Hey, its THE LUBE JOB. See yourself as others see you. Someone with
the value of a used condom.
Thomas H. Davenport is a professor of management information systems
at Boston University School of Management and director of the
Andersen Consulting Institute for Strategic Change.
>Subject: Millennial Fruitcake - THINK TANK - CIO Magazine June 1,
1999
>http://www.cio.com/archive/060199_think_content.html --
Millennial Fruitcake
As pessimistic pundits predict Y2K gloom and doom, this observer is
anticipating nothing less than insanity.
BY TOM DAVENPORT
Year 2000 Research Center
(http://www.cio.com/ forums/y2k/)
I RECENTLY RECEIVED IN MY MAIL AT HOME an offer for a $29.95 "Y2K
home checkup." The proprietors of this dubious business are prepared
to visit my home and determine whether key appliancesmy
refrigerator, my toilets, my toasterare infected with the dreaded
millennium bug. If my refrigerator, for example, isn't Y2K-ready by
New Year's Day 2K, its tiny brain will think that it's really 1900
and promptly morph itself into an icebox. I can forget about keeping
beer cold for New Year's football games because in 1900 only three
cities had football teams, and they were all in dry counties. I
personally am most concerned about the Y2K readiness of my electronic
thermostat and VCR. Since I have yet to learn how to set the date on
them, it's unlikely I'll be able to root out any nasty two-digit date
codes without expensive consultants.
Into the Abyss It's difficult to believe the level of silliness that
has descended upon us around the Y2K issue. All kinds of odd people
are emerging with scenarios of computational oblivion. Y2K
survivalists are going back to nature, assuming that God had plenty
of memory available when She programmed the cosmic calendar. Plenty
of normal citizens are planning to eschew airplane travel on the
first day of the new millennium, which is just as well because the
only reservations left are to Ashtabula and Tuscaloosa. In truth,
some form of insanity is probably to be expected. A few very old
historians point out that when 999 became 1000, similarly bizarre
behaviors occurred. Fat people with beards prophesied the end of the
world. Nostradamus, who actually lived a couple of centuries later
but had the power to predict the past, had a vision of the world on
New Year's Day 1000 as a giant fireball, from which we later derived
the concept of the lighted ball in Times Square. Now we hear
predictions that almost all the world's computers will go on the
fritz at this millennial transition. Actually, when you think about
it, mankind has made considerable progress in the last thousand years.
Throw Another Log On I am not really very worried about this
phenomenon. Many people over the years have suggested that I should
do research or consulting on Y2K, but I always found other topics
more interesting. Like, for example, the curious coincidences
suggesting that Bill Gates is the antichristhe lives at 666 Bellevue
Lane, hired several Procter & Gamble executives and hasn't been to
church in weeks. No, I just couldn't get the old sap running for Y2K.
On 1/1/2000, I undoubtedly will be sitting at home, not because of
fear but because of personal disorganization and an overwhelming
sense of ennui. If the lights go out, I figure I've got plenty of
wooden furniture to put on the fire. I may even stockpile a few logs,
although not the artificial kind because I've always suspected that
embedded microchips create those strange colors when they burn.
What I am really worried about is not the computers but rather some
of my fellow human beings. "The Social Response to Y2K," as it's
being called by those with a lot of spare time and mental capacity,
is my primary obsession. There was actually a meeting about this at
my church recently. (Lest you fear that this portends the decline of
organized religion, let me reassure you that I attend a Unitarian
church, which worships not traditional religious concepts but rather
Earnest Discussion of Social Issues. I wasn't able to attend this
particular session, having a prior appointment to have my nose hairs
trimmed.) Several specific things concern me about this social
response issue. I think there's a good chance of mass revolt. Honest
citizens, crazed with anger that All kinds of odd people are emerging
with scenarios of computational oblivion. Y2K survivalists are going
back to nature, assuming that God had plenty of Memory available when
She programmed the cosmic calendar. their credit cards expired in
1900, will storm the banks and torture the ATMs by pouring Dr. Pepper
into the cash slot. Armed bands of out-of-work Y2K programmers will
roam the streets, hungrily seeking the next computational crisis so
that they can feed their families. Pasty-faced Internet addicts will
freak out when their screens go blank, consumed with fear that they
might actually have to engage in human conversation. Even law-abiding
old folks will refuse to die until they know their insurance policies
are still good, leading to massive lines outside nursing homes.
>
>
>Survival of the Tannest Then there are the Y2K survivalists.
Ordinarily I wouldn't be troubled by them, since they are all moving
to rural Arkansas, which is exactly where I want them. But some of
these nuts are likely to be politicians, and when they buy their
little plots of land with pre-microprocessor vintage double-wide
trailers, we will undoubtedly be faced with another five years or so
of Whitewater-style investigations. We'll use up our entire treasury
surplus investigating these yahoos, and only Kenneth Starr will be
left to serve the nation after all the impeachin' is done.
>
>
>A few airplanes falling out of the sky at midnight pales in
comparison to that millennial nightmare. There is also a certain
unfairness about this Y2K thing. Some parts of the world will
experience the end of the computational world well before others
simply because of the time zone in which they reside. Many people are
planning vacations on remote islands where the millennium hits first.
Perhaps the smart money is on vacations to Alaska, most of which is
as close to the back side of the international date line as you can
get. A relaxing few days in the Aleutian Islands, in particular, will
give you the maximum time to "duck 'n' cover" when you hear about
mass chaos in the rest of the world. There are probably relatively
few computers there too. Or, if you're planning to usher in the new
era at a Disney resort, California's Disneyland is a much better bet
than Florida's Disney World or, God forbid, EuroDisney. When the
Space Mountain roller coaster falls off its tracks in Florida,
California vacationers will still have plenty of time to get Mickey's
autograph before peacefully evacuating the park.
>
>
>Forever Young I am also nervous about other problems in our
computers that we haven't even thought about. If we were dumb enough
to program only two digits for a four-year date code, there are
probably lots of other things we've overlooked that will go astray
shortly. For example, think about the following: What if computer
records on Jim Hoffa Jr., the current president of the Teamsters
Union, can't be distinguished from those of his father, Jimmy, the
missing former president of the union? Without a legitimate leader,
the union could go out on strike, causing mass chaos. Or the
confusion could paralyze police computers, which are seeking a
missing person who is seemingly no longer missing. Criminals
throughout the land could be unleashed to wreak havoc on the
citizenry.
>
>SNIP:
>
>
>If voice mail and e-mail go down, I'll have time to read a book by
firelight. Frankly, the New Dark Ages are looking pretty bright. end
>
>Thomas H. Davenport is a professor of management information systems
at Boston University School of Management and director of the
Andersen Consulting Institute for Strategic Change. He can be reached
at thomas.h.davenport@ac.com.
>
>
-- come on hawk, who am i (Silent@so.what), June 24, 2000.
Honestly, Hawk, it's like watching LL all over again, only in slo-mo. His moronic spurts against his past "windmills" (e.g., "Rus") are especially fascinating. The Man from La Mancha is a poor second to The Realtor from Texas.
I'd love to see him try Spanker. Like Clint says... "Make my day".
P.S. You're spending quite a bit of time with at least one of your
hands on the keyboard lately. What did you do, spank your poor
little monkey for so long that he can't stand up anymore?
Here,Member of the Y2k JERK OFF SOCIETY: Try to get through this
again.
It's difficult to believe the level of silliness that has descended
upon us
around the Y2K issue. All kinds of odd people are emerging with
scenarios of
computational oblivion. Y2K survivalists are going back to nature,
assuming that
God had plenty of memory available when She programmed the cosmic
calendar.
Plenty of normal citizens are planning to eschew airplane travel on
the first
day of the new millennium, which is just as well because the only
reservations
left are to Ashtabula and Tuscaloosa. In truth, some form of insanity
is
probably to be expected.
A few very old historians point out that when 999
became 1000, similarly bizarre behaviors occurred. Fat people with
beards
prophesied the end of the world. Nostradamus, who actually lived a
couple of
centuries later but had the power to predict the past, had a vision
of the world
on New Year's Day 1000 as a giant fireball, from which we later
derived the
concept of the lighted ball in Times Square. Now we hear predictions
that almost
all the world's computers will go on the fritz at this millennial
transition.
Actually, when you think about it, mankind has made considerable
progress in the
last thousand years. Throw Another Log On I am not really very
worried about
this phenomenon. Many people over the years have suggested that I
should do
research or consulting on Y2K, but I always found other topics more
interesting.
Like, for example, the curious coincidences suggesting that Bill
Gates is the
antichristhe lives at 666 Bellevue Lane, hired several Procter &
Gamble
executives and hasn't been to church in weeks. No, I just couldn't
get the old
sap running for Y2K.