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Ladies only - If you were anatomically male in every way for 24 hours, what would you do and why?

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000

Answers

Get laid immediately--I would love to see what it's like for the other side. Piss off a tall building--or, if it's winter, write my name in the snow. Lift heavy stuff over my head, just because I'd have the upper-body strength. Not wear pantyhose or makeup. Give the dog commands and watch him actually mind me because my voice is lower and more authoritative to the dogly ear. Not stand in line for the bathroom at Wrigley Field.

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000

I'd like to add to this question: what would y'all men do if you were anatomically female for 24 hours?

During my 24 hours as a man, I'd go to a bar and pick up chicks and then have sex with them. I'd see if I could pick them up more efficiently than the other men.

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000


oooh, I forgot to mention the NUMBER-ONE thing I'd do: Not urinate for many hours at a time! Dig those capacious male bladders!

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000

The sex thing, definitely. Spell my name in pee. Walk around without a shirt like an asshole--you KNOW you wanna see my belly and lily white skin as I proudly mow my lawn. Bend over so people driving by could see my butt crack. MAKE MORE MONEY!!!!!!!!!

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000

Have sex, including a blow job, so I could see how it feels being on the other side. Write my name in the snow with pee, just because. And go buy a new car immediately, so I wouldn't have to deal with it (and with being patronized because of my gender) when I changed back to being a woman.

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000


Walk around without a shirt (no bra!) and feel the breeze on my manly nipples all day; adjust myself a lot (do I like it better on the left? or on the right?); masturbate; get a blow job; have sex; pee in the yard; and sit around with my legs wide open. Maybe fart a tune or burp the alphabet. And admire my eyelashes.

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000

Yeah, I'd walk around without a shirt! And grab my sack all day.

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000

Ladies, I realize y'all are trying to pack an entire lifetime of manliness into a mere 24 hours, but damn. Oh, wait. This site is for trailer trash.

Gee, I guess first of all I'd have a lot of explaining to do to my wife...

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000


Colin, I'd welcome you here even if you weren't trash. Welcome!

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000

I would walk round naked all day long, listening to the sound of my mighty testicles slamming together...CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! (OK, I ignored the "Ladies Only." Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. )

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000


I'd try on all my girlie clothes to see how I looked in them. I'd go to record stores and not feel intimidated. I could pee outside at parties!

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000

Wow, this is even more fun than I thought! Let's see....

I don't know why, but I thought at least one of you would say you'd pick a fight with someone, like your best male friend, call him all kinds of names and slurs, then five minutes later be totally made up and over it and enjoying the game together. I also thought someone would say she'd play some violent sport for the sheer thrill of knocking the heads off the other guys.

Many of you seem to be fascinated by peeing. George Carlin had a funny bit once where he reviewed the rules about peeing in urinals; among them were "hit every dry spot" and only at the end "go after all the cigarette butts in the drain". Sort of a urinary seek and destroy. Heh.

Speaking of urinals, something that's always bothered me is how men's room designers assume that we're animals and don't mind whipping it out and peeing right in front of each other. I'm tired of urinals lined up next to each other with not even those little halfway partitions jutting out from the wall in between. Especially bad is, in bad bars mostly, when there aren't urinals at all but just one big trough where we all line up like cattle. I once entered a men's room in some bar and what we had to pee into was just a big bathtub in the middle of the room. Just us guys, standing around a bathtub, peeing into it. Sheesh.

Mock - yeah, what's up with bladder capacity? All the men I know can, and do, hold it a lot longer than any woman I know.

Tracey - careful with that blow job! You may not want to change back! :-)

Now, let's see, if I were a woman for 24 hours.... I'd be a slut, I just know it. At the very least, I'd make lots of men do everything for me and buy me stuff just because they think they're gonna get lucky with me. "I don't do anything to lead them on, but I know they're thinking it, so I let them." Um, on second thought, I probably wouldn't have sex at all. I find men utterly repugnant now and I sure wouldn't want one close to me just because I was in some other body. *shudder* But I'd probably do something totally brilliant and not at all a waste of time, like inserting between my legs everything I could get my hands on, thinking to myself, "I wonder how deep THIS will go". Oh, and boobs. I'm sure I'd be playing with my damn boobs the whole damn time. Honestly, I don't understand how you girls keep your hands off 'em.

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000


I'd wee standing up, have sex, and fart loudly and proudly in public places. I'd also sit on public transport with my legs wwaaayyy apart.

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

Man, what is WITH that legs-wide-apart shit on public transport? Are we supposed to believe the packages of the guys who do this are too vast to permit sitting normally?

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

Paul, I'm imagining you going through all the long vegetables in the kitchen and then answering the door in scanty lingerie and inviting the mailman to cop a feel. "Feel these! They're great!"

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000


Bwa ha ha ha! Like Steve Martin in some movie or other: "I could never be a woman. I'd just stay home and play with my boobs all day."

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

Oh yeah, Gwen, you know it. I'd probably make a little list and check off each item as I went. I'd title the list "Things To Put Inside Me Today".

And yeah, the mailman, etc... Sure, sure. "Hey man, you gotta feel these! They're awesome! Damn, what a great rack!"

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000


What I would appreciate about being a man are the more long-term things, like, peeing standing up and cutting my hair very short. And basically not having to alter my body in any way in order to be considered acceptable by society. I don't shave or wear makeup or style my hair, but I get awfully tired of people acting like it's a crime that I don't, you know?

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

Urinals. Peeing. Adjusting myself. What can I do that you guys haven't mentioned yet? Experience the joys of scraching my balls?

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2000

I'm with Gwen, I'd be grabbing at myself all day. With the genitalia, I'd hope to have a manly physique, so I'd be lifting a lot of random heavy things, just because I can. Oh, and the whole sex thing, too.

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

Paul, (you're cracking me up!)...that urinal thing. I have often wondered about that. That and the whole shower-together thing. I just don't know. I have thought about this at work, when I look at a bunch of guys walking around and realize they have all seen each other's peckers, or spent time trying to avoid seeing them. I frequently wonder if this isn't what keeps the "boy's club" so exclusive. And what about peeing next to gay men? I'm sure you do, and don't know it, and isn't that weird? Not that being gay is weird...I just think they should give you all stalls.

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

Yep, peeing is quite different in the male world. In most any public setting, if the restroom is busy, there's a good chance you'll end up holding your bare penis and standing one foot away from another man who's also holding his bare penis. With nothing between you but air.

...

There's even one men's room, in this restaurant bar and grill that I like, where there's one stall and one urinal. And the urinal is RIGHT NEXT to the sink. So if it's busy and someone has the stall and you gotta go, you stand at the urinal and God help you if someone is using the sink. Honestly, either one of you could get splashed.

...

Oh! Showers! I almost forgot! My first dorm in college had rooms arranged in suites, with a central hallway, two rooms on either side and the bathroom at the end of the hall. The bathrooms had about four sinks and mirrors on one wall, two stalls and a large open shower area with four shower heads and one drain in the center. That's it. Half-walls on the two sides that weren't up against the corner of the room. No curtains, no other walls at all. Just one big square open tiled space with four shower heads. "Prison showers" is what we called them.

...

I guess the theme here is the relative lack of privacy for men.

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000


If I were a female for 24 hours, I would walk into a bank wearing nothing but spiked heels, a corset laced with sticks of dynamite, and a cloth bag. I'd give the bag to a teller and say, Oooh, please fill me up... just like I know only you can... After he gave me the bag filled with money (Was it good for you?), I'd take some other woman hostage.

Then I'd force her to strip naked, put the corset on her, and let her lead me out of the bank. Better make a hole, boys. I've got my finger on her trigger, and she's ready to explode! Then, when I've made my getaway, I'd offer her lesbian sex, to which she would agree, now that I am no longer a guy. When she stops enjoying sex with me, I will know that my 24 hours are up. Then I would take the bag of money, and the videotape I've made, and buy a TV and a VCR.

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000


Mike, that's my fantasy too!

I've tried candles up my wonderfulness, but never dynamite. Talking about Good Times, huh? DY-NO-MITE!

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000


Candles and dynamite up your wonderfulness? Now you're just makng a mockery of my 24 hours as a woman fantasy...

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

Suki, I don't mean to be rude, but you seem seriously disturbed to me. Have you considered seeing a sex therapist to talk about your obsession with old men, dolphins, inanimate objects, and pooping on beverage carts? Please understand that I say this only out of concern for you. I'm sure you're a very nice person and all. I'm just sayin' I think you could have a little problem here, eh?

-- Anonymous, July 02, 2000

She-Ra, when looking for disturbed people, maybe you should look in the mirror. You seem to have some serious anger issues. Lighten up, and then we'll talk.

-- Anonymous, July 05, 2000

She-Ra, there isn't anything wrong with a little fun every now and again. Suki has different ideas of fun then you do. Maybe you'd enjoy sticking a candle or taking a dump somewhere strange.

-- Anonymous, July 05, 2000

Okay, I guess I can understand the erotic possibilities of public pooping. To tell you the truth, I've explored them fully. But I still maintain that only a psycho would fuck a dolphin.

-- Anonymous, July 07, 2000

She-Ra, you've fucked dolphins?!

-- Anonymous, July 07, 2000

After the inital shock and disbelief, hopefulyl someone would let me in on the fact it would only be for a day. I like being female except once a month or so.

As a male, I'd take mental notes all day to develop additional empathy for the male POV. And, of course, find out firsthand how the male body functions, what feels good and what doesn't, etc., and then joyfully use this ill-gained knowledge to my best advantage once female again.

I have no desire to pee out doors, fight or pick up possibly diseased strangers in bars. I do wonder if I'd pack left or right though.

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2000


Suki, I bet you like to hang out at aquariums and Sea World, don't you?

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2000

Um, Paul? Could you repeat that part about "holding bare penises"? Ahem...I'll be coming back to that one again. Now that I'm completely distracted, I guess it's time to get in the car and drive that darn commute home. Don't worry, y'all...I won't stop to pee anywhere.

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2000

Milla, if it's any help, I pack left. It's not a preference, really, just kinda how it happens on its own. I think it has to do with the seam in my jeans...

-- Anonymous, July 15, 2000

Hey there, Laura. Let's see.... "holding bare penises"? Yep, not a day passes without me ending up at some point holding my bare penis and lined up against a wall with at least two other guys who are also each holding their own bare penises. You can really learn to completely shut down your peripheral vision that way, believe me. :-)

-- Anonymous, July 15, 2000

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