Match Number 3

22 August 1995, Bolton Wanderers at Burnden Park, we won 3-1. Ginola danced down the left wing before crossing between his two markers and Big Les soared between a further two markers to head home in the first of his trademark goals for United. Bergsson drew Bolton level after the break before Barton fed Gillespie who chipped it in to an unmarked Rob Lee who headed home. It was all over when Sir Les took control of the ball in the centre circle and held off 4 despairing challenges to wallop the ball across the keeper and in at the far post; pace, strength and power - a classic Newcastle Number 9.

Points Hislop 4 Barton 1 (booked) Beresford 2 Peacock 2 Howey 2 Lee 5 (goal) Ferdinand 5 (booked but 2 goals) Clark 2 Ginola 2 Gillespie 2 Beardsley 2

Results: Match 3

BBS Premier Corinthian League

Athletico Backworth	3-0	Proper Lard Unathletic
Barton's Samba	0-3	Steph's Superstars
Beardo United	5-2	Toon Goons
Borussia Canwehaveourballbach	7-0	Wallsend Old Boys
Brewery Droopers United	2-0	Woodstock County
Dabizas Pleazas	1-3	Yelli's Yobs
Duncan's Disorderlies	1-2	MinesaS&N Academicals
MacBeth's Marauders	0-4	Pilgrim's Converts

BBS Notionless League Division 1

Baxter Basics	1-3	Quantum Mechanicals
Blaydon Racers	4-0	Real Zaragossy
Carlisle United Revisited	3-3	Screacher's Creatures
Chevy's Choppers	1-2	Spayne
Corinthian Smart-Casuals	1-1	The Gallowgate
Dudley Boys	2-2	The Stellar Warriors
Howdon Harriers	7-1	Jessie's High Pants
ITK Heaton World Beaters	3-0	Pete's Porkie Pies

BBS Notionless League Division 2

Bewildered De Builders	4-1	Shilbottle WMC
Ceptic	0-3	SS Enterprise
Doomed United	2-3	Superstitious FC
Douglas All Boys (B) Team	5-7	The Entertainers
FC Forget-Me-Nots	1-0	Toon Gutter Snipes
FC Jumpers for Goal Posts	6-0	Unaccountable Wild-elf Bottles
Gallowgateaserai	0-1	Real Seghill
Preston Big End	3-0	Sexy Boys

BBS Premier Corinthian League Table

Position	Team	Won	Dwn	Lst	G/F	G/A	G/Dif	Points
1	Pilgrim's Converts	3	0	0	14	2	12	9
2	Steph's Superstars	3	0	0	9	2	7	9
3	Brewery Droopers United	3	0	0	7	1	6	9
4	Yelli's Yobs	2	1	0	9	4	5	7
5	MinesaS&N Academicals	2	1	0	8	3	5	7
6	Woodstock County	2	0	1	6	3	3	6
7	Beardo United	2	0	1	9	7	2	6
8	Borussia Canwehaveourballbach	1	1	1	11	5	6	4
9	Athletico Backworth	1	1	1	7	7	0	4
10	Proper Lard Unathletic	1	0	2	3	6	-3	3
11	Dabizas Pleazas	1	0	2	4	9	-5	3
12	Toon Goons	0	1	2	6	11	-5	1
13	MacBeth's Marauders	0	1	2	2	10	-8	1
14	Duncan's Disorderlies	0	0	3	2	7	-5	0
15	Wallsend Old Boys	0	0	3	1	11	-10	0
16	Barton's Samba	0	0	3	0	10	-10	0

Barton's Samba now enjoy the dubious pleasure of being the only team in the entire league yet to find the back of net (gulp!), suggests someone is in for a right pasting when they find their form.

BBS Notionless League Division 1 Table

Position	Team	Won	Dwn	Lst	G/F	G/A	G/Dif	Points
1	Howdon Harriers	2	1	0	17	5	12	7
2	Quantum Mechanicals	2	1	0	6	3	3	7
3	Blaydon Racers	2	0	1	7	3	4	6
4	Spayne	2	0	1	7	5	2	6
5	The Stellar Warriors	1	2	0	11	8	3	5
6	Carlisle United Revisited	1	2	0	7	4	3	5
7	Dudley Boys	1	1	1	6	6	0	4
8	The Gallowgate	1	1	1	5	7	-2	4
9	Corinthian Smart-Casuals	1	1	1	3	7	-4	4
10	ITK Heaton World Beaters	1	0	2	5	6	-1	3
11	Baxter Basics	1	0	2	3	5	-2	3
12	Pete's Porkie Pies	1	0	2	2	5	-3	3
13	Jessie's High Pants	1	0	2	3	9	-6	3
14	Screacher's Creatures	0	2	1	6	7	-1	2
15	Chevy's Choppers	0	2	1	5	6	-1	2
16	Real Zaragossy	0	1	2	2	9	-7	1

The newly relegated sides are all showing signs of recovery now, as they adjust to the crapness of the Notionless League...how long can the Howdon Harriers keep up this run?

BBS Notionless League Division 2 Table

Position	Team	Won	Dwn	Lst	G/F	G/A	G/Dif	Points
1	Preston Big End	3	0	0	9	1	8	9
2	FC Jumpers for Goal Posts	2	1	0	9	2	7	7
3	Bewildered De Builders	2	1	0	10	5	5	7
4	The Entertainers	2	0	1	16	7	9	6
5	Shilbottle WMC	2	0	1	7	5	2	6
6	FC Forget-Me-Nots	2	0	1	7	8	-1	6
7	SS Enterprise	1	1	1	4	2	2	4
8	Douglas All Boys (B) Team	1	1	1	11	12	-1	4
9	Real Seghill	1	1	1	4	6	-2	4
10	Superstitious FC	1	1	1	8	13	-5	4
11	Ceptic	1	0	2	4	6	-2	3
12	Gallowgateaserai	1	0	2	3	5	-2	3
13	Unaccountable Wild-elf Bottles	1	0	2	3	9	-6	3
14	Toon Gutter Snipes	0	1	2	3	5	-2	1
15	Doomed United	0	1	2	4	7	-3	1
16	Sexy Boys	0	0	3	1	10	-9	0

Congratulations to young Elliot for notching up a well deserved win to climb to seventh, and I have no doubt that clarky is deriving a certain amount of pleasure in being top of the league with Gullit at the bottom :-)

Fixtures: Match 4

BBS Premier Corinthian League

Steph's Superstars	Vs	Athletico Backworth
Toon Goons	Vs	Barton's Samba
Wallsend Old Boys	Vs	Beardo United
Woodstock County	Vs	Borussia Canwehaveourballbach
Yelli's Yobs	Vs	Brewery Droopers United
MinesaS&N Academicals	Vs	Dabizas Pleazas
Pilgrim's Converts	Vs	Duncan's Disorderlies
Proper Lard Unathletic	Vs	MacBeth's Marauders

BBS Notionless League Division 1

Real Zaragossy	Vs	Baxter Basics
Screacher's Creatures	Vs	Blaydon Racers
Spayne	Vs	Carlisle United Revisited
The Gallowgate	Vs	Chevy's Choppers
The Stellar Warriors	Vs	Corinthian Smart-Casuals
Jessie's High Pants	Vs	Dudley Boys
Pete's Porkie Pies	Vs	Howdon Harriers
Quantum Mechanicals	Vs	ITK Heaton World Beaters

BBS Notionless League Division 2

SS Enterprise	Vs	Bewildered De Builders
Superstitious FC	Vs	Ceptic
The Entertainers	Vs	Doomed United
Toon Gutter Snipes	Vs	Douglas All Boys (B) Team
Unaccountable Wild-elf Bottles	Vs	FC Forget-Me-Nots
Real Seghill	Vs	FC Jumpers for Goal Posts
Sexy Boys	Vs	Gallowgateaserai
Shilbottle WMC	Vs	Preston Big End

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

Answers

Now that wasn`t in the script! Watch out you Corintian Smart Casuals, I`ve got lost ground to recoup!(:o)

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

Well you won't catch me gloating. I lost the first 3 last season and made a good recovery, so a good start means nothing.

Just wait 'til the dreaded randomiser starts pulling out some of TSM's teams!

Some pretty high scoring games this time though Softie. Is it the Home effect or just that a few teams have picked early players and the randomiser has - so far - obliged?

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

Well that was a lot closer than we wanted but at times like this after a reserval you just have to dig in to survive. I learned that trick during the war and look what it did for me. Mind it makes a helluva mess of the pitch but we have a strong team at Langley Park and the head gardner has plans to fix it before our next home match.

Our next match looks like a hard one. We're away to Nagarams Unlimitted so that will be two managers who get their words mixed up.

The table is starting to take shape and as soon as I'm finished with that I'll start on the chairs. Then I can invite some of your round for tea. Talking about forty that's the number of points I think we'll need to survive. We are doing pretty well having averaged two per game so far. So far, but we have further to go and I'm sure I can speak for all the lads especially those from Portugal, Spain and Holland when I confidently say that my next project after the table and chairs is a 4-seater sofa for the back four in my flat.

Must be off. Either that or my sponsors best aren't working to their best. I'm going to check the nasty-videos of Del Wilf and his Uncountable Bottles AC.

X

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

Hmph, I go off for a Mexican holiday, leaving the Goons in what I thought were capable hands of my staff, and come back to find us hovering just above the relegation zone. Well, hopefully the coaching tips provided by my hosts will get the Goons back to playing well and moving up the leage. Cervezas all around por favor!! :-)

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

We let in 7 @ home? Candice B Forreal? I think i've picked a good team, after the tue Keegan tradition.

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

Wort losing 6-0 for the memory of the game - I was there and it was the 1st sight of Ginola and the start of a fabulous period. Keep em coming Softie.

-- Anonymous, July 01, 2000