I've learned in recent years that if I don't learn to embrace my own goofiness, I will be living in a state of constant denial, despite my somewhat cool exterior. There are many, many reasons why I am a dork. I believe that, deep down, we're all dorks. Some just show it more than others. Why are you a dork? Here's why I am..

1. I actually go to McDonald's during their Monopoly Game time, specifically to get game pieces. What's more, I honestly think I'll win some day.

2. I won't let my boyfriend see my backside.. to the point where I will actually walk backwards away from the bed if I think he's looking (I think my bum is big). I have convinced myself that he's not actually ever seen my butt.

3. I am on a listserve for people who own cocker spaniels.

4. I secretly read my mother's copies of "Family Circle" magazine.

5. I have watched, and I daresay *enjoyed* an episode of "Making the Band."

6. I cried at the end of "Cool Runnings." Yes. The movie about the Jamaican Bobsled team. Shutup, it was touching.

Sadly, there's much, much more. But I want to give everyone else a chance...

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

Answers

Good topic, Gardanna! Okay, I'm gonna run with the list format, as opposed to my usual incoherent chunk of run-on sentences. Here's the tip of my dork iceberg:

1. Until Geri (Ginger) left, I was a big Spice Girls fan. I own and even listened to their cd's. Then I went and bought Geri's solo cd. Girl Power! Recently I've been a bit smitten with Christina Aguilera. She's no spice girl, but she's little and cute and she can actually sing.

2. I, too, really like "Making the Band." I was so excited that I remembered to watch tonight and see who made the final cut!

3. My boyfriend has dry skin and I have a strange fixation with picking the little flakes from his beard. Am I grossing you out? Sometimes I just can't help myself; it is so deeply satisfying to me.

4. I am a cat lady. I live in a tiny one bedroom apt. with three feline creatures. If I could afford it and had the space I'd adopt many, many more. Yes, I talk baby talk to them.

5. I watch and enjoy pokemon. They're cute, damnit!

6. I buy gimmicky hope-in-a-bottle beauty products. I know intellectually that they're not really going to change my life/skin/body but my innner cosmo-girl wants to beleive too much.

7. I find Eminem somewhat attractive, if only physically.

8. Excluding the above, I am usually very attracted to classically dorky boys. Skinny, pale, D&D playing, computer-programming, Monty Python quoting, science fiction reading guys with whom I share none of these interests.

9. If I am at home I am constantly listening to public radio. I listen non-stop even during the pledge drives.

10. I liked the Blair Witch Project.

-- Anonymous, June 24, 2000

I quote movie lines all the time, out of nowhere. It drives my friends insane. But I think it's cool. :)

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

Right now I'm very dorky. See, I just got back from the dentist. I was driving home, feeling fine despite a little numbness, singing along with Simon: "her name is Rio and she dances on the sand...." Feeling cool, I check myself out in the mirror and quickly discover that I am singing with only half of my mouth. Phooey. Right now I am trying to smoke but I can only pucker the right side of my lips so it is difficult, but still worth it.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

the dorks stand alone the dorks stand alone hi ho the dairy oh the dorks stand alone

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

JILL!! first the Effexor, and now we're both listening to 'Rio' on the same day? Are you my Evil Twin?

(or maybe you're my Dorky Twin ;) )

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

Hehe...god, you guys crack me up. I'm so glad I found this site! ^_^! As for dorkiness, I have some experience, I feel...

1) I enjoy watching Martha Stewart. 2) I role-play. 3) err...A lot of the kids when I went to high school used to call me and some of my friends "Scuzzies". 4) Had to get a police escort out of the one and only homecoming dance I went to in high school, because my date (a male) was wearing a skirt. Hmmmm...there's many other dorky things about me...but perhaps I just don't see them as dorky anymore. Or maybe I'm not a dork. Maybe I'm a subculture of the dork. mwahahhaa Ok, i'll stop. hehe

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

I think I'm in denial about my dorkiness, cause I'm sure I'm a dork, but I can't come up with anything specific. Well, okay, I save all my Martha Stewart Living magazines, and since they take up a lot of room I fantasize that someday I will get organized and cut out only the pages that I want to save and put them in plastic sleeves in a binder. I guess that's kind of dorky.

Jill, that is so funny about trying to smoke with only one side of your lips working. Damn, I miss smoking.

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

Klee, I think I was your evil twin in a past life. That or we are soul sisters from another dimension. "it means so much to me/ like a birthday or a pretty view" ;)

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

Jill, Kel, it simply means you both are doing what everyone should be doing on a daily basis... listening to Rio, that is. ;)

Can I be an Evil Triplet? I promise not to gush about my hootchi- bitch Simon *too* much....

Other signs of my Total Dorkiness:

*My office cube, decorated with 90210 trading cards, which only underscore the pride I have in my now-defunct weekly 90210 Rants at Mediarama....

*My current obsession for Cheeze-Wad Pop Tart music.

*My collection of YA paperbacks/serieseses from the 80s. In fact, I've still been known to pick up the latest Sweet Valley books to see what's up with those sick-making twins....

*My fondness, despite an outward scathing reaction to (appropriate for these forums!) "white trash food," for boxed macaroni and cheese... served with a cheap steak fried in butter. And grilled peanut butter sandwhiches. And frozen pizzas. And tuna-noodle casserole. And-

*My longing for a TV station that shows nothing but early-80s sitcoms, like Facts of Life and Double Trouble and Family Ties.

*My morning ritual of checking all the Dear Abby and Ann Landers and Dr. Joyce on-line advice columns.

*My deep love of Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla.

*My "Annie" CD. Oh yes, I sing along. Actually, I sing to The Carpenters, The Spice Girls, Britney, Paula Cole and Olivia Newton- John, too.

*My 20-year-old stuffed lion, Simba ('waaaay before Disney, btw!), who I still sleep with every night.

*My inadvertant hysterical laughter when I happen to catch "America's Funniest Home Videos."

*My long-term, deep and abiding love for my ex-boyfriend/current hootchie-bitch Simon LeBon, despite the fact that I know I'd hate hate hate him in person. I still plotz like a 14-year-old dink in his presence....

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

******************************************************************* *My morning ritual of checking all the Dear Abby and Ann Landers and Dr. Joyce on-line advice columns *******************************************************************

aw hell, I do that too! 'xcept for me it's Dan Savage, BreakupGrrl and Smileandactnice. And don't speak too lightly of the Chicken Fried Steak. There isn't anything dorky about that... :)

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

My special fondness for really good cover bands that can play "Jenny/867-5309" and other such classics from the '80's. And the fact that I will actually get up and dance. That's definitely dorky.

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

Apparently I'm a dork because I'm both longwinded and digressive in forums and because I also don't choose to handle my e-mail services like other folks do (or to get into a long debate about it).

Oh well. :) Guess I suck, then.

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

No, Milla, you're a dork because you have Spice Girls dolls when you don't like the Spice Girls.... And because you have a nekkid cat.... Your e-mail idiosyncrasies have nothing to do with your dorkiness.

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

I'm a dork cause:

1)I'm a librarian and I get real excited about it sometimes. 2)I am endlessly fascinated by The Real World 3)My favorite thing to do on a day off is go to a matinee by myself and then read expensive foreign magazines at Barnes n Satan. 4)I talk to squirrels 5)I about fainted when my friend told me Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians are coming to town

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

oh yeah, me too (librarian).

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

Don't be harshin' on my naked cat, Dwan. ;) He's embarrassed enough already.

P.S. Spice Dolls are a big hit with all the kiddies that come to visit, yo.

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

(I should add that the "kiddies" are all over 25.)

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

Dwanollah, I love Dr. Drew & Adam, too! Just curious, is being a bookseller as dorky as being a librarian?

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

I'm a dork because I *still* try to look cool while I'm driving my car. And coz I chair-dance like crazy, and then when I get on the dance floor, I freeze. Sometimes.

Oh, and coz I can't change a tire.

-- Anonymous, August 24, 2000

I'm a dork because everything makes me cry. Everything. The other night I went to see Annie Get Your Gun and when they were singing 'There's no business like show business' I started to tear up. Cause I was thinking 'there IS no business like show business! Show people DO smile when they are low!' God Bless America? I cry. The McDonald's commercial with the little blind girl and the braille menu? I cry. Everything makes me cry. And that makes me dorky. But whatever, dude, I guess it's better than not being able to cry. That's what I tell myself, dorkily. :)

-- Anonymous, August 25, 2000

I'm a dork because: 1) I put a white Apple computer logo sticker on the back of my brand new Volvo station wagon, much to my wife's horror, and 2) I don't drink beer but I love Louie the Budweiser lizard and so I own about 15 "Louie"-branded articles of clothing. What a freakin' dorkus malorkus.

-- Anonymous, August 25, 2000

I'm a big bawl baby, too, Joanne. waaaaaah!

-- Anonymous, August 25, 2000