I wish you were a door so I could bang you all day long.

Nice legs...what time do they open?

You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.

I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.

Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway the heaven?

Are those real?

I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.

If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.

(Look down at your crotch) Well It's not just going to suck itself.

You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.

You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?

F @# me if I'm wrong, but is your name Helga Titsbottom?

Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.

My name is (name)...remember that, you'll be screaming it later.

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?

If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public.

Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don't you like pizza?

Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without me.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Answers

absolutely magic hahahahaha thers a few there ive just got to try purely for fun you appreciate .. cannit wait to go out on the scrag now . ; - )

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

A. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don't you like pizza?

Q. What did the pizza waitress say to a former Toon manager?

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

4. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

5. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

6. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

7. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

8. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

9. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

10.Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

11."I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest?

12.If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen ,defrocked, doesn't it follow that...electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

13.If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

14.Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

15.What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

16.I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, do Chinese mothers use Toothpicks?

17.Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

18.If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

19.No one ever says, "It's only a game", when their team is winning.

20.If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Great lines there, but when I think about Austin Powers delivering them they lose their appeal. I must be the only person who hated both of the films.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

One or two more :)

(Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes.

Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?

I wish you were a Helicopter ride outside Tesco, so I could ride you all day long for 10p.

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

Are those real?

You can feel the magic between us...No, lower!

My friend wants to know if YOU think I'm cute."

My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.

Do you sleep on your stomach at night? Can I???

Do you wash your pants in Windolene because I can see myself in them.

I lost my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

-- Anonymous, July 12, 2000