Last night on Jay Leno a guest told him the following joke. You really should be with the person (a man) but Ill try to do it here in terms of YOU and ME. (hold out your own palm and pretend its mine. Use your other hand to do as I instruct)

ME (holding out my palm and pointing):

There are 3 women standing in my palm. This woman is blond, this woman is brunette and this woman is a redhead.

Pick up the blond woman and hold her to your cheek.

(you pick her up and put her to your cheek)

Does it feel like the first time you made love?

YOU:

No.

ME:

Okay, quick, put her back! (you put her back in my palm)

Pick up the brunette and put her to your cheek. (you do it)

Does the brunette make you feel like the first time you did it?

YOU:

No.

ME:

Okay, quick, put her back! (you quickly put her back)

Now, pick up the redhead and put her to your cheek.

How about her, does she make you feel it?

YOU:

No.

ME:

Quick, put her back. (you again, quickly put this one back in my palm)

Now I say:

Pick up all three at once and shake them. (do it now)

You do this and just as you realize what youre doing I say:

THAT feels like the first time, doesnt it?

-- Debra (thefirst@time.com), July 15, 2000

Answers

And then there is this one:

A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town out in the country. She orders the chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast she starts to choke on a chicken bone. Well these two country boys in the next booth notice she is choking so they get up and go over to help her. The first country boy drops his coveralls and bends over and the second country boy starts licking his butt. The woman watches these two go at it and is grossed out. She pukes all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat.

The country boy pulls his coveralls back up and says to the other, "You're right Leroy, that hind-lick maneuver works like a charm."

-- Debra (!!!!@!!!!.com), July 15, 2000.

The first time I had sex, I was 11 years old. It was scary, I was all alone!

Thanks to Rodney Dangerfield

-- Lars (lars@indy.net), July 15, 2000.

Was that second one (the one about the hind-lick maneuver) on Jay Leno, too? If so, I might start watching -- it's bound to be more entertaining than "Big Brother".

-- I'm Here, I'm There (I'm Everywhere@so.beware), July 15, 2000.

Klinton and Ken Starr are having a Conversation. Klinton asks Ken Starr if he knew the Difference between Cock and a good Steak Dinner.Starr said "no". Bill says:In that Case let me invite You over for Dinner tonight.

-- never A Dull (moment@night.right), July 15, 2000.

Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of shame was overwhelming.

But every once in a while he'd hear that soothing voice trying to reassure him... "Howard, don't worry about it. You're not the first doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you won't be the last. And, you're single. So just let it go."

But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality...

"Howard, you're a Veterinarian...."

-- Patricia (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), July 15, 2000.

A guy met this girl in a bar and asked, "May I buy you a drink?"

"Okay. But it won't do you any good."

A little later, he asks, "May I buy you another drink?"

"Okay. But it won't do you any good."

He invites her up to his apartment and she replies, "Okay. But it won't do you any good."

They get to his apartment and he says, "You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I want you for my wife."

She says, "Oh, well that's different!! Send her in!"

-- Ra (tion@l.1), July 15, 2000.