Fiver taking the piss out of Bobby again.........we all know what he means.

There's nothing the Fiver likes better than a bit of holiday. The warmth, the smells, the thriving cultures: yes, staying in bed for a fortnight really does have its benefits. But not everybody enjoys skulking under the covers like the Fiver, and only today the manager of Newcastle, the venerable Robert Robson esq., went on record to extol the virtues of a pre-season sunshine break. In his own inimitable way, of course.

"I always like to get away for a few days because I just think it bonds people together. You're living together for a while and as long as it's not too long it's perfect," said Mr Robert who is taking his Toon Army Stateside for ten days. "For the two Argentinians and Carl Cort, it's a way of getting to know the players much quicker because ten days away together really represents a month in another way." In a way that is almost certainly mad, that is.

Robert, who's obviously never been on an 18-30 holiday (there's a reason for that - Fiver geriatric spokesman) is not just taking his players on an extended layabout in the sun. No, there'll be football too, with matches against top rank MLS opposition including Washington DC Wonderbra and Columbus Codpiece. "We wanted two decent matches without it being over-competitive," Mr Robert explained. "We're going to America to play, we're not going to the heart of Spain, so it's a very attractive trip in that sense." Could residents of the heart of Spain please address their complaint to Mr Robert, not us (we'll be in bed).

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

Answers

Lazy arsed bunch of dicks. Obviously a slow news day, lads

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000