My dad used to bring out his black powder pistol *and his holster* to play draw with Matt Dillon every time the show "Gunsmoke" came on TV. So, what's the most embarrassing thing your parents ever did when you were growing up?

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

Answers

Where do I begin?

When I was 11 we went to Disney World and as a joke we bought my dad one of those Goofy hats with the buck teeth hanging over the brim and the floppy ears. It was fine when we were at Disney World, but then he kept wearing it when we got home. I was so moritfied.

My mom embarassed me last year when we were at a wedding and she jumped up on stage with the band and pretended to sing backup by singing into her throw-away camera. And I couldn't blame it on her drinking too much, because she had only a glass of champagne hours earlier.

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

I must be the anomaly, because I honestly can't think of a single instance where my parents embarrassed me. Certainly, I was extremely Redfaced And Uncomfortable on the single occasion I actually had a date (for my prom, see Prom thread), and my mom took our picture-- but that was all my own shy-girl bullshit, that wasn't embarrassment due to a parental action. (I asked her to take the picture.)

To tell you the truth, I'm pretty sure I have embarrassed my parents far more often than they've done me. My dad, anyway-- my mom, like me, isn't easily embarrassed, but my dad freaks out even if you waver for longer than two seconds when giving your order at McDonald's, all mortified to be holding up the line.
My mom and I like to shop at a discount dept store called 'Ross Dress For Less', being utterly silly dorks the whole time, it's one of our most favorite weekend activities. We pick out hideous outfits for each other and gush "Oh this will be perfect on you!" in not-quiet voices, and we browse the aises of knick-knacks, frames, shoes, kitchenwares-- everything-- and have a running commentary the entire time, much to many shoppers' dismay. I get a lot of Looks from women who clearly expect to see an 8-year-old (rather than a 33-year-old) when they look up to see who's squealing "Mom-MEEEEEEE!" We also have massive gigglefits of hysteria in the dressing room (we have to share one room, that's part of the rules), and it's just a great time all-round. :)
We know the store is always thrilled when we leave. *glee*

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

This is the best topic!

Ok, now I will go bring back those horrid memories repressed through therapy, and post them for you all to chuckle over! *LOL*

Be back later, tater...

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

OK here's one. My Dad was a college math and education professor (which gives you a million ready made goober experiences in the wardrobe area) but to make it better, he was an extrovert, with a good sense of humor so these factors added up to stripes with plaid, but with an in-your-face kind of angle.

Many odd things on the head, in front of company, strange footwear, hilarious dance moves (kind of like Elaine Bennis character on seinfeld) ......plus, we travelled 7 months around the country, when I was in 2nd grade, so I got embarrassed in every state! Wait, I have to call Mom and confirm some stories.

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

The first time I remember my mother really embarrassing me -- to the point of tears -- was when I was in kindergarten, and I'd promised my Brownie troop leader that she would show up for this big meeting. She was supposed to come and bring Easter candy, I think, and every time the door to the school library opened, I'd rush to see if it was her. She never showed, and I felt sooo mortified.

My Dad's never really embarrassed me without making a concerted effort. I was always really proud that he was my Dad, because people in the community looked up to him and all my friends and their mothers fancied him. One time he called me 'Chubby' at the dinner table when my boyfriend was eating with us for the first time, which was pretty annoying. That was when he still thought he could whip me into shape by making me so embarrassed I'd just work out every day and starve myself. But he did his best with me, unlike my other parent, so I can't hold it against him.

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

Klee, your mom sounds like fun! My parents never seriously embarassed me, but my mom is is always so sincere and entheusiastic that it used to make me uncomfortable. Now I think she's just sweet.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

I'm wracking my brain trying to think of a time that my parents embarresed me. I don't think they have, except for the whole going- through-puberty-embarrassed-that-you-have-parents phase.

My mom got wicked drunk at an engagement party last year (her best friend's daughter), and I was on the verge of being embarrassed, but everyone else thought she was so cute, that I had to get over myself. My mom tries to make me blush by talking about sex in front of me, but that's more mortifying than embarrassing. Ew.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

My mother saved and brought all the Barbies and various other dolls to which I had given haircuts when I was kid. Every friend and especially every boyfriend who was ever in her home she delighted in showing them the dolls.

I was a kid!!!!

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

bwa, salon's doing very amusingly-written ep summaries for the oh-so-crap show Big Brother, and this column notes that there exists, now, a set of kids whose parents are embarrassing them beyond imagination-- on national TV:

http://www.salon.com/ent/tv/feature/2000/07/19/bb_episodes/index7.h tml

Whillikers.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

oopsie. ya gotta remove the space up there in my link-- should be html, not h tml.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

One time, at Thanksgiving Dinner, with lots of my cousins sitting around me, my Father looked down at me and said "Psyber"---he always called me that then---"How old are you again ??"

"I'm 10, Dad", I replied

"Hell, that's **NOTHING** !!" He screamed.... "When * I * was your age, I was **12** !!!"

I'm still seeing a psychiatrist about that one.....!

-- Anonymous, July 20, 2000

Once, my Dad was mad at me for some reason of another (I think it was because I forgot to clean my room or something lame like that) and my boyfriend and I were hanging out in my basement. He came downstairs with a picture album and made my boyfriend sit there and look at all these horrible pictures of me with buck teeth, horrible hair, big thick glasses, etc. It was a very cliche thing to do, the ol' picture album trick, but it was evil and I'm still pist about that!

-- Anonymous, July 22, 2000

Oh man, I was reading the fave restaurant thread and remembered another one! We went to the Olive Garden for my birthday and you know how the waitresses there shred your cheese over your salad for you right there at the table? Well, our waitress told my dad to say "when" and started grinding and grinding...and grinding and grinding...there was this MOUNTAIN of cheese growing on top of the salad...she kept glancing at my dad, prolly wondering what his problem was. He saw her looking and laughed and proudly announced "We're the CHEESE family!!!!" To this day everytime my dad does something lame he simply explains, "But we're the cheese family remember?" Siiiiigh...

-- Anonymous, July 22, 2000

Oh, when Mom got drunk at Aunt Lena's 80th birthday party, yeah, that was embarrassing. Especially since I kept whispering "Mom, BE QUIET" and she'd keep on being Loud and Obnoxious and the other relatives would admonish ME with "Oh, she's just having fun!" Um. She doesn't usually do stuff like that, but, boy, was she in rare form that night....

My Dumb Dad is one continual blight of embarrassment. Like when The Husband-Type Man and I got married, and Dumb Old Dad went around announcing to all the guests that it was the worst day of his life because he didn't get to give his own daughter away. Or the first time he met my future in-laws.... We all met for dinner, and Dumb Dad offered beforehand to pay, because he was doing is "Aren't I generous" schtick. But when the bill came, instead of doing his usual thing of pulling out his money clip with one big bill wrapped around a bunch of little bills, he... he... pulled out a checkbook and WROTE MY FATHER IN LAW A CHECK. "I don't have any cash, but this should cover it," he said. Thank God I had my credit card with me.

Gads.

-- Anonymous, July 23, 2000

Damn Dawn, I don't see how anyone can top that one. (And I was at Dawn's wedding, so I can can assure you, she's not lyin'.) (Unfortunately.)

Hey, Wednesday is Dawn's 3rd wedding anniversary! Can't believe it's been 3 years since I met Goddess Dwanollah. :)

-- Anonymous, July 24, 2000

My dad tends to live in his own little world, especially in regards to fashion on our planet. For ten years, every summer, he would drag out these ratty-ass sandals and wear them at every opportunity. We called them the Jesus shoes. One summer the Jesus shoes broke beyond repair (which usually involved super glue and/or fishing line) and had to go to the Promised Land without him.

I visited my parents last month, and lo and behold, a miracle had occurred! There is now a new pair of Jesus shoes. Apparently Rose's stocks Clothes No Normal Person Would Ever Wear; their target market must be recently-released prisoners and people allergic to natural fibers. (Rose's is like a downscale K-Mart, BTW). My dad looked so happy, and my mom is resigned to walking ten paces away from him in public, again.

-- Anonymous, July 25, 2000

Yeah, that's right, Kelly-kel saw him in all his pathetic, self- pitying glory. She even saw him try to make a big showy production of (attempting to) pin a $100 bill on my dress (um, no) during the (non- "money dance" thingie) song to which I danced w/him and THTM danced with his mom. Ever the class act, my Dumb Dad. (Kel, however, is the world's ROCKINEST videographer! I'm so glad you were there, honey!)

And Mary Ellen? Thanks for reminding me why not to read the boards and eat M&Ms at the same time...! HOWL! "Jesus shoes...."

-- Anonymous, July 25, 2000

My dad used to regularly embarrass me at family functions with his dancing. He'd drink til he got real mellow, and then get up and dance with every- and anyone. I used to hate dancing -- I was too self-conscious. Once he made me get up with him. He was like, "First you do this, then that, then you spin around. And if you can't think of what to do next, you just walk..." and he promenaded me around the floor very slowly and regally, waving hi to our staring, laughing relatives. If it had been anyone but him, I would have died.

Usually, though, my family had enough panache to make me feel like they were the cool ones.

-- Anonymous, July 25, 2000

My mother plays keyboards in an accordion band. They play polkas. The whole band wears straw hats and felt vests with crabs appliqued--the crabs have those plastic googly eye things. My mother--like the rest of the band members--wears live crabs on her head. They sit on top of the straw hats. I have pictures.

I am IMMUNE to embarrassment now, thank you. At least where my family is concerned.

(Actually, I must be immune to embarrassment about web design, too, since I haven't touched those webpages in over three years, other than to update the copyright when I moved them from another site...and it shows.)

-- Anonymous, July 31, 2000

Gwen, my brother made his daughters (21, 17, 16) dance with him at a wedding last year. He decreed that the oldest had to dance with him for the next song, the middle one had the one after that, and the youngest one had the third song. The first song was "I Want Your Sex" or something equally as heinous, and it went downhill from there, according to my nieces.

-- Anonymous, August 02, 2000

Ohhh, that's terrible!

-- Anonymous, August 02, 2000

When I got off the plane when I went to visit my parents, my mom was standing there with a sign that had my last name on it. I was totally embarrassed.

My mom has total chicken scratch handwriting. I told her that she could have at least printed out on the computer like all the other people standing there with signs.

-- Anonymous, August 02, 2000

When boys would come over to pick me up for our first date, my dad would greet them on the front porch, scratch his ahem "package" and then extend his hand for the guy to give him a firm handshake.

If the guy made it past the handshake, he was then allowed into the foyer area, where my beagle would proceed to hump his leg.

Most guys were more grossed out by the dog than my dad.

-- Anonymous, August 03, 2000

Keli, was the "package scratch" part of your Dad's plan for evaluating the date? I can't stop laughing!

Aren't dogs great? I'll never forget when one of mine walked out with my underwear in her mouth, as I was talking to the electrician. He got quite a kick out of that.

-- Anonymous, August 03, 2000

Last year my sister went with me and wifey to a big photography exhibition. Well my sister is an expert at more stuff than there is in the first place. I'm talkin creativity and stuff with this really famous hero and all of a sudden there is my sister disagreeing with my hero and telling him how bad his stuff is. She didn't know they were his prints she was dissin. I was mortified. He just rolled his eyes and walked away. Wouldn't talk to me the rest of the day. She used to do stuff like that when we were teeners too. I'd just walk away down the beach. Now one of my other sisters who does nothing but live in the television world, talks incessantly. 16 hours one way to Oregon and she never shut up for more than 5 minutes. But then she started talking art in Carmel with an art gallery owner. Doesn't have a clue. AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Glad it doesn't run in the family. Oh yeah. And then there was me and some friends in this bar in TJ in about '62. Well anyway Jeff tries to get this girl---- uh----forget this one. Public forum and all. I think he's been paroled now anyway. James

-- Anonymous, September 04, 2000