So I'm on the phone with my aunt tonight and for the second time in two weeks, she's told me that I'm opinionated. Granted, this may be true. I'm willing to live with the label. I have informed opinions, I have general opinions, and, believe it or not, there are somethings I just do not have an opinion on....

But then she tells me that being opinionated is a stage - like my age.

I am 26, almost 27. I don't have kids, I don't even have a house - I have a cat... That's it.

So, there you have it - my profile.

Is being opinionated a stage? I'm aware of the dating/partying aimlessly stage, the sleeping around stage, befriending *all* co-workers like a class stage, the "I've got a degree, my shit doesn't stink" stage, sharing an apartment/living alone stage.... but not an opinionated stage????

Just for fun, can you give me a heads up on other annoying stages?

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

Answers

There's the stage when you have enough seniority in your job that you're convinced other people should do all of the grunt work.

That stage lasts until you get burned by poor quality grunt work, then you spend some time convinced that only you know how to do the grunt work. I suppose at some point you learn how to delegate -- I'll let you know.

In home life, there's the point in parenting when you're convinced that you have figured child-rearing out (lasts until the seond birthday).

Those are the funny ones. I think there's also a stage where you acknowledge how far short of your childhood dreams your adult life is going to fall, and maybe some associated heavy drinking.

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

I definitely went through a 'pissed every night' stage, and now I'm in my 'tucked up in bed with a cup of tea and a good book by 9.30 p.m.' stage.

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

These stages are not universal by any means. These you are aware of (or have gone through) I have not.

I think that people do change and evolve, at least some of their hot buttons move around and what there are looking for out of life changes, but I do not think many people fundamentally change. IE, once self-centered always self-centered.

On the opinionated stage comment, I think maybe what is more appropriate (at least in my case) is an argumentative stage more so than an opinionated one. As I become older, I see that there are a few more grey lines out there than I previously saw, and things are not always quite so black & white. However, I still have my opinions on what is better usually, but I just don't voice my opinion quite as much as I use too because I see the possibility that I might be wrong now or not fully informed. I doubt I ever become less opinionated. ;- )

As I write this I see some irony, though. There is a young pregnant woman I work with whom I am on the outs with ... she still smokes and I am disgusted of her subjecting the baby to her habits (i am not anti-smoking, just quit in February myself but I would love another one...). I emailed her 2 articles on what smoking does to an unborn baby and all the future problems they might be in for in the future, and she went OFF on me big time. Nasty name calling and mind-your- own-biz crap- seems hubby had been on her case too (these two fighting individuals were engaged once they found out she was expecting- quick! wedding). I evidently was the straw that broke the camels back. She was so made she started making "leave me alone or my hubby is gonna get you threats and even had him swing by work to "talk to me." He was nice, he just begged me to leave her alone so he could get calm her. I have not talked to her since. She sits 10 feet away.

grace, i think your opinionated self is more a characteristic, but that over time you learn to hold your tongue more. I do now every hour on the hour as she heads down for her smoke ....

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

I think we all go through stages in our life when different traits stand out in our personalities more than other traits. At this point in my life I am going through the "I am pissed at everyone" stage no matter how hard someone tries to please me. It isn't that I dislike the people around me; I just have to have it my way when I want it or I'm all pissy. This will pass. Yeah, sure.

I've always been opinionated. I don't think that is a stage. Either you *are* opinionated or you *are not* opinionated. These kinds of things, in my eyes, are not things that you can turn on and off like a faucet.



-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

Maybe your aunt's the opinionated one?

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

Yes, I *do* think my aunt is the opinionated one....

Really, I, too, thought the opionated thing was something that was a personality trait. Not something you really grow out of...

You won't believe how much I hold back now! So as far as learning to hold my tongue more being a part of growing up, I just don't really buy that either. I censor myself now! God help me if I didn't... And if she thinks I'm opinionated NOW!!! I was looking forward to getting old and senile so I could *REALLY* say all my opinions.

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

Maybe it's more like:

You are born opinionated. You see things in a black & white sort of way.

You grow up, some shit happens to you, and you realize life can be sort of gray, sometimes.

But then, you get sick of gray and wish people would straighten up and fly right.

And so you go back to being opinionated, realizing that your opinions never really changed, you were just made to feel bad for having them, for awhile. That said, I'm a little more reserved in expressing my opinions, knowing that there could always be information that I'm missing that could influence my opinion (ha!).

Hey, shouldn't everyone have opinions? Your aunt's comment implies that it is bad to be so. I don't think so. As long as you are expressing them respectfully, what's wrong with having opinions/being "opinionated"?

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

You obviously haven't gotten to the "I don't care what my relatives think" stage. You will be much happier when you get there, believe me.

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

I don't think these are universal stages, but I think there is a stage many of us get to where we think we know everything. Didn't Mark Twain have a great quote along these lines - something like "When I was 18 I thought my father was a complete idiot. By the time I was 25 I was surprised to discover how much the old man had learned." ??

It's my personal belief that a lot of opinionated people think they aren't opinionated and project this onto others. Hence your aunt's telling you this. It may very well be that you ARE opinionated and your aunt is lashing out. However, if I were her, I'd take the course of saying "Yes, dear" rather than arguing.

Anyway, I like opinionated people better than boring ones.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

Since WHEN is boring the opposite of opinionated??? In fact, sometimes opinionated is exactly the same thing as boring. People with numerous gigantic opinions tend to be too cumbersome to cart around in real life, I've found. An open mind, an open heart, and judge not... when you find yourself voicing a particularly strong opinion, why don't you as a mental exercise try to see it from the other point of view? Stretching is good for the mind. If your aunt says you're opinionated, you probably are. I'm more interested in getting to the heart of the issue than figuring out what's the "right" side to be on. Most everything is too complicated for that. Usually, the correct course of action is threading one's way between the poles, charting some course that is moderate, and certainly not dismissing another's opinion as incorrect just because it happens to be the opposite of your own.

-- Anonymous, July 20, 2000

Kimberly, doesn't your halo get in the way when you try to walk through doors?

Why do you give more credence to the aunt's opinion then to Grace's?

-- Anonymous, July 20, 2000

Sure, opinionated people can be boring. I was groping for words to express the idea that I usually find people with opinions more interesting than those who agree with everything. Those who never express an opinion seem like they're just as likely to not open their minds to ideas.

Anyway, it's not clear to me that Grace's aunt is right and Grace is wrong.

-- Anonymous, July 21, 2000