BOBBY ROBSON SPEAKS

Dear me. You should see the amount of work I've got on at the moment. I've enough on my plate being openly laughed at by Sideshow Bob, Terry Venables and Glenn Hoddle on ITV's Euro 2000 football show, so the last thing I needed was a big pile of jobs to be getting on with at Newcastle. I'm 67, you know.

Don't get me wrong. It's good news that 26-year-old Argentinian striker Daniel Cordone has agreed to join us from Racing Club in a one-year #500,000 deal with the option of a two-year extension. But have I got time to talk to the press about it? I have not, bonny lad. So I'll just get some spokesperson to say, "The club and the player have agreed terms and he is due to come to Newcastle this week for a medical. Subject to the medical, we believe this should go through this week." That's dealt with that.

Now look at this! I've flipping got to sell Alessandro Pistone. I don't really want to lose the big Italian defender, but Everton's #3m bid was far too good to turn down. I'll tell you this, mind - the press can whistle if they think I'm explaining this one away. That spokesperson can just say, "The clubs have agreed terms and it is now down to the player. He's due to speak to Everton this week and we'll take it from there." Done and dusted.

But there's always something else, isn't there? Little Kieron Dyer's just spent a night in hospital after being reportedly glassed in the face at a nightclub, only a day after the News of the World accused him of indulging in a spot of videotaped slap 'n' tickle. Ee, kids, eh? Tell you what, I'll just get the spokesperson to say, "Clearly, the manager will be having words with Kieron on his return to training in July." Heh, heh! That gives me a couple of weeks to play with... plenty of time for a snooze, I reckon!

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-- Anonymous, June 26, 2000