Match Number 9

19 April 1997, Derby County at SJP, Toon won 3-1. Kenny put us out with 5 at the back and Tino behind the front 2 - awesome, why did he change everything? Anyway, Sturridge scored for Derby almost from the kickoff and we went in at half time at 1-1 thanks to Hoult flapping a Robbie elliott corner into the back of the net. Bez and Shearer each hit the crossbar before a flying Les headed a Barton cross home. The third was pure Shearer. Wanchope was arsing around down our left and Big Al shouldered him off the ball and cut back towards the goal. About 25 yards out he unleashed an exocet straight through the hands of Mr Hoult again.

Points Hislop 4 Watson 2 Elliott 6 (goal) Peacock 2 Beresford 2 Barton 2 Batty 2 Lee 2 Asprilla 2 Gillespie 1 (sub) Ferdinand 3 (goal but booked) Shearer 4 (goal)

Results: Match 9

BBS Premier Corinthian League

Athletico Backworth	3-0	Barton's Samba
Beardo United	5-2	Borussia Canwehaveourballbach
Brewery Droopers United	2-0	Dabizas Pleazas
Duncan's Disorderlies	1-0	MacBeth's Marauders
MinesaS&N Academicals	6-3	Pilgrim's Converts
Proper Lard Unathletic	3-3	Steph's Superstars
Toon Goons	1-0	Wallsend Old Boys
Woodstock County	1-2	Yelli's Yobs

BBS Notionless League Division 1

Baxter Basics	1-1	Blaydon Racers
Carlisle United Revisited	1-0	Chevy's Choppers
Corinthian Smart-Casuals	1-2	Dudley Boys
Howdon Harriers	4-0	ITK Heaton World Beaters
Jessie's High Pants	1-0	Pete's Porkie Pies
Quantum Mechanicals	5-0	Real Zaragossy
Screacher's Creatures	3-1	Spayne
The Gallowgate	1-4	The Stellar Warriors

BBS Notionless League Division 2

Bewildered De Builders	4-0	Ceptic
Doomed United	1-2	Douglas All Boys (B) Team
FC Forget-Me-Nots	0-2	FC Jumpers for Goal Posts
Gallowgateaserai	0-1	Preston Big End
Real Seghill	2-0	Sexy Boys
Shilbottle WMC	1-5	SS Enterprise
Superstitious FC	6-6	The Entertainers
Toon Gutter Snipes	0-3	Unaccountable Wild-elf Bottles

BBS Premier Corinthian League Table

Position	Team	Manager	Won	Dwn	Lst	G/F	G/A	G/Dif	Points
1	Pilgrim's Converts	Pilgrim	7	1	1	31	11	20	22
2	Steph's Superstars	Steph	6	2	1	20	9	11	20
3	Yelli's Yobs	Yelli	6	2	1	24	14	10	20
4	Brewery Droopers United	Windy	6	0	3	19	11	8	18
5	MinesaS&N Academicals	muzzainoz	5	1	3	24	14	10	16
6	Athletico Backworth	Jonno	4	3	2	20	15	5	15
7	Beardo United	Beardo	4	2	3	23	22	1	14
8	Woodstock County	Cliff	3	2	4	15	14	1	11
9	Proper Lard Unathletic	Tony Green jnr	3	1	5	14	17	-3	10
10	Dabizas Pleazas	PeteT	3	1	5	10	21	-11	10
11	Toon Goons	Ciara	2	3	4	13	17	-4	9
12	Barton's Samba	Barton	3	0	6	4	18	-14	9
13	Borussia Canwehaveourballbach	SMB	2	2	5	21	24	-3	8
14	MacBeth's Marauders	MacBeth	2	2	5	9	17	-8	8
15	Wallsend Old Boys	Hiro	2	1	6	12	23	-11	7
16	Duncan's Disorderlies	Dunx	2	1	6	8	19	-11	7

BBS Notionless League Division 1 Table

Position	Team	Manager	Won	Dwn	Lst	G/F	G/A	G/Dif	Points
1	Quantum Mechanicals	True	6	2	1	21	9	12	20
2	Howdon Harriers	Softie	5	3	1	29	13	16	18
3	The Stellar Warriors	Galaxy	5	3	1	26	13	13	18
4	Screacher's Creatures	Screacher	4	4	1	19	13	6	16
5	Carlisle United Revisited	Scratchy	4	3	2	16	15	1	15
6	Spayne	Kevin Koogan (Garcie)	4	2	3	15	14	1	14
7	Jessie's High Pants	Loony Toon	4	2	3	12	13	-1	14
8	Blaydon Racers	Geordie	3	3	3	21	14	7	12
9	Dudley Boys	Hayley	3	3	3	13	13	0	12
10	Baxter Basics	Baxter	3	2	4	11	15	-4	11
11	ITK Heaton World Beaters	ITK	3	1	5	9	15	-6	10
12	Real Zaragossy	Dr Bill	3	1	5	14	21	-7	10
13	Pete's Porkie Pies	Pete in Canada	2	2	5	7	11	-4	8
14	Corinthian Smart-Casuals	The Geordie Jew	2	2	5	10	21	-11	8
15	The Gallowgate	Kegsy	1	3	5	13	28	-15	6
16	Chevy's Choppers	Chevy	0	4	5	9	16	-7	4

BBS Notionless League Division 2 Table

Position	Team	Manager	Won	Dwn	Lst	G/F	G/A	G/Dif	Points
1	Preston Big End	clarky	6	2	1	23	12	11	20
2	FC Jumpers for Goal Posts	Tom	5	3	1	23	9	14	18
3	Unaccountable Wild-elf Bottles	Josh	5	1	3	17	13	4	16
4	FC Forget-Me-Nots	Robby Bobson	5	1	3	14	14	0	16
5	Douglas All Boys (B) Team	Gibbo	5	1	3	22	25	-3	16
6	Real Seghill	Juano	4	3	2	20	10	10	15
7	Shilbottle WMC	Gus	4	3	2	18	14	4	15
8	The Entertainers	Kevin Keegan	4	3	2	25	22	3	15
9	Bewildered De Builders	De Builder	3	5	1	22	16	6	14
10	Superstitious FC	Gav	2	4	3	23	30	-7	10
11	SS Enterprise	Elliot	2	3	4	17	17	0	9
12	Gallowgateaserai	Pit Bill	2	3	4	11	12	-1	9
13	Toon Gutter Snipes	Tre	2	2	5	13	15	-2	8
14	Sexy Boys	Ruud Gullit	2	0	7	8	24	-16	6
15	Ceptic	TSM	2	0	7	8	29	-21	6
16	Doomed United	Dougal	1	2	6	9	21	-12	5

Fixtures: Match 10

BBS Premier Corinthian League

Athletico Backworth	Vs	Borussia Canwehaveourballbach
Beardo United	Vs	Barton's Samba
Brewery Droopers United	Vs	MacBeth's Marauders
Duncan's Disorderlies	Vs	Dabizas Pleazas
MinesaS&N Academicals	Vs	Steph's Superstars
Proper Lard Unathletic	Vs	Pilgrim's Converts
Toon Goons	Vs	Yelli's Yobs
Woodstock County	Vs	Wallsend Old Boys

BBS Notionless League Division 1

Baxter Basics	Vs	Chevy's Choppers
Carlisle United Revisited	Vs	Blaydon Racers
Corinthian Smart-Casuals	Vs	ITK Heaton World Beaters
Howdon Harriers	Vs	Dudley Boys
Jessie's High Pants	Vs	Real Zaragossy
Quantum Mechanicals	Vs	Pete's Porkie Pies
Screacher's Creatures	Vs	The Stellar Warriors
The Gallowgate	Vs	Spayne

BBS Notionless League Division 2

Bewildered De Builders	Vs	Douglas All Boys (B) Team
Doomed United	Vs	Ceptic
FC Forget-Me-Nots	Vs	Preston Big End
Gallowgateaserai	Vs	FC Jumpers for Goal Posts
Real Seghill	Vs	SS Enterprise
Shilbottle WMC	Vs	Sexy Boys
Superstitious FC	Vs	Unaccountable Wild-elf Bottles
Toon Gutter Snipes	Vs	The Entertainers

-- Anonymous, July 07, 2000

Answers

Sorry Kegsy - the Stellar Warriors had to really go for that one, having lost ground in the last match!(:o)

-- Anonymous, July 07, 2000

Well, we always knew today's match was going to be a hard one and once again we failed to score at Langley Park while leaking two goals. This is simply not good enough and we have had some strong words. Words like Hurcules, Tyson and Tarzan. Those are strong words and I think the lads knew what I meant.

Now I'm not one to complain because at the end of the day it goes dark. But I have to question the League Chairman to ask whether at this high level of competition we should still be playing with jumpers for goal posts. On more than one occasion tonight we had a goal chalked off because it went over a jumper. In normal play, that would have hit the inside of the post and gone into the net. Still it's the same for both teams but I'd have preferred Aran instead of the tank tops that Tom turned up with.

Tomorrow is another day. So is the one after that and the one after that too. Next up we entertain The Big Top at Langley Park. Rest assured FC Haven't-got-a-clue-who-we-are Football Club will be up for this one. Every man, woman and child in my team will give 130% and we hope we can peg back the Big Top and their ringmaster Clarky who will no doubt be cracking his wit.

-- Anonymous, July 07, 2000

I'm not bitter. I want the world to know ("I'm happy as can be." Ahem.) that I was drunk when I sent my team to Softie. When I realised what I'd done, I made a last minute attempt to change my line up; namely to put Shearer back in! Apparently that attempt failed and I am now doomed to relegation. I'm not bitter.

-- Anonymous, July 07, 2000

It's worse than that mate....you have got Shearer in your squad :-) Must be down to p*ss-poor management ;-)

-- Anonymous, July 07, 2000

Oh well,

All good things etc.

Well done Muzzainoz. Good job you had Elliott I reckon.

Another tough away match next to boot. The pressure's on (sob sob).

-- Anonymous, July 07, 2000

Yev got tae win yer home games. Ach. Look out ITK, I can't afford two home defeats on the bounce...

-- Anonymous, July 07, 2000

One game is a bit soon to tell, but it appears the squad's now traditional mid-season break at La manga has worked it's usual magic. I think we'll have to bring our own fire extinguishers next time...resort management got a bit huffy at us 'borrowing' them. Just lads relaxing and all. Nowt wrong with that!

-- Anonymous, July 07, 2000

How many goals do I have to score to win a game :((

-- Anonymous, July 08, 2000

That was a ridiculous result Gav! 2 scores which would have beaten anyone else in the league...except each other. It's a lottery :-)

-- Anonymous, July 08, 2000

Gav, under normal circumstances I'd reckon one more than your oponent should do the trick. However with the Softie randomiser kicking in, I guess it depends how much you're prepared to pay.

-- Anonymous, July 08, 2000

It's okay Galaxy, at least you apologised for stuffing us, unlike the rest. We're going underground, going underground........

-- Anonymous, July 08, 2000

Unlike Galaxy, nee apologies to Dr Bill for giving Real Zaragossy a tousing. Wor use of wormholes to get behind their defence was bliddy good.
5-0 - stir some memories eh?

-- Anonymous, July 08, 2000