, because to me a pet is a family member to be mourned. I think you're doing the right thing by going with your family when she's put down. Let her last memories be of the family who loved her.

I'm so sad for you and I'll be sending good thoughts your way. And if you need any serious cheering up my dogs are available for cheap therapy.

Colleen

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

Christine,

I am so sorry. That's a terrible decision to have to make. I don't think I'd be any less unhappy than you are if I had to put any of my cats or my old dog to sleep.

Ginger's not just a dog, and I'd cry all the time too if I lost a member of the family like that.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

You guys are so sweet! Thank you for your kind words. I know tonight is going to be bad but I am really going to try and be strong for my mom and brother. My poor hubby has been so good through this whole thing (I've known she was sick for a while and have been crying on and off about for like, 4 months now). My brother and I always say we can think of at least 3 people off the top of our heads we would rather put down instead of Ginger - sad but true. Many times while I was growing up I have preferred the company of my dog to an actual person. Thanks again.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

Christine, I'm terribly sorry. I know that though it's the right decision, that does not make it any easier. And of course, Ginger isn't "just" a dog. I hope you and your family will be able to take some time to celebrate her life.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

My family dog was put to sleep six years ago and I still think about her every day. So many things remind me of her; she really does live in my heart. I wouldn't want to stop remembering her. Don't feel guilty about mourning; our animals are as much a part of our family as those who walk on two l

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

Christine,

I'm truly sorry for you and the decision you had to make. I know I'll have to be making the same decision within the next 3 years or so and I'm already devastated. My dog, unfortunately, is not aging gracefully - and has developed a whole slew of problems only in the last year. Can you tell us -- did you dog lose the weight, despite eating normally? Or did she refuse to eat - and consequently lost weight?

Thanks

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

I'm so sorry, Christine. I've had to have three very sick cats put to sleep over the years, and I know how much it hurts. But it's better to end her suffering, and to keep in mind the fact that you had so many good years with her. And anyone who tells you "she's just a dog" doesn't understand how a pet becomes a part of the family.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

I'm sorry about this. It's so hard.

Don't let anyone tell you not to feel bad about this. Beat those boneheads with a big stick if they fuck with you, and give them an extra swat for me.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

Christine, I just about lost it a few months ago when I thought my cat was going to die or have to be put to sleep. Fortunately most of my co-workers were very understanding when I was walking through the halls at work crying. Take a day off work if you can. Or more. Most people will understand. Pets are family.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

My family had to put our dog down in February of 1999. My dad still can't talk about him without getting misty eyed. I can't either.

I'm really sorry for you.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

To answer your question: Yes, Ginger started losing weight even though she was eating a lot more than usual. Before she was sick we fed her once a day (plus whatever she begged off my brother and I) and when we found out she was sick my mom was so worried about her losing weight she started feeding her 3 times a day and then it went up to about 7 times a day. But all that food just maintained her weight for a month or so, after that she started losing steadily dispite all the food. I am talking "people" food here (except chocolate, which is supposed to be very bad for dogs) not just dog food. Whatever my mom ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner - Ginger got a large portion of it mixed in with some of her food.

You guys are making me feel better -- thank you so much. It's nice to be able to talk about this with people other than my family and gain a little perspective. I appreicate this very much.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

i just wanted to tell you how sorry i am too, christine

two years ago, i had to go through similar experience with my golden retriever, rosie. she was 11 years old and not doing well health-wise and the vet said it was time. i cried(mostly on the inside) for days and now, whenever i see a golden, i think of her, but not always sadly! i just loved her so much and still can't bring myself to get another dog. i guess because she wasn't "just a dog".....

take care,

andrea

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

Christine, i'm so sorry about this. Having lost far too many animals in my life, i know it's so hard, whether the death takes you by surprise or whether you have to take them in yourself.

Cry if you need to, sometimes it's the only thing that helps. And if other people who know and love your dog are up to it, sometimes talking about the funny or cute stories you have about the dog can help a bit too, sort of the same way that people talk about their relatives or friends at the gathering after a funeral.

Be strong but lean on someone when you need to.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

So sorry to hear about your doggie. I know from sad experience how hard it is to do the last thing for your friend, but releasing her from pain is an act of love. Keep her alive in your heart by remembering the good and funny things she did, and get another dog as soon as you feel it's right. It's not replacing Ginger, nothing could do that, but it's bringing a new friend into your life who needs your help and affection and will return it daily.

At the risk of sounding a bit fatuous, nothing that is loved is lost forever, it's at most au revoir.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

Sorry.

I can commiserate completely with boneheads. Losing a pet,is often like losing a family member, so what I do is talk about it only with people who will understand. Otherwise, some bonehead is going to be in some kind of hurt, and then you just get in to trouble for some bonehead, it's not worth the aggravation. Take care, Karen

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

Christine, I am so sorry for your lose. Knowing that you are doing the right thing doesn't make it any easier to do, unfortunately.

A friend of mine had to put his dog down a few years ago - he and his dog were just inseparable, and she was an old, old dog. Now in his front hallway, he has assembled a shadow box - it has the dog's leash and collar mounted in it, coiled around a photo of the dog lying on the bed (where she wasn't allowed, so she has that 'i know it is wrong, but it feels sooooo good' expression on her face) and push pins that have the dog's last tags and her little, bone shaped tag with her name engraved on it. The outside frame has a litle brass plaque on the bottom of the frame with the dog's name and the number of years she lived.

He found it very cathartic, putting this thing together, and it is a nice memorial to a loved friend.

-- Anonymous, July 20, 2000

Christine, I am so sorry. Don't let anyone tell you how to grieve. I wish you the very best, and I'm thinking of you.

-- Anonymous, July 20, 2000

Not that it's much consolation, probably, but let me add my voice to the weight of sympathies already expressed. We lost ours 6= years ago and that was one of the worst days I've lived through. If you run into any boneheads, beat one for me too

-- Anonymous, July 20, 2000

I just lost one of my cats a month or so ago, and it was awful. I wasn't here when it happened, and K. had to take her in to the vet, so I can only say that being there at the end is very important. It really seems to be a great consolation for the animal, and it will certainly help you, as hard as it seems at the time. You were there, and you did everything you could. I'm not saying that it won't be painful, and you'll have a hard time in the next few weeks as all of the ways your dog made herself part of your life become apparent -- there are lot of little moments, banal things, that will unaccountably give you pangs -- but being there really does help you understand the complete cycle of a life, not too sound too corny, I hope.

And by all means, get another puppy (or full-grown dog) from the pound or shelter as soon as you feel like it. Helping another animal have a good life is the best therapy, I think.

-- Anonymous, July 20, 2000

Thank you all so much for all your kind words and sympathy. We did it last night and it was the hardest thing ever. We all got to hold her and pet her and talk to her. My heart is really broken you guys. But I know we did the right thing. I don't know what was worse, knowing she was gone or seeing what it was doing to my mom and brother (somehow there is a deep deep heartbreak in seeing a man cry like that). We all walked home from the vet crying openly and none of us really cared -- we probably looked crazy (Brooklyn is full of crazies though, so no one said anything to us). I thought of all you good people after I got home and calmed down a bit. Thank you. Really.

I woke up to sunshine today and I swear all I kept thinking is "She is happy and in heaven where she can run around without a leash." And she is not sick anymore.

Love,

-- Anonymous, July 20, 2000

All I can add is my sympathy. We had to do this to my Best Cat, Gummitch, in '97 and I still miss him. Everyone else has said it all, but me too, me too. I'm so sorry.

-- Anonymous, July 20, 2000

Christine, I am so sorry.

I think you did the right thing. Especially staying with your dog until the end. That takes a really strong person.

There is this poem that one of the people in my mom's office gave to her. I think it is touching and very true.

Treat me kindly, my beloved friend, for no heart in all the world is more grateful for kindness than the loving heart of me. Do not break my spirit with a stick, for though I might lick your hand between blows, your patience and understanding will more quickly teach me the things you would have me learn. Speak to me often, for your voice is the world's sweetest music, as you must know by the fierce wagging of my tail when your footsteps fall upon my waiting ear. Please take me inside when it is cold and wet, for I am a domesticated animal, no longer accustomed to bitter elements. I ask no greater glory than the privilege of sitting at your feet beside the hearth. Keep my pan filled with fresh water, for I cannot tell you when I suffer thirst. Feed me clean food that I may stay well, to romp and play and do your bidding, to walk by your side, and stand ready, willing and able to protect you with my life, should your life be in danger. And, my friend, when I am very old, and I no longer enjoy good health, hearing and sight, do not make heroic efforts to keep me going. I am not having any fun. Please see that my trusting life is taken gently, I shall leave this earth knowing with the last breath I draw that my fate was always safest in your hands.

-- Anonymous, July 20, 2000

Oh, I am so sorry. I know what you're going through. Anyone who says 'it's just a dog' isn't worth your time or energy. Take care of yourself.

-- Anonymous, July 20, 2000

Mis, that is the most beautiful, heartbreaking thing I have ever read. Thank you. I am tearing up just reading it but it is so true. Dogs are the most wonderful animals in the world (just my humble opinion) and you can just see the love on their sweet faces.

You guys are the best. Beth, you attract the most kind and caring people to your journal (that says a lot).

-- Anonymous, July 21, 2000

Sorry Christine, I will be thinking of you. I know what it is like. I put my beloved cat Thermal to sleep last year and it was the toughest day of my life. I took time off of work, cried my eyes out and the pain doesn't go away, but after a while it stops hurting so much to think of them, and sweet thoughts come to you every time you see their face in your mind's eye. Now when I think of Thermal I don't cry or feel badly, I just smile and Thank God for all the joy that he brought to my life while he was on this earth.

-- Anonymous, July 21, 2000

Sorry to hear about your dog. It must be really tough to make that decision. What everyone has written is so true about how special dogs are. I didn't get a chance to be with my last dog when he died, because he was at an emergency vet, and I know that being with him at the end would have been better for both of us. I like to think of him in heaven, leaping from cloud to cloud, and with lots of puddles to jump in because he loved the water. I hope you keep in mind the wonderful, funny and sweet things Ginger did, so she'll live on in your heart and memories.

-- Anonymous, July 25, 2000

Thanks to everybody for this series of responses. Tonight, just a few hours ago, at 7:40PM, my wife and I took our 14 and 1/2 year old Cocker Spaniel to the vet to have him put to sleep. We petted him and calmed him as he slowly faded away. It went as good as it can go in those circumstances, but I was speechless afterwards, couldn't even talk. My wife cried, as she saw his eyes close and his body go still. It was the second dog I have experienced this with, but it doesn't get any easier. Our dog was name Cinnamon, and had a great life, but over the past 2 to 3 years had begun to go slowly downhill. One thing after another, just getting worse, until finally we realized that he couldn't possibly have a good quality of life with so much pain and immobility due to hip and back problems. Today, he did briefly play with his ball outside, but couldn't do much at all. Yesterday, we took him to the park and let him lead us around as much as he could, even though he couldn't walk very far. I know this was the right decision, but it's still a very difficult thing to go through. I hope we feel better tomorrow, but somehow I have a feeling that this will take a long time to get over. Reading all your responses helps, to know that others have also felt the same way. We have all been blessed by the presence of these special animals. Thanks.

-- Anonymous, May 31, 2001