This past weekend my BF of 2+ years and I got engaged!! We plan on a medium sized wedding in the early summer of 2002. The only prob is that I have NO clue of what to do, how to plan, what to expect. There hasn't been a "wedding" in my family as long as I can even remember, and the bulk of the planning is going to fall on my shoulders.

Please share any advice or helpful hints in planning a wedding. What things are must-haves? What things should I plan on avoiding? Got any good links that will help? And, do you have any unique ideas that I can copy to make this day extra special?

Thanks!

-Zhyla

-- Anonymous, July 17, 2000

Answers

Elope. Remember that I told you this first, and you can write me the day before your wedding and say how much you wish you had followed my advice.

Since you aren't going to elope, my best serious advice is, don't get caught up by the "wedding industry." If you have your venues set up (like, synagogue and reception hall, or tent for the backyard), find a good caterer and photographer, and get your invitations out well in advance, all the other little pieces fall into place. The more you believe it, the happier your wedding preparation will be.

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

Elope.

Well, fine, if you won't do that....

The only wedding advisor I would trust -- that is, the only one who isn't trying to wring as much cash out of you as possible -- is Miss Manners. I suppose you can go to her for the must-haves.

Plan to avoid: the attitude that this must be the happiest day of your whole life, the fulfillment of all your girlhood dreams, your chance to demonstrate how you can throw just as big a wedding party as your friends did, etc., etc. First, if your wedding day is the happiest day of your life, that means that being married is all downhill from there. Second, there is a whole industry that preys on engaged couples' insecurity by selling overpriced goods and services for weddings.

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

Congratulations!

There are three secrets to easily planning a wedding ...

1. Don't read wedding magazines, because they'll stress you out. 2. Have it the way the two of you want it, and delegate jobs to your mothers. 3. Remember the wedding is just a means to an end - it's fun, but the marriage is more important than what kind of flowers you have, or who does the speeches. In other words, keep your priorities right!

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

I put myself thru school bartending at a couple of private clubs, and have probably worked somewhere over a thousand weddings. A few things stand out:

#1. It isn't about the reception. It isn't about the dresses, or your mother, or his mother, or the party favours or the presents or who is a bridesmaid or what the weather is like or the guest book or the photos. It is about the 5 minutes it takes for you and your intended to recite your vows to each other. All the rest is window dressing. Remember that.

#2. Don't let people tell you what you 'have' to include in your plans. If you don't know why the cutting of the cake is important, don't do it. The only thing you 'have' to do is say your vows, and have a recieving line. The rest is fluff.

#3 Copying other people's 'unique ideas' will not make your day special. Also, if i go to one more wedding where the guests are pointing at stuff and saying "I saw that in Martha Stewart's wedding book" I will scream.

#4. Bridesmaid dresses. Ask your attendants early, and then ask them what styles/colours they CANNOT wear, or would be uncomfortable wearing. Don't force a fat friend into a spagetti strapped tube dress, or a a girl with bright red hair into a red dress. These are your friends - you love them, right? Be kind to them.

#5. Whenever anyone suggests that 'You should.....', smile at them and reply "That is a GREAT idea." Say nothing else. If you don't like their idea, don't do it.

#6. Have a final fitting of your wedding dress 4-7 days before the wedding...if you have gained or lost some stress weight, they can get it altered by your wedding day. If you haven't, it won't kill you to put it on and twirl around in it. Buy your shoes a month before, and wear them every day until the wedding (around the house). You won't have fun if your feet hurt.

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

1. Don't let other people dictate what you can and can't do at your wedding. Be nice, but firm, but don't let your mother or your mother-in-law steamroller you into something you don't want.

2. Elope if you can -- do something crazy like flying to Vegas -- it'll be fun.

3. Most importanly, Have Fun. If you work yourself up in a tizzy about the day, you'll be fraught with nerves and on edge about the whole thing if something goes wrong. Yes it's a solemn, important occasion, but that doesn't mean it can't be fun too.:)

4. I've by and large avoided bridal magazines and focused on using the web to look stuff up insted. Try http://waycoolweddings.com for links and a huge list of online wedding sites going back to 1996. The site is fun and informative at once.

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

as of today, i have one month to go before my wedding, (and happen to be half-italian) so i'm going to butt in. there are some excellent books out there; i'd recommend "weddings for dummies" as cheesy as that sounds, because they really go into the nuts and bolts of the stuff you wonder about. like, if your curious as to who's name should be listed where on the invitation and so forth. a good book for your boy is (something close to) "the groom's survival manual" it's very funny & to the point.

sniff around your talented friends to see if anyone would like to help - calligraphy, singing, dj'ing, it's all more special coming from a friend. but be careful that you're not making people work too hard on the day.

get your parents (and his parents) a present. they need it.

don't believe the hype about the lame ass wedding timetables (day 60: polish your big toe) but be careful with deadlines: i.e. don't make the mistake i did & put off ordering bridesmaid dresses until the last minute because one of your girls is positive she can diet down a couple sizes. endless heartache.

make sure your friends are there and that they get a good seat. there's nothing sadder than a reception full of third cousins with a sad table of acquaintences sitting 200 feet away from the head table.

don't get a videographer - they're intrusive & you won't watch the video too many times any way.

i have to agree with some of the other posts - just keep telling yourself that no matter who pisses you off in the planning stage, you'll still be married at the end of the day. that *is* the most important part.

well, except for one thing - OPEN BAR.

love, t

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

The best piece of advice I ever got was this:

"If, at the end of your wedding day, you have married your beloved, then your wedding was a success."

That's it. Other people have covered most of the other important things. It boils down to: don't do anything because someone else says you have to. This includes your parents. Smile politely and say, "Well, we're not going to do it that way" a hundred times if you must. And be nice to your attendants.

I would add, just as a kindness to your guests: Make it fairly clear on the invitation whether there will be food. (Mine said: "dinner and dancing to follow" or something equally straightforward. At the other end of the scale is "light refreshments will be served after the ceremony", which means "eat lunch first". This is just fine if it's what you want to do.)

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

congrats zhyla!

my first piece of advice - ELOPE!

okay, i realize this is not advice everyone will take so.......if you don't elope, don't worry. everything will work out fine.

i agree with much of the advice above in terms of the importance being placed on the marriage, not the ceremony. i have also been around (way too many) of my share of weddings because i work part- time for a catering company. here's my two cents and you can give me change...

1. expensive photographers are never worth it. i wouldn't even have the photographer anywhere at the reception (it feels invasive and pictures end up looking fake) if you (or your family) really want posed pictures, have one photographer take them before the reception and you really don't need many different shots - trust me on this.

2. order food you like. as long as you have some meat and some vegetable stuff, you're good to go. don't worry about pleasing everyone's tastes.

i personally like really informal receptions myself - like at someone's house where you have a big barbecue or something (best wedding reception i've ever been to was like this) but please yourself when it comes to the food either way. if you have an informal one, remember, dogs can come! and if you're at someone's house then everything you need is right there, at a reception hall, you're limited.

also, finger food is always fun. in addition, not many people i know like a lot of fancy foods, maybe you're circle of friends is different from mine, but a lot of wedding caterers might push you to get the fancy stuff because it's more expensive - only get it if you really want it. weddings come in all shapes and sizes and they're all good one's if people that you love show up and the person you love is standing next to you down the aisle.

3. honeymoons - every single trip anyone in their life has ever gone on, something goes wrong - luggage lost, plane delayed, hotel reservation mix-up, bad weather (like you're going to be outside all the time), etc. people still have good vacations and none of this is a bad sign that you have made a mistake in marriage.

4. don't sign anything without making sure that you can get your money back without a major miracle occurring. plans change for everyone, especially with wedding stuff so don't sign up for a lot of non-refundable deposits, you'll just lose money on it.

5. a wedding is a lot like a theater show - a week before opening nite you think "no way will this work out!", then a day before you're thinking "oh, shit!", then the day of the wedding, everything just falls into place.

good luck and let us know how it goes,

andrea

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

I found some pretty good sites with some good advice to people doing the "traditional" thing. Myself, I'm having a wedding-type function on September 3. We are dispensing with most traditions completely (no attendants, no gifts, no frou-frou crap). We're doing the whole thing - including the cost of my dress and our rings - for less than $1000. That was important to me in doing the planning, but it may not be a factor to you.

I have a friend who is still paying off the bills from his "fairy- tale" wedding at Disneyland seven years ago. He is now divorced.

Not to be gloomy or anything...

Anyway, we're doing everything backwards ourselves, and that reflects our personalities. I think that's the most important thing.

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

Schedule a massage. It's an hour where you don't have to make decisions, what you say is right, and helps you deal with all the planning by hopefully allowing you to re-focus on the good stuff.

Two, if you do schedule a massage (or haircut/hairdo, manicure, etc.) Do It Now. Block out the time. Let no one mess with it. Let the people know what it's for and any salon or spa that's worth it's salt will fall all over itself to help make things go as smoothly possible for me.

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

Well I would agree with the elope advice, but at the same time, I had a very nice wedding with almost NO stress.

Find a nice/restaurant that you like that can do it all. I did that and didn't have to worry about 6 different people delivering stuff and getting there on time. This place did all the decorating, the cake and handled the bar. We were able to host an open bar and decide ahead of time what our budget was for booze. If we reached the amount, they came to us and let us decide if we wanted to up the tab or change to open bar. SO nice to not have to worry about any of those things. Cateres will nickel and dime you to death!

I would ditch the pro photographer. I had a friend take our pictures and they are awesome. We could also give family copies of everything they wanted for only .24 a copy rather than paying a lot for each print. We also never have to worry about copyright if we want to enlarge or get more copies or anything. This is a plus. My brother paid a lot for his wedding pictures and they only one they have hanging in their house is one I took because it looked so nice and natural. You are never going to use 50 pics of you in the same clothes. I promise. Plus it's fun to be able to give them away as people want them.

Videotapes are horrible. You will hate the way you look in them and you might watch it once. Save the $ for your honeymoon.

If you happen to be well-endowed, like me, have your dress made. It's cheaper usually and you can have exactly what you want.

fresh flowers are worth the money! You don't have to worry about what you are going to do with silk arrangements because throwing them out seems horrible. Plus there are NO black flowers in the natural world. I had ivy in my bouquet and I rooted it after the wedding and 2 yeats later, both my mother and I have gorgeous living plants from the wedding.

You want to have fun, your guests want to have fun, don't make them wait for an hour to eat while you have posed pictures done. it's boring and they won't hang around.

The less little details you have to worry about -- the more time you can spend with family that is town.

Enjoy it!

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

I would have liked to have read this two years ago right after I got engaged! I got married just over a year ago, and the advice above is great stuff. Of course, I'll throw in mine, too.

1. It's been said over and over again above, but the marriage, and the ceremony as the symbol of the marriage, are so much more important than the cake and the reception (not that those aren't fun!). I recommend really thinking about each aspect of the ceremony, and knowing you're choosing them. Traditional weddings are great, if the tradition is meaningful to you, and not just what the church required. We pretty much wrote ours from scratch, because that was what was important to us.

2. This was a good piece of advice I got from a wedding book. Everybody has a budget, but pick one thing that's really important to you and get exactly what you want. I love flowers, and we probably spent 20% of the total amount on flowers. At the same time, the dress wasn't all that important to me, and it ended up costing $125.

3. The day itself can be a real blur. I've heard lots of stories about people at the end of the day not remembering much at all. Make sure you stop at key points and really see your surroundings and what's happening. If that makes any sense!

Best of luck, and I know it will be wonderful!

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

Oh, I second the 'have a massage' post. My wedding day consisted of ...
9 am - breakfast in bed
10 am - chatting with my Mum and watching TV
11 am - one hour massage
12 pm - hairdresser
2 pm - back to the hotel, dressed and make up (I did my own - make up artists will always make you wear too much; you're the best person at putting your own make up on)
3 pm - wedding!
I was the most chilled out bride ever. It was great.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

I just left an internet services company where I was a PM, and one of my clients was one of these wedding planning sites. For brides and some grooms these are fun to join because a real community gets going through the BBS and vis-`-vis the advice column. There is a tonne of practical info online as well. My clients were freakin' EXPERTS on everything to do with weddings, and I know they will experience some degree of success with their site.

Two good ones out there for US brides are: theknot.com, and weddingchannel.com (used to be dellaweddings.com)

On a personal note, I've been married 5 years and friends still talk about my reception as the mother of all parties, never to be duplicated. It was a gigantic, fun, expensive wedding with the very best of everything. But it was really for my mother and husband. It was the kind of reception they wanted -- flashy and public. I was into it, and quite happy, but IF I HAD TO DO IT AGAIN I would INSIST on eloping to Vegas, and then having a small party for friends and family afterwards.

Weddings and honeymoons are fun to plan. But I think what the wedding industry encourages us to ignore is planning for the marriage.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

K. and I are getting married next year, so we're going through this all right now, too. (K.'s been married before, not that it seems to help much, actually)

Having been a wedding photographer on many occasions, I can honestly say -- don't worry about getting a photographer. And please -- unless you personally know a cinema verite genius who can disappear while they work, don't hire a videographer. Wedding photogs are generally very expensive and give you cookie-cutter results. Some of the bigger names just send employees to do the shooting. And price the package so extras will cost you a fortune, even if the base price seems reasonable, you'll pay through the nose (it's how they make money.)

If you have a friend with ANY skill with a camera, give him or her a few rolls of film and tell them to go wild. Buy a bunch of disposable cameras and put them on every table at the reception. Trust me -- and this is coming from a pro -- what you'll get will be more like the actual day, and less like some banal fantasy.

Of course, if you want a banal fantasy...

Don't spend a lot of money. Save your cash for the honeymoon. I know -- it's nice to have a fun party for your friends and family, and that should be the priority, but don't start your marriage in hock. It's a bad move. Hell -- I bankrupted myself doing best man duties a few years ago.

Serve good food. Roast beef and boiled veggies, iceberg lettuce salad and shrimp cocktail with acidic dipping sauce makes for nasty eating, but it's still the standard "wedding banquet" fare. Try picking a restaurant you both like and either hold it there or ask them to cater.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

I was just at a wedding last weekend (my cousin's) and brought along one of those Polaroid Joy Cams - one of the new instant ones. I spent about $130 on film and snapped photos all day & night long (it was a GREAT reception - I agree fully with whoever said an OPEN BAR is a must). At the end of the night, I handed the bride a stack of photos about three inches tall and she was absolutely thrilled. I guess it's the instant gratification thing, but we all were able to sit at the bar and look through them, laughing and seeing what went on not two hours ago.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

First and foremost, figure out what you and your intended want. Ignore anyone who tells you you have to do things some way, or what you should do, and that includes people posting here that you should elope or save the money for the honeymoon, or whatever.

If you've always wanted things a certain way and your budget will only go so far, figure out your priorities and spend your budget to reflect them. Each of us has something that is really important to them. For us, it was the food and especially the cake. For some people I know, it was the pictures. For others, having the event at a certain venue. Whatever it is, figure it out and don't feel bad about it when someone else says "but you're not doing (whatever)??" or "why are you spending so much on (whatever)??" The worst thing (to me) would be to look back and realized we blew a lot of money on something we didn't care much about.

It's an industry, make no mistake. Proceed with caution. Some people say you get quoted better deals on food, flowers etc if you tell them it's for a party, not a wedding. There is this mentality of "it's the most important day of your life" that some wedding industry people use to get you to spend more, more, more.

Figure out also who is important enough to you to include in your wedding. The fewer people, the more easy it will be to manage. Try not to end up with 15 attendants, maybe people you don't even know very well, who you included because you were in their wedding or you've known them a long time or you owe them or something. There may be some family obligations you have to satisfy, but it's still something to think about. You're publicly going through a really important ritual. Who do you want standing with you at this time?

There are a couple of wedding newsgroups, alt.weddings (I think) and another whose name I forget. These helped me a lot if only as a place to post "tell me if this is a bad idea" type questions, and to talk to other peopel who were as obsessed as I was.

Good luck!

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

Thanks for all of the advice so far. I really appreciate it!

Personally, I kinda wished we WOULD elope, or at least have a super simple wedding, but the groom-to-be wants an all out huge bash. I figure a middle-sized wedding is some type of compromise. It makes me cringe to think that people spend like 10K-20K on weddings these days, but we're already starting to save for the event. I guess I'm looking for ways to make the event nice, fun, special, and also budget friendly.

I REALLY like that idea of placing disposable cameras on each table. I think we'd get great candid shots of everyone enjoying the evening. Also, thanks for all of the other practical and common sense tips, that engaged folks wouldn't realize during the fog of wedding planning.

-Z

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

Zhyla, we had a small wedding of about fifty guests, most of whom travelled on Friday night to be at our Saturday afternoon wedding. We invited everyone who came early to our rehearsal dinner.

My wife's folks did the rehearsal (she and I paid for most of the wedding). They reserved a church basement and had a sort of indoor picnic at folding tables. They served lasagna and salad with a choice of ice water or Koolaid with ginger ale (we call it "bug juice" in Maine). Including the fee for the basement, I'm sure it came in under $400. I'm sure you can guess where this is heading.

We had a great caterer for the formal reception the next day. She helped us keep costs down by letting us provide our own beverages without charging us a "cork" fee (she was just starting her own business and we promised to write a long and detailed recommendation in return for the break on beverages). We also found a nice but simple and inexpensive hall. Two local jazz musicians (gift of my wife's parents, again) set a very nice mood. Dinner was fully catered with table service, but the menu pretty standard -- I think it was a salad, choice of shrimp cocktail or a gourmet kind of chowder, then steak or salmon. Total cost of the reception (less musicians) was just over $6,000. It was comfortable and went pretty smoothly.

Nice as it was, of course, the formal event really lacked the fun of the church basement the night before. In hindsight, the only real improvement was the live music. I would vote to follow my in-laws' lead: rent a hall with a nice view of Portland harbor, hire a couple of good musicians, and bring out the lasagna and Koolaid.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

Congratulations!

As many have already said, the only necessary part of the big day is that at some point, you and your fiance get around to saying "I do."

As far as the rest of it goes, you'll never think of everything so don't go crazy. I found that the bridal magazines helped with two things: checking out dresses for yourself and bridesmaids, and giving you a very rough guide to a budget. As for the latter, Amanda's advice is right on -- pick out the one aspect (flowers, photos, dresses, reception, etc.) that you really won't settle for compromises on, and be willing to pay for what you want. For me, it was the flowers. For you it may be an open bar. I knew no one in my family would expect an open bar for the entire reception, so we went with a cocktail hour instead, and the money we saved went to providing welcome baskets for the guests who were travelling in for the event and staying in hotels.

If I had to do it all over again, I'd do just what you're doing and get advice from others who have gotten married (king of like "lessons learned"). Pick their brains about the vendors they used. If you pick the right ones, they'll run the show and leave you to enjoy the day without worries. From my experience, I'd agree that videographers do get in the way of photographers, and they charge a lot for something you'll rarely watch after the week you receive it. Also, there's bound to be one guest with a video camera who'll send you a copy for free. Photographers can get expensive, too. Talk to other recent brides in your area to get the lowdown on whether they liked their's. One key -- if you can afford it, buy the proofs. I don't know of any photographers who will let you buy the negatives from their shots, but if you have the proofs you are guaranteed a lot of pictures, as opposed to 20 or so in an album. In fact, you should end up with so many that you won't even blink about giving some away, and with the right computer programs you can scan them, retouch and resize them, and print out your own copies. Another photo tip - if you can get a married couple who work as a team, you will get better candids.

If you're going with a formal reception somewhere, try to find a place that can do just about everything. If you have a family/guests that you know are a lot of fun, think about hiring a good DJ instead of a band. I know someone will say they're tacky, but the DJ's we had were excellent, and cost about 1/3 of what a good band whould have. Granted, my family doesn't need much coaxing to, say, stand on a table and dance the macarena, but the DJs dresed appropriately for the reception, didn't bring any glaring lights or disco balls, and contacted us before the reception to find out what kind of music we wanted. And, they served as unofficial emcee for the evening, allowing my hubby and I to talk and have fun, as opposed to making sure we cut the cake and threw the garter before too many people started yawning.

Oh yeah - take all the cynical comments and advice with a grain of salt. There will always be wedding horror stories, and brides/grooms who will tell of not speaking to each other and their families for months during the wedding planning stages. No wedding is going to be perfect, no matter how hard you plan. In fact, the harder you try to plan the bugs out of your wedding, the worse fun you'll have. Some of the best parts of weddings can come out of disasters (for example, the fire alarm went off at my cousin's reception. the entire building had to evacuate. she took it in stride, and ended up getting some great photos with the firemen/truck while in her gown, while the bride from the neighboring room's reception stood off to the side and screamed at her new husband, her mother, her bridal party, and the building manager).

I know this seems like a lot, and you're probably being overwhelmed with advice. So, I'll leave you with the advice I've given to my newly-engaged sister: every once in a while, lock yourself in your room without anything to do with your wedding, close your eyes, and just rmember to breathe . . .

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

I got married in May, but we had no wedding ceremony. I have, however, attended dozen of weddings. My observations:

~~invite the people *you* and your fiance want--don't get pressured by parents to invite relatives you dislike or business acquaintances because you "should"

~~stay away from professional "wedding consultants". They are Satan's spawn.

~~a wedding without food is an abomination unto the Lord.

~~there is nothing [nothing] as tacky as a cash bar. If you can't afford the hard stuff, serve inexpensive wine/beer/soft drinks

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

This just sounds like the ideal wedding to me.

Sorry for posting twice on this, but I ran across this link and thought, if I were to get married again, this is what I would do.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

Congrats!
I just got married sunday and my advice (since I ran off to Vegas with 50 of my closest friends =:) ) is to choose all your favorite things and people and just have fun.
If it stresses you out DON'T DO IT.
Though get started on details as soon as possible and check, then double check that all things are what you want. About 10 minutes later triple check te details on your list in the notebook or computer.
good luck!

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

My fiance and I got engaged in February, and we have been talking about things we liked, and didn't like, in the weddings we have been in and/or attended, so here they are (some of these may be repeats of things suggested above, sorry):

a) receiving lines are pointless and embarrassing - there's no reason that friends of the groom need to meet the second cousin of the bride who happens to be in the wedding party - I always thought these things were really awkward, and logistically messy. Better to have the bride and groom come around and visit every table and talk with the people at the table then force people to come together that would not otherwise

b) make sure that the DJ or band sets up the speakers so that the sound is equally distributed throughout the room at the reception - we just went to one where the DJ had a set of speakers at the front of the room, so the 150 people at the rear couldn't hear a thing, including the best man's toast and announcement of the first dance.

c) those little cameras at the table ARE good ideas - maybe have a couple, one for your memories (that someone from the table should turn into you), and another couple for the people at the table to remember. the event by. Some of the best pics I have of my fiance and I are at other people's weddings :)

d) if you can afford it, and depending on the caterer, its nice to have beer, wine, and drinks served in the proper glassware - looks really nice in photos when everyone is walking around with a nice beer glass, wine goblet, or highball glass, rather than plastic cups or beer bottles

e) I've been to weddings where there was no assigned seating at the tables (for a sit down dinner reception) - bad idea. That way your friends who were hanging out a little too long when dinner was called have to sit with weird Uncle Frank and ignore the sounds he makes while eating ham all night long. Pair up tables with similar types of people, or different types that you think would make for interesting conversation.

f) don't have a head table where the wedding party sits away from everyone else - I had to do this once, leaving my date high and dry to fend for herself for most of the night.

g) be sure to provide an entree option for those who don't eat meat - don't want your veggie friends to be picking green beans from around the turkey to have something to eat

h) I always thought that a coctail hour before the reception was classy - let people mingle and talk before actually getting into the main reception area, and lets people straggling into the reception not feel like they've missed any of the formal reception.

These are just my opinions, but there may be a couple there you hadn't thought about - good luck!

scooby

-- Anonymous, July 25, 2000

Oh, yeah, I'm with all the folks who said this: do what you want to do. Do what makes you happy, because you sure as hell can't please everyone. And bear in mind that you don't have to spend a fortune to have a nice wedding -- my husband and I put ours together for less than a thousand bicks. My mom's pastor married us in a beautiful little chapel, my mother-in-law and I made a huge silk flower arrangement for the alter, my brother and sister-in-law made the food, all my friends and I decorated the morning of the wedding -- it kept the stress very low, and everyone has a good time -- ultimately, that's the most important thing, right?

-- Anonymous, July 25, 2000