Match Number 8

25 November 1999, AS Roma away, we lost 1-0 to a dodgy penalty from Totti. Roma didn't feel we worth playing football against which might be construed as fear of being outclassed but more likely just the tried and tested method of getting physical English sides carded out of 2 legged contests. 5-3-2 for the away leg - we switched to 4-4-2 for the home leg.

Points Harper 1 Barton 2 Charvet 2 Dabizas 2 Hughes 2 Pistone 2 Solano 2 Lee 2 Speed 2 Ketsbaia 2 Robinson 1 (sub) Shearer 1 (booked)

Results: Match 8

BBS Premier Corinthian League

Yelli's Yobs	Yelli	1-1	Athletico Backworth	Jonno
MinesaS&N Academicals	muzzainoz	0-1	Barton's Samba	Barton
Pilgrim's Converts	Pilgrim	3-0	Beardo United	Beardo
Proper Lard Unathletic	Tony Green jnr	4-0	Borussia Canwehaveourballbach	SMB
Steph's Superstars	Steph	2-0	Brewery Droopers United	Windy
Toon Goons	Ciara	1-1	Dabizas Pleazas	PeteT
Wallsend Old Boys	Hiro	5-3	Duncan's Disorderlies	Dunx
Woodstock County	Cliff	3-3	MacBeth's Marauders	MacBeth

BBS Notionless League Division 1

The Stellar Warriors	Galaxy	0-1	Baxter Basics	Baxter
Jessie's High Pants	Loony Toon	2-2	Blaydon Racers	Geordie
Pete's Porkie Pies	Pete in Canada	3-0	Carlisle United Revisited	Scratchy
Quantum Mechanicals	True	1-0	Chevy's Choppers	Chevy
Real Zaragossy	Dr Bill	5-1	Corinthian Smart-Casuals	The Geordie Jew
Screacher's Creatures	Screacher	2-1	Dudley Boys	Hayley
Spayne	Kevin Koogan (Garcie)	0-0	Howdon Harriers	Softie
The Gallowgate	Kegsy	1-2	ITK Heaton World Beaters	ITK

BBS Notionless League Division 2

Unaccountable Wild-elf Bottles	Josh	3-0	Bewildered De Builders	De Builder
Real Seghill	Juano	4-0	Ceptic	TSM
Sexy Boys	Ruud Gullit	5-1	Doomed United	Dougal
Shilbottle WMC	Gus	4-0	Douglas All Boys (B) Team	Gibbo
SS Enterprise	Elliot	1-3	FC Forget-Me-Nots	Robby Bobson
Superstitious FC	Gav	2-0	FC Jumpers for Goal Posts	Tom
The Entertainers	Kevin Keegan	0-4	Gallowgateaserai	Pit Bill
Toon Gutter Snipes	Tre	2-1	Preston Big End	clarky

BBS Premier Corinthian League Table

Position	Team	Manager	Won	Dwn	Lst	G/F	G/A	G/Dif	Points
1	Pilgrim's Converts	Pilgrim	7	1	0	28	5	23	22
2	Steph's Superstars	Steph	6	1	1	17	6	11	19
3	Yelli's Yobs	Yelli	5	2	1	22	13	9	17
4	Brewery Droopers United	Windy	5	0	3	17	11	6	15
5	MinesaS&N Academicals	muzzainoz	4	1	3	18	11	7	13
6	Athletico Backworth	Jonno	3	3	2	17	15	2	12
7	Woodstock County	Cliff	3	2	3	14	12	2	11
8	Beardo United	Beardo	3	2	3	18	20	-2	11
9	Dabizas Pleazas	PeteT	3	1	4	10	19	-9	10
10	Proper Lard Unathletic	Tony Green jnr	3	0	5	11	14	-3	9
11	Barton's Samba	Barton	3	0	5	4	15	-11	9
12	Borussia Canwehaveourballbach	SMB	2	2	4	19	19	0	8
13	MacBeth's Marauders	MacBeth	2	2	4	9	16	-7	8
14	Wallsend Old Boys	Hiro	2	1	5	12	22	-10	7
15	Toon Goons	Ciara	1	3	4	12	17	-5	6
16	Duncan's Disorderlies	Dunx	1	1	6	7	19	-12	4

BBS Notionless League Division 1 Table

Position	Team	Manager	Won	Dwn	Lst	G/F	G/A	G/Dif	Points
1	Quantum Mechanicals	True	5	2	1	16	9	7	17
2	Howdon Harriers	Softie	4	3	1	25	13	12	15
3	The Stellar Warriors	Galaxy	4	3	1	22	12	10	15
4	Spayne	Kevin Koogan (Garcie)	4	2	2	14	11	3	14
5	Screacher's Creatures	Screacher	3	4	1	16	12	4	13
6	Carlisle United Revisited	Scratchy	3	3	2	15	15	0	12
7	Blaydon Racers	Geordie	3	2	3	20	13	7	11
8	Jessie's High Pants	Loony Toon	3	2	3	11	13	-2	11
9	Real Zaragossy	Dr Bill	3	1	4	14	16	-2	10
10	ITK Heaton World Beaters	ITK	3	1	4	9	11	-2	10
11	Baxter Basics	Baxter	3	1	4	10	14	-4	10
12	Dudley Boys	Hayley	2	3	3	11	12	-1	9
13	Pete's Porkie Pies	Pete in Canada	2	2	4	7	10	-3	8
14	Corinthian Smart-Casuals	The Geordie Jew	2	2	4	9	19	-10	8
15	The Gallowgate	Kegsy	1	3	4	12	24	-12	6
16	Chevy's Choppers	Chevy	0	4	4	9	15	-6	4

Howdon Harriers and The Stellar Warriors were so busy continuing last season's rivalry that they failed to notice Quantam Mechanicals sneak up on the inside and overtake them both...

BBS Notionless League Division 2 Table

Position	Team	Manager	Won	Dwn	Lst	G/F	G/A	G/Dif	Points
1	Preston Big End	clarky	5	2	1	22	12	10	17
2	FC Forget-Me-Nots	Robby Bobson	5	1	2	14	12	2	16
3	FC Jumpers for Goal Posts	Tom	4	3	1	21	9	12	15
4	Shilbottle WMC	Gus	4	3	1	17	9	8	15
5	The Entertainers	Kevin Keegan	4	2	2	29	16	13	14
6	Unaccountable Wild-elf Bottles	Josh	4	1	3	14	13	1	13
7	Douglas All Boys (B) Team	Gibbo	4	1	3	20	24	-4	13
8	Real Seghill	Juano	3	3	2	18	10	8	12
9	Bewildered De Builders	De Builder	2	5	1	18	16	2	11
10	Gallowgateaserai	Pit Bill	2	3	3	11	11	0	9
11	Superstitious FC	Gav	2	3	3	17	24	-7	9
12	Toon Gutter Snipes	Tre	2	2	4	13	12	1	8
13	SS Enterprise	Elliot	1	3	4	12	16	-4	6
14	Sexy Boys	Ruud Gullit	2	0	6	8	22	-14	6
15	Ceptic	TSM	2	0	6	8	25	-17	6
16	Doomed United	Dougal	1	2	5	8	19	-11	5

So, only Pilgrim unbeaten now, surely the scalp everyone would most like to take! Chevy also has the dubious honour of being the only manager without a win...still, 8 games without a win must mean 8-0 in the next fixture...surely? ;-)

Fixtures: Match 9

BBS Premier Corinthian League

Athletico Backworth	Vs	Barton's Samba
Beardo United	Vs	Borussia Canwehaveourballbach
Brewery Droopers United	Vs	Dabizas Pleazas
Duncan's Disorderlies	Vs	MacBeth's Marauders
MinesaS&N Academicals	Vs	Pilgrim's Converts
Proper Lard Unathletic	Vs	Steph's Superstars
Toon Goons	Vs	Wallsend Old Boys
Woodstock County	Vs	Yelli's Yobs

BBS Notionless League Division 1

Baxter Basics	Vs	Blaydon Racers
Carlisle United Revisited	Vs	Chevy's Choppers
Corinthian Smart-Casuals	Vs	Dudley Boys
Howdon Harriers	Vs	ITK Heaton World Beaters
Jessie's High Pants	Vs	Pete's Porkie Pies
Quantum Mechanicals	Vs	Real Zaragossy
Screacher's Creatures	Vs	Spayne
The Gallowgate	Vs	The Stellar Warriors

BBS Notionless League Division 2

Bewildered De Builders	Vs	Ceptic
Doomed United	Vs	Douglas All Boys (B) Team
FC Forget-Me-Nots	Vs	FC Jumpers for Goal Posts
Gallowgateaserai	Vs	Preston Big End
Real Seghill	Vs	Sexy Boys
Shilbottle WMC	Vs	SS Enterprise
Superstitious FC	Vs	The Entertainers
Toon Gutter Snipes	Vs	Unaccountable Wild-elf Bottles

-- Anonymous, July 05, 2000

Answers

Well, it seems like my little pep talk did the trick. A resounding 3-1 win away from Langley Park against SS Enterprise has seen us move right up into the premonition spot. I could see that coming.

The important thing is not to let this result go to our heads. Yes, its nice to get a good away win under your belt but there are plenty more games ahead starting tomorrow at Langley Park where FC What-are-called Football Club entertain FC Jumpers for Gate Posts. They have a good attack - not outstanding but more than adequate - and we will have to keep our eyes open if we to continue our progress. Its a real 6 pinter so I expect a few of my team to be legless after the match (Not you Little Kevin. You're gated in case you'd forgotten.).

A quick look at the positions and I see we are looking right up Clarky's Big End. Its not a pretty sight I can arsure you. He'll be hurting after a rumbling down under against Tre's Toon Gutter Snipes and he won't want us catching him from behind. Its going to be hard I'm sure.

BTW - I was down at Wimbledon today for the tennis. I liked it so much I decided to buy the Centre Cort for Alan to play on.

-- Anonymous, July 05, 2000

Neebody telt us we'd hev to play Aussi rules against Tre's lot, Robby! I've decided against an appeal to FIFI, cos aa knaa the bitch'll tek nee notice.
Me Big End's all red and sore, but I've given the laads a haalf shift off, and well be up for the next match against them dirty beggors from Weshington - aav hord theor Manager, that William Pitt or summik, gets forced ta drink wi' makems, ye knaa!!

-- Anonymous, July 05, 2000

Jesus, H Christ and you wonder why I'm pessimistic! By the way, Softie, I've looked up the patenting stuff - will try to e mail it today.

-- Anonymous, July 06, 2000

Well, Clarky those fellas play with funny balls down under and maybe you took a bit of time to get to grips with them?

You've been to Washington before haven't you so you should know the score already. I remember the golf stories and weather reports you sent us. Mind its a long way to go even if you go straight from Oz. FC Bluebells Football Club know all about having a long way to go and I think you should have a good case to complain to FIDO. In fact I find when travelling its essential to have a good case.

I believe there are too many foriegners in English football these days. Don't get me wrong. There's a place for foreigners but I just wish more of them would stay there. That's why I decided not to buy Emi-Lou Mponsa this week. I am sure I would have had trouble with his name. Clark Torque is a much easier name to remember. Its little things like this that make all the difference you know. I was only saying this to little Kevin Dyer last week and I could tell he agreed when he gave me one of those "Yeah Boss" looks. He's a real little gem that Kevin.

Its things like this that make all the difference between an average manager and a successful one. I think maybe that's what I regret about my time at Eindhoven, Barcelona and Lisbon. We had too many foreigners. I'll tell you something. We had so many foreigners I had to learn Dutch, Spanish and Portugese to talk to them. It amazes me how they can play football in a foreign language. I have no intention of becomming an average manager but above all, I have no intention of becomming an above average manager.

-- Anonymous, July 06, 2000

Real Zaragossy rocked by Club President's 'full support'

In a move bound to have serious repercussions, club president Guglielmo 'Il Dottore' Wilseeyanou yesterday expressed his "full support" for coach Juan Cornetto. The remarks, which have been widely reported, are expected to lead to CVs being dusted off across Europe.

Cornetto was brought in by the troubled club in an attempt to restore former glories after the high-profile failure of Dutch coach Hertz van Rental. Having roundly condemmed van Rental's first team as "expensive failures", Cornetto then inexplicably picked an identical squad for this season's campaign, blaming a "lapse of memory".

Meanwhile, the long overdue development of the celebrated Central Park stadium has been placed on hold again following a mishap involving a giant wolfhound engaged in stick-clearing work. The dog reportedly stopped for a natural break, but on raising its nearside rear ground support, toppled over. Substantial damage has been done to the pitch, and bystanders were drenched. A spokesman for the club has denied the allegations totally, adding that in any case it was "only a small terrier".

-- Anonymous, July 06, 2000

Dougal,

Cheer up flower, you've got Douglas All Boys as your next match. And given our recent bout of travel sickness, I reckon you should be able to pick up at least a point.

Remember there's no shame in being bottom, so long as you're clean!

-- Anonymous, July 07, 2000