David Ginola

Vagina dildo

Teddy Sheringham

Teddy Minge rash

Ossie Ardiles

Arse is soiled

Diego Maradona

O dear, I'm a gonad

Tony Blair PM

I'm Tory plan B

Virginia Bottomley

I'm an evil Tory bigot

Michael Heseltine

Elect him, he's alien

David Mellor

Dildo marvel

Dame Agatha Christie

I am a right death case

The Metropolitan Police Force

I'm fellatio, the erect porno cop

Benson and Hedges

NHS been a godsend

Selina Scott

Elastic snot

Mel Gibson

Big melons

Gloria Estefan

Large fat noise

Chris Rea

Rich arse

Martina Navratilova

Variant rival to a man

Gabriela Sabatini

Insatiable airbag

Irritable Bowel Syndrome

O my terrible drains below

Evangelist

Evil's Agent

Desperation

A Rope Ends It

The Morse Code

Here Come Dots

Mother-in-law

Woman Hitler

Semolina

Is No Meal

A Decimal Point

I'm a Dot in Place

Eleven plus two

Twelve plus one

President Clinton, of the USA

To copulate, he finds interns

And a final one...

Motorway Service Station

I eat coronary vomit stews

-- Anonymous, July 12, 2000

Answers

Sorry Gav, but just in the sense of balance, you have to put the Makems favourite:

Alan Shearer - Her Anal Arse

God how they love to use that one.........

-- Anonymous, July 12, 2000