1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking
B. Screwing
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.

3. You time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously.
C. You don't miss ESPN Sportscenter.

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need to ever find out about.

5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
A. The best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.

6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
A. Of no importance to your affectionate feelings for her.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
C. A conservative estimate.

7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
A. A myth
B. An oxymoron
C. A moron

8. Foreplay is to sex as:
A. Appetizer is to entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.

9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
A. "I hope we can still be friends."
B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
C. "Welcome to Dumpsville, population, YOU."

10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

Answers

Perfect timing Ciara, I was taking a break at work, you know one of those compulsory ones to stop you sitting at the desk/computer for too long? Walked over to this machine for a quick look see and the rest of the office followed to see what all the sniggering was about.

I have finished your quiz, my answers are all (c) what do I win???

gus

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

1. B - if they're in the same bed as you, or, A - if your trying to get them in the same bed as you.

2. C - change to Scotch or Kahlua, or, A - only if you're planning a one night stand or looking for a 'fuck' friend.

3. A - only if you prefer a different position, or, B - on her fourth or fifth climax.

4. A - if you wear knee pads, or, B - depends if the floor is vinal or polished wood.

5. A - if she didn't waite for you and your trying again, or B - as your asleep.

6. A - as now that your married your partners looks are no longer such a concern, or, C - a conservative estimate at 6 months and untold tubs of pickles and ice-cream.

7. A - that is carefully maintained to increase the likelyhood of 'scoring', or, C - if he hasn't scored yet.

8. A - when you both know what your doing, or, C - when she doesn't know what she's doing.

9. A - when she's dumped you and your still hot for her, or, B - when you dumped her and she's now stalking you.

10. A - is young and hasn't experienced enough of life yet, or A (again) - hasn't masturbated yet, herself.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000