Match Number 11

28 February 1999, Arsenal at SJP, 1-1. You remember, rat-boy scored for the Gunners in his usual unloveable fashion before Hamann waltzed through 5 of their players to unleash a thunderbolt which had the journo-scum scuttling off to link the Jorman with 'Big Clubs'...little did we know that Didi would live down to their expectations. Slimebag. He only wears the polo neck to hide the circumscision scars. Long may your mediocre International career continue to stagnate you backsliding bag of sh*te!!! Good goal mind...

Points Given 2 Charvet 2 Howey 2 Dabizas 1 (booked) Domi 2 Hamann 4 (goal but booked...great jessie!) Solano 2 Ketsbaia 1 (sub) Speed 2 Brady 2 Lee 1 (sub) Saha 5 (Joker) Shearer 2

Results: Match 11

BBS Premier Corinthian League

Barton's Samba	2-2	Duncan's Disorderlies
Borussia Canwehaveourballbach	1-0	Brewery Droopers United
Dabizas Pleazas	4-1	Beardo United
MacBeth's Marauders	2-1	Athletico Backworth
Pilgrim's Converts	1-0	Woodstock County
Steph's Superstars	5-0	Toon Goons
Wallsend Old Boys	4-2	Proper Lard Unathletic
Yelli's Yobs	1-1	MinesaS&N Academicals

BBS Notionless League Division 1

Blaydon Racers	2-0	Howdon Harriers
Chevy's Choppers	0-4	Corinthian Smart-Casuals
Dudley Boys	3-1	Carlisle United Revisited
ITK Heaton World Beaters	0-2	Baxter Basics
Pete's Porkie Pies	2-2	The Gallowgate
Real Zaragossy	7-0	Screacher's Creatures
Spayne	1-1	Quantum Mechanicals
The Stellar Warriors	1-0	Jessie's High Pants

BBS Notionless League Division 2

Ceptic	1-0	Gallowgateaserai
Douglas All Boys (B) Team	1-1	FC Forget-Me-Nots
FC Jumpers for Goal Posts	1-0	Doomed United
Preston Big End	2-0	Bewildered De Builders
Sexy Boys	4-3	Toon Gutter Snipes
SS Enterprise	3-0	Superstitious FC
The Entertainers	0-1	Shilbottle WMC
Unaccountable Wild-elf Bottles	4-3	Real Seghill

BBS Premier Corinthian League Table

Position	Team	Manager	Won	Dwn	Lst	G/F	G/A	G/Dif	Points
1	Pilgrim's Converts	Pilgrim	9	1	1	33	11	22	28
2	Steph's Superstars	Steph	7	2	2	25	13	12	23
3	Brewery Droopers United	Windy	7	0	4	23	12	11	21
4	Yelli's Yobs	Yelli	6	3	2	28	19	9	21
5	MinesaS&N Academicals	muzzainoz	6	2	3	29	15	14	20
6	Beardo United	Beardo	5	2	4	29	26	3	17
7	Athletico Backworth	Jonno	4	3	4	22	20	2	15
8	Woodstock County	Cliff	4	2	5	17	15	2	14
9	Borussia Canwehaveourballbach	SMB	4	2	5	25	25	0	14
10	Dabizas Pleazas	PeteT	4	1	6	14	23	-9	13
11	Toon Goons	Ciara	3	3	5	17	25	-8	12
12	Duncan's Disorderlies	Dunx	3	2	6	11	21	-10	11
13	MacBeth's Marauders	MacBeth	3	2	6	11	22	-11	11
14	Proper Lard Unathletic	Tony Green jnr	3	1	7	16	22	-6	10
15	Wallsend Old Boys	Hiro	3	1	7	16	27	-11	10
16	Barton's Samba	Barton	3	1	7	6	25	-19	10

BBS Notionless League Division 1 Table

Position	Team	Manager	Won	Dwn	Lst	G/F	G/A	G/Dif	Points
1	Quantum Mechanicals	True	7	3	1	24	10	14	24
2	Howdon Harriers	Softie	6	3	2	34	15	19	21
3	The Stellar Warriors	Galaxy	6	3	2	30	17	13	21
4	Screacher's Creatures	Screacher	5	4	2	23	23	0	19
5	Spayne	Kevin Koogan (Garcie)	5	3	3	18	16	2	18
6	Carlisle United Revisited	Scratchy	5	3	3	20	19	1	18
7	Jessie's High Pants	Loony Toon	5	2	4	15	14	1	17
8	Baxter Basics	Baxter	5	2	4	14	15	-1	17
9	Blaydon Racers	Geordie	4	3	4	24	17	7	15
10	Dudley Boys	Hayley	4	3	4	16	19	-3	15
11	Real Zaragossy	Dr Bill	4	1	6	21	24	-3	13
12	Corinthian Smart-Casuals	The Geordie Jew	3	3	5	14	21	-7	12
13	ITK Heaton World Beaters	ITK	3	2	6	9	17	-8	11
14	Pete's Porkie Pies	Pete in Canada	2	3	6	9	15	-6	9
15	The Gallowgate	Kegsy	1	4	6	16	32	-16	7
16	Chevy's Choppers	Chevy	0	4	7	9	21	-12	4

BBS Notionless League Division 2 Table

Position	Team	Manager	Won	Dwn	Lst	G/F	G/A	G/Dif	Points
1	Preston Big End	clarky	8	2	1	26	12	14	26
2	FC Jumpers for Goal Posts	Tom	7	3	1	28	9	19	24
3	Shilbottle WMC	Gus	6	3	2	20	14	6	21
4	Unaccountable Wild-elf Bottles	Josh	6	1	4	21	22	-1	19
5	The Entertainers	Kevin Keegan	5	3	3	34	23	11	18
6	Bewildered De Builders	De Builder	4	5	2	27	22	5	17
7	FC Forget-Me-Nots	Robby Bobson	5	2	4	15	16	-1	17
8	Douglas All Boys (B) Team	Gibbo	5	2	4	27	31	-4	17
9	Real Seghill	Juano	4	4	3	24	15	9	16
10	SS Enterprise	Elliot	3	4	4	21	18	3	13
11	Superstitious FC	Gav	3	4	4	29	33	-4	13
12	Gallowgateaserai	Pit Bill	2	3	6	11	17	-6	9
13	Sexy Boys	Ruud Gullit	3	0	8	12	28	-16	9
14	Ceptic	TSM	3	0	8	9	31	-22	9
15	Doomed United	Dougal	2	2	7	11	22	-11	8
16	Toon Gutter Snipes	Tre	2	2	7	16	28	-12	8

Fixtures: Match 12

BBS Premier Corinthian League

Athletico Backworth	Vs	Dabizas Pleazas
Beardo United	Vs	MacBeth's Marauders
Brewery Droopers United	Vs	Barton's Samba
Duncan's Disorderlies	Vs	Borussia Canwehaveourballbach
MinesaS&N Academicals	Vs	Wallsend Old Boys
Proper Lard Unathletic	Vs	Yelli's Yobs
Toon Goons	Vs	Pilgrim's Converts
Woodstock County	Vs	Steph's Superstars

BBS Notionless League Division 1

Baxter Basics	Vs	Dudley Boys
Carlisle United Revisited	Vs	ITK Heaton World Beaters
Corinthian Smart-Casuals	Vs	Blaydon Racers
Howdon Harriers	Vs	Chevy's Choppers
Jessie's High Pants	Vs	Spayne
Quantum Mechanicals	Vs	The Stellar Warriors
Screacher's Creatures	Vs	Pete's Porkie Pies
The Gallowgate	Vs	Real Zaragossy

BBS Notionless League Division 2

Bewildered De Builders	Vs	FC Jumpers for Goal Posts
Doomed United	Vs	Preston Big End
FC Forget-Me-Nots	Vs	Ceptic
Gallowgateaserai	Vs	Douglas All Boys (B) Team
Real Seghill	Vs	The Entertainers
Shilbottle WMC	Vs	Unaccountable Wild-elf Bottles
Superstitious FC	Vs	Sexy Boys
Toon Gutter Snipes	Vs	SS Enterprise

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

Answers

I knew Li'l Louis would do the biz for me eventually... Nice psychological boost v. Chevy b4 the next round of the cup!

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

Well, the rot has finally been stopped and we managed a very creditable draw away from Langley Park. Mind I felt we deserved better but at this stage of a slope we're pleased to stem the tide. I see the next game is at home to Ceptic. I think we should tank them despite them being full of sh*ts. Sh*ts from close in, long range sh*ts, not to mention the odd tap.

We'll be introducing our new bio-degradable bloke to the domestos league and expect him to kill all known Jormans in the Ceptic side. Its still all to play for and we'll be playing for most of it. There's a long way to go but the end is in sight.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

How many times this week do I have to play that shower from Carlisle United Revisted (or Scrathcy's bliddy Scrotums as was)......twice in the cup and also in the league....gotta be something wrong there surely.......two of them games are away as well.....do you not realise that we are hard up at the MOTD stadium.....why do you think we lost the Premier League Rights.......our trusted and loyal sponsors (Mr Buyright) are even on the brink of going bust....I'm gonna have to sack somebody soon..........and to paraphrase the National Lottery phrase...."It Could Be Me!"

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

he he he

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Randomiser my backside!! those two results were picked out with the sole intention of giving me two defeats for telling the world about you and Jay yesterday ;)))

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Right from now on if don't already disregard everything I say re: team selection, trade rumours and likely lads, do so from this point on. As obviously I'm a shite football manager, coach and team selector.

P.S. Softie can you e-mail me just who I picked etc. as I'd like to know who I should be giving a kick up the bum. Oh I'm pretty sure my Joker played and I still went down in flames.

:-({

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

I wonder how Screach is going to explain that result!

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Cornetto scoops biggest win

Coach Juan Cornetto's controvesial tactics were finally vindicated at Central Park yesterday as his Real Zaragossy side swept imperiously to the biggest win of the day. "Neither of our two remaining fans were happy when we went out of the cup so early", said Cornetto, "but the lads gave them a display to be proud of against the Creatures. As soon as we saw they had the Elephant Man in goal we knew we could take them - that bag on his head will never catch on with keepers. Er goalies, that is".

Meanwhile fans Miguel and Conchita Bonquers kept up a non-stop volley of abuse at Creatures manager Les Battersby, whose comments on Cornetto before the game had them "well up for it". The only chant your correspondent could make out was "Corrie reject"...

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Softie,

I shouldn't tell you this 'cos it might cost me points, but wasn't Brady a joker - worth 5 points?

I've checked your original posting and you've got him in the jokers section (unless you moved him later or your posting contains a typo).

This isn't a complaint Mr Chairman. As he's not my joker I'm quite happy if he only gets 2 points!

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Tough game against Jessie Hotpants (oops High pants!) I see you and I are league buddies again Softie - I`ll watch your back, if you watch mine! (except when we are in direct competition, when, of course, I shall be playing to win!) (:o)

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

What sort of tin pot league is this ? I've been away watching young talent in Samos for two weeks with a view to getting a good start to the season with some new starlets, and get back to learn the bliddy league's been going for ten games, plus we're out the poxy cup as well.

Something smells a bit ripe round here, and it's not my incontinence pants. Just cos I reneged on a gentleman's agreement was no reason to start everything off without telling me. We'd have been romping it if I'd had time to prepare the lads properly. Definitely something fishy going on here.

Barstewards !!!!. The whole bliddy thing's fixed.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

It's an anti-washington thing Bill :((

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Pit Bill,

did you by any chance carelessly drop a match on Samos as you left?

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Howay 5-0!! Took a Jorman and a joker to get it mind...........

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Let them mock, Gav, we know Washington's gawd's own country - oh, it's suddenly gone dark and I can here whistling.

The original intention was just to set the league on fire, but looks like the voodoo got a bit misplaced.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Softie,

you should check my earlier posting on this thread. I'd hate to see anyone accidentally done out of points. :o))

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

What can I say? We were away - probably in a different country by the looks of things. It was down to bad tactics and low morale. I will be having a word with my backroom staff Messrs Keegan and Gullit to ensure that this is a one-off fluke result which won't be repeated.

At least the chairman hasn't given me his full support so I should be safe for some while. However, in order to save myself any further embarassment, the Les Battersby look has gone after a nasty argument with the barber on Saturday. In future just look out for a Vialli Luca-like.

We're still in with a chance of promotion, sitting comfortably just outside the top two. To underline the flukey nature of last night's result, I see that W@nker Netto's lot are in a lowly 11th spot a smidgin above the drop zone. It's a funny game. We'll bounce back against the Porkers.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Pilgrim: I have checked the records and you are quite right. It appears that a bent ref gave MacBeth's Marauders a win over Athletico Backworth after receiving money from a Hartlepool-based betting ring.

This result has been reversed after video evidence proved that the ref scored both of the Marauders' goals! This information will be incorporated into the tables with the result now counting as a 3-2 win for Athletico Backworth.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Glad to help Softie - hope you don't think I'm being a Smart-@rse! (Oh, I forgot - You KNOW I'm a Smart-@rse.)

Er - Sorry Macbeth. Jonno - a cheque will be fine! :o))

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000