Today I got my eyebrows waxed for the first time. Actually, it was the first time I got any part of my body waxed, because I have been told by many women that waxing hurts like a mofo and I was afraid to try it. It really wasn't bad at all, and I'm sure I'll do it again in the near future. I may even venture out and have my legs waxed.

I've always heard the saying "Beauty is Pain." Do you think that is true? What have you done to yourself in order to look better? Fried your skull getting a perm? Made your eyes water by plucking hairs from your body? Poked your eye out with a mascara brush?

Come on, you can tell us.

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

Answers

Plucking my eyebrows makes tears run down my face, but I do it anyway. Nicole, I always think you're beautiful when we play that game with the whip. Does that fit in with the topic?

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

Gwen, I think that threat would be "Pain = Sexual Pleasure" Wink wink.

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

Um, threat = thread. Gwen, you got me so excited I can't type.

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

"It Hurts to be Beautiful!" I have a pretty high threshold for pain, (which is why my boyfriend keeps me around), but...
I had my bikini line waxed for the first time, and after the first leg, I thought, "not so bad". While she was doing the second leg, I kept jerking around in anticipation of the re-pain. I have not done it since that time.

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

I get tears in my eyes plucking hairs I don't want. I shave myself bloody trying to look clean-shaven, and that doesn't even work. I have very pale skin and a dark beard; instantly after shaving, I have a 5-o'clock shadow even though my face feels as smooth as an android's butt. Unfortunately, I live in one of those rentitive, stuck-in-the-50's Happy Days/Brady Bunch/Leave it to Beaver states where beards=hippies, and hippies don't get paid the big bucks.

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

Well, since physical beauty in our society is a constantly changing ideal that none of us would naturally fit for more than, like, two seconds of our lives, and because to artificially alter your appearance is usually painful, I guess it's generally true that beauty=pain. Anything I've ever done to make myself more "beautiful" has been painful, anyway. Sometimes mentally painful too.

Although I have to say that there is another kind of beauty that is very rare but very real, that you see in people who are confident in themselves, and at peace with how they live their lives. My midwife is a good example of this. She is in her forties and therefore starting to sag and wrinkle, does not pluck her eyebrows or shave, does not style her hair, her eyes are spaced rather too widely, she has a gap between her front teeth, she does not wear makeup or jewelry, and usually wears old baggy jeans and unflattering t-shirts with no bra. And I'm telling you, every time I see her I am tongue-tied before her stunning beauty, I am just in awe. I have another acquaintance who is a scrawny little thing, head full of dreads, sharp beak nose, beady watery eyes, a big forehead, shapeless clothing. Or at least that's what I see in a photograph of her. But in real life, there is something about her spirit that shines through and transforms her from an average mortal to a goddess. It's amazing. I have no desire to look like a model anymore. I want to be what these women are.

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

I've gotten far too old to hurt myself in the name of beauty. Fortunately, plucking my eyebrows has never hurt, I have "no- maintenance" hair, and I have never damaged myself applying makeup.

I did attempt a bikini wax at one time, and decided bleeding and bruising in the name of hairlessness (sorry, that was probably more than you wanted to know) was unnecessary as long as Gillette exists.

I do subject myself to pain and torture in the form of Billy Blanks and various other video-workout sadists, but that's not for beauty's sake, it's because I want to remain a kick-ass broad. (Meaning I can *do* things, not just look good.)

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

All I know is my grandmother told my mother and later, me, "We must suffer to be beautiful". I think it goes deeper than eyebrow plucking.

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

Well, having just figured out I have plantar fasciitis (ooh, big words), I know at least part of the cause is because I wear high heels. BTW, the condition means I have little tears in the tendon along the bottom of my foot. If I get up the middle of the night or first thing in the morning, I practically collapse as soon as any weight hits my left foot.

I never used to wear heels, but then I worked for this nasty little short guy and I found out it intimidated him to speak to people taller than he was. So, I took to heels, and ended up liking the way they looked. My husband did, too, and now I'm paying the price.

Other stupid things I do in the name of fashion/looking good: color my hair (love that smell, eh?), pluck eyebrows (I'm a natural Unibrow), wear pantyhose in the summer. And men bitch about wearing ties....

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

Ohhhhh Gwen and Nicole, someday you must remind me to tell you about the S&M party I attended. Being painted with latex paint feels really good until you try to peel it off. That's where the M comes in 'cause it's like peeling a balloon off that's bonded to your skin. Does this relate to the topic? Probably not, oops sorry. OK, I'll make it relate. The paint job was really pretty. Honestly, I agree with everyone. Unless you're one of the lucky few, great physical beauty, I believe comes with a great price. It is so sad that people rarely stop to reach and see how truly beautiful some people are inside. I've noticed that everyone I meet has some really nice physical features, but if their personality sucks, then they look really ugly, inside and out.

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

Oh, and I do pluck my eyebrows (I don't know why I bother, they are blond, duh). And I have really straight and stringy hair so every 6 months or so I stick my finger in an outlet to get a buzz and curl my hair.

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

Oh duh, just call me Ms. Denial. I "forgot" about something. In high school, when my first true love dumped me, his new girlfriend had long beautiful nails. So, for years I was sure that the way to a man's heart is through your fingernails (now I KNOW it is, so you can claw it out when you get treated like shit. No not bitter, really). Anyway, last December I did the acrylic, fake nail thing. I got a lot of compliments, but I also got nail beds that were almost permanently damaged and a little fungus. That's OK, I just had to buy a car so I can't afford them anyway. Ya'll think I can find someone that looks beyond my fingernails?

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

You know how people say child birth is the worst pain in the world but somehow ...miraculously ...woman forget it. If I ever want to be reminded I will just get my bikini waxed again. It was the WORST MOST PAINFUL thing ...ever. Yes, my partner appreciated it for about 5 seconds!!! Then weeks of stubble. If this is the price of beauty - let me be ugly.

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

That's one reason I don't shave anymore -- the few hours of soft silkiness so totally does not make up for the stubble (unless you shave every morning and night, which is inconvenient for me), the perpetually dry, irritated skin, and the ingrown hairs. Normally I don't care that I have hair on my legs, but later this summer I'm going to be wearing a swimsuit in a resort town, so tonight I bought some bleaching cream. (Or rather, 'creme'. Whatever.) I'm not expecting it to hurt -- but that *is* a lot of yucky chemicals. Now what to do about the hair on my, um, upper thighs? Forget the calves and armpits, the pubic hair is always the real shocker.

Each eyebrow will also be plucked into an aesthetically pleasing wisp of an arch. A friend chided me for complaining about how I suffer for beauty. "You've been through childbirth," she said, "I think you can pluck your brows!" Well, pain is pain, I always say. Let's not make light of it. My pain is so bad that I often get a tic in my lower eyelid from it. That kind of sucks.

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

I don't like to shave my legs, so I don't do it very often. My boyfriend says he doesn't mind. I don't know if he's lying.

I'm not interested in makeup, so I don't wear any.

I never learned how to do anything interesting with my hair, so I keep it straight and long and wear it down 99% of the time.

My esthetician thinks I need my eyebrows waxed, but I really couldn't care less - I think they look fine as is.

But - I get waxed. I am part Italian, and Italian women tend to have facial hair. I hate it, and it's horrible and embarrassing, and I used to try to get rid of it myself, but one becomes immune to Nair after a while. I hate attention, and I didn't want anyone sitting there staring at this facial hair, but I started getting waxed because I decided getting rid of the problem was much less embarrassing than walking around with it. I like my esthetician because she never ever talks about what she's doing while she's doing it - when I'm there, we just talk and she does her thing. It's almost like how women talk to their hairdressers.

I didn't wanna put my e-mail address or name on this because I hate talking about it, but I did it and I'm gonna post it and I bet that despite what I am thinking right now, I won't be getting e-mails tomorrow making fun of me.

Please don't write me mean e-mails. I'll cry.

=-)

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

P.S. Waxing is painful. VERY painful. And it hasn't gotten any less so even though I've been doing it for quite a while now. I don't know, however, how facial waxing compares to waxing any other body part, since I haven't had anything else done yet.

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

Beauty is a real pain when it attracts unwanted attention or inspires insecurity. Sometimes skin mags turn my stomach because the women are so smooth and round and perfect. It's so disheartening, even though I know they are airbrushed. No matter how comfortable I become with myself I'll always be confronted with that unattainable ideal. Even though it haunts me sometimes, it doesn't affect my behavior too negatively. I don't have an eating disorder or a desire to surgically mutilate..I mean...cosmetically enhance my body or face. But there are plenty of young women and girls who do and who suffer immeasurably from it.

I am a very girly girl. I love makeup and fashion; I enjoy my grooming rituals. I do it because it pleases me. I don't do it if I don't feel like it. I'd hate to feel compelled to do my face everytime I left the house. And I don't want to hear any comments from the corner construction workers either way.

As for actual physical pain, waxing really doesn't bother me, nor does plucking. Maybe because I'd heard so many horror stories it seemed painless in comparison to my expectations.

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

Here in the UK, the links between media representations of women and eating disorders are being debated again, with the main focus of controversy being magazine publishers.

Now, the government has decided to act. According to draft proposals which are being drawn up, strict quotas will be imposed on women's magazines, to make sure that a reasonable cross-section of figures are represented. Yes. They are going to divide women into three body types - Thin, Medium, and Fat. Because of divergent opinion about what exactly constitutes, 'thin', 'medium', and 'fat', a panel of ordinary members of the public will be roped in to offer definitions.

Somehow, I don't think this particular project will ever get beyond the drawing-board.

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

Ok, this is stupid -- my skin is fine, other than the once-a-month, PMS breakout which goes away in a few days. I have dry skin but in general it's pretty clear.

But somehow I've gotten it into my head that European facials are a Good Thing, and I've had a few now, and they. hurt. A lot of it is great, the massaging, the masks and cleansing and all that. But then she tries to do extractions, and I have fine fine dry skin and I walk outta there looking considerably worse -- blotchy and spotty -- than when I walk in. Why do I go back?

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

I'm getting my eyebrows waxed for the first time pretty soon, and I'm pretty nervous! (And reading here how much it hurts hasn't helped!) This is a big deal for me because I am not a person that puts much energy into my looks. I haven't worn make up since 9th grade, except for occasionally using concealer on those once a month breakouts. The way I see it is, I get to sleep an extra HOUR by not spending lots of time on my face, and no amount of make up could cover the bags underneath my eyes when I lose sleep, so it all evens out.

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

EpiLady. I can't be the only one who tried it. I got one for Christmas even though I'm not what you'd call hairy.

There are few pains more excruciating than having 75% (and only 75%, because it didn't get it all) of your leg hair ripped out.

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

I just have to say that pedicures are proof that beauty doesn't have to be painful. I had one today and am wondering what I did to deserve to feel so great.

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

Jackie, I'm with you -- I had a pedicure today too, and a manicure, and not only do I look **fabulous** -- or at least my nails do -- but it's soothing. I would pay someone just to rub my feet, let alone rub them and then make then look so much better!

And as for eyebrow waxing...it really doesn't hurt much. I cannot pluck, never have in my life, 'cause I can't stand the pain. Two years ago I finally went to a salon and had them waxed 'cause one of my girlfriends told me, you know, that It Was Time, and I've never looked back. Takes a few minutes and looks fab, and really no big whoop with the pain. It's not a particularly sensitive area, unlike, say, the bikini line...still have attempted that particular torture.

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

Well, in my younger days I exposed my hair to many-a spiral perm. No, the fact I looked like Peter Brady did not stop me.

I dye my hair all the time, but I do that because I *like* it. I kinda like the smell and I love the way it looks when it's done. It never hurts.

I waxed my bikini area for the first time 2 weeks ago. It hurt. However, I haven't grown any hair back at ALL since then. No stubble, nothing and it was the first thing I used that didn't make me break out three hours later. Shaving made me break out until the hair grew back. Now what's the point of THAT?

I hate plucking my eyebrows. I need to do it, though, because of how thick they are normally. I mean, I haven't done it in months and it's starting to unnerve me. Maybe if I wax them I'll get the same results as I did with the bikini line.

For my legs, it's all about my Mach 3, though. I love that thing.

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

I'm of the opinion that anything you do for your own sense of beauty and satisfaction with that need not be painful. There are many "beauty" treatments that can put you through a lot of pain but usually these are needless and/or have alternatives that will make you a lot happier with your day. I admit it - I'm vain. I use makeup, and I know a *lot* about it. I get my hair cut at an expensive stylist. I have anti-aging creams and skin smoothers and more lipsticks than you may want to imagine. But part of the reason I have these things and enjoy using them is because they're *fun*. I doubt I'm actually slowing down the aging process significantly by using my different products - but it's fun to think I'm benefitting myself while indulging my interest in these things. If you're getting painful facials - stop, and get some at-home spa thing you can do with a girlfriend (I can almost guarantee you there won't be much difference in the results). If you're waxing and find it painful (and not everyone does), then you have alternatives such as sugaring or electrolysis, which is painful but at least is only painful once. I'm not by any means ragging on anyone who does those things - just that I think there is no need to truly suffer. If you're really suffering, you're not contributing to your beauty. Beauty is about feeling good about yourself and being who you are, just as hard as you can, and if it makes you feel rotten to do those things then you're not helping your cause. :)

-- Anonymous, July 01, 2000

My beauty routine doesn't cause me any pain ... I pluck my eyebrows, but it doesn't hurt.

However, you'd have to get me completely comaed before I'd have anything waxed. That's just madness.

-- Anonymous, July 03, 2000

I've starved myself many times, in the past, to the point of despair. Does that count?

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

Obsessive-Compulsive Girl (that'd be me) not only plucks her errant hairs with tweezers, she LIKES it.
Even the bikini line.
Maybe it ties into my minor propensity to self-mutilate (I pick at my cuticles and chew the insides of my cheeks-- been trying to shake those habits for decades)...I know it has everything to do with the compulsive thing, though.
I have a small mole under my chin that has 4 or 5 grody thick dark hairs growing out of it, and I am fanatical about keeping them plucked. Nothing else skeeves me quite like a hairy mole. *shudder* I am planning to eventually have those hairs electrolysis'ed out at some point. I expect they need you to come in with grown-out hairs so they can grip 'em, though, and so far I've not been able to stand letting them grow out enough for that, so it hasn't gotten done. *sigh*
I'd really like to get my eyebrows slightly filled-in with subtle tattooing, but probably will not.
The most expensive beauty treatments I get are eyelash tints ($16-20 a pop) and hair reconstruction-conditioning/color every 6-7 weeks. That's my indulgence, coloring my hair. It hasn't been its natural color (mousy brown with dull highlights) since 1992.
My best friend invested in regular facials for the year preceding her wedding, and it was pretty amazing how beautiful her skin became. Mind you, she'd already had nice skin, she rarely breaks out, but after about 6 months, her skin just glowed, she was luminous. Downside was the cost of the treatments (+/- $90 per), and the fact that to maintain it, she has to have periodic facials now. It's kind of like a longterm contract. But she does look beautiful.
My skincare regime consists of washing twice a day with Dove soap (the best Dove soap in the world is in England, Jackie! the scent is divine) and sometimes remembering to moisturise with Neutrogena skin cream, which costs too much.

-- Anonymous, July 17, 2000

If I had tons of money, I'd definitely get facials, massages, and seaweed wraps and stuff all the time. And I'd electrolysize the stupid little goat hairs under my chin. Now I settle for plucking or bleaching.

(Now some dumb-ass can write some more about me using "Jolene creme bleach" on my "mustache" and how my husband and I are "fat Bean-o's". Is that cryptic? I'll tell y'all more about that later.)

-- Anonymous, July 17, 2000

Klee, omigod, I pluck obsessively, too. This is so embarassing, nobody knows about this but my boyfriend. While I have few other ocd- esque rituals (I'm a slob, don't fear germs, don't count things, not superstitious, etc) I get such a sick satisfaction from plucking. And it's a very compelling and calming pastime. Were we separated at birth?

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000

Jill: Clearly. ;)

-- Anonymous, July 23, 2000

im so emberressed bout i get these hairs by my nippels and i have to pluck them ! i hope brett has'nt noticed them!!!!!!

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2000

I'm passing this information on because it may make some woman's life better. My dermatologist said I would be very suprised at the number of women who shave parts of their face each morning. There. I hope I have helped someone who is afraid to pluck, wax or bleach....in some small way.

PS - there are a lot of men AND women who don't mind hair on a woman's legs. Just thought I'd throw that out there too. :)

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2000

It would be cold if (a female) you wanted to be on a show like Survivor or Big Brother, but you couldn't because you wouldn't want people to know that you shaved your face.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2000

Bwa! That's when your "luxury item" is a pack of those little grey silicone hair-off mitts from the drug store. They're for legs, but I bet they work fine elsewhere.

"Whatcha doin'?"
"Uh, nothin. Just rubbin' my lip. Had an itch."
"What's that little grey thing on your hand?"
"Look. I don't ask you personal questions in front of the cameras, do I? You know, like, 'what's up with the monkey noises coming out of your shack each night'? Gimme a break."

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2000

Why do you gals (and guys) go through such agony? Certainly not for us guys(gals). It takes 5 mins to make a guy(decidedly longer for gals) unable to notice whether or not you have a moustache or hair around your nipples. Girls! Get with it here. Stop the insanity. James

-- Anonymous, September 16, 2000

I started waxing my legs and actually stuck withit for about 6 months. Then I realised how much I hated it and how it was only gratifying for about a week. I'm back to the razor, and much happier for it. It's just silly.

-- Anonymous, December 03, 2000

laughs...I do endure some very painful beauty rituals for my own personal satisfaction, the worst of which is a Brazilian bikini wax taken just a bit further (meaning they remove *everything*). That's pretty close to excruciating. I'm an obsessive tweezer too, but I think the nerve endings under the skin I tweeze are pretty deadened by now, because I don't feel a thing. Most of the other painful experiences have been at the hands of some incompetetent aesthetician. For example, I had a large chunk of skin hacked out of the ball of my foot by an inept pedicurist, a cuticle sawed in half by an inept manicurist (at the same salon, no less -- it takes me a while to learn), cold wax poured on *way* too thickly during a bikini wax, a chemical burn on my scalp from hair colour, and more. All kind of embarrassing, but now that I have decent beauty-service providers, it's not so bad.

-- Anonymous, December 08, 2000